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Hedningen
May 4, 2013

Enough sideburns to last a lifetime.
I was pulled into a school-organized Christian rock band in high school thanks to a few too many fuckups in class (hooray for Catholic education) who ended up playing one of those really weird fair/festival things that are common in the Midwest. As it was one of those "Do this or you're not graduating" situations, I didn't take it seriously at all and let the singers prep the setlist and decide on what we were doing.

Rather than the twenty minutes that they decided was necessary, we had to fill an hour, for a crowd of surprisingly angry people looking to get their inoffensive Jesus-rock on. When we first tried to leave after the set, got angrily informed that we were paid for an hour and would play for an hour (side note: we were not paid at all for this, because the funds instead went to the school). Since we were warming things up for bands that actually cared about this stuff, we had to fill the time somehow.

Ended up playing a hilariously awful fifteen-minute "jazz" odyssey while the singers randomly quoted from psalms, kept having the mikes on the bass amp fail, and had my amp get shorted because someone managed to toss a bottle of water into the back off of one of the supports. It probably did more to show me that I couldn't make a living as a musician than any other gig in my life. I'm still paranoid about setlist timing, and I haven't played at anything more than an open mike in years.

At least I never had to play with those people again.

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