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Something is missing here. So your wife engaged in a conspiracy with her family to lure you to Portland before dropping a restraining order? In any case, Welcome to Portland!
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Jun 9, 2015 16:02
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 19:28 |
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What is your hypothesis for why she is all of a sudden doing all of this? From a third person perspective, it seems like you are leaving out some big event that precipitated the meltdown. Like, even if you don't agree or believe the reasoning, from her view what is the reason for wanting to leave and block contact?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:14
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r00tn00b posted:It was mutual, something we had talked about for a while. It seems like she has family there and you don't? You said things had been tough for a while even before she cheated, why were they tough?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:15
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r00tn00b posted:So I head out here to Portland and when im about 9 hours away she tells me that I, and only I, do not have a place to stay. quote:I cant afford an appt because im flat broke and I wont get paid for 2 weeks. So I am upset and we have an argument and she escalates past anything I would have thought. She had told her family that I beat here and put her in the hospital, which is not true at all, and they hate me. What was the context of this argument, what was her reasoning besides telling her family that you beat her? Did you have any interaction with her at all that she or anyone else could construe as abusive (emotional, verbal even)?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:51
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r00tn00b posted:Hey, been a while since I posted here. What were these arguments about and what were they like?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:54
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r00tn00b posted:There was no need to lure the kids. If never keep them from her. The argument was about money. Are you intentionally avoiding answering most of the question or do you simply not know? What was the context of this argument, what was her reasoning besides telling her family that you beat her? Did you have any interaction with her at all that she or anyone else could construe as abusive (emotional, verbal even)?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:55
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r00tn00b posted:The argument was on the phone and about money. When I went to see the kids her step father met me in the driveway and the cops were right there. So you guys were arguing before hand, decided to move to Portland, you found a job and lost your current job, you decided to go ahead and move with a limited income, you move and your wife calls you to fight about your now limited income? And you found out she told your parents that you hit her when you met her dad? Did any of your arguments in the past become violent or loud? What were they about?
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Jun 9, 2015 19:32
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r00tn00b posted:Not exactly. quote:I thought we had come up with another plan. But I'm not sure what happened there that's where my knowledge of this situation gets fuzzy. I get things ready to move. Move and get out here and she has a break down. quote:Yes we have had some yelling augments. Mostly about her taking to the other guy. But that stopped weeks ago. We had a really good dialog for a long time. Let's say I'm passing by your house during one of these arguments, is there any chance I'd be inclined to call the police over what I'm hearing?
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Jun 9, 2015 19:48
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r00tn00b posted:So I head out here to Portland and when im about 9 hours away she tells me that I, and only I, do not have a place to stay. r00tn00b posted:it was mutually agreed on and was a sound plan, gave us time to live here and get setup before we had to find or own place. What was lunch like after she told you that you didn't have a place to stay? And so you had lunch, then the next day she was mad at you about money and had a no contact order?
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Jun 9, 2015 20:31
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r00tn00b posted:I'm not a fly off the wall kind of person, sure I was upset, but I like to take things as they come. Lunch was quiet but not an argument. So you have an amicable lunch with her after she told you to leave the kids and move out on your own? Did you question her at all about why during your quiet lunch? You then looked at apartments together? So then you were upset with her the next day and, I'm presuming because I have to, started the argument? Is it then that she told her parents that you are abusive?
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Jun 9, 2015 20:39
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r00tn00b posted:Of course I questioned it. I was and I still and confused about the whole thing. I haven't gotten a direct answer. I may never get one. I feel like we're getting closer here, circling around slowly. So when you asked why you had to move out, what was her indirect answer? Why did you originally call her on Sunday that turned into an argument? And all of this time you are in a hotel?
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Jun 9, 2015 20:50
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r00tn00b posted:Yes hotel the whole time. Ok, lemme reconfigure here, so far: While on the plan to Portland she tells you to move out, she finds a hotel for you. Was there more to this news that just "You can't stay here" Did you explicitly say "It's over"? You get to Portland, meet up and have a quiet lunch. While leaving for lunch, you remove a box cutter and place it in the car. During lunch, what was her response to "Why am I sleeping in a hotel?" You then look for apartments together. Are these apartments for you alone? What is the environment like while apartment hunting together, presumably for the place she is shipping you off to sans kids? The following day, Sunday, you call her to discuss how to handle your shared finances until your first paycheck. She refused to talk about it, what did she talk about, then? You then have an argument. Later in the day you go to her family's house where you find her stepfather and police. Was this an arranged visit? What did her stepfather say? Please answer bolded questions. Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of this.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:04
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r00tn00b posted:I was seeing if her mother could help us out. her mother is stupid rich, but she also hates her mother so its a point of tension. She didn't want to suggest anything else. I would rather owe her mom money than someone else. She acused me of being mad at her for her mother not wanting to give me money. But that's not what was upsetting me, it was the lack of co-operation. I told her that multiple times. And, to clarify timeline here, this was all after she had told you she didn't want to live with your anymore. Also please remember my previous questions!
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Jun 9, 2015 21:11
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r00tn00b posted:b]Was there more to this news that just "You can't stay here" Did you explicitly say "It's over"?[/b] OK, so: While on the plan to Portland she tells you to find. As far as you are away, this is due to a space concern and everything is still fine. You get to Portland, meet up and have a quiet lunch. While leaving for lunch, you remove a box cutter and place it in the car. You then look for apartments together for your family. The following day, Sunday, you call her to discuss how to handle your shared finances until your first paycheck. You suggest borrowing from her mother, which angers her. You then have an argument. Later in the day you go to her family's house where you find her stepfather and police. Sometime your wife sees the boxcutter. While your wife does seem very conflicted for the duration, it seems that your argument on Sunday might have been a catalyst for something? How long was this argument? Are there details you are leaving out?
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Jun 9, 2015 21:22
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Correction: While on the plane to Portland she tells you to find a hotel. As far as you are aware, this is due to a space concern and everything is still fine. This edit rule should only apply to OP, imo, not the dedicated investigators trying to translate OP's jumbled narrative.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:23
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r00tn00b posted:everything there is correct except the Later in the day you go to her family's house where you find her stepfather and police. Sometime your wife sees the boxcutter. What? Then when did you go to her house and get told to leave by the police?
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Jun 9, 2015 21:30
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r00tn00b posted:yeah I hate the edit thing I pasted to much, just the box cutter part, there was no box cutter on Sunday. I left it in the car. When did she see the box cutter and then when did she mention it?
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Jun 9, 2015 21:32
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r00tn00b posted:Saturday When did she claim you threatened her with the boxcutter?
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Jun 9, 2015 21:34
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r00tn00b posted:Saturday via text message after we had parted ways for the day. This text, what did it say? Were there others?
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Jun 9, 2015 21:47
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Ok, recap here again: So up until the Sunday phone call you all had been looking for apartments together and planning on moving in together. Before that she had been acting a bit weird, such as suggesting you stay in a hotel and expressing concern over the boxcutter. You ask to borrow money from mom, leading to an argument. You go by her house to find the police who tell you not to contact your wife. Nothing since then? It's been 3 days.
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Jun 10, 2015 19:24
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r00tn00b posted:She has refused to answer my requests to see my children outright which the cops said she cannot do. So then your next response was....?
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Jun 10, 2015 19:56
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I meant to the cop who told him his wife can't deny him access to his kids.
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Jun 10, 2015 20:47
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r00tn00b posted:The family doesn't know me, they have only what my wife has told them. They have only met me once. Her parents have never met the man their daughter married and father of their grandchildren?
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Jun 10, 2015 21:00
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How old were both of you when you were married?
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Jun 10, 2015 21:00
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r00tn00b posted:18 and 21 How old were your kids?
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Jun 10, 2015 21:04
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r00tn00b posted:we dint have kids then. What led to your wife getting back in touch with her family, then deciding to move home?
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Jun 10, 2015 21:08
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r00tn00b posted:She wanted to see her half sisters who she hadn't talked to in over 12 years. She got in touch on FB and then we talked about moving closer. Good jobs for me, and Family, more than we had in Ohio. When was the other time you met her parents and did you get a sense of their opinion on you? It seems like you are the guy who ran off with their daughter, from their perspective perhaps. Rakthar posted:So what exactly are you trying to establish with these additional details??? Anything? Cause I'm pretty sure he went over the whole moving to Oregon thing for a fresh start earlier. Deep emotional truths. Why are you so put off by probing in the advice forum? Do you still talk to your mother?
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Jun 10, 2015 21:13
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Rakthar posted:You've asked this guy easily a dozen questions, I'm real curious where you're trying to go with this. Do you have a point at all? Are you trying to figure anything out? The dude told a super vague story missing some pretty important details and was asking for some pretty consequential advice. Also now I'm just really curious about the whole thing and I already binged through Bloodlines so need more family drama. My own family is split-up, but amicable and boring.
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Jun 10, 2015 21:21
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Rakthar posted:There's a real difference between trying to understand the situation and this sort of cross examining stuff you're doing where the implicit thing is "I'm going to catch you in a contradiction." You've been calling bullshit on this guy for a some time and he has been providing consistent answers that are more or less in line with what he said originally. I don't think the dude is bullshitting and if anything he's clarified the actual circumstances much much better since answering questions.
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Jun 10, 2015 21:29
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You previously said that she was uninterested in figuring things out, but was in finding apartments and such. Do you think she was just disengaging or did she have some other plans you disagreed with (you mentioned the money already). You said you both decided to move back to Portland, but I get a feeling it might have been her pushing for it more? Were there ever arguments over that?
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Jun 10, 2015 21:44
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r00tn00b posted:Like I said things were rocky, she wanted me to live on my own for a while before she moved back in fully with me, that was something I was not fully okay with. Ok, hell, maybe this could have been a detail to share earlier? But hey what do I know.
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Jun 10, 2015 21:51
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But yea, Portland is pretty sweet. I moved back here with my dad's family recently.
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Jun 10, 2015 21:52
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r00tn00b posted:Look things have been crazy and I have a terrible thought train as it is. Im settled now and I can think. you guys are lucky i don't break off mid sentence about how awesome lunch was. Go hit up on of the beautiful parks, or thriving cultural districts.
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Jun 10, 2015 21:57
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Wizard of Smart posted:We have these? Actually I don't know, ice only been to like the paved trail in Forest park and like two places in the pearl and both were eh
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Jun 10, 2015 23:03
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