one of my coworker friends is coming over to verify my dick size

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > one of my coworker friends is coming over to verify my dick size

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FluffieDuckie

this didn't happen. none of it happened. op lied and he's ashamed to come back and talk to us

that or the girl took one look and snickered and he died of shame

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Mar 22, 2015 18:58

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# ? May 19, 2024 17:28

Chef Shimi

he probably had sex with the girl and she loved and was pleased sexually .

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:00

FluffieDuckie

Chef Shimi posted:

he probably had sex with the girl and she loved and was pleased sexually .

not a chance

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:00

Piso Mojado

idk or care what happened to the op. all i care about is that I was promised a dick, and it was never posted. I remember a time when that meant something.

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:03

landy.

i feel like op should keep getting probed until he gives us what we want

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:21

Piso Mojado

landy. posted:

i feel like op should keep getting probed until he gives us what we want

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:34

google THIS

landy. posted:

i feel like op should keep getting probed until he gives us what we want

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:34

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

landy. posted:

i feel like op should keep getting probed until he gives us what we want

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:38

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

landy. posted:

i feel like op should keep getting probed until he gives us what we want

And thus began the BYOB dick riots of 2015

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:39

mycophobia

SHOW US THE PENIS

*flips a truck*

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:40

Lil Cunty

COME CLEAN WITH THE PEEN! *sets couch on fire*

ty crap

ty landy

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:49

Lil Cunty

but in all seriousness folks, promising to show your penis on thr internet is no laughing matter. every day, thousands of men promise to show their dick to the internet, but don't follow through. as the hog dawg, let me assure you that any dick pic sent to byobnights@yahoo.com will be posted in this thread by me, to own the op. safe, secure, anonymous. that's the hog dawg promise.

ty crap

ty landy

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:54

the unabonger

landy. posted:

i feel like op should keep getting probed until he gives us what we want

# ? Mar 22, 2015 19:56

Just Burgs

Lying is a sin, OP.....

# ? Mar 22, 2015 20:33

dogcrash truther

i fee;l like it's wrong to repeatedly probe someone for not showing their genitals

# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:02

dogcrash truther

it's a good choice to not show your genitals. i just wanted him to describe them. paint a picture with words

# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:02

dogcrash truther

i want the op to describe his dick in no less than 1000 words and then byob ms paints his dick based on what he writes

# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:03

Chef Shimi

I'm sure he'll post it after the immensely mutually satisfying sexual experience he's enjoying with a beautiful women and his above average sized member

# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:05

Piso Mojado

dogcrash truther posted:

i want the op to describe his dick in no less than 1000 words and then byob ms paints his dick based on what he writes

forums justice

# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:14

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

Fluffy duck please probate the op till he posts his dick.

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# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:19

joke_explainer

dogcrash truther posted:

i fee;l like it's wrong to repeatedly probe someone for not showing their genitals

# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:22

landy.

dogcrash truther posted:

i fee;l like it's wrong to repeatedly probe someone for not showing their genitals

i disagree

dogcrash truther posted:

it's a good choice to not show your genitals. i just wanted him to describe them. paint a picture with words

dogcrash truther posted:

i want the op to describe his dick in no less than 1000 words and then byob ms paints his dick based on what he writes

but i like this idea

# ? Mar 22, 2015 22:23

Caffeinated Jerkoff

dogcrash truther posted:

i want the op to describe his dick in no less than 1000 words and then byob ms paints his dick based on what he writes

# ? Mar 22, 2015 23:56

google THIS

dogcrash truther posted:

i want the op to describe his dick in no less than 1000 words and then byob ms paints his dick based on what he writes

this seems like a reasonable compromise

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:00

dogcrash truther

landy. posted:

i disagree

i think it's definitely wrong, like imagine if mods/iks were repeatedly probating a woman because she wouldnt show her pussy, or even describe it, that would be wrong regardless of whether she told people she was going to. nonetheless i hope that of his own free will ein cooler typ comes back and describes his dick in words so precise we can each ms paint a perfect replica of it

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:01

dogcrash truther

if ein cooler typ doesnt' describe his dick then i'm going to have to do it for him, from my imagination

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:02

dogcrash truther

good job wehoever redtexted him btw

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:02

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

I've never wanted to see a mans dick more than I do today.

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# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:03

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

dogcrash truther posted:

i think it's definitely wrong, like imagine if mods/iks were repeatedly probating a woman because she wouldnt show her pussy, or even describe it, that would be wrong regardless of whether she told people she was going to. nonetheless i hope that of his own free will ein cooler typ comes back and describes his dick in words so precise we can each ms paint a perfect replica of it

that being said, if she had mentioned that a co-worker was coming over to measure the depth of her vagina, I would at least like to be given a number.

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:04

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

How deep can those things go anyway? Am I right guys?

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# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:05

FluffieDuckie

dogcrash truther posted:

good job wehoever redtexted him btw

the rhyming is a nice touch and adds some class to this whole sordid affair

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:40

dogcrash truther

FluffieDuckie posted:

the rhyming is a nice touch and adds some class to this whole sordid affair

clearly, you did it

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:43

FluffieDuckie

dogcrash truther posted:

clearly, you did it

no hon. handing out red titles isn't my style

plus i was out getting my nails done when the reddening occurred. i have witnesses

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Mar 23, 2015 00:54

fuck. marry. t-rex

what color? i like light blues/teals

# ? Mar 23, 2015 02:39

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Umps

# ? Mar 24, 2015 05:48

GreenBuckanneer

my coworker likes my dick

# ? Mar 24, 2015 06:07

WetNightmare: by sebmojo

type your dick, op. you are going to let another man think up your dick for you? describe your dick in 1000 words man come on that is nothing that is like introductory paragraph w/thesis statement then two paragraphs of supporting evidence then a closing w/restatement of thesis come on bro

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Mar 24, 2015 06:18

dogcrash truther

Ein cooler Typ posted:

hello my name is ein cooler typ and it has come to my attention that some of you are interested in knowing more about my dick. lets begin with the testicles. some people think the testicles are not technically part of the dick and I can respect that but in my case the testicles literally are part of the dick, they do not hand separately from the taintspace behind the shaft but in fact dangle halfway down the shaft like a roosters wattle. I assure you however thay theyre fully functional.

With that out of the way, lets consider each testicle separately. Left testicle: you�ll notice I don�t call my testicles �balls� and lefty is the reason why; this testicle is basically a hairy pyramid. The central chamber, easily accessible by a spacious hallway once you�ve discovered the entrance is full of beautiful but non functional sperm to confuse would-be robbers. The actual �home of the mummy� (sperm) is reached via a hidden passage (Vas deferens) co ncealed behind a statue one third of the way down the hallway.
Right testicle: the right testicle is a ball all right, it�s a baseball because I�m a true blue American. My right testicle features a cork center wrapped in yarn and covered in two strips of white horsehide tightly stictched together. It is signed b y the 1989 oakland athletics who not only swept the alcs that year but beat their cross-Bay rivals the San Fransisco giants in a classic world series and thus has sigifnicant collectible value having been signed by not only mark mcguire and jose Canseco but legendary base-stealer ricky Henderson, hall of fame manager tony larussa, and the 6.9 (lol) Loma Prieta earthquake which interrupted game 3 mere minutes before it was scheduled to start

_{the signature of the loma prieta earthquake, on my balls. I hope that because it is a close-up picture it is safe for work, please don�t probate}

Ok so now, my dick. because of the size its better to talk about my penis in terms of regions rather than as a whole.t he reason I haven�t posted a picture of my coworker measuring it is that she�s still going. she had to hire a surveyor. in truth certain regions of my wang are too far away for me to have direct knowledge of them, so some of what im writing here is summarized from the journal entries of the various cock explorers who have undertaken the perilous journey up the shaft.
Beginning with the region which is over the horizon, reports differ on whether I am circumcised or not. under certain atmospheric conditions which increase the clarity of the intervening medium I sometimes fancy that i can see a slight fleshy protuberance of the corona glandis which would indicate that i am as the jews would wish me to be. At the same time the sheer manpower, to say nothing of custom-made shears which such a project would necessitate argue against it. spending no more time on this mystery: all sources agree that my dickhole is graced with a single tooth, flat and sharp like an incisor which makes my peeny, when regarded from the front look like �a drooling idiot� (journals of Juan de las Pelotas).

Moving on to regions that are within the reach of high powered binoculars, the region behind the glans but in front of my testicles is a wild windwept plain inhabited by tribes of noble, savage horsemen who have developed an immunity to the secretions of my herpetic lesions; their society, though patriarchal in the extreme is dominated by the worship of a mother-goddess whose female attendants are tasked with chanting long penile-paeans to my fruictifying member. For instance. One of them might call it her little dille, her staff of love, her quillety, her faucetin, her dandilolly. Another, her peen, her jolly kyle, her bableret, her membretoon, her quickset imp: another again, her branch of coral, her female adamant, her placket-racket, her Cyprian sceptre, her jewel for ladies. And some of the other women would give it these names,�my bunguetee, my stopple too, my bush-rusher, my gallant wimble, my pretty borer, my coney-burrow-ferret, my little piercer, my augretine, my dangling hangers, down right to it, stiff and stout, in and to, my pusher, dresser, pouting stick, my honey pipe, my pretty pillicock, linky pinky, futilletie, my lusty andouille, and crimson chitterling, my little couille bredouille, my pretty rogue, and so forth.

i have never heard these chants myself but reportedly they involve complex counterpoints and hypnotic rhythms which may give rise to strange hallucinations and sudden rages when paired with a psychoactive liquor the horsemen brew from the residue of my seminal fluids.

The final region of my dick is a jungle of lush hair, home to over 700 unique species of birds and insect, three kinds of tree frog, and a rare giant panda. The thicket is too dense for human habitation, unbroken except for the clearings around the horny pustules that erupt from the base which I call �fairy rings� because they glow in the dark, and except for one small clear-cut space I maintain near the pubis, upon which I have built a shack for the caretaker of my penis.
The role of the caretaker is to provide for the livestock and maintain the machinery necessary to pump their blood into my dick during erectile events. given the immense girth and reach of my dick, the loss of bloodflow to other parts of my body would kill me every time I get a stiffy, so a series of biometric sensors have been rigged up to provide early warning in case of tumescence. When the alarm goes off, the caretaker starts the machines which drain the sheep, cattle, and pigs of their blood and transfuse my woody with the life essence of animals. A dorsal drainage canal run subcutaneously down the length of my dick releases the excess blood once arousal has dissipated.

Obviously theres a lot more I could say about my dick but I�m over my word count as it is. I hope that you understand why there haven�t been any pictures yet (my coworker entered the hairy region several days and has not retuned) , and why I cant take them myself (do not own camera with panorama mode or sufficient zoom). Sincerely yours ein cooler typ

# ? Mar 25, 2015 19:21

pig slut lisa: irl is good

ayyyyy

# ? Mar 25, 2015 19:23

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# ? May 19, 2024 17:28

Piso Mojado

"reports differ on whether I am circumcised or not. "

lol

# ? Mar 25, 2015 19:24

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > one of my coworker friends is coming over to verify my dick size

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