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FactsAreUseless posted:I've just been reading about this Kickstarter thing, and I'm thinking we could do a project where we kickstart justice, like if people give us enough money we'll arrest way more injustice types at roller skating rinks and paintball arenas and all the various places the unjust likely spend time. sergeant wilson tried this and raised hundreds of thousands of dollars. it's a good idea
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Mar 8, 2015 18:04
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V. Illych L. posted:absolutely, crowdfunding is a huge hit, we can make stretch goals for directing police effort and such 12K: Crack 15K: Tylenol 20K: Heroin 25K: Marijuana 50K: Grape Kool-Aid 75K: Vicodin 100K: Oxycontin
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Mar 8, 2015 18:04
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Effectronica posted:12K: Crack 200k: Lean
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Mar 8, 2015 18:06
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I've noticed that many of these "urban types" have gold teeth. Why don't we stop them, charge them with "resisting arrest" and then beat the teeth out of their skulls. It's not the treasure chest idea, but I bet we could still be sitting on a healthy pile of gold quickly enough.
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Mar 8, 2015 18:06
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So here's what I'm thinking: giant vacuum cleaner that flies around, and we use it to suck all the money out of the baggy pants of crime makers so they can't afford to do any more crimes. More money for us, less crime, and it'll create jobs!
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Mar 8, 2015 18:07
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Why don't we just charge all them welfare takers with mailfraud on the day they checks arrive, and manage the funds for them?
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Mar 8, 2015 18:09
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We'll build a big machine that puts giant stars on people's bellies and they can pay us to go in it, and then we do cop moves on anyone who doesn't have a star.
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Mar 8, 2015 18:12
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Why don't we just buy a machine that we can strap folks in that turns 'em upside down and shakes 'em out?
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Mar 8, 2015 18:13
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FactsAreUseless posted:So here's what I'm thinking: giant vacuum cleaner that flies around, and we use it to suck all the money out of the baggy pants of crime makers so they can't afford to do any more crimes. More money for us, less crime, and it'll create jobs! Sounds like someone has a buddy in the giant flying vacuum cleaner industry. 
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Mar 8, 2015 18:13
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Can't we all just pay each other OT?
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Mar 8, 2015 18:14
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SedanChair posted:Can't we all just pay each other OT? Why do you think we called this meeting cleetus?
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Mar 8, 2015 18:15
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Hey - how about we take this whole crowdsourcing thing to a new level and let people donate money for the privilege of stealing money for us on our behalf? Kickstarter : Donate $10,000 and we'll give you a shiny metal Civilian Enforcement Operative badge that lets you play cop for a month! 80% of seized assets go to our department, 20% go to our new civilian enforcement operatives. We'll call them CEOs so they sound really upscale and nifty. They'll do the work for us, and we'll stay here and play with this new margarita machine we seized from that neighborhood restaurant last week.
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Mar 8, 2015 18:35
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Set up a checkpoint on one of the roads that doesn't have a sidewalk. If they're walking fast down the road, that's jaywalking. If they're walking slowly down the road, that's loitering. If they're walking in the grass, that's trespassing.
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Mar 8, 2015 18:39
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I've heard some of these blacks are "Magic Negroes". Why don't we get them and make them use their magic to give us free gold forever?
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Mar 8, 2015 18:43
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paranoid randroid posted:Oh, lets just go into loansharking. A better idea, payday loans. First we ticket them with a fine for a huge amount that they have to take a payday loan to cover which charge a poo poo load of interest. If they do anything illegal to try and get out from under that debt we own everything they have from asset forfeiture, and if they can't pay it back we own everything they have from repossession. If they do actually manage to pay us back... we just fine them again until we own everything they have!
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Mar 8, 2015 18:50
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Ralepozozaxe posted:I've heard some of these blacks are "Magic Negroes". Why don't we get them and make them use their magic to give us free gold forever?
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Mar 8, 2015 18:51
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FactsAreUseless posted:We asked the weird Wiccan lady who works in dispatch and she says they can only help you win at golf. really? i was convinced theyd lead you to their pot of gold if you caught one
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Mar 8, 2015 18:59
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Since it is real expensive to keep people in jail, why don't we let members of the community adopt prisoners? For a fee the adopter would be responsible for the prisoner's care and the prisoner would have to work for the adopter for the duration of his prison sentence. The adopter would be responsible for making sure the prisoners don't escape and providing them with room and board and the prisoners would learn valuable lessons about honest work. If the program became really popular, we could even get the adopters to bid against each other for particularly productive prisoners.
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Mar 8, 2015 19:15
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soylent green? well i guess it would be soylent black in this case, but you get the idea
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Mar 8, 2015 19:55
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Urban buck hunting licenses.
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Mar 8, 2015 20:08
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Actually you know what, take some of the feral urban Amish *wink wink* out of jail for a bit and have them do a bake sale fundraiser for the FPD.
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Mar 8, 2015 20:10
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open up a payday loans inside the police office that way poor people can get bail for their loved ones right there
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Mar 8, 2015 20:14
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How about euthanizing the homeless and selling their organs for money? No one will miss them.
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Mar 8, 2015 20:16
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I got two words for ya, fellas: Viral. Videos.
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Mar 8, 2015 20:27
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So you guys know Susan in HUD? Well she told me that there is a backlog of illegals and refugees looking for housing here. Why don't we get her to settle um in the projects? Here me out Jack, interruptions are rude. So. Africans, the kind from the country Africa read a book Bob..., and Mexicans are notorious for fighting. So then we sell tickets to see the fights that will break out and upload vids on YouTube for subscriber money.
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Mar 8, 2015 20:29
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[Audio transcript from Ferguson PD meeting 6/3/2013] - You know who everyone loves? Justin Bieber. We should get him to stop by, and maybe like... [inaudible]... the Bieb. - Bees? - The Bieb. - The Bieb?! [inaudible] - Chief's not on board.
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Mar 8, 2015 20:33
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FactsAreUseless posted:[Audio transcript from Ferguson PD meeting 6/3/2013] - We're partnering with, ahh, Taco Bell for Q3 to... - Taco Bell? Really, that's the best we can get? - What's wrong with Taco Bell? I think that [crosstalk] - Problem is that, the problem is that everyone will think we're the cheap stuff. You know, the low end, mystery burrito. - Ok look, Yum! Brands experiences are not for everyone, yes. But I think they speak to our core value and constituency.
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Mar 8, 2015 20:47
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We already have a strong relationship with Yum! Brands from prisons, so why shouldn't we leverage that into the larger community? Perhaps a work release program to have prisoners work at the Doritos factory or taking orders at Taco Bells? We can pay them pennies an hour and pocket the difference ourselves. They are already doing it in many other communities.
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Mar 8, 2015 23:54
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why should they be allowed to not get arrested for free. charge a month service fee for not being in jail or prison. then, if they don't pay it, we fine them, and also send them to prison, where we make them pay for being in prison.
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Mar 9, 2015 00:09
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- If we're already taking DNA when we randomly arrest a suspect, why not just take a few extra pints of blood and sell that sweet, sweet plasma? - If we "need" more DNA samples, move on to the reproductive material. Should fetch a few bucks at the fertility clinic.
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Mar 9, 2015 07:23
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Grey Fox posted:- If we're already taking DNA when we randomly arrest a suspect, why not just take a few extra pints of blood and sell that sweet, sweet plasma?
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Mar 9, 2015 12:03
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Plant tactical nukes in
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Mar 9, 2015 12:21
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They're did a thing in Phoenix where you could pay extra to go to the jail of your choice. Instead of Tent City you could go to jail in Scottsdale. Idea 2: Remember how much money we made with the swear jar? Maybe we could do that, but for everyone all the time.
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Mar 9, 2015 14:27
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New ticketable offenses: - Aggravated insouciance - Smarming in a public place - Eyeballing me, boy
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Mar 9, 2015 14:47
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personally, i think we should add wage incentives to ticketing, patrolling dangerous areas and attaining frisk quotas also: cousin-diddling. but that may not be directly relevant to revenue generation unless we get really creative about it
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Mar 9, 2015 14:49
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paranoid randroid posted:New ticketable offenses: *every cop makes gun sounds with their mouth*
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Mar 9, 2015 14:57
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You know, boss, I find that often a media frenzy forces me to go on paid leave after I do a murder on a suspected criminal type. Maybe the vic- I mean, suspect's family could be expected to pay entirely for that paid leave, as well as travel expenses? The wife really wants to get down to Disney this year.
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Mar 9, 2015 15:08
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I tried to convince the Public Works department to remove all the crosswalk markings so we could start busting more people for jaywalking, but those lazy fucks didn't want to just do their jobs. Maybe we can start just ticketing the hell out of the Public Works trucks? It's like getting to rewrite the city budget to move more money from PW to us!
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Mar 9, 2015 15:55
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Sidakafitz posted:Better yet, use some of the marijuana from lockup, put it in the brownies, then after they buy them bust them for possession and take the brownies back.
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Mar 9, 2015 16:05
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What about the Armenian money we got from that heist? Maybe we could give that to the department?
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Mar 9, 2015 16:18
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