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ModCon: The Secret World of Extreme Body Modification is a book about the terrible decisions people make with their bodies and has loads of pictures of poo poo like scrotal suspension amd dudes who keep their junk pinned in a butterfly case.
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Jul 6, 2015 07:23
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Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence is inexplicably popular in the Book Barn. I picked it up because people kept recommending it, and was greeted by the bastard child of Dragonball Z and GRRM at his worst. The very first chapter has the protagonist raping two women, then locking them in a barn and lighting it on fire, then laughing about it with his buddies while the women scream in the background. This is framed like "whoa what an edgy bad boy we've got here he's so cooooooool" but it's so horrible and over-the-top that you end up hating the guy very quickly. He's given a TRAGIC BACKSTORY to explain why he's such an rear end in a top hat (he got pushed into a bush and it hurt real bad) but it never really justifies the over-the-top horrifying poo poo that he does. At one point he tears out an enemy's heart and eats it. Not for any particular reason -- just because I guess he's hungry? If that isn't enough, it is super anime. It is the most anime book that I've ever read. I don't really know how to go into a lot of detail there but everybody is incredibly young and handsome: Jorg, our protagonist, is 14 years old and the most handsome man alive and also the best fighter and general and at one point he stares down a ghost and it RESPECTS HIM SO MUCH that it leaves him alone. He is also, as mentioned, a rapist, a murderer and a cannibal. It reads like it was written by a 14 year-old boy overdosing on Adderall while writing down all the HARDCORE stuff his mom JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND and masturbating furiously. I kept reading it because the Book Barn said it got better, but it never did. I mean, it got comparatively better from the way it started, but it never stopped being pure garbage.
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Jul 6, 2015 07:39
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Amanda McKittrick Ros's writing was almost like a parody of purple prose. C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien would take part in competitions to see who could read her work for the longest time without laughing.The opening of her second novel, Delina Delaney posted:Have you ever visited that portion of Erin's plot that offers its sympathetic soil for the minute survey and scrutinous examination of those in political power, whose decision has wisely been the means before now of converting the stern and prejudiced, and reaching the hand of slight aid to share its strength in augmenting its agricultural richness? quote:She tried hard to keep herself a stranger to her poor old father's slight income by the use of the finest production of steel, whose blunt edge eyed the reely covering with marked greed, and offered its sharp dart to faultless fabrics of flaxen fineness. quote:Speak! Irene! Wife! Woman! Do not sit in silence and allow the blood that now boils in my veins to ooze through cavities of unrestrained passion and trickle down to drench me with its crimson hue!
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Jul 6, 2015 07:41
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Human posted:Say what you want about Modeland, but Tyra Banks could have handed this poo poo off to a ghostwriter and shat something out. Instead, she crafted a deeply crazy book written by herself that's too strange to be anything other than the story she really wanted to tell. It's clearly insane garbage but it's principled. If like me you're suffering an excess of curiosity, there's excerpts here.
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Jul 6, 2015 08:51
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aequorea posted:Another book that I read because it was recommended, and a award-winning classic: Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel. And you didn't even read the sequels. I'll summarize for you: Ayla goes off into the world on her own and invents everything now known to modern man (taming horses and inventing effective weapons and whatnot), and then finds a very attractive man who had never had pleasurable sex before because his penis was too gigantic for most women, but fortunately Ayla's apparently massive vagina was able to contain it. Naturally they are a perfect fit for each other. Then they wander around the world having lots of sex, which, if I recall correctly, involves a lot of licking each other's nipples in counter clockwise circles.
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Jul 6, 2015 10:40
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My dad was a big fan of Wilbur Smith when I was younger. He writes epic action adventure novels set mostly in Africa. I'd read them when he was finished, and enjoyed a few of them, but even then I thought his female characters were ridiculous, existing only to either romance the lead of get raped by a villain. I've forgotten a lot, but things that stand out: -one fairly important female character getting hosed to death by a spear -another almost dying by having packets of red hot chilli powder placed where chilli powder has no business being -a full grown woman getting spanked nude by their own father because of reasons -an ancient Egyptian wizard growing his own castrated dick and balls back on for the express purpose of loving a sex-witch to death with them. The last one was the book where my dad and I both decided to maybe take a break from Wilbur. Not read a book of his since.
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Jul 6, 2015 11:02
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Florida Betty posted:And you didn't even read the sequels. I'll summarize for you: Ayla goes off into the world on her own and invents everything now known to modern man (taming horses and inventing effective weapons and whatnot), and then finds a very attractive man who had never had pleasurable sex before because his penis was too gigantic for most women, but fortunately Ayla's apparently massive vagina was able to contain it. Naturally they are a perfect fit for each other. Then they wander around the world having lots of sex, which, if I recall correctly, involves a lot of licking each other's nipples in counter clockwise circles. There's also detailed descriptions of mammoths loving for some reason.
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Jul 6, 2015 11:35
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Nutsngum posted:Magician is surprisingly readable and good considering it was his first book.The next two are still drat fine reads but I do agree that things began to unravel a little in the serpentwar saga. It just became the whole "power creep" idea where everything has to get bigger and badder and the odds even greater. Spoilers abound below. Power creep is a thing only if you let it be a thing. After Serpent War he could have done a whole story of the Dragon Lords trying another trick or two to come back, have them come back then be beaten off, Pug Gods and Friends win. Having the Dread as the ultimate bad guy was cool, I liked the Dread as the ultimate bad guy; but loving seriously do you expect us to believe that the thing that hates creation so much it is trying to tear it apart at the seems is capable of just going "heh yeah we are gonna work with these mortals to achieve a minute detail  ". Also it basically makes everything that happened in Serpent War and the Conclave Saga a training exercise conducted by the gods to help Pug get ready to fight the dread; which is stupid as gently caress. Also yeah he killed Arutha and Martin and that which was a pretty big step for a writer. But then it's like "Hey look it's Jim, grandson of James, great-great-grandson of James. He's also named James, looks like both previous James's and has the excat same skill set." It's like the guy in DnD who has has character die, so erases the name on his Character sheet; makes a few edits to skills that are no longer relavent and says "booom Son of My guy"
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Jul 6, 2015 14:13
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Gridlocked posted:Spoilers abound below. Blowing up Krondor was kind of cool I must say
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Jul 6, 2015 15:16
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Florida Betty posted:And you didn't even read the sequels. I'll summarize for you: Ayla goes off into the world on her own and invents everything now known to modern man (taming horses and inventing effective weapons and whatnot), and then finds a very attractive man who had never had pleasurable sex before because his penis was too gigantic for most women, but fortunately Ayla's apparently massive vagina was able to contain it. Naturally they are a perfect fit for each other. Then they wander around the world having lots of sex, which, if I recall correctly, involves a lot of licking each other's nipples in counter clockwise circles. Valley of the Horses was loving amazing when I was 13.
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Jul 6, 2015 17:21
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Affe mk2 posted:Valley of the Horses was loving amazing when I was 13. The rest of them are hot garbage and get worse as they go along, largely due to Ayla's Mary Sueness reaching critical mass. I kept waiting for that bitch to invent the internal combustion engine.
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Jul 6, 2015 17:38
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Nutsngum posted:Blowing up Krondor was kind of cool I must say That was the last one I enjoyed.
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Jul 7, 2015 05:41
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NLJP posted:My brother loaned me Ready Player One and good loving lord is that infuriating bullshit of the most childish kind. It was so bad. gently caress you and your poo poo opinions.
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Jul 7, 2015 06:34
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Ninurta posted:gently caress you and your poo poo opinions. Because when we dislike one of your favorites out loud, we're actually casting a creativity impotence spell on its creators. I got around to reading David Brin's The Postman and ended up giving the book away. Self insertion fic after the apocalypse.
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Jul 7, 2015 06:51
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Ninurta posted:gently caress you and your poo poo opinions. Ready Player One is really bad, sorry for your lots
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Jul 7, 2015 13:35
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Ninurta posted:gently caress you and your poo poo opinions. Source your quotes.
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Jul 7, 2015 14:43
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Ninurta posted:gently caress you and your poo poo opinions. Everyone likes some bad things these are just some bad things I do not like, sorry bro
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Jul 7, 2015 14:48
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I thoroughly enjoyed Prince of Thorns, and King of Thorns moreso. Emperor of Thorns... eh. Also feel the guy with the bearded nerd-atar is mis-characterising the books, but w/e. My vote has to be Kill The Dead by Richard Kadrey. To the guy who complained about The Dresden Files, I mean, you ain't seen nothing; all Urban Fantasy is basically steaming dracula-turds but this has congealed its way into a special place in my heart. Sandman Slim was bad, but this.. I disliked myself for starting it, but about halfway through I started to genuinely hate myself for not being able to put it down. It's basically the same as it's predecessor, a cast where everybody is competing to be the worst person ever (I actually thought The Devil was the most likeable bit-parter), the author's bizarre sociopathic outlook is proudly espoused by his paper-thin Gary-Stu self-insert protagonist (and hurrah! An embarrassing wish-fulfilment sex scene with "the most beautiful woman in the world who was totally in porn bro and when we hosed she came first and she totally loved me but I was too much of a badass so she got scared and had to cut and run but she'll always love me because I'm so awesome". I'm paraphrasing, but that is literally what happens). Also Richard Kadrey runs some sort of photo company called KaosDarkXKnife or something and looks exactly like you'd think the person who wrote this would. It was gloriously obnoxiously terrible.
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Jul 7, 2015 15:16
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What you have to remember though, is that as urban fantasy goes, dresden is, by comparison, high literature. Evfedu mentioned the Sandman Slim series. The main character of which is the baddest bad rear end to ever bad an rear end. Escaped from hell, went back to hell and took it over, wears a trenchcoat and drives a demonic motorbike. It is literally like the doodles in the margins of a teenagers maths note in novel form. The main character might even be half demon, or half angel or something. He is a prick, all his former friends are pricks, his enemies are also pricks, but not noticibly worse than his friends. There is also the Iron Druid series, which actually manages to be worse. The main character is a thousand year old druid who tricked the goddess of death so he cant die (I think she was in love with him as well or something?). Which pretty much takes all the tension out of every encounter right off the bat. He is also the only suriving druid. He is also the baddest bad rear end, but with the added irritation that he of course, being 1000 years old, he actually INVENTED being a bad rear end, but no-one remembers that it was him. Routinely clowns gods and is always the smartest and toughest being in the room. There was maybe one likable/memorable side character in one of the early books, but she was killed off. There is another series I cant remember the name of right this second where the main character is an immortal killing machine with magic being a badass powers, but he has amnesia because he is essentially a 90's videogame protaganist, and hes fighting a corporation of some description. All the ladies immediately swoon at his steely eyes and assholish attitude. Just because you CAN self publish on Kindle doesnt mean you SHOULD. There are more, most of them are terrible, and I have read multiple books in many of the series because I like the genre and/or hate my brain and am trying to kill it with poorly written magic in modern times stories. And thats not counting all the ones that are essentially just porn with werewolves in. Its a goddawful low bar, but Dresden is seriously one of the better urban fantasy series; At least the main character actually has to struggle to achieve things and there are female characters who arent immediately in love with him. Pretty much the only other one that springs to mind as actually decent or better is Rook, but the author of that one is dragging his rear end getting book 2 written so its not really a series yet.
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Jul 7, 2015 19:15
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Ninurta posted:gently caress you and your poo poo opinions. Don't be mad; this is actually good news, because if you thought that stuff was good or even just good enough youre gonna be blown away by how much better things can be. I mean you're entitled to like Ready Player One or the trenchcoat and fedora guy but those things are not even trying to be rich or satisfying, they're a kid's meal with fries and a "plain" hot dog
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Jul 7, 2015 19:22
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When I was a teenager, I read a YA dystopian novel about a future America where everyone was obsessed with safety. Everyone had to take pills to calm their negative emotions, and sports were played at a leisurely pace, and they'd renamed the USA the "Safer States Of America". The protagonist didn't take his drugs to get ahead in a race, so he had to go to a prison camp where he has to face the threat of polar bears, but learns to play American football the way it used to be played, and finally finds true happiness. All this was presented basically entirely straight-faced. Weirdest old-man rant book I ever saw.
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Jul 7, 2015 19:33
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The Vosgian Beast posted:When I was a teenager, I read a YA dystopian novel about a future America where everyone was obsessed with safety. Everyone had to take pills to calm their negative emotions, and sports were played at a leisurely pace, and they'd renamed the USA the "Safer States Of America". The protagonist didn't take his drugs to get ahead in a race, so he had to go to a prison camp where he has to face the threat of polar bears, but learns to play American football the way it used to be played, and finally finds true happiness. All this was presented basically entirely straight-faced. Rash by Pete Hautman. A weird and bad book.
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Jul 7, 2015 19:48
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GOTTA STAY FAI posted:Rash by Pete Hautman. A weird and bad book. I read another book by him that got a lot of praise. As far as I could tell, the praise came from it saying "teenagers doubt their religion sometimes" and then not really going anywhere or saying anything after that.
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Jul 7, 2015 19:54
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Dresden's first couple books were awful but they've picked up steam, and every other character in the series with maybe two exceptions sees Harry himself as the nerdy gently caress up that he actually is. The first person narrative makes it hard to catch sometimes because Harry, despite all his annoying self aggrandizement, is just that clueless about how bad he is. The Iron Druid books are terribly written but a shitload of fun anyway, you can burn through one in a lazy afternoon and still have time for a nap. They're ridiculous but if you don't want to read about an ancient druid drinking tequila with Mexican Jesus, talking about chumping Odin and Thor, well...I don't know what to tell you because that's fantastic. These did remind me of an actual godawful book, by Jim Butcher of the Dresden Files. Apparently at some point he wrote a Spider Man novel. My fiancé works at a used bookstore so I see all kinds of bizarre poo poo, and when this came in for a quarter I grabbed it. It's literally just 300 pages of Harry Dresden fighting some fourth-string Spider Man villain except with science and webs instead of magic and potions - the voice and style is 100% identical. And overall, it's boring. Nothing important happens through the whole book, and I'm pretty sure the ending is some terrible Deus Ex Machina. (But hey. It was only a quarter.)
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Jul 7, 2015 19:55
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A years ago a bunch of goons did a collective read-through of the bad Star Wars books. While I wasn't a Star Wars book reader I found the thread amusing enough that I joined in against my better judgment (thread link). My first contribution was the Dark Nest Trilogy by Troy Denning. The most memorable parts are two characters joining a Bug Orgy, and Luke watching Episode 3 then declaring himself Space Pope. The other book I read was Red Harvest, the second 'Star Wars + Zombies' novel featuring glaring plot holes, inconsistent story-boarding, the lamest name a Sith Lord can pick, and cribbing Liam Niessan's lines from Taken. Other books (and comics) that were reviewed in the thread:
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Jul 7, 2015 20:35
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SirPhoebos posted:[*]The Bounty Hunter Wars Trilogy, a convoluted mess with more backstabs than a game of Diplomacy, plus a guide that replaced his head with a laser cannon. I read these! I remember there was a giant spider guy I liked, and that was about it.
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Jul 7, 2015 20:37
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Also this is a good article
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Jul 8, 2015 00:48
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spite house posted:Is that the one with the boring middle-aged white people who do it in the woods? I completely forgot I ever read that. What a fuckin dog. That's the one. Put it down when the boring middle aged white lady told the boring middle aged white man he was into her because he could smell her ovulating.
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Jul 8, 2015 01:32
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Evfedu posted:I thoroughly enjoyed Prince of Thorns, and King of Thorns moreso. Emperor of Thorns... eh. Also feel the guy with the bearded nerd-atar is mis-characterising the books, but w/e. Also my av is Ted Berrigan and he does not belong in the bad book thread.  I did pick the gooniest looking photo of him I could find though.
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Jul 8, 2015 02:05
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What is this poo poo? quote:I felt like Luke Skywalker surveying a hangar full of A-, Y- and X-Wing Fighters just before the Battle of Yavin. Or Captain Apollo, climbing into the cockpit of his Viper on the Galactica’s flight deck. Ender Wiggin arriving at Battle School. Or Alex Rogan, clutching his Star League uniform, staring wide-eyed at a hangar full of Gunstars Look at this! This tells me nothing about how that character feels, because every character referenced climbs into that cockpit for fundamentally different reasons. If all the author took from those scenes is "woah, spaceships" then he sucks at watching movies as much as he does at writing.
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Jul 8, 2015 07:20
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Morton Haynice posted:The best way to experience this book is by listening to Sydnee McElroy explain the plot to her increasingly incredulous husband. This, this is really something. drat I was laughing out loud, and it just got more stupid........ The dad impaling himself on the swords....... I lost it. Sans Color........ bwahahaha amazing, "you have to keep walking". And it just keeps going and going..... Mr Shiny Pants has a new favorite as of 09:58 on Jul 8, 2015 |
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Jul 8, 2015 09:55
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Strom Cuzewon posted:What is this poo poo? Ah, but would an exploration of the characters give you the same rush as he does when he writes some nerd culture references and then you recognise them?? I think not  It's basically a social feedback loop for people with no connection to each other except shared pop culture. Strategic Tea has a new favorite as of 11:24 on Jul 8, 2015 |
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Jul 8, 2015 11:22
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Strategic Tea posted:Ah, but would an exploration of the characters give you the same rush as he does when he writes some nerd culture references and then you recognise them?? yep. The sort of work where all the effort goes into tasty hooks, in this case nerdsniping, and not so much on the slightest bit of story, characterisation, evidence of authorial perceptiveness ... You can get away with this handsomely in fan fiction. If you do it in original works, people talk about you in discussions like this.
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Jul 8, 2015 11:56
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divabot posted:yep. The sort of work where all the effort goes into tasty hooks, in this case nerdsniping, and not so much on the slightest bit of story, characterisation, evidence of authorial perceptiveness ... Doesn't really count, that guy had his cult up and running for years before making his fanfic his big thing. There are tens of thousands of internet nerds who hang on his every word as gospel and treat him like the second coming of Aristotle despite him not having produced anything in the last 5 years other then his Harry Potter fanfic.
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Jul 8, 2015 12:24
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Howso? I'm legitimately interested to see a positive take on them. People kept telling me they redeemed themselves and everything makes sense later on, but I just couldn't bear it any further than the first book. Did you get to the end of the first book? Your complaints are directly addressed when he meets with Corion and realises that 99% of his amazing feats, decisions and power have actually been driven by someone with real power who's been influencing/directly possessing him for his own ends. Eating the heart pays off very nicely in book 2 as well. They're by no means perfect, or even up there with the best fantasy (Joe Abercrombie) but for all the traces of animu in the DNA and clunky purple prose there are some genuinely fun concepts and arresting ideas. Like, I'm going to re-read at some point, but that duel with Katherine's bodyguard was legit great, the necromancer mountain was cool and I remember liking the pace of the world reveals.
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Jul 8, 2015 12:38
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Evfedu posted:or even up there with the best fantasy (Joe Abercrombie) The First Law Trilogy is loving awful; i don't get why people get so hot-and-bothered for it.
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Jul 8, 2015 12:54
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BravestOfTheLamps has a new favorite as of 14:54 on Aug 16, 2018 |
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Jul 8, 2015 13:05
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pentyne posted:Doesn't really count, that guy had his cult up and running for years before making his fanfic his big thing. There are tens of thousands of internet nerds who hang on his every word as gospel and treat him like the second coming of Aristotle despite him not having produced anything in the last 5 years other then his Harry Potter fanfic. Hey, he FINISHED SOMETHING for the first time in his life! And he did an ebook of his compiled blog posts, that's a second one! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HATER YOU WERE THAT PRUDE I'LL SET THE BASILISK ON YOU
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Jul 8, 2015 15:39
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HPMOR is so bad that I am unable to read even takedowns of it, so awful are the quoted excerpts.
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Jul 8, 2015 16:16
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I read it seriously until it quoted Warhammer 40k and I went "Christ". Now I can look back on the whole thing and say "Christ".
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Jul 8, 2015 16:56
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