PYF terrible book: Freud molesting a thesaurus.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF terrible book: Freud molesting a thesaurus.

«‹›2 »

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Al Cu Ad Solte posted:

If the first 40 pages of Blood Infernal by James Rollins is any indication, this is Dan Brown on steroids. One of the protagonists has a book called the Blood Gospel which was written by Christ in his own blood; it gives her an RPG main questline where she has to reforge Lucifer's Chalice before he destroys the world, a vampire priest (one who repented from drinking blood by devoting himself to God and only drinking blessed wine ) is searching through one of the deserts of Egypt for solidified drops of blood from a battle two thousand years ago when Satan tried to assassinate Jesus (when he was a baby) and was stopped by Gabriel. It just goes on like this.

It's terrible and great.

gently caress I think I gotta read this now :allears:

# ¿ Apr 21, 2016 13:38

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 21, 2024 01:39

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Oh gently caress that is the END BOOK OF A TRILOGY OF SHITMAZING.

God drat I gotta grab these.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2016 14:43

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Not really dealing with age, but it did kinda throw me for a loop that in the Ringworld books it's just like "Hey, you're an alien!" "Yep, hey, nice fire!" "Thanks! I made it myself!" "So, wanna gently caress?" "Yay!"

SO MANY TIMES.

Seriously, I read the first two books and there are just no buildups or anything, just "Hey, random person with genitals I like, wanna slam em together?" "Sure, I got 20 mins".

For as much as people told me THIS IS A LITERARY CLASSIC all I could really think of was "This is really badly written sex, and it happens way a loving lot." (pun not intended)

# ¿ Jul 24, 2016 08:43

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Friend txtd me to tell me he discovered a book called "I Married A Ghost".

With a title like that, you know what you are in for. Kinda like "Pregnesia".

# ¿ Aug 26, 2016 07:48

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

there wolf posted:

Pregnesia had loving, didn't it? I once read some of a ghost/girl romance and the whole ghost thing was a convenient excuse to never do more than stare longingly at each other. There were at least four more books in the series.

Nah, from what I remember at most it was a hj cause they weren't sure the father of the kid was still alive or not, but his SEAL ANIMAL MAGNETISM AND UTTER SEXUALITY forced them to do SOMETHING.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2016 05:53

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

The moment I became aware of Rothfuss being so far up his own rear end he can see daylight past his teeth was when in the second book , after SO MUCH BITCHING that loving sweet all had happened in the first book, there's a part where PIRATES ATTACK and he literally uses 2 sentences to just handwave it as nothing big and let's move on.

He writes well, the words flow well. The problem is, he can't tell a story for poo poo.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2016 01:44

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

I'm about to read a book about exploding teenagers who are about to graduate high school and how they deal with the fact that they are now randomly exploding.

I don't expect it to be great, but there's every chance it'll be amazing.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2016 05:57

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

It's written from the perspective of a teenage girl (of which I am completely unfamiliar as a middle aged man), but the book is surprisingly good/interesting/humorous.

I thought it'd be some YA yank fest about some special unique snowflake who has two dreamy hunks fighting over her FEELS and then also she's gotta deal with people exploding and ONLY SHE CAN SAVE THE WORLD yet she just wants to chill and paint but THE PEOPLE EXPLODE AND SHE CAN SACRIFICE something and blah blah also she's gorgeous and never has a bad hair day and is possibly a half elf succubus fairy or some poo poo like that, but it's actually a legit mystery of "Why the gently caress are these kids exploding?".

It's called Spontaneous by Aaron Starmer. I feel kinda bad mentioning it in the thread and thinking it was gonna be a train wreck. Some of the writing is a bit weird, but so far it's actually fun.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 07:29

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

So, the exploding school kids book turned out to be pretty decent after all. I was kinda pissed off at the latter 1/3rd of the book, but still, interesting.

For those who don't give half a gently caress about spoilers, gigantic mega spoilers for it : Turns out we never find out why the kids are exploding. I hate open ended bullshit like that.

Wasn't terrible, but I felt kinda bad about mentioning it in the thread, so I just wanted to leave a mention of it before I move onto my next book and forget this one existed. Not bad, starts out awesome, and then gets kinda depressing (as exploding people can, I reckon).

# ¿ Sep 12, 2016 02:56

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

wheatpuppy posted:

My 8th-grade lit teacher once told me that David Eddings had done time in jail and/or prison for child abuse, and that's where he started to write the Belgariad. My mom, who had lived in the same town as the teacher at that time, said this was true. But I have never found any evidence to back up their story.

Never heard that. He did burn down his garage and part of his house though, using matches to see if a puddle on his garage floor was gasoline. It makes those motivational quote posters that they attribute to him a lot better when you remember that.

# ¿ Sep 15, 2016 04:44

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Arcsquad12 posted:

I mentioned some star wars books waaaaay back in the thread, and Karen miller has written some of them. The book I mentioned was "invincible", which I believe remains the only star wars book to contain a torture/underage sexual assault scene. Anyways, the series following that book was partially written by miller, and that series involved a psychotic ex imperial admiral becoming space president, a whole new super sith army, and a tentacle monster from a star trek episode as the big villain for the series.

I don't think it was Invincible but it's been years since I read it. I remember the weird bug nest orgy book series, and I know there were a few torture scenes in the Vong series, but I can't recall any kind of sexual assault in the series. Honestly though I gave up when Luke and Ben decided to go somehow force walk around a black hole cluster to fight siths that no one had seen because force users were going insane from ~PLOT REASONS~ that I never figured out.

For every "good" book in the star wars universe, there's like 10 mediocre to complete poo poo ones.

# ¿ Sep 23, 2016 15:51

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Arcsquad12 posted:

Whoops, you're right. My mistake.

Nope, it's definitely in Invincible. During a botched operation on Coruscant, Ben gets captured by Tahiri, who was working for Jacen in exchange for Jacen letting her have time travel sex with Anakin Solo. So Tahiri straps Ben into a Vong torture chair (the second time in the Legacy of the Force this has happened to Ben, mind you), puts on an unzipped catsuit, and proceeds to start jerking Ben off. A thirty year old woman time travel loving Ben's cousin decides to give a fourteen year old a handjob. And then she proceeds to torture Ben's best friend to death in front of him.

Invincible is a bad book. Like, extremely bad in an anger inducing way. I know planet of Twilight and Darksaber are usually the go-to for bad Star Wars books, but those ones are amusingly bad. Invincible, and most things written by Troy Denning, are just hateful and extremely violent for no good reason. And a lot of them feature weird sex too, like the Dark Nest bug orgies.

As bad as it is (and it is bad), there's no actual handjobbin' going on. She's putting bacta save on him, proceeds to be all femme fatale and attempts to seduce him (the furthest she got was rubbing his hip with the salve), then he decides she's a sith no NO WAY JOSE and after that she blows out his friend's aorta by sith lightning him in the chest. It was kinda comical because she didn't mean to kill him, just blind him and torture him, and when he dies she has a moment of "Oh, drat..." like it's a character motivation moment of "OH NO I HAVE GONE TOO FAR AND KILLED THIS PERSON I WAS ELECTROCUTING".

It's a poo poo book, but at least Lucasfilm (back then anyway) put a "no explicit sex" rule in the genre. it's why it was hilarious watching people scream about how Chuck Wendig was RUINING Star Wars with gay people, like there was going to be some massive gay sex chapter where there's some reason for a gay space force orgy or something, when he was just adding to the poo poo series of books by being a bad writer.

# ¿ Sep 24, 2016 17:18

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

there wolf posted:

Why is popcorn action schlock better than popcorn orgasm schlock?

It's sort of like saying Captain America is just the same as Forrest Hump because they are both movies.

One at our books is an action adventure series, one is a lady having an orgy to cast gently caress magic while banging a wereswan and a werewolf.

Not saying one is better than the other, but there's a pretty big difference between them, regardless of them both being books.

# ¿ Dec 5, 2016 02:32

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Isn't there some series where the lead is an admiral and has a telepathic space cat or something? I just remember a cover where the artist used a nerf Longshot rifle as the base for the blaster thing.

Can't remember the name and I haven't read them, but the lead is a woman and apparently she's pretty badass.

Nothing against women admirals personally, I just don't really dig space battle ship sci fi that much.

# ¿ Dec 6, 2016 06:07

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Happy Landfill posted:

You ever read a blurb for a book that just makes you go "but why?"

Bonus: The main character's last name is Apple and the love interests name is Basil

Local slang for an outhouse is "privy". That adds even more depth to the "loving why?".

Also, maybe the author must watched the Jetsons and decided to roll with the pill=food idea for her dystopia?

Stupid_Sexy_Flander has a new favorite as of 09:35 on Jan 29, 2017

# ¿ Jan 29, 2017 09:32

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

"Please glow... :smith:

# ¿ Jun 4, 2017 15:52

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

She could really hurt a man with those bags of sand...

# ¿ Aug 1, 2017 03:33

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

In the Faust series, his girlfriend is a literal succubus/demon from hell, but holy poo poo she's god damned terrifying and through the series basically just becomes slightly less terrifying, but with a decent story arc. I don't think save for the introduction she's ever played for just the TNA scenery.

I haven't read the Libromancer novels, but sometimes authors can take tropes and run with em in directions you don't expect. It's not often, but it's a nice surprise.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 13:19

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

But is there avocado toast?

# ¿ Sep 13, 2017 01:53

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

He's like a slightly more scientific Reilly.

He still writes batshit crazy things, but they have SORT of a connection in the real world, almost.

Wasn't the blood thing one of those where he was a co writer? That might explain some of the crazy.

And how the hell does holy blood not burn the gently caress out of a vamp if holy water is like acid to em?

# ¿ Sep 18, 2017 06:20

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Level 26: Dark Origins is neither of those things.

Yea but it still sucks.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2017 10:08

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Chuck Wendig wrote a book about ants called Invasive. Dunno if they are genetically engineered or what but apparently it's a good book. I dunno, I haven't read it cause bug books make my skin crawl.

I think Jeff Strand wrote one about fire ants called Mandible or something like that. Again, didn't read it, don't like bugs.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2017 05:33

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

A distinct lack of kicking over potted plants.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2018 01:26

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

https://twitter.com/Merc_Rustad/status/1128332468678008832

Well worth the read.

The twitter thread, that is, not the guy's book.

Apparently he also went full diva on some book review site because they reviewed his book honestly. Gotta love it.

# ¿ May 14, 2019 23:12

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

J.A.B.C. posted:

I remember Jim Butcher dipping his toe into improper relationships when Harry Dresden gets a young girl as a student, and she comes on to him out of confused feelings. His reply is to dump cold water on her head, tell her that it's creepy, and she can do better than someone nearly twice her age.

From as far as I got in the series, she is doing much better, and even becomes a pretty competent illusionist who seems well-adjusted in their screwed-up world.

Then again, the last book I read was years and years back, so he may have gone crazy? Please don't say he went crazy...

The last book he wrote was a few years ago. I can safely say no, he didn't get creepy though.

# ¿ May 27, 2019 06:32

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

https://www.amazon.com/WORMHOLE-HELL-Gloria-Clark-Jackson-ebook/dp/B07Z5JJPX7

I read this with KU, and honestly, I think it's bar none the second worst story I have ever read. I feel like a few brain cells just committed suicide after I finished to help me avoid having strong memories about this thing.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2019 04:12

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

When I was maybe 13? I wrote a book about some archeologist who discovered loki's giant skeleton in the mountains, but IT WOULD COME ALIVE AT NIGHT AND KILL PEOPLE IN THE MUSEUM and there was some special knife that did something I forget and basically holy poo poo it was bad.

# ¿ Jan 7, 2020 02:49

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

https://www.amazon.com/Blackbow-Re-Armed-Novella-Greg-Ramsay-ebook/dp/B083RPYVGZ

quote:

In the year 2452, a young Bruce Knight unhappily joins his family in Emilia City�s temple on the planet Tamashiri where The Mother delivers an impassioned sermon about the Goddess KamaGiri for all of her Children. Bruce, a young disabled outcast, grows up with the struggles of culturally accentuated bullying from both wopeeps, (Earth 2020 translation: females) and his fellow mepeeps, (Earth 2020 translation: males). But this already disenfranchised youth is too young to understand that he should�ve been thrown off the Cliff of Yeet after he was born for his circumstances; instead he finds himself living in a city that already hates him for existing before he�s old enough to understand why.

Emilia City belongs to the wopeeps. Otherwise known as The Reds, they are self-proclaimed true Descendants of the Goddess KamaGiri whom believe themselves made in her image during the Re-Birthing. Young Bruce quickly learns that mepeeps have the divine honour of serving wopeeps should they deign to allow them during the yearly hallowed Reflection Ceremonies, that is if they�re lucky. For wopeeps are the better of mepeeps in every way, some even have Goddess-like powers. Bruce�s mother Serenity is by her own claim a powerful wopeep, who rarely treats him to anything other than her dominant aggression as is a wopeep�s right. Together with his father, the maligned and meek Chronicler Jonathan, Serenity Knight will forge Bruce into a weapon or kill him trying. And all for a war only she seems convinced is coming� A war with the Mottled, or Mots: a mysterious faction of hulking beings whom she believes will kill them all in their quest to seize the Sacred Goddess statue. Thereby proving themselves the true Descendants once and for all. Will Bruce survive the chaos brewing in the political maelstrom of his world, or will the many trials of his mysterious destiny and a potential war not of his making destroy him?

I found this, and needed someone else to feel my pain.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2020 10:39

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

I can see why they were destroyed though. She's a good writer, but this way it ensures his work and legacy are firmly his, and not up for grabs at a later date due to circumstances no one could have imagined. Maybe she goes bankrupt and has to sell the rights? OH poo poo DISNEY DISCWORLD and man that would loving suck.

It sucks there's no more of em, but I'm at least comfortable with the why. It's not like he was writing a trilogy and just hosed off to never write the third book.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2020 20:16

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

So, it's bad that it was in the book, but it's also bad it was him turning her down and not being ultra creepy, but it's ALSO bad if he would have been banging his apprentice.

Got it.

For the record, dude got a divorce and had some health issues, which is why it's been like 5 years since the last book.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2020 07:29

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Gideon The Ninth pretty much hits all the marks on that list. Granted it's lesbian necromancers in space, but it's not sexual, if that makes any kind of sense.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2020 08:01

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

The 2000 year old goddess is his daughter, not wife

# ¿ Feb 26, 2020 08:29

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Blue Footed Booby posted:

Which book is this?

https://the-toast.net/2014/04/02/alien-erotica/

https://the-toast.net/2015/09/17/erotica-written-by-an-alien-pretending-not-to-be-horrified-by-the-human-body/

God I love these.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2020 19:33

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Also, 99% of the time, the writing is atrocious.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2020 06:20

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Might be worth it just to hear someone yell out OI, CHECK OUT THAT oval office'S PATRONUS! though.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2020 16:21

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Ah, the ol' Dan Brown effect of THIS TOTALLY HAPPENED and NOW IT'S TOTALLY POINTLESS BECAUSE HAH YOU FELL FOR IT YOU RUBE, YOU ABSOLUTE SIMPLETON, YOU GODDAMNED IDIOT.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2020 04:58

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Well, poo poo, now I kinda wanna read the books. I wonder if they made it that far into the tv show?

# ¿ Jul 14, 2020 04:49

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Yea, the movie is good, the books, less so.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2020 06:38

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

ulex minor posted:

this is definitely not the worst book I've ever read, but I was really, really disappointed after hearing such good things about Nathan Ballingrud - i suppose the bar is very low for genre fiction because there's a lot of trash horror novels out there and he's doing something a bit better than that at least but:

1. great kites of flesh stretch between tree limbs

2. Limbs were broken and reconfigured, bone grafted to bone, kites of skin stretched taut.

3. The dreams given to us by the Maggot, replete with images of sloughing flesh and great, black kites riding silently along the night�s air currents

4. There were more torsos like the ones they had just seen strung like bunting from one side of the street to the other, each one tuned to a different pitch; great kites of skin flapped tautly in similar fashion

this is in a very short collection of stories, i feel like his editor did him a disservice by not giving him a heads up that he keeps talking about kites so much

https://i.imgur.com/f3XJEat.mp4

# ¿ Jul 29, 2020 00:51

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 21, 2024 01:39

Stupid_Sexy_Flander: Mar 14, 2007; Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?; Grimey Drawer

Luckily I've never read him.

I did gently caress up and end up reading a harem book earlier this week though, and just... drat. It had a half decent plot, had it not been for the "hero will bang all the women" going on. Kinda like DBZ where Goku just has to yell and power up, the main character just has to vaguely flirt and boom, incredibly attractive women of all species want him for some reason that makes no goddamn sense.

I kept thinking "it'll get better... It has to get better..." and it never did. One day I'll recognize that sunk cost fallacy when I'm reading and just bail when it gets weird.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 08:34

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF terrible book: Freud molesting a thesaurus.

«‹›2 »