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May 2, 2024 20:12
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- ThePeavstenator
- Dec 18, 2012
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Establish the Buns
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It's creepy a gently caress because you are sitting there, fantasizing about having a conversation that will never happen, for a ton of reasons. Most importantly the idea that you still think she gives a flying gently caress what you are feeling, continues to show an insane degree of separation between reality and what is going on in your head.
This weird and obsessive way in which you're mentally jerking it to your totally imaginary conversation is seriously hosed up. You should be focussing on things regarding you and dealing with these changes, not hoping for some fairies and unicorn poo poo where there is anything good about caring about her opinion and feelings on this. You will not get an apology; She Does Not Care. You will not get an explanation, or "Hear the words from her mouth"; She Does Not Care. Even if you did get some version of the 'closure' that you think you deserve, you would claw around your delusional version of reality, inventing a reason why you still need more from her. It's a dysfunctional pattern of behaviour that you need to understand and break.
She Give Not A gently caress. Does not care. Won't have any conversation because of those reasons; has a legal order mandating it because you're Just Not Getting It.
It's actually so weird that it's making it pretty clear that you have some kind of serious fantasy/reality disconnect that doubtless precipitated this whole shitshow of a divorce because you are absolutely, pathetically out of touch with the real world, and in particular, your ex-wife.
Talk to your therapist about your obsessive thoughts and ways to deal with them.
Get a loving grip already, jesus.
I too think it is weird for people under extreme emotional distress to not act 100% rationally. It is good an normal to tell people to not feel emotions for people they have loved for years.
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Jul 2, 2015 16:34
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- ThePeavstenator
- Dec 18, 2012
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Establish the Buns
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I deeply regret that I have drawn so much attention to myself in this thread. If there were not children involved I would not have spoken up. That is to say, if I had read the OP's posts and it was just him in the situation, I would have wished him well and hoped for the best on his recovery. But in this specific situation there are children involved, and I believe these children are in a very dangerous situation. That is why I have spoken up.
Let me clarify a few things that are mistaken in the wall of text dissecting me. My Diagnosis is "Bi-Polar Type II(2) Schizoaffective disorder".
Bipolar Type II is a real condition.
Schizoaffective is a real disorder, with two subttypes, Depressive and Bipolar.
I have literally never heard anyone try and argue that a person with Schizoaffective disorder is not schizophrenic. Additionally, my diagnosis is correctly stated as "Bipolar Type II Schizoaffective" which is a real diagnosis. I have Schizoaffective disorder (which is on the schizophrenic spectrum), my subtype of Schizoaffective is Bipolar, and my Bipolar is type II. I also correctly stated that I am a diagnosed schizophrenic because I do in fact have a formal diagnosis, and Schizoaffective is a form of Schizophrenia.
Next point. Yes, it is true I have recently come to a revelation about my Mother, but this is not my first rodeo with a full blown Narcissist. I was raised in a very hardcore fundamentalist cult and spent my 20's around a variety of proto cults. I have encountered Narcissists a number of times and understand them quite well, unfortunately. Realizing that my Mother was a Narcissist was painful, but this is not the first time I have worked through such a revelation. (It is just the most painful because she is my Mother) I understand what you are saying, especially considering the timing. But I am not in this case projecting my own issues.
Again, I would never speak up publicly in such a manner if there were not children involved in the situation. As much as this statement will sound like a deluded lie, I did not desire to attract attention to myself here. I appreciate how my statements appear, I really do. But to me there are three children involved in a very dangerous situation- a generational cycle of abuse that the OP may be able to get his children away from, but in order to do that he really does need to appreciate what he is dealing with.
The reason for my certainty is a bit hard to explain, and will probably sound deluded, I understand that. That said, this is the truth of why I am so certain. It really is too much to ask considering its length, but if you click on the OP of the thread I linked you would find very detailed descriptions of how the schizophrenic portions of my mind work. Specifically, how my pattern recognition functions. Included in that thread as well is a very detailed framework describing the behaviors of a variety of extremists that was designed by using the unusual pattern recognition I possess. I state all that gobbedelygook to state this next. I have unusually good pattern recognition as a result of how my mind works, and I am recognizing some very distinct patterns here in the OP. Not in the specifics per-se (although those are very important), but in how the OP constructs his writing. (How the OP constructs his thoughts) It would take an extremely long explanation, but the patterns of thought the OP is engaging in are highly consistent with a victim of Narcissistic abuse going through the rejection phase. Again, it would take an absurdly long explanation of how I am recognizing this, so instead I'll try and demonstrate.
(For the record, as much as this is going to sound like a lie, I do not want to do this. But in the specifics of this case there is not time for the OP to go through the normal years long process of piecing this all together, not while the fate of his children is in jeopardy. In my opinion the OP needs to get his children away from her because otherwise those children face the full brunt of her abuse without the OP around to blunt its effects.)
OP, here is what I am think I am recognizing as the situation here. If I am wrong, just post and say so and I will issue a full apology and gently caress off to never be heard from in this thread again.
If I had to guess though OP, here is roughly your situation. You met your wife and had an unusually fast romance, you swept each other off your feet. You two totally clicked, the romance progressed quickly. there was likely a phase of intense sexual attraction between you two and it would have seemed as if she just could not get enough. You would have felt like she just "got" you in a deep and profound way, and you fell madly in love. Then at some point her mask started to slip every so often and she slowly introduced you to her real self, or what you call "her crazy". She would switch between raging and crying at times with seeming little provocation, issuing forth rage and abusive statements that stunned you. Afterwards she would be very vulnerable and you would comfort her and things would smooth over. You would feel like her knight in shining armor, and you would feel like you were a strong man in a relationship with a beautiful but troubled soul. It would feel sort of ennobling at first, when you bore the pain of her private tantrums.
Over time though her freakouts would increase in frequency and the beautiful soul you loved would sip away. You would feel guilty over this and likely blamed yourself, you likely felt as though it was in some way your fault, and that you were just not trying hard enough or doing the right thing to help your troubled soulmate become the wonderful person you love so much. In public things were always fine and she was always that doting wonderful amazing woman you were so lucky to marry, but in private you saw less and less of that woman and more and more of her emotional episodes. There have probably been periods where that wonderful woman came back, around the time when your first child was born, and then perhaps for a long period thereafter.
For the past few years though things have been almost exclusively bad, and you have barely seen that wonderful woman in private. In public at times sure, but not really anymore in private. You have been soaking up the brunt of her emotional outbursts and doing your best to hide them from your children for some time now. It is also very likely that one of your children, likely the most sensitive one, seems to be singled out for special harassment from her. At this point, she has lost interest in you, (Either she has a target with more incomes or you have gotten too rebellious to be as easily controlled as you once were) and no longer desires to even exploit you for room and board, so she is leaving. She almost certainly has someone lined up to take your place.
At this point you have become the scapegoat. She has spread a massive whisper campaign against you to everyone she knows. You probably still have no idea what she has accused you of, but she likely accused you of it while having a tearful meltdown in front of sympathetic ears. Going forwards every action you take or do not take will be criticized. She will find every subtle way to slight you and attack you that she can think of. The reason you do not understand why things went from seemingly okay to her dumping your rear end in a hotel in only a couple days with not apparent trigger is because there was no trigger for it. This was a plan, and she merely acted the part she needed to play to keep you off your balance until she was ready to strike.
She wants to enjoy watching you writhe and suffer as she drags the divorce out and makes it as painful as possible. Her only real interest in the children is as a status symbol/a toll to hurt you with. If she got full custody of them she would abandon them the first chance she got, possibly even just up and dumping them on you one day. While they were in her custody though, without you around to bear the brunt of her "crazy"...., well I think you can imagine how that should not be permitted to happen if at all possible.
Again OP, if you say I am wrong on this and have no idea what I am talking about I will apologize and gently caress off forever. Hell, I'll stay out of E/N for 1 year 
One final thing before I go though, here is some decent advice. You need to arrange with your lawyer to "keep book" on your wife. What I mean is every single interaction you have with her or with your children, you write a detailed description of the moment it is done. No matter how inconsequential it is, just keep an honest, accurate, detailed, time-stamped account of every interaction you have with her. When your children visit you, document not only any signs of abuse, but also write up a description of what the visit entailed. If you went and got ice cream during the visit for example, mention that. If you saw a movie, mention that and the name of the movie. Try not to editorialize, you want to keep your descriptions to just the events as they played out. Once a week you need to gather up all these written accounts and take them to your layer. (Handwritten will be okay, but typing them up would be three times better) Have him witness you sign them, then leave them in your lawyers care. Ask your lawyer to keep a detailed logbook of the time and date of every weekly deposit you make.
Also, if you see something during a visit and learn of something that makes you concerned for your children's safety, contact your lawyer about that, explain the situation, and ask his advice. Do whatever he says. Ask your lawyer to make a note of the conversation mentioning its time, date, and contents. You should also write down the details of your contact with the lawyer, both of these written accounts go into the file right next to each other. (Reason being, when you eventually present this file to a judge he will be looking for ways to determine your authenticity in your written accounts. A side by side comparison over an incident will give the judge a good basis for comparison, as well as making you look like a very diligent and engaged Father for seeking out *AND ESPECIALLY FOLLOWING* Legal advice for such a sensitive situation.) Tell no one about keeping book on her, keep it just between your lawyer and yourself.
When you and your wife go before the judge you will hear a story like you have never heard before. Real events will be skewed or their order reinterpreted, in some cases events will be constructed whole cloth. Her story will be very well thought out and detailed, however, if she is not expecting you to have a detailed written account of every little thing for the past few months, then her story will not stand to detailed scrutiny. It will be easy for your lawyer to pounce and unravel her lies. Eventually some conflicting dates will be discovered in her accounting of things, some conflict between her story and the dates in which key events actually occurred. Because your lawyer has been keeping a detailed time-stamped log of every written account you have given him, the argument will switch from your word versus hers to her words versus your lawyer's, and your lawyer will win that fight hands down.
source your quotes
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Jul 7, 2015 19:39
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Jun 10, 2015 19:19
