Fwd: RE: corporate watercooler thread (who is leaving all the dishes out??)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Fwd: RE: corporate watercooler thread (who is leaving all the dishes out??)

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qirex: Feb 15, 2001

Jonny 290 posted:

*skitters under table with two bagel tops and the last piece of salmon*

please note that all break room zaniness on twitter should be tagged #BAGELCRIME

# ? Jun 24, 2015 18:32

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# ? May 4, 2024 20:42

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

someone brought in a toaster oven into our break room from home and it's the most disgustingly filthy thing i've ever seen in my life

Sniep fucked around with this message at 18:36 on Jun 24, 2015

# ? Jun 24, 2015 18:33

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Sniep posted:

someone brought in a toaster oven into our break room from home and it's the most disgustingly filthy thing i've ever seen in my life

# ? Jun 24, 2015 19:15

lampey: Mar 27, 2012

Sniep posted:

someone brought in a toaster oven into our break room from home and it's the most disgustingly filthy thing i've ever seen in my life

just spend 10 minutes cleaning it and you will have an adequate toaster oven.

# ? Jun 24, 2015 19:22

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

lampey posted:

just spend 10 minutes cleaning it and you will have an adequate toaster oven.

I'm not touching it.

# ? Jun 24, 2015 19:23

Dolomite: Jul 26, 2000; Cars & Legs

Triglav posted:

From: Mgmt
To: All
CC: HR
Subject: A Reminder About Personal Hygiene

Please Remember That This Is A Work Environment And That You Should Wear Shoes At All Times While In The Office. Also Please Remember That We Have Free Employee Showers Adjacent The Gym Locker Room For Those Who Bike To Work Or Work Out While At Work Or For Anyone Who May Want To "Freshen Up"

Thank You And Have A Great Day

------------------------------
Bill Meyers
Chief Executive Officer
+1 555 555.5555
BMeyers@AcmeCorp.com
"For God So Loved The World That He Gave His Only Begotten Son" ~John 3:16

gently caress the ceo

# ? Jun 24, 2015 19:31

Dolomite: Jul 26, 2000; Cars & Legs

that really didn;t go out to everybody did it?

# ? Jun 24, 2015 19:32

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

Dolomite posted:

gently caress the ceo

# ? Jun 24, 2015 19:34

ShadowHawk: Jun 25, 2000; CERTIFIED PRE OWNED TESLA OWNER

I have strong opinions on how to do dishes in a communal setting. I formed these strong opinions from life in hacker homes and medium-sized offices. Just enough people to have a tragedy of the commons effect, not so many as to make professional cleaning staff reasonable.

1) Nagging doesn't work. This is especially true of condescending emails and posted notices. "Your mother doesn't work here..." just makes people want to leave things dirty to spite you.

2) The main reason people don't do their dishes and put them in the dishwasher is because there are already dishes in the sink.

3) The main reason people leave dishes in the sink is because the dishwasher is both full and clean. A policy of "if the dishwasher is clean then the next unlucky person to use a cup has to empty the entire thing" will simply not be followed.

4) Because of 3, someone needs to own emptying the dishwasher. If you are the office manager, house captain, or otherwise default person responsible for facilities issues, congratulations that person is you. No one else will volunteer.

5) A secondary reason people leave dishes in the sink is because they do not know if the dishwasher is clean or dirty.

6) A flippable "dishwasher is clean/dirty" sign, magnet, and similar indicators are completely unreliable and will not be trusted, even if you follow it religiously. The same goes for automatic "clean" lights on dishwashers that in practice mean "the dishwasher was not yet opened after running".

So, what works? Just act like people here do their own dishes. Don't ask, plead, or beg, just say it already happens (and imply they're the odd one out if they don't).

As for keeping track of clean/dirty, the most robust method is to put soap in the dishwasher after you've finished emptying it, as part of the job of emptying. This provides an unambiguous signal that they have not yet run, no matter how clean-looking dishes inside look. This has the added benefit of being a step you need to do anyway, and you can add further redundancy by checking that the soap is there when you put dishes in in case you forgot. If someone asks clean/dirty status, just ask them if there is soap in it.

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:05

ShadowHawk: Jun 25, 2000; CERTIFIED PRE OWNED TESLA OWNER

Triglav posted:

From: Mgmt
To: All
CC: HR
Subject: A Reminder About Personal Hygiene

Please Remember That This Is A Work Environment And That You Should Wear Shoes At All Times While In The Office. Also Please Remember That We Have Free Employee Showers Adjacent The Gym Locker Room For Those Who Bike To Work Or Work Out While At Work Or For Anyone Who May Want To "Freshen Up"

Thank You And Have A Great Day

------------------------------
Bill Meyers
Chief Executive Officer
+1 555 555.5555
BMeyers@AcmeCorp.com
"For God So Loved The World That He Gave His Only Begotten Son" ~John 3:16

The worst movie title ever

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:12

BONGHITZ: Jan 1, 1970

i love me a good christian business

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:15

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

ShadowHawk posted:

I have strong opinions on how to do dishes in a communal setting. I formed these strong opinions from life in hacker homes and medium-sized offices. Just enough people to have a tragedy of the commons effect, not so many as to make professional cleaning staff reasonable.

1) Nagging doesn't work. This is especially true of condescending emails and posted notices. "Your mother doesn't work here..." just makes people want to leave things dirty to spite you.

2) The main reason people don't do their dishes and put them in the dishwasher is because there are already dishes in the sink.

3) The main reason people leave dishes in the sink is because the dishwasher is both full and clean. A policy of "if the dishwasher is clean then the next unlucky person to use a cup has to empty the entire thing" will simply not be followed.

4) Because of 3, someone needs to own emptying the dishwasher. If you are the office manager, house captain, or otherwise default person responsible for facilities issues, congratulations that person is you. No one else will volunteer.

5) A secondary reason people leave dishes in the sink is because they do not know if the dishwasher is clean or dirty.

6) A flippable "dishwasher is clean/dirty" sign, magnet, and similar indicators are completely unreliable and will not be trusted, even if you follow it religiously. The same goes for automatic "clean" lights on dishwashers that in practice mean "the dishwasher was not yet opened after running".

So, what works? Just act like people here do their own dishes. Don't ask, plead, or beg, just say it already happens (and imply they're the odd one out if they don't).

As for keeping track of clean/dirty, the most robust method is to put soap in the dishwasher after you've finished emptying it, as part of the job of emptying. This provides an unambiguous signal that they have not yet run, no matter how clean-looking dishes inside look. This has the added benefit of being a step you need to do anyway, and you can add further redundancy by checking that the soap is there when you put dishes in in case you forgot. If someone asks clean/dirty status, just ask them if there is soap in it.

shadowhawk I hope I'm not alone in saying you're a pretty alright guy

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:36

sleepy gary: Jan 11, 2006

As a Millennial I posted:

J

the gently caress is this anyways

I asked one guy why he's always putting "j" in random places and he said they are smiley faces. what?

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:40

Silver Alicorn: Mar 30, 2008; 𝓪 𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓪 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

DNova posted:

the gently caress is this anyways

I asked one guy why he's always putting "j" in random places and he said they are smiley faces. what?

http://blogs.msdn.com/b/oldnewthing/archive/2006/05/23/604741.aspx

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:48

sleepy gary: Jan 11, 2006

Silver Alicorn posted:

http://blogs.msdn.com/b/oldnewthing/archive/2006/05/23/604741.aspx

good lord

# ? Jun 25, 2015 00:52

echinopsis: Apr 13, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

ray owns

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:03

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

Don't forget! Next week, you'll need to submit a timesheet on the last day of the month and another on Friday as normal. Also remember that these are extremely important to fill out accurately every week!

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:15

~Coxy: Dec 9, 2003; R.I.P. Inter-OS Sass - b.2000AD d.2003AD

maniacdevnull posted:

Don't forget! Next week, you'll need to submit a timesheet on the last day of the month and another on Friday as normal. Also remember that these are extremely important to fill out accurately every week!

we have this

duTrieux. posted:

today in the office breakfast and lunch are being catered for a meeting.

scavengers make up a critical part of any healthy corporate ecosystem, cleaning up debris and leftover organic matter.

and this

The best thing to do is to excise all the meat from the tiny sandwiches leftovers and make one regular sandwich

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:21

echinopsis: Apr 13, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

lmao timesheets

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:26

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

echinopsis posted:

lmao timesheets

Mine are as important as they are identical every week.

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:28

Beast of Bourbon: Sep 25, 2013; Pillbug

when I worked at EA my timesheets were going to the wrong department and some random director was approving them. he was going on sabbatical and emailed me to tell me he couldn't approve them while he was gone and it caused a huge shitstorm because my boss was supposed to be approving them and wasn't for months.

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:31

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

Beast of Bourbon posted:

when I worked at EA [...] was going on sabbatical

this doesn't seem to add up, i thought ea worked everyone to death forever?

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:34

echinopsis: Apr 13, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

when he says sabbatical, he means his own funeral

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:38

Beast of Bourbon: Sep 25, 2013; Pillbug

the people who have been at EA since the 80s can do whatever they want whenever they want

# ? Jun 25, 2015 01:40

DavekDOS: Aug 8, 2013; Wouldya look at the bauds on this guy? How can my 28.8k keep up?

Beast of Bourbon posted:

the people who have been at EA since the 80s can do whatever they want whenever they want

gotta keep porting that old paint program or some poo poo

# ? Jun 25, 2015 06:15

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Beast of Bourbon posted:

the people who have been at EA since the 80s can do whatever they want whenever they want

Greetings

# ? Jun 25, 2015 06:23

FAT32 SHAMER: Aug 16, 2012

The Green Team announces:
Bagels for Bikers!
From now till the end of August, if you commute to the office on a bicycle during the week, you get a bagel on Friday.

Q: What do I do?
A: Travel at least part of way to the Auburn Hills office on a human powered vehicle that does not require a license to operate.

Q: Who do I tell?
A: When you bike in, send me an email. Include a �selfie� with your bicycle if you want to be in the end-of-the-year montage.

Q: Where�s my bagel?
A: Bagels will be in the upstairs cafeteria at 10:00 AM on Friday (or whichever day closes out that week).

So pump up those tires, grab your helmet, and enjoy the fresh air!

The Green Team

entire message is in comic sans and in green because it's from ~the green team~

# ? Jun 25, 2015 13:51

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Tusen Takk posted:

The Green Team announces:
Bagels for Bikers!
From now till the end of August, if you commute to the office on a bicycle during the week, you get a bagel on Friday.

Q: What do I do?
A: Travel at least part of way to the Auburn Hills office on a human powered vehicle that does not require a license to operate.

Q: Who do I tell?
A: When you bike in, send me an email. Include a �selfie� with your bicycle if you want to be in the end-of-the-year montage.

Q: Where�s my bagel?
A: Bagels will be in the upstairs cafeteria at 10:00 AM on Friday (or whichever day closes out that week).

So pump up those tires, grab your helmet, and enjoy the fresh air!

The Green Team

entire message is in comic sans and in green because it's from ~the green team~

tbqh this sounds like it's right up your maturity level

# ? Jun 25, 2015 14:12

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

A 'selfie'

# ? Jun 25, 2015 14:28

FAT32 SHAMER: Aug 16, 2012

we dont have showers here so rip people's olfactory capabilities

# ? Jun 25, 2015 14:34

Shaggar: Apr 26, 2006

after trying to kill everyone on the road, the least you bicyclers can do is shower. you smell awful.

# ? Jun 25, 2015 14:41

MORE CURLY FRIES: Apr 8, 2004

congratulations on the promotion kevin!

# ? Jun 25, 2015 14:43

Optimus_Rhyme: Apr 15, 2007; are you that mainframe hacker guy?

Tru story

quote:

From: Mgmt
To: All
Date: June 6, 2013
Subject: Free Drinks in Vending Machines

Starting next week we will be offering free soda beverages in the vending machines. You will each be issued a card which will allow you three drinks a day, the count resets each day at midnight.

Enjoy your free drinks!

quote:

From: Mgmt
To: All
Date: August 11, 2013
Subject: Free Drinks Program Reminder

We have noticed people are enthusiastically participating in our free drink program, some using their three drinks daily. Please note that if you're not going to drink the beverages you shouldn't get one and store it in your cube. We will not be terminating this program you do not need to hoard your drinks.

quote:

From: Mgmt
To: All
Date: November 27, 2013
Subject: Free Drinks Program: Update!

We have received complaints that there's not enough variety of beverages in the drink program. As of today we have also added unsweetened ice-tea which will be replacing water. Also, please try and recycle your empty cans and bottles!

quote:

From: Mgmt
To: All
Date: December 21, 2013
Subject: Free Drinks Program

Due to environmental concerns and the lack of healthy beverage choices we have decided to discontinue the free drink program. Today you should all receive a free reusable water bottle. Please use the filtered water dispenser in the common areas. We are happy to offer soda beverages in the vending machines which you can purchase with your credit card.

# ? Jun 25, 2015 15:08

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Jonny 290 posted:

remember hovercraft deals with architects and civil engineers and poo poo. they run screaming from change

bingo

adobe acrobat and even reader have supported redline revisions for around a decade now but my older colleagues who need to get something to me remotely will just print it out, mark it up in red pen, and then make a low enough quality scan of it so that they can email it to me

then they call me up to explain it b/c you can't read anything from it being 3rd generation reproduction and their idiot boomer script

also every office that i've ever worked in has required me to print out expense reports so that i can wet sign them

# ? Jun 25, 2015 15:25

Meat Beat Agent: Aug 5, 2007; felonious assault with a sproinging boner

Sniep posted:

the plant smells like stallman's semen

# ? Jun 25, 2015 16:19

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

Optimus_Rhyme posted:

Tru story

lmao

# ? Jun 25, 2015 16:23

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Valeyard posted:

so back in the first week of uni we got this email

"to post to this list, send your email to.." a bunch of people must have thought durrr i need to email this list to get subscribed to it, resulting in like 200 emails

and every single email just contained their student number + student email

and then one cookie figured it out

thanks for readig about my retarded peers

this happened at portland state university a few years ago, with the history department

# ? Jun 25, 2015 16:23

Cat Face Joe: Feb 20, 2005; goth vegan crossfit mom who vapes

Sniep posted:

someone brought in a toaster oven into our break room from home and it's the most disgustingly filthy thing i've ever seen in my life

apparently you've never seen ur poasts!

# ? Jun 25, 2015 17:20

Cat Face Joe: Feb 20, 2005; goth vegan crossfit mom who vapes

at my last job hr accidentally copied all of the us staff on an email and despite email and in person pleas it still wet on for over 48 hours

# ? Jun 25, 2015 17:21

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# ? May 4, 2024 20:42

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

Cat Face Joe posted:

at my last job hr accidentally copied all of the us staff on an email and despite email and in person pleas it still wet on for over 48 hours

Make an outlook rule to move them to the recycle bin based on subject line #lifehacks

# ? Jun 25, 2015 18:30

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Fwd: RE: corporate watercooler thread (who is leaving all the dishes out??)

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