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Is it possible she found another man in Portland? It seems possible. You need to stop thinking of her as being fragile. She's proven she will be ruthless if she feels like it, cornering you with the kids and ensuring you'd hand them over by not having any place for you to take them was devious. A lot of the poo poo she's done is devious. You may well reconcile at some time in the future, assuming she's having some sort of mental episode and convince you she won't have one again (if she's found another dude I would advise you to lower the limit of permitted strikes to two instead of three). But right now? She's your mortal enemy. She's trying her best to get you to just disappear. At the very least, she doesn't give a poo poo about you, and she doesn't seem too concerned for the kids, either. Unless there's something you're leaving out. If her mental state is hosed, she might have taken innocent things as threats. She may believe everything she's saying and genuinely believe she's protecting the kids from you. It's a giant loving mess and you need help wading through it. Hence the lawyer, and all the legal advice you can find. You also need to remember your kids' needs, if she's unstable you may have to go after full custody for their sake and prove she's unstable. And before that, you've got to find a place to live. Don't utter a single word to the kids besides talking about their days and such, be paranoid and extra-aware of ways she could use your words and actions against you. Do what you can to get that protective order dismissed as soon as possible, a violation of it on your record will look bad, even if she tricked you into violating it and the order was later dismissed. I'm really sorry, this has to be insanely head-spinning. But you've got to remember she's not on your side any more. Do you have any family that can send you money? Via Paypal, Western Union, a fast check in the mail that will arrive before you run out of hotel stays? Any friends? Now is the time to be blatant and tell people the truth and ask for help. Good luck, man.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:12
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| # ¿ May 2, 2024 07:48 |
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OP you should prooooobably re-read this thread and figure out if you're responding how you normally would. Your responses seem kinda automatic, without much thought put into them. Are you on medication that makes you fuzzy-headed? Or on 'medication' you bought from a guy or an eBay seller? Drinking? I suppose it could just be shock, but honestly some part of you shouldn't be shocked, after she flew from OH to TX to gently caress a guy. I don't know what terms you use in your head but you know she's capable of been impulsive, or selfish, or whatever's going on. As an example. When mentioning the 'why would you threaten me with a knife' thing, most people would add "I had the knife in my pocket because I'd been breaking down boxes and getting rid of poo poo, I forgot about it. She saw the clip and asked me what it was. I told her, and then I told her I was putting it in my glove box." Instead people had to pry that poo poo from you. The fact that she took that as threatening her with a knife (which it isn't, even if you pulled it out of your pocket and showed it to her) shows she's in a unstable state of mind. Unless you actually waved it at her while it was open or something. If you did that, you did threaten her with a knife. If she's unstable, it doesn't matter what you want for her and you romantically. Your kids shouldn't be minded by an unstable person, and she herself probably needs help. Which is going to be a hell of a lot harder for you to help her get because of the no-contact order. If there's a court date, loving go. She might not have told you about the court date. I'm pretty sure you can call someone, although I personally don't know who, and find out if you have any court appearances scheduled for any version of your name, and when they are. You might have to go to a building and show someone your ID so they know they're telling you, I don't know. I have no idea if they give a poo poo about privacy. Actually, a lawyer can do that for you. Do you have one yet? If you don't, get one. If you do, tell them that you're worried the no-contact is the temp kind designed to protect people until a longer-term one can be ruled on by a judge, and that she's purposefully not telling you so you can't show up. If you have paperwork, study that poo poo. There might be a court date on the back that your dazed rear end hasn't looked at. She was okayish for a while after she flew to TX and rode some dude's dick because that was some kind of weird coping mechanism. Now the positive effects on her brainspace are long gone. She is not herself, unless you're leaving massive things out. Which is possible, because you seem out of it. But, assuming you haven't left anything massive out, she's not herself, she's viewing everything you do in a negative light, and trying to 'work things out' with her is going to lead to a massive loving disaster. ANYWAY This is 100% true: Thanatosian posted:None of the details or bullshit people are asking about really matter. Even if your story is completely one-sided, 90% made-up, if your wife took your kids and left you homeless, you need to get a lawyer. Period. Full-stop. But goons can help if you want the help, if you're willing to be halfway logical and work with us. If you don't, well, everybody pees.
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Jun 10, 2015 06:06
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Okay I was having trouble finding a post to verify a comment you made, OP, and I took a gander at your post history. I was honestly expecting TCC posts. I don't know if anime posts are better or worse tbh. Anyway, you said this. r00tn00b posted:How would that make sense, if I had done those things, I would be in JAIL. It's not like cops weren't involved. You also said the neighbors never called the cops. So who did? You or her? It doesn't really matter if one of you called them instead of the neighbors, if they were called for what's legally a domestic dispute, that's kind of important information, here. What happen when the cops were called? Were they called more than once? If so, detail each incident separately, unless it's "We argued and then the same thing happened" x30. You need a loving lawyer, man. Why do you believe her when she says the kids will live with you? Why do you believe anything she says?
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Jun 10, 2015 06:10
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Liquid Communism posted:Read the drat thread. The cops were involved because they were at her parents' house when he showed up on Sunday. I did, I thought he meant they were called to the arguments they'd had previously. My bad, OP. OP you seem to be less.. dazed, which is good, but you still need a lawyer. Get one. Also, when I mention the kids, I'm not concerned she's smacking them around, since she's with family that presumably wouldn't allow it. If the father of my kid started acting irrationally or seemed mentally unstable, I'd be worried about him sharing his crazy fantasies (like the one your wife has about you threatening her with a knife) with my kid. Stressed parents often say too much of adult matters to their children when they're not mentally or emotionally unstable, seems more likely if she's had this sudden personality change. Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer.
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Jun 10, 2015 14:47
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r00tn00b posted:18 and 21 Seriously can't imagine what it's like to be married at 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, around 25 I can maaaaybe imagine it. Part of this is because I was agressive with my 'selfish rear end in a top hat new adult' phase but a larger part is because everyone is stupid at this age, compared to themselves just a few years later. 21 thinks 18 was stupid, 24 thinks 21 was stupid, etc. Did you guys just take that poo poo out on each other? How old are you now? How old are the kids? r00tn00b posted:The only time I ever met her mother was when our first child was born, she was here for a day, her mother is not who she wants to see though, they don't have any real relationship she gave up parental rights to my wife when she was 2. Voluntarily to get out of child support payments to her father. longer story. Okay that bolded bit? That's what I'm talking about. It comes off as weird. I don't know if it's the 'he is' instead of "he's" or what but you make it sound like the mother ship landed and took him aboard, the way everyone knows it will for everyone someday. Except we don't know that and you're crazy. I'm not trying to be insulting, here, I'm trying to explain as best I can why your answers sometimes seem off.
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Jun 10, 2015 21:38
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I know the phrase. If I mentioned the "he is" instead of "he's" and thought the phrase itself was weird, I would have mentioned it too. I wasn't talking about the phrase. I meant the sentence as a whole. Granted, I'm more used to 'has passed on,' but that's probably a regional thing. OP said he has issues with concentration (I'm assuming that's what "a terrible thought train" means), which explains it somewhat. If he's having to focus hard and force himself to stay on topic, his words aren't going to flow as naturally, and it's going to be noticeable. Probably more noticeable in writing than when spoken. OP I hope you're looking into lawyers. I completely understand wanting to keep your family intact, but when someone else breaks it, there isn't much you can do. Making sure you have all the legal rights to your children is step #1.5, after getting a lawyer. She may change her mind and you might ill-advisedly decided to reconcile, who knows. If she were going to change her mind because this was just a short-term thing caused by stress or mental illness, she probably would have done it by now. You have to operate on the assumption that she never wants to be with you or live with you again. And as much as she's screwed you over, you also need to operate on the assumption that she'll continue to screw you over as she has the chance, as well. You're allowed to do all this with hope in your heart that she'll 'snap out of it' or seek therapy and you'll be happily reunited, of course, but you have to prepare for the worst.
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Jun 13, 2015 08:59
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r00tn00b posted:Yes I know. Everyone else has said this. I will. Now that we know you're paying attention the "LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER" bit, you'd be fine.. not.. posting so much. You need to actively watch what you say about any legal precedings and the actions of anyone involved online. If you're posting because you're scared, sad, pissed-off, and lonely, that's 100% okay. Venting is healthy. I'd be all 'abloo bloo goons tell me everything's gonna be okay' if I were in your situation, since it sounds like everyone you're close to in the world is at your wife's place.
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Jun 13, 2015 09:46
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You guys, you're not going to dissuade him from having hope and wanting his family to return to normal. As long as he gets a lawyer, and listens to said lawyer, he can daydream about her calling, apologizing, and asking if they can reconcile. That's how some people cope with this sort of poo poo.
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Jun 13, 2015 22:11
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You guys, it's normal for someone to still desperately want to reconcile at the stage OPs at. Not everyone does, and a lot of people don't mention it because of the ridicule it can induce, but it's pretty loving normal. He knows what she's done, and he's holding out hope that her actions were the result of some sort of mental health issue. It's a hope. Hope is something that keeps us going when things are lovely. If he posts "She loves me again, I'm moving in with her and we're not getting counselling or addressing the cheating and lies" than yes, he's stupid. But he's not stupid for having hope. Chill out on him. I've talked with him, he is very much aware she's hosed him over repeatedly. Dude's allowed to have his tiny bit of hope that makes life a little less terrible.
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Jun 23, 2015 21:54
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r00tn00b posted:Well I plan on getting 50% custody of my kids so child support isn't a thing. Barring that I am only having issues ATM because I'm paying Rent and a mortgage so cash is short. You might ask your lawyer if there's anything you can do that isn't considered retaliation. For example, you cannot take your phone, but are you required to continue paying for service? You might be, I don't know. The restraining order is only against you, for her, right? It's possible you could file one against her for the kids, based on the physical proof of neglect and the kids' tales of being ignored, and be awarded temporary custody. I know they're young, so that might not work. It might be an option further down the line. Don't do ANYTHING without a lawyer's strict approval, though. Ignore the people who can't tell the difference between "My brain wants to reconcile with my wife so I'm gonna do it if I get a chance" and "My brain wants to reconcile with my wife so I think about it often but am physically doing everything I can as if the worst-case scenario is happening."
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Jul 6, 2015 11:08
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OP I think you're gonna have to get "TRUST NO BITCH" tattooed on your face before some of these people accept that your actions are exactly what they should be. And your thoughts are normal. Your brain is used to having her around and on your 'side.' Our brains miss poo poo like that when it happens for a long time then stops. Also, person who was in cult school and honeless and married a person with NPD, shut up. Calling him sweetie is weird and creepy and condescending, and all of your experiences do not give you the knowledge needed to diagnose someone over the internet, secondhand. If it did, I'd be able to spot borderline people a mile away. Sometimes I hear of someone and think "hmmn I wonder if they're borderline?" And move on, unless it's prudent to advise someone involved to get therapy. Therapy is key because it doesn't matter what her deal is, she's unstable, unpredictable, and petty right now. He needs to learn how to best cope with those actions, whatever is causing them. Also, diagnosing personality disorders is often ridiculously hard for a professional. There's a reason they're grouped into clusters. You are not a professional. Selfish, immature peopke who are not coping well also do the things she's doing, but instead of being cold, calculating, and ruthless, they're over-emotional and pretty consistently unhappy with their own actions because those actions caused themselves or others to feel pain. We don't know what's going on inside her head. I've been chatting with OP in PMs, he knows he can't trust her. He just desperately wishes he could. Which is nornal. Chill.
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Jul 7, 2015 02:15
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whoa RN, I hadn't been paying attention. Doesn't matter if this was her plan (loving off eventually) or if she thought she'd be happy in OR with you... ??? whereever. All the other poo poo was a bunch of signs she was too unstable to trust, the animal thing is cherry on the sundae. I'm glad she abandoned the kids, as tough as that's gonna be for them, because it sounds like her being around would be even worse. Also, for people hung up on the court thing: laws are not as flexible as they should be. Father of my kid got upset with me and went to the courthouse and filed for a protective order on me. He told me about it right after he did it, on a Friday afternoon. I went down there first thing Monday but it had already been approved. You can say whatever the gently caress you want on those, you may get charged with perjury later, maybe not. He made up some things and used selective reporting on others ("she's a drug addict," failing to mention I've been clean since two years before our kid was born, "she's been in an inpatient mental facility," again failing to mention that was two years before the kid was born, plus the fact that he'd been there less than a year ago from the date he filed). So, legally, I lost custody and wasn't allowed anywhere near either him or my son, even though I'd done nothing but irritate him. If I hadn't talked him into going back and asking to have the order dropped, I would have had to wait over a month for a hearing. RN is lucky he's in a situation where he has his kids now, tbh. I sincerely hope she's given up on being a mom. You might have to deal with her again, later, when she starts getting help (if that ever happens) and wants to mom again, but everything I know tells me she's not popping back soon. Maybe when they're teens. That doesn't mean you can slack in the legal department, which I know you know. Just hang in there and do everything by the book.
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Aug 26, 2015 23:01
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| # ¿ May 2, 2024 07:48 |
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Oh poo poo, Root, I'm sad for your kids that their mom has decided to be absentee, but I'm glad everything else has worked out for the best. I don't know if you remember, but I also had a "mental illness in partner causes serious poo poo AFTER a long time of relative stability" incident and it jus loving blows. Happy for you and your kiddos.
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Jun 3, 2016 00:10
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