quote:

My first public performance was on Tuesday, it went well. So well that one of the people in the audience even got my contact information and recommended me for another thing that was happening tonight. I was going to play the same pieces as I did on Tuesday.

It was a disaster. I played the first piece (Metamorphosis 2) perfectly, and then forget everything halfway through Metamorphosis 4. I stopped and said "sorry only the first part tonight," bowed and sat back down. It was crushing. I stayed for everyone else and there were some great musicians but of course there was the terrible feeling the whole time. Now I'm back home and my head is just a mess. I played the song dozens of time this week, and never, not even once, did I forget everything the way that I did on stage there. I don't even feel like looking at my piano right now.

I sent a message to my tutor but haven't heard back yet, it's Saturday night so she's doing other things. I really just feel like I need to talk to someone who will understand so I'm writing this post. The moment of the gently caress up just keeps going through my head over and over again and I'll probably dream about it tonight.

It was my second time on stage, only some days after my first. Maybe it was just too much too fast (even though I was supposed to play the same loving pieces that I did the first time.) I can't explain it and I hope I don't drive myself crazy trying to.