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Hey, been a while since I posted here. My wife and I have been going through a touch time, for the past year or so. we have had arguments, and she cheated on me, even flew to Texas to see the guy. We talked about it and decided that we wanted a fresh start in a place where we would have support for us in place. We ended up settling on moving to Portland Oregon. So we save up some money and I send her out there ahead of us to get things started while I sell the house and get the kids ready to come out with me and find myself a job in that area. Things were going okay until I lost my current job in Ohio due to them finding out I was planning to leave. When that happened time tables got pushed and we didnt have the money we thought we would. We both decided that I shouldn't bother finding a new job in Ohio so I took the first job that we could live off of and started the ball rolling. long story short. I get out here with the kids after spending ever last dime we had to do it, under the impression we would have a place to stay (i verified that with her before I packed our stuff). So I head out here to Portland and when im about 9 hours away she tells me that I, and only I, do not have a place to stay. She takes the kids to her families house and they are there now. She spends the last of our money to put me in a hotel for a couple nights, but is no help in figuring it out past that. I cant afford an appt because im flat broke and I wont get paid for 2 weeks. So I am upset and we have an argument and she escalates past anything I would have thought. She had told her family that I beat here and put her in the hospital, which is not true at all, and they hate me. They called the cops on me and had them place an order to prevent me from calling texting or visiting my wife or my kids. So on Sunday I went from thinking I was going to be a happy man with my family to the police telling me Im not to contact my wife or her family under penalty of citation or arrest. I have no money, and im getting by day by day with places to stay, all my stuff is in a moving truck in the parking lot of my new job and I don't know what to do. I want to work things out with her, but she is making it difficult to even think we can do that. She has some issues shes been working on with her therapist and she might be having an episode or a mental breakdown. Should I let this blow over and try to talk to her after she has calmed down, or should I get a lawyer and prepare my anus?
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Jun 9, 2015 03:20
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 12:36 |
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So, your wife cheated on you, and even flew somewhere to meet another man, and you still imagined you would be having a happy life with her. You are deluded and this has hopefully been a wakeup call for you, you sad, wretched little man.
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Jun 9, 2015 03:45
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I would divorce your wife if it was me. You should've had a confrontation long ago and it sounds like the rot has spread. Amputate.
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Jun 9, 2015 03:58
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Sorry your wife hosed you over. I'd say get a lawyer as soon as you can. I don't think your marriage can be saved at this point, nor is it worth saving. You definitely should not be in a relationship with someone who acts this way.
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Jun 9, 2015 04:02
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She's not going to work things out with you. She has no reason to and you have nothing to offer her at this point.
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Jun 9, 2015 04:29
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Go back to Ohio.
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Jun 9, 2015 05:11
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You probably shouldn't have beat your wife.
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Jun 9, 2015 05:38
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Don't worry, Portland is a great place to be homeless! Well, it must be because we're overrun with them. I'm sure you'll be a fine addition!
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Jun 9, 2015 05:46
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If you are at risk of running out of safe places to stay, try checking this group to see if they can help you. It's family oriented, they could help you with seeing your kids again. At the very least they might be able to offer you a safe and clean place to sleep. Secks Cauldron posted:Sorry your wife hosed you over. I'd say get a lawyer as soon as you can. I don't think your marriage can be saved at this point, nor is it worth saving. You definitely should not be in a relationship with someone who acts this way. Also this. It's going to be hard at first, but you need to start accepting that your marriage is over.  I'm sorry you're going through all this OP
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Jun 9, 2015 05:55
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Do drugs.
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Jun 9, 2015 05:56
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She's had a while to plan this. And she set you up to have no assets so she could take the kids without a hitch. You getting fired in Ohio then having her convince you to move was instrumental in both of those. Are you sure she wasn't the one who talked to your boss? Keep it together and lawyer up. Part 3 of her plan is you getting caught in a downward spiral and dropping out of the picture (or being so broken that she can stay in control). Don't give her that too. Somebody fucked around with this message at 06:30 on Jun 9, 2015 |
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Jun 9, 2015 06:13
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Vorik posted:Do drugs. This is the only solution now
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Jun 9, 2015 06:17
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So what are you not including that you actually did that made her make up the domestic violence stuff?
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Jun 9, 2015 06:30
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And how do you even gently caress up, "not telling your employer you're leaving." You're a douchebag for just putting that on your co-workers and trying to deuce out, don't get me wrong, but I can't understand how you failed to keep your move a secret. How could they possibly know about it without you telling them?
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Jun 9, 2015 06:32
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Cursed Lumberjack posted:And how do you even gently caress up, "not telling your employer you're leaving." You're a douchebag for just putting that on your co-workers and trying to deuce out, don't get me wrong, but I can't understand how you failed to keep your move a secret. How could they possibly know about it without you telling them?
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Jun 9, 2015 07:13
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I find touch time with my wife an enjoyable experience. I don't know what kind of touching you did to your wife that resulted in your predicament, but I suggest it was probably incorrect.
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Jun 9, 2015 07:20
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dead cowboy posted:Don't worry, Portland is a great place to be homeless! Well, it must be because we're overrun with them. I'm sure you'll be a fine addition! Bridges everywhere, choice underpass real estate
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Jun 9, 2015 09:08
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Find a different parking lot for that trailer before you're out a job too. This doesn't sound like a woman who wants you around. She may want things from time to time, but she has been pretty clear and it's time to move on. I suggest building capital before going to court. Get an initial consultation and then line up a stable job and housing before you go after the kids in court. You probably also want to keep some formal record of your efforts to remain a part of their lives that don't clash with your restraining order. Speaking of which, was she ever hospitalized as she claims?
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Jun 9, 2015 09:14
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teardrop posted:She's had a while to plan this. And she set you up to have no assets so she could take the kids without a hitch. Exactly. This kind of thing doesn't happen spur of the moment. Hang in there, lawyer up, and fight for your kids' sake.
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Jun 9, 2015 10:16
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Also, if you can prove she was never hospitalized and lied about it to get the protective order, make sure your lawyer is aware. He/she can bring it up to the judge when this goes to court, and it will be something good to have in your corner when she goes for full custody with no visitation, child support, and alimony all at once.
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Jun 9, 2015 10:19
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City of Portland claims another set of life savings, also congrats on having with a literal insane person (though I'm sure there's quite a bit you're leaving out to make yourself look more the victim as is E/N custom).
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Jun 9, 2015 14:14
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Velisarius posted:So, your wife cheated on you, and even flew somewhere to meet another man, and you still imagined you would be having a happy life with her. You are deluded and this has hopefully been a wakeup call for you, you sad, wretched little man. drat
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Jun 9, 2015 14:25
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porkface posted:
No never, nothing like that has ever happened.
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Jun 9, 2015 15:47
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The hardest thing to do is going to be accepting that this person who you thought was wonderful has been actively planning your downfall. It's highly likely she sabotaged you in every way she could, and will continue to do so. My first piece of advice, and most likely to be ignored is DO NOT TEST THE NO CONTACT ORDER Oregon does not play with that, you will go to jail and you will lose your new job - which is all you have. Block her and her family on phones and social media. Remove Facebook from your phone for a while. Do what you need to do not to talk to them until you have been to court and have a copy of the order dismissing the order of protection. Second, get to a lawyer. Today. In two hours when they start working. If you can prove she hasn't been hospitalized, great. Third, get a place. Look into Vancouver or the other suburbs if your job isn't great enough to support living in portland proper. This is the next step after the lawyer. You should be looking for apartments/houses/places by 10:30. Fourth, sell what you don't need from that moving truck to help with costs of getting set up in a new place.  DO NOT SELL THINGS THAT ARE HERS Fifth: hit the breakup thread and follow it's advice. You are not a special snowflake and your situation isn't unique. Do what you need to do for your life, not your current situation.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:00
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Something is missing here. So your wife engaged in a conspiracy with her family to lure you to Portland before dropping a restraining order? In any case, Welcome to Portland!
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Jun 9, 2015 16:02
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Wizard of Smart posted:The hardest thing to do is going to be accepting that this person who you thought was wonderful has been actively planning your downfall. It's highly likely she sabotaged you in every way she could, and will continue to do so. Quoting this because it needs to be followed. Beyond that, what part of the city do you work at and how much are you wanting to spend in rent? I can give you some good recommendations based on location.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:16
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You make terrible decisions.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:37
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Wizard of Smart posted:
I still have rights to speak to and see my children, the police assured me I was allowed to contact her about them, and to see them. I cannot remove her or block her.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:38
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This is one of those tales where I am deadly curious to hear the other side. And then hear what's actually going on.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:43
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Rhymenoserous posted:You make terrible decisions. Quoting this. r00tn00b posted:I still have rights to speak to and see my children, the police assured me I was allowed to contact her about them, and to see them. I cannot remove her or block her. So then make sure you only speak about the children when contacting her. I'd ensure there was a witness or recording of you phone calls - you'll have to inform her of recording - to be safe. One minor detail in the legal arrangement doesn't nullify or alter the rest of the advice. In any case you should be worried about having a place where your kids can visit you, and should still be following the rest of the advice today.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:46
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Because you seem like a well meaning idiot I'm going to reiterate TALK TO A LAWYER before you do anything. Do not call to talk to the children, do not talk to her at all, do not talk to her family. What the gently caress will you tell them at this point anyways? Obviously they're bring fed a story already and you can't possibly change that in the current circumstances. If you're going to foil this plan, you're going to want evidence of parental alienation which is exactly what she's doing right now. Talking to your children and trying to explain that "mommy has gone crazy and is lying to you about everything" is also parental alienation, and probably what she's awaiting, with a recording device. Do not muddy the waters; in an ideal world they will be interviewed as part of your divorce proceedings with nothing but her fabrications on their lips. I'm sure this is an emotionally difficult time but you need to loving wise up the reality of this, and if you want to stop being played by your ex, think this through with the help of a lawyer.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:55
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Wizard of Smart posted:The hardest thing to do is going to be accepting that this person who you thought was wonderful has been actively planning your downfall. It's highly likely she sabotaged you in every way she could, and will continue to do so. For real, this.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:57
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Blitter posted:Because you seem like a well meaning idiot I'm going to reiterate TALK TO A LAWYER before you do anything. Do not call to talk to the children, do not talk to her at all, do not talk to her family. Let me be clear here, In no way am I calling my children and telling them mommy is a bad bad person, I talk to y kids to ask them about how their day was, if they are having fun and to tell them good night and that kind of stuff. I am not a vindictive person and I wish no ill will on anyone, and I would never try to make my children dislike their mother.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:06
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Do you have family that can help you circle the wagons? Now is the time to invoke the wrath of the angry Grandma.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:07
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quote:She had told her family that I beat here and put her in the hospital, which is not true at all, and they hate me. They called the cops on me and had them place an order to prevent me from calling texting or visiting my wife or my kids. So your wife's family called the cops, they told them you beat her, and a judge in a court issued a restraining order? With no evidence what so ever? What happened man. e: also, she essentially tricked you into delivering the children to her after she setup shop in Portland. gently caress why would you want this woman.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:17
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r00tn00b posted:Let me be clear here, In no way am I calling my children and telling them mommy is a bad bad person, I talk to y kids to ask them about how their day was, if they are having fun and to tell them good night and that kind of stuff. I am not a vindictive person and I wish no ill will on anyone, and I would never try to make my children dislike their mother. Hey, that is good and reasonable. Just seemed kind of clear that she is not, and that you seem to have made a habit of playing into that.. Talk to a lawyer.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:20
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Darth123123 posted:So your wife's family called the cops, they told them you beat her, and a judge in a court issued a restraining order? With no evidence what so ever? What happened man. There is no restraining order, its a no contact, there was no judge or court.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:23
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I feel like something is missing here.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:23
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Kazvall posted:I feel like something is missing here. I know the feeling, because I don't know how any of this is possible.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:24
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r00tn00b posted:I know the feeling, because I don't know how any of this is possible. quoting because edit is not working? Her father in law is an ex DA and an practicing lawyer here in Portland. This probably helps her more than anything.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:27
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