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In college I took a songwriting class (major in music composition) and was pretty anxious about the final performance we had to do. I was doing mixed roles playing drums for other writers which I'm comfortable with, and playing acoustic singer songwriter style. The latter I felt not so good about. I stressed the day before the show since we did a quick sound check and they asked me to play someone else's guitar since mine didn't have a pickup. It played so differently from mine I could hardly do anything with it and felt stupid holding it on stage. So I got home and practiced on my guitar but didn't feel up to it because what's the point? I'm not playing this guitar tomorrow, I'd probably gently caress it up the moment I'm on stage. So I drank a bit that night, practiced some more and couldn't sleep at all, and I mean literally stayed up all night into the next day. I get to the hall to make sure everything is ready to go that afternoon and everyone is excited and I'm just stressed as gently caress and feeling tired. We end up with a few hours before we needed to be back there so I went home to shower and get dressed. I woke up to my mother pounding on my apartment door, I had passed out and had already missed an hour of the show. I broke down crying but because I was drumming for others I felt so bad I went to the hall just to make sure someone covered for them and apologize. All my family had come up to see my show so I felt like a failure after a string of other failures before this happened. Needless to say I still have some performance anxiety to work through. Every time I do an open mic gig just doing covers and the occasional original my legs and hands shake nearly uncontrollably. It's helped trying again but I think I might need to do something else to deal with this.
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Nov 3, 2015 01:07
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 03:24 |
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