Croatio: A Land of Contrasts

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Croatio: A Land of Contrasts

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

quote:

story about the entirety of a warehouse being unable to conceptualize cleaning up pickles that fell on the floor and just leaving it for weeks

Before reading any of Sweaty Fatbeard's posts on SA I only had one reference point for Croatia, which was an old music teacher who visited family back there every few months and when he came back he would tell me, "Croatia loving sucks. It is the WORST. Everyone does every drug and everything is poo poo, and everyone is an rear end in a top hat. The government sucks and the people suck and I wish I would never set foot in that country again."

I guess he wasn't really exaggerating, Sweaty Fatbeard must fit right in.

# ¿ May 10, 2015 00:16

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:37

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Slumpy posted:

Stop doing drugs. Get any job you can. Apply for better jobs as you work at poo poo first job.

if he couldnt keep a job where acceptable business practices were things like "leave spilled pickle pallet rotting for months on the floor" then im not sure any job is suitable for him, he should really just double down and start dealing drugs

# ¿ May 11, 2015 23:50

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Fatbeard could you tell us the story of the worst time you've ever had on drugs that you can recall?

# ¿ May 14, 2015 05:10

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Data Graham posted:

But apparently beer comes in 2-liter bottles there, so there's that

Are there places where it doesn't? I'm pretty sure it was this thread or another of S Fbeard's threads where someone posted the Coors sphere and some other incredibly lovely 2 liters.

# ¿ May 24, 2015 06:40

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Cursed Lumberjack posted:

Are there places where it doesn't? I'm pretty sure it was this thread or another of S Fbeard's threads where someone posted the Coors sphere and some other incredibly lovely 2 liters.

2 liters from America, I mean. I miss editing my E/N posts can't we get a whitelist for E/N edits if we aren't pathetic idiots.

# ¿ May 24, 2015 06:41

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

akulanization posted:

you posted in e/n, you are in a subset of pathetic idiots. sorry, i'm in here with you.

No but see you don't understand, I am cool and good unlike these...goons.

# ¿ May 26, 2015 06:32

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Disco Infiva posted:

Dude, it's Eastern Europe, you swallow that in one go to forget.

Also, beer isn't cold.

Only warm.

Such is life.

Do not tell Americans that a large part of the world doesn't drink beer cold.

It could cause serious psychological damage.

# ¿ May 26, 2015 06:32

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

NotAnArtist posted:

This but unironically

And at the risk of revealing myself to be replete with hubris, I will say that in particular I am far more cool and good than A Sweaty Fatbeard. Then again, that isn't saying much.

# ¿ May 26, 2015 06:56

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

It's weird I hadn't really considered that one of my old high school friends is literally an American version of sweaty fatbeard. Its the same kind of self-deprecating, "Haha yeah my druggy brain is just so feeble lol, can't resist re-upping my doses and taking strange research chemicals, ah well, that's just how it is!" where it seems like the mindset needed to get help for themselves is just so far out in the distance it might as well be unreachable.

# ¿ May 26, 2015 06:58

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

I gave him some money for 1KG of tobacco, because rolling your own cigs is a Thing in Croatia - it's much cheaper than bank-busting factory made cigs and I need to pinch every penny at this point.

There are a lot of funny things about fatbeards posts but probably my favorite is the one, both baffling and amusing in that he seems to think other countries couldn't conceive of this phenomenon.

Just a heads up though, over 2 pounds of tobacco is an absurd amount to buy at once and unless you have great vacuum sealing and moisture control, 90% of it will be hosed within a couple weeks. I hope you got a good deal on it, because you'll be able to use a tenth of it before it goes off. Then again, somehow I doubt you are a discerning smoker though, so no problems there.

# ¿ Jun 4, 2015 19:34

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Oh one good thing about having 2 pounds of tobacco taking up space in your apartment is that it is an excellent way to kill roaches. Unfortunately, it means you will probably need to pick dead roaches out of your tobacco before rolling your cigarettes.

# ¿ Jun 4, 2015 19:36

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Could you go over why this business partner who is in the process of maybe suing/maybe extorting you seemed like the best guy to make this deal with?

Also if you regularly make such bad decisions that 'smoking moldy tobacco' is just a passing side-mention, I'm not shocked at all if you actually have cancer, then again with your history I don't see why we should believe those MRI scans are yours. Which sounds more plausible to the average goon who has passing familiarity with you:

-Fatbeard got cancer and attends medical appointments that have some diagnostic or remedial effect on his disease

OR

-Fatbeard got super high on six research chemicals one night and woke up with a binder full of MRI scans in his refrigerator

I think even you know that the second one sounds more reasonable when placed in the pastiche of your life and past experiences, so just posting a picture of the scans isn't convincing at all.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2015 05:10

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Here are some pics I snapped today. I went out to find me a ciggy and decided to bring my camera along because goons seem to have a boner for bomb shelters.

I don't think you can really appreciate how massive this airlock is - you could easily drop a tiny car through it, and the entrance is probably accessible from what looks to me like a large underground parking facility - hell I ain't going down, it's a good place to get robbed. The whole meadow is fake, it's hollowed out entirely, and the surrounding buildings are strategically placed to take the worst of the bomb shock wave, protecting the vulnerable entrance and the airlocks.

Estates completed during the 1960s generally don't have fancy shelters, but when the Cold War started picking up again during the 1970s, all newly built estates came with at least some form of fortification. Josip Broz Tito thought that, considering the seriously bad track record the Balkans have with ethnic wars, that it's not outlandish to think that these places could see war again and that it may even be nuclear. Another good idea by Tito was how he never equipped Yugoslav Air Force with large carpet-bombing aircraft which could be used to bomb enemy cities - though I reckon that this was probably done not to upset eastern-bloc Hungary, it came as a real blessing during the Yugoslav wars since this absence of bombers kept Zagreb and a lot of other places out of harm's way for the most part.

Another airlock, it's located nearby but I don't think the two facilities are connected. I love the mushroom domes, this is obviously a fallout shelter (large battery-powered motors pull air through the mushroom intakes and run it through a filter to provide fresh air for the bunker.)

God I love the 1970s. Lots of concrete and crazy planning:

Yes, this is a mind-boggling viaduct over the parking lot. 1970s brutalism mandated that lots of concrete should be used in one way or another, and I can only come up with a conclusion that this monstrosity was built "for the hell of it."

***

I am reluctant to call these buildings "commieblocks" or "the projects". Both of those terms are used in a perjorative sense to denote "quick and dirty" fixes for housing shortages. In Yugoslavia, new estates were built as a part of the drive for urbanisation and construction wasn't nasty and rushed as it was common in eastern bloc countries.
I am not going to go on a long tirade about the wonders of Yugoblocks because I'm tired and hungry - suffice is to say that our modern buildings wouldn't look out of place in, say, Japan. It's true that we've had a fair share of architectural misses, but the majority of the buildings erected after 1964 in Zagreb were really, really good.

lmao he got so high that he went and made a fully coherent, informative and interesting post with zero side anecdotes about how he is ruining his own life

hes really gonna regret that one when he wakes up in the morning

# ¿ Jul 7, 2015 07:35

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

My coworkers in the janitorial unit were complete cartoon characters: some were drunk, some retarded, some hands-down crazy, some all of the above. What's most ironic is that I fit in there like a glove.

you dont know what irony means lol

# ¿ Jul 9, 2015 22:51

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

artichoke posted:

You're one of my favorite posters, for so many reasons.

yeah when he dies im gonna snort my neighbor's stool softeners and set my mattress on fire in his honor

so just like every other day but itll mean something

# ¿ Jul 10, 2015 01:06

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Darth123123 posted:

I missed two payments by ACcident , oops.

Your a scum bag

to be fair i totally believe that theres a 50/50 shot that he wasnt trying to scam the owner and he was just way too loving high to have any idea what year it was, let alone which day he was supposed to pay up on

# ¿ Jul 10, 2015 04:44

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

You're on to something. Back when I was selling the apartment, I was distracted with ongoing chemo and I was going through terrible withdrawals since I was cold-turkeying my longtime opiate habit at the same time. Hell, either one of those would pretty much excuse me from not paying attention to details and misplacing the bills. I never had an intention to defraud the buyer of my apartment. The damage is done, though, I now have to pay around $30 in court fees, as well as the heating bill I forgot to pay over a year ago.

fake edit: jesus christ the grammar in my penultimate post.

Do you really, seriously believe this? Having poo poo happening in your life doesn't excuse you not paying the people you owe money to. You might find your life becomes slightly less full of absurdly crazy poo poo if you started owning up to your responsibilities like an adult.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2015 04:03

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

I'm kind of amazed that goons here and the TCC thread seem to think ASF's English is incredibly good. I guess we have a lot more ESL goons than I realized.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2015 04:03

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Tin Hat posted:

I'm a native English speaker and went to school for linguistics, and he seems to write just fine to me.

mcbagpipes posted:

To be honest, it is pretty good as he learned it without formal teaching.

Yeah I'm not saying it isn't passable for an ESL I'm just saying the people saying its ABSOLUTELY ASTOUNDING must be pretty bad at it or maybe they are just trolling.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2015 04:21

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

opus111 posted:

What?

His English is of incredible quality. Stop being an unpleasant prick jsut because you don't like how he lives his life.

Are you kidding me dude I love how he lives his life, he is the second most capable Croatian I know and by far the most entertaining.

# ¿ Jul 20, 2015 04:00

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:37

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

Non Serviam posted:

You decided to abuse painkillers now?
gently caress it, I refuse to believe this person is real.

You really honestly think he wasn't already?

# ¿ Jul 22, 2015 03:18

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