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Hey, been a while since I posted here. My wife and I have been going through a touch time, for the past year or so. we have had arguments, and she cheated on me, even flew to Texas to see the guy. We talked about it and decided that we wanted a fresh start in a place where we would have support for us in place. We ended up settling on moving to Portland Oregon. So we save up some money and I send her out there ahead of us to get things started while I sell the house and get the kids ready to come out with me and find myself a job in that area. Things were going okay until I lost my current job in Ohio due to them finding out I was planning to leave. When that happened time tables got pushed and we didnt have the money we thought we would. We both decided that I shouldn't bother finding a new job in Ohio so I took the first job that we could live off of and started the ball rolling. long story short. I get out here with the kids after spending ever last dime we had to do it, under the impression we would have a place to stay (i verified that with her before I packed our stuff). So I head out here to Portland and when im about 9 hours away she tells me that I, and only I, do not have a place to stay. She takes the kids to her families house and they are there now. She spends the last of our money to put me in a hotel for a couple nights, but is no help in figuring it out past that. I cant afford an appt because im flat broke and I wont get paid for 2 weeks. So I am upset and we have an argument and she escalates past anything I would have thought. She had told her family that I beat here and put her in the hospital, which is not true at all, and they hate me. They called the cops on me and had them place an order to prevent me from calling texting or visiting my wife or my kids. So on Sunday I went from thinking I was going to be a happy man with my family to the police telling me Im not to contact my wife or her family under penalty of citation or arrest. I have no money, and im getting by day by day with places to stay, all my stuff is in a moving truck in the parking lot of my new job and I don't know what to do. I want to work things out with her, but she is making it difficult to even think we can do that. She has some issues shes been working on with her therapist and she might be having an episode or a mental breakdown. Should I let this blow over and try to talk to her after she has calmed down, or should I get a lawyer and prepare my anus?
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Jun 9, 2015 03:20
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porkface posted:
No never, nothing like that has ever happened.
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Jun 9, 2015 15:47
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Wizard of Smart posted:
I still have rights to speak to and see my children, the police assured me I was allowed to contact her about them, and to see them. I cannot remove her or block her.
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Jun 9, 2015 16:38
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Blitter posted:Because you seem like a well meaning idiot I'm going to reiterate TALK TO A LAWYER before you do anything. Do not call to talk to the children, do not talk to her at all, do not talk to her family. Let me be clear here, In no way am I calling my children and telling them mommy is a bad bad person, I talk to y kids to ask them about how their day was, if they are having fun and to tell them good night and that kind of stuff. I am not a vindictive person and I wish no ill will on anyone, and I would never try to make my children dislike their mother.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:06
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Darth123123 posted:So your wife's family called the cops, they told them you beat her, and a judge in a court issued a restraining order? With no evidence what so ever? What happened man. There is no restraining order, its a no contact, there was no judge or court.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:23
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Kazvall posted:I feel like something is missing here. I know the feeling, because I don't know how any of this is possible.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:24
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r00tn00b posted:I know the feeling, because I don't know how any of this is possible. quoting because edit is not working? Her father in law is an ex DA and an practicing lawyer here in Portland. This probably helps her more than anything.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:27
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Popular Thug Drink posted:wow op your soon to be ex wife is like a scheming mastermind, she totally owned the gently caress out of you. drat It was mutual, something we had talked about for a while.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:34
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GunChicka posted:It seems like she has family there and you don't? You said things had been tough for a while even before she cheated, why were they tough? She has been dealing with self esteem issues. And in a deep depression. I tried to help her but she wouldn't let me. She built up a story in her head that I didn't love her anymore, and that I cheated on her with a Co worker (nothing happened the woman who I had the affair with is an insufferable butch). So she sought another man to make her feel better. She has since sought out help from a professional therapist. And is working on the issues. The reason I think this breakdown happened is that she likes to plan things carefully. And we had planned the move extensively. When I got fired it moved the time table up 2 months and the stress broke her. She's in a fragile state.
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Jun 9, 2015 18:46
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Unexpected Road posted:If this is your wife, wouldn't her father-in-law be your father? I meant step father. I'm sorry.
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Jun 9, 2015 18:46
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Darth123123 posted:back the gently caress up here son There was no affair that's worded poorly and you can't edit
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Jun 9, 2015 18:52
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GunChicka posted:So what happened in those 9 hours or right before? Is it your impression that she planned this from the beginning? Why not just move out there on her own and proceed with a divorce? Do you think she was luring the kids? There was no need to lure the kids. If never keep them from her. The argument was about money.
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Jun 9, 2015 18:53
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GunChicka posted:Are you intentionally avoiding answering most of the question or do you simply not know? The argument was on the phone and about money. When I went to see the kids her step father met me in the driveway and the cops were right there.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:26
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Darth123123 posted:So you've had one argument with your wife about money (presumably your lack thereof) and that was enough for the police to file some no contact order? gently caress, I'm screwed if that's the case. I don't buy it, sorry OP. I don't know what she told the police. I wasn't there for that.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:31
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GunChicka posted:So you guys were arguing before hand, decided to move to Portland, you found a job and lost your current job, you decided to go ahead and move with a limited income, you move and your wife calls you to fight about your now limited income? And you found out she told your parents that you hit her when you met her dad? Did any of your arguments in the past become violent or loud? What were they about? Not exactly. In the last 6 weeks we have been fine. Taking normally and everything was looking great. We had a plan to move with proper resources and time. When I got fired we decided that there was no point to find another job in ohio. I thought we had come up with another plan. But I'm not sure what happened there that's where my knowledge of this situation gets fuzzy. I get things ready to move. Move and get out here and she has a break down. Yes we have had some yelling augments. Mostly about her taking to the other guy. But that stopped weeks ago. We had a really good dialog for a long time.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:39
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GunChicka posted:Why did you feel like it was a good plan? Did you both mutually agree to it? There just seems to be a disconnect or something missing from your wife's perspective. Explain the break down as best you can. There is a breakdown from her perspective and I honestly dont know what happened between Thursday before I left ohio and Saturday morning when I got to Oregon. Even Saturday was okay, we had lunch looked at apartments and talked. Sunday when we had the argument it was like talking to a different person. GunChicka posted:Let's say I'm passing by your house during one of these arguments, is there any chance I'd be inclined to call the police over what I'm hearing? That's not really easy to answer, everyone is different. There are no blood curdling screams, just loud arguing. we live in a small neighborhood and we often have the windows open, no one has called the cops.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:24
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GunChicka posted:What was lunch like after she told you that you didn't have a place to stay? And so you had lunch, then the next day she was mad at you about money and had a no contact order? I'm not a fly off the wall kind of person, sure I was upset, but I like to take things as they come. Lunch was quiet but not an argument. I was upset with her about money, not really about money but her lack of wanting to deal with the situation with me. I was getting frustrated that I seemed to be the only person worrying about it.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:34
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Nebulon Gate posted:Goons have told me no woman would lie about getting hit because women don't lie about that type of thing. OP is a liar. How would that make sense, if I had done those things, I would be in JAIL. It's not like cops weren't involved.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:37
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GunChicka posted:So you have an amicable lunch with her after she told you to leave the kids and move out on your own? Did you question her at all about why during your quiet lunch? You then looked at apartments together? Of course I questioned it. I was and I still and confused about the whole thing. I haven't gotten a direct answer. I may never get one. that's pretty much it, and it was not my intent to start and argument, but I guess I was upset enough that it come through the phone.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:45
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GunChicka posted:I feel like we're getting closer here, circling around slowly. So when you asked why you had to move out, what was her indirect answer? Yes hotel the whole time. I called her to work on a plan to get through till I could get a pay check. When she refused to really talk about it and work on it I was frustrated. After we got off the phone because she didn't want to be yelled at, I didn't think I had raised my voice but that's not really the point, she text-ed me and told me not to threaten her. I was confused because I hadn't. Apparently the box cutter I had in my pocket was me threatening her with a knife. I never touched it and I put it in my car before we went out, it was only on my person for maybe 2 min in her presence.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:56
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Darth123123 posted:What was your plan you wanted to discuss? Why are you carrying a box cutter? It was habit from packing, I had it for a couple weeks when i was breaking things down to throw out, and I just had it, there was no reason, that's why I put it in my car, I didn't need it, but I was leaving the hotel and had it on my person. I was seeing if her mother could help us out. her mother is stupid rich, but she also hates her mother so its a point of tension. She didn't want to suggest anything else. I would rather owe her mom money than someone else. She acused me of being mad at her for her mother not wanting to give me money. But that's not what was upsetting me, it was the lack of co-operation. I told her that multiple times. I have since worked out something on my own and I think ill be okay for now, I just heard back from my work they will be giving me a cash advance.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:08
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b]Was there more to this news that just "You can't stay here" Did you explicitly say "It's over"?[/b] Just that I needed a different place to stay During lunch, what was her response to "Why am I sleeping in a hotel?" There is no room at her family house (this is just false) What is the environment like while apartment hunting together, presumably for the place she is shipping you off to sans kids? we were talking about places to live, she was talking about her and I living there, she liked the places, the kids will be living with me full time. the place Im looking for is for me and the kids and her. what did she talk about, then? She was not responsive, she dodge questions and avoided direct answer, I think this was the start of her full blown break down, she is normally well spoken. Was this an arranged visit? What did her stepfather say? I let her know I was coming by to see the kids, all I got was okay. but when I told her I was there, she told me to leave. before I could leave the cops were there.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:14
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porkface posted:When did this come into the story? It was not on my person when there were cops around, I don't normally carry one it was just there because it was my last time leaving that hotel. she saw it yes, that's how she knew about it. but it was only on my person for a min or 2 in her presence.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:16
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GunChicka posted:OK, so: everything there is correct except the Later in the day you go to her family's house where you find her stepfather and police. Sometime your wife sees the boxcutter. this never happened on sunday the argument wasn't long, just a few min on the phone. the only detail i can think of is that she is accusing me of keeping her things? but I cant just unload them anywhere.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:27
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GunChicka posted:What? Then when did you go to her house and get told to leave by the police?
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Jun 9, 2015 21:31
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GunChicka posted:When did she see the box cutter and then when did she mention it? Saturday
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Jun 9, 2015 21:32
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GunChicka posted:When did she claim you threatened her with the boxcutter? Saturday via text message after we had parted ways for the day.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:35
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Darth123123 posted:This is like pulling teeth. The box cutter was not at lunch, the box cutter was in my pocket when exiting the hotel, I met her in the lobby, she saw the clip of it on my pants and asked me about it, I told her what it was and told her I was putting it in the car. then we left for lunch.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:37
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this is a simmalar box cutter for referance.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:40
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GunChicka posted:This text, what did it say? Were there others? The text that has this was not with any others, it was after we parted ways and I hadnt called her or talked to her for a while. the part about the knife "Why would you threaten me with a knife, that's the only reason for you take have had the knife you weren't unpacking anything"
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Jun 9, 2015 21:50
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Vorik posted:nice, so this is what you were going to gut her with. you are one sick motherfucker!! similar, mine had better grips and was better formed to fit in a hand.
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Jun 9, 2015 22:41
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MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:OP you should prooooobably re-read this thread and figure out if you're responding how you normally would. Your responses seem kinda automatic, without much thought put into them. Are you on medication that makes you fuzzy-headed? Or on 'medication' you bought from a guy or an eBay seller? Drinking? I suppose it could just be shock, but honestly some part of you shouldn't be shocked, after she flew from OH to TX to gently caress a guy. I don't know what terms you use in your head but you know she's capable of been impulsive, or selfish, or whatever's going on. I think it's been shock? I don't know I'm not medicated or drinking or doing any sort of drugs. I'm not sleeping well. That's one thing. There is no paper work for me to look at it was a verbal order from an officer. I would have to look into the court date thing that worries me. I would like to point out that even though I have said that I want things to work out with me and her. And I do. I have not attempted to do anything since Sunday. I'm taking ask the advice here and digesting it. I'm not going to just ignore it because it's not what I want to hear. I came here for help not to be told everything is going to be okay. There was no waving an open knife around there was no waving a closed knife around. I didn't threaten her in any way. I dint know why I believe her but I do. She said she didn't gently caress the guy. Then until proven otherwise she didn't. Maybe I'm to trusting but that's how I am. I don't think the kids are in any danger with her. They talk to me everyday and they are safe and having fun. Now for new updates about me: I'm not homeless I moved into an appt today. I have not found a lawyer but I have the number to a sort of support center for these kinds of things. I will be contacting then tomorrow. They offer free services. My new job is great and things on my own personal front are looking better. I just wish I could share these things with my kids. I'm sorry I couldn't get to everyone I've had a long day. I'll try to get more in tomorrow when I can type in a computer and not my phone.
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Jun 10, 2015 09:12
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Darth123123 posted:So this no contact order thing has been in the back of my head for a day. Something just doesn't add up. A policeman can't issue the order, not according to the official Oregon Judicial Courts page: There was no charge filed and no court date that I am aware of.
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Jun 10, 2015 17:36
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CravingSolace posted:Did they give you any paperwork with the order to stay away? If not, then there really isn't any protective order, I think. No I got no paper work or written order.
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Jun 10, 2015 19:19
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GunChicka posted:Ok, recap here again: So up until the Sunday phone call you all had been looking for apartments together and planning on moving in together. Before that she had been acting a bit weird, such as suggesting you stay in a hotel and expressing concern over the boxcutter. You ask to borrow money from mom, leading to an argument. You go by her house to find the police who tell you not to contact your wife. Nothing since then? It's been 3 days. I have spoken to my children, but only about their days and how they are doing. She has refused to answer my requests to see my children outright which the cops said she cannot do. other than that nothing.
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Jun 10, 2015 19:26
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Obdicut posted:What exactly did the police say to you? The home owners and your wife has requested a no-contact order be placed, you are not to contact them via phone or text until they say otherwise.
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Jun 10, 2015 19:30
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Obdicut posted:Okay. Are you going to get a lawyer? Because that, with no paperwork, is really, really weird, if there was no underlying crime you were arrested for. I already said yes earlier in the thread.
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Jun 10, 2015 19:48
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a creepy colon posted:The op mustve done something really horrible to be so vague and obtuse with details. There is zero chance that the mother of his children would just SUDDENLY go insane and steal his kids. It's also telling that the family hates him. The family doesn't know me, they have only what my wife has told them. They have only met me once. She has been dealing with depression for over a year and would not let me help her, or seek out help on her own until recently. This isn't sudden, its just the largest freak out she has had.
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Jun 10, 2015 20:58
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r00tn00b posted:The family doesn't know me, they have only what my wife has told them. They have only met me once. god I wish I could edit She has also been cut off from them for longer than I have known her, she only recently started talking to them again.
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Jun 10, 2015 21:00
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GunChicka posted:How old were both of you when you were married? 18 and 21
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Jun 10, 2015 21:01
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