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I'm posting just because I've got a friend from University days who, I think, has pretty much been in OP's stage 2 his whole life. He's never talked about relationships or people he likes, etc. It's taken years of cajoling from multiple people and early on convincing him to start drinking alcohol ( #truth) before he actually told anyone that he was gay. He's still uwilling to tell his family, in part because he's worried about their reaction (I've met most of them and aside from his older sister I can't imagine why this is the case) but I suspect he's in a somewhat similar position to the OP.I'd say that obviously the issue is in your head, but then that's severely unhelpful. I feel I've experienced a similar situation, if I lay it out let me know if it sounds radically different or if you recognise something? A few years ago I started a PhD and after 7 or 8 months realised I really didn't like what I was doing. As a fairly obvious result my work started to suffer pretty badly as I quickly lost all motivation. Rather than sensibly approaching the issue I started to withdraw from anyone who was involved in the department (including my supervisors). I didn't talk about my work with family or friends if I could avoid it and stopped talking to some friends from my MA programme largely because I knew they'd be asking me how my research was going and possibly want to compare research. It carried on for far longer than it should have done (well over 6 months of basically avoiding the world, daydreaming about having a sit down with everyone and explaining the whole situation and then not doing much more than drafting emails) and the end result was a lot less interesting or judgemental than I'd expected. I still haven't really talked to many people about what actually happened, they get a simple 'I realised I didn't like it that much' rather than 'I was lying to your for like a year about my work and how I was doing every time we talked'. In that regard I think I can appreciate your position OP and I'm sure you're aware that from an outside perspective you should just come out and it probably will be only about as bad as you think rather than you fear or feel it might be. You haven't though mentioned whether you're actually engaging in a social life now that you're no longer faking a straight life. I think advice wise it would help to know if you've simply retreated from the issue entirely by ignoring it entirely or if you're concern really is coming clean with people you feel you've been lying to for so long.
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May 21, 2015 16:51
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| # ¿ May 22, 2024 16:35 |
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