Anti-Food Porn Thread: Seems Saggy Not Saggy A Bit Saggy Ball - The Something Awful Forums

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The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Anti-Food Porn Thread: Seems Saggy Not Saggy A Bit Saggy Ball

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Shuffle posted:

lucky charms mushrooms

where can I buy this tia

# ¿ Jun 19, 2015 22:32

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 02:05

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

CzarChasm posted:

You're loving with me

poo poo. If you aren't loving with me I will do this myself and trip report.

I still might.

He has got to be loving with you because Lucky Charms does not contain mushrooms.

# ¿ Jun 19, 2015 23:01

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Underwater Shoe posted:

Piezza reminds me of an upsetting food I came across in New Zealand. Witness, a normal steak pie, with a slice of cheap plastic cheese inside.

Available from all good corner shops and petrol stations.

Um, that looks delicious and contains some of my favorite foods including steak, cheese, and pie.

# ¿ Jun 21, 2015 19:29

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

ACES CURE PLANES posted:

if I do hot dogs I usually just go with bottom shelf oscar mayer

Oscar Meyer dogs are not bottom-shelf, they're the good ones. Only half-a-step behind the Koegel's all-beef natty casing franks. :colbert:

:colbert:

# ¿ Jun 25, 2015 23:26

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Vic posted:

Alright smartasses, what's going on this plate?

And no I'm not talking about the green beans up there.

I'm going to guess horrible breaded pork chops, even-more-horrible black beans and rice, and some nice green beans.

# ¿ Jun 27, 2015 00:57

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

maybe it was banana catsup

# ¿ Jun 30, 2015 00:01

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

cash crab posted:

HAHAHAHA WHAT THE gently caress

The hot side stayed hot and the cold side stayed cold motherfucker

It came in an insulating styrofoam container and it had a lid bitch

then you took off the lid and folded the clamshell closed and it was assembled and delicious

# ¿ Jun 30, 2015 22:09

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

cash crab posted:

Or

OR

they could assemble my burger for me. Bonus points if they actually cut it into pieces and put it in my mouth for me

Yeah, tbh I don't think I'd have enough energy these days to place both halves of the burger together because you have to lift it to your mouth and also chew and I pretty much wore myself out when I unwrapped the straw.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2015 00:10

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Titus Sardonicus posted:

Wait, you guys unwrap your straws? Shiiiiiiit.

The Arch Deluxe was pretty good. That's back when McDonald's wasn't yet total poo poo (or when I was a kid and didn't know any fuckin' better, that's probably it). The Big n' Tasty that replaced it was just generic burgin', I don't care if it was the '90s resurrection of the McDLT.

The Arch Deluxe was really good. It was also like $6, which seems about normal today but this was in 1996. I could go to Hot 'n Now and get a sackfull of 35-cent cheeseburgers, fries, and a drink for 2 days for the cost of an Arch Deluxe.

However, it was the "adult" burger and at 16 I felt very grown-up driving my own car through the drivethrough and ordering one.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2015 00:42

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Humphrey Vasel posted:

I still don't know what that toaster oven sausage thing is supposed to be

he is making a hotdog and a bun obv

# ¿ Jul 8, 2015 15:23

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Efexeye posted:

and the classic "Mommy Surprise" which we only learned in high school the Marines used to call "poo poo on a Shingle":

Creamed chipped beef on toast is poo poo on a shingle* (the toast is the shingle). It is delicious.

That other thing is ground beef and despair.

*source: navy, also google

# ¿ Jul 28, 2015 08:04

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

drrockso20 posted:

I'll admit I was basically asking for good gravy recipes, since that's pretty much the only involved part of this and I know nothing about making good gravy

I don't have amounts because I just play it by ear, but:

Sprinkle some flour into a dry pan. Heat flour over medium heat and stir until it turns golden brown
Remove flour
Combine a few tablespoons of browned flour with several tablespoons of pan drippings or like 1/8 cup of stock, heat and stir until incorporated
Add water or stock until you get the amount you want
Simmer and stir until you reach the texture you want
Add more of the browned flour if it needs thickening
Season to taste / add stock or pan drippings as needed

# ¿ Jul 31, 2015 04:43

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

drrockso20 posted:

Thanks, I'll have to give that a try

Don't be too disappointed if your first attempts result in gravy that tastes like liquid flour or just salt or flour and salt. My grandma made amazing gravy with this method and I've been doing it for years and it still doesn't come out 100% of the time.

Just remember to taste as you go.

E: If you can't get duck drippings to make delicious duck gravy, at least try finding some place that serves duck fat fries and use those for your poo teen

E2: if you decide to hand-cut your own fries like we do, par-boil for about 10 minutes before frying and pat them dry before you put them in the oil. The oil needs to be hot af too.

titties has a new favorite as of 19:09 on Jul 31, 2015

# ¿ Jul 31, 2015 19:05

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Plinkey posted:

There is one true chip flavor:

I haven't had these since I lived in Virginia so I looked them up to see if I could get them shipped. Turns out you can get them much cheaper directly from UTZ then you can from Amazon.

Now the AFP part: I love spicy pork rinds. Locally, though, I can only find plain or BBQ, both of which are abominations. The UTZ website has both spicy pork rinds and spicy pork cracklins. They look exactly the same in the pictures, packaging aside. Does anyone know what the difference is?

# ¿ Jul 31, 2015 23:37

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Humboldt Squid posted:

If you want spicy rinds go down to the latin market and pick up some chicharrones with chile. Bonus points if they're one of the ones that fry their own.

I live in northern michigan in a town of about 10k people. There is no latin anything

# ¿ Aug 1, 2015 02:57

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Desperado Bones posted:

I think I caught a glimpse of shrimp flavored chips in one of my town's supermarkets, on the imported things aisle. But I don't remember the brand. Are shrimp flavored chips even good? I'm afraid of buying something expensive that tastes like poo poo.

If they're like the crab chips then they taste like old bay / other seafood seasoning, salty and spicy. If they're bright pink and puffed then they taste like shrimps a little, either way they're pretty good imo

# ¿ Aug 1, 2015 04:37

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Atticus_1354 posted:

Boiling corn is awesome as long as you also include crawfish, potatoes and a bunch of seasoning.

It's also pretty good if you boil it with shrimp, smoked sausage, potatoes, and a bunch of seasoning like so:

thetechnoloser posted:

What the gently caress. Found on my FB feed with the caption "Dinner's served."

# ¿ Aug 5, 2015 06:46

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

There are a bunch of pictures of those joke bloody marys floating around and they are regular food porn imo

E: obligatory edit to point out the second bloody mary

# ¿ Aug 6, 2015 22:15

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

cash crab posted:

Pro-tip: if it's a video of poo poo cash crab ate on purpose on the last year and you're not grossed out, you need to reevaluate some poo poo

That steak, egg, & cheese bagel that they showed at the beginning is the best thing on the McD's menu by A LOT. I love them.

# ¿ Aug 8, 2015 11:54

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Railing Kill posted:

Here ya go.

Please do not badmouth chickencheese

# ¿ Aug 11, 2015 02:03

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Minarchist posted:

At least use the corn in something like chili

what is wrong with you

# ¿ Aug 11, 2015 06:37

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

cash crab posted:

This morning I drank straight cream and you guys are labouring under the delusion that my palate is something to be scrutinised under some normal metric

I would rather drink half-and-half than milk. I don't measure it by volume or weight, but by "how many McDonald's double cheeseburgers could I have eaten for the same amount of calories". The answer is usually 3.

Now I kind of wish we were married because even though the root beer is a sticking point, oh, the things we could eat!

(all of them. it is all of the things)

# ¿ Aug 11, 2015 21:44

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

cash crab posted:

I don't come with a dowry, but I do come with an extensive knowledge of cheeses and I can even make my own pasta sauce

You're perfect and I love you, PM me.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2015 23:02

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Kakairo posted:

Note to self: never accept food offered by cash crab.

You leave cash crab alone, we're getting married and we're going to have anchovies on our pizza and tater tot casserole and spam and eggs and you can't stop us

# ¿ Aug 12, 2015 02:32

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Kakairo posted:

I'm happy for you. I will be bringing my own food to the wedding (sad looking ham steak with chips and pineapple, wrapped in newsprint).

Can I have a bite?

# ¿ Aug 12, 2015 03:25

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Picnic Princess posted:

I don't feel so bad now for eating an entire tub of cool whip with my fingers when I was 13.

Same but I was 35

# ¿ Aug 12, 2015 03:45

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

You can also get carrots that grow as little round balls

They are not popular.

call them sweet radishes and people would eat them

also put them on pizza and in your chili and in a martini

# ¿ Aug 12, 2015 08:09

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

bunnyofdoom posted:

Oh no! Is the wedding off?

Well this is a hell of a way to find out :smith:

:smith:

I'm going to eat 2 tins of smoked oysters on Triscuits with bacon-cheddar Easy Cheeze rosettes piped on top to dull my pain

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 01:27

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

cash crab posted:

IT'S PLATONIC and also can I have some oysters

yes

Skinny King Pimp posted:

Smoked oysters on triscuits is one of my favorite loving things in the god drat world and I had no idea anybody but me and my mom even ate that poo poo.

yes

Crow Jane posted:

RIP titties

Suicide by sodium.

I actually salt the oysters a little too. For real, I literally do that irl. It is amazing. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot be harmed by food.

2x double baconators OR classic doubles, large fries, frosty, and a large chili to cram the fries in is my go-to meal at Wendy's.

1 meatball footlong and 1 double-meat steak and cheese footlong is my usual Subway.

My new thing is an entire pretzel crust hot'n'ready at Little Ceasers.

These are single-serving meals.

The most horrifying thing I've ever eaten was a KFC crispy strips wrap. It doesn't sound that bad until you learn that I had forgotten about it and it sat in a bag on the stove for 3 days. The lettuce and the mayo had become indistinguishable from one another. I ate it anyway.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 02:38

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Tree Goat posted:

is there a way to short sell human lives, like you would stocks?

I'm not overweight so it's fine right? IT'S FINE RIGHT?

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 02:59

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

gentle pete posted:

What's your height and weight? Also how many of your toes have fallen off?

5'8", 170 lbs, 0 missing toes. I am getting flabby around the middle as I get older though.

E: I know that might make me sound kind of fat since other guys that are my height / general build weight like 130. I used to spend a lot of time in the gym when I was younger and I weighed almost 200 lbs and was kind of stacked for a smaller guy. I promise I'm not fat, but I am getting doughy and I have begun to reconsider my eating habits.

titties has a new favorite as of 03:06 on Aug 13, 2015

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 03:01

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

bunnyofdoom posted:

You both sounds like you'd be ideal drinking buddies for me, beccause when I am drunk in the kitchen, dear god. No-one is safe.

Let's do it. I have some kind of allergy to brewer's yeast or something so I can't drink beer or my favorite scotch / whisky / whiskey / bourbons anymore, but potato vodka, (expensive) gin, and rum are fine. How do you feel about eating an entire block of velveeta melted into 2 cans of hormel chili with spicy doritos?

E: cash crab, you're in Canada? I live in Michigan, this is happening. Send your wedding dress to the cleaners.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 03:12

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

cash crab posted:

But nothing gets chocolate out

I think the clear solution then is to cover the entire thing in chocolate.

Sorry to make this the "titties courts a plump raccoon with literal garbage and processed cheese" thread, have some AFP from the Goldmine: Who can out-chili my chili?

Also, in honor of my new thread bros I think I'm going to finally open this bottle of 15-year-old Speyside single-malt, allergies be damned.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 03:35

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Neo_Crimson posted:

These are from a place called Skyline Chilli and it is the bomb. They put cinnamon and nutmeg in their chilli and it somehow ends up tasting like Indian Goat Curry (which is also the bomb).

I had some sauteed goat and plantains at this years' Taste of Chicago and it was good, I now desperately want some goat curry.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 03:58

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Minarchist posted:

It's not that bad, honest!

I brown up some flour'd 1/2" stew beef for meat (because gently caress using ground beef for chili unless you're slopping beanless chili on hotdogs), add onions, kidney and pinto beans, some corn, peppers and diced tomatoes. Spice as needed. Water and extra hot until it works. Cook for a while. Eat. Ruin your coworker's Zen the next day.

Chili recipe:

A meat
tomato paste
some water
as much chili powder as you can stand
a peeled onion
some salt
crushed garlic

cook it, take out the onion, eat it.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 04:07

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

pentyne posted:

Goons always take it one step further

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3406045

Hi, an attractive goon posted this on the last page

titties posted:

have some AFP from the Goldmine: Who can out-chili my chili?

Also yes, cash crab, when I die in like 15 minutes I do want you to be happy and I think Samizdata is a solid choice

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 05:11

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Haverchuck posted:

balvenie?

No, nothing so nice. It didn't have a name as far as I can tell. I have a scottish last name, it was one of those little bottles that you get at gift shops and scottish heritage websites with the clan crest on it so that white people can pretend they have a connection to the auld sod or whatever.

The bottle just said that it was a single-malt distilled for the clan, I am certain that it was not any different than what was distilled especially for any of the other 79 families, just a different crest on the bottle. BUT IT WAS APPROVED BY THE STANDING COUNCIL OF SCOTTISH CHIEFS

It was delicious anyway

# ¿ Aug 13, 2015 21:51

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

VendaGoat posted:

is always the end result.

noice

# ¿ Aug 14, 2015 00:58

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Toriori posted:

yeah, possibly. my husband was a butcher through high school and university and said it looks more like a nerve but either way it's disgusting

From that picture I thought it was a stick.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2015 20:47

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 02:05

titties: May 10, 2012; They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Wanamingo posted:

The prepackages variety aren't the best, but it's easy enough to make your own chogs.

I would have this experience one time

# ¿ Aug 16, 2015 22:43

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