PYF terrible book: Freud molesting a thesaurus.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF terrible book: Freud molesting a thesaurus.

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

Huh, the timing of this thread matches up with the Steam thread in Games discovering the Doom novelizations (yes, they exist).

# ¿ Jul 2, 2015 05:34

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 12:12

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

King Doom posted:

This post made me angry, because yeah, it's all true. The first book in the series, River God, is loving amazing. Read it when I was a kid, it's one of my favourite books of all time. Set in Ancient Egypt it is from the viewpoint of the Eunuch Taita, that Ancient Egyptian Wizard mentioned (he's more of a wise man than a wizard at this point) and the book is really entertaining and at the same time feels like it could all have happened and that Wilbur Smith did a metric ton of research. Everything that happens (barring possible the main character using something called Red Sheppen to go on a vision quest type thing) could realistically have happened. There's action, adventure, a tragic romance (Taita the eunuch is in love with his owner, Queen Lostris) and she dies in the end of the book, lamenting they could never be together. It's all very sad.

Years later he decides to write a sequel. I'm overjoyed.

I read the Sequel, called Warlock.

This is the point where Taita, who has up to now just been a very intelligent man, is suddenly a wizard. Personally, I suspect the author became some sort of mentally ill, because if I remember correctly, it takes less than fifty pages before people are shooting magical penis orgasm beams at each other, because that's how wizards work. Gone is any attention to detail or historical accuracy, now it's psychic sexual warfare and pages long descriptions of big throbbing cocks. Towards the end of the book, in the last few pages, that fairly important female character Her Dryer mentions? the one who gets spearfucked? her own sister does that.

The next book in the series is I think called 'the quest' and that I never read. I have heard that Taita magically grows his cock and balls back in this one. Remember a paragraph or so ago when I mentioned the tragic love between Taita and his owner, Queen Lostris? they end River God saying one day in another life they can be together. That time is now, in book three. Taita is around 120 right now, and Lostris has been reincarnated and is now I wanna say sixteen or so. The sex witch parts are new to me, but now I've heard about them and having Warlock, anyone who said they were made up and not in the book I'd call a liar.

That writer really mystifies me. I never read any of the books but from the way people talk about River God and the way people talk about its sequels makes me think this guy almost could have had a classic if he didn't immediately drive into crazy "unmentionable in decent company" town.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2015 02:57

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

InediblePenguin posted:

You're really defensive, is it your favorite book or do you just have a beef with that poster?

Well you could just look at Sleeveless's post history and decide for yourself.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2015 03:27

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

loquacius posted:

- At some point it is revealed that Trioculus isn't actually the son of Emperor Palpatine. Another guy is. This guy also has three eyes. His name is "Triclops"; this is a word meaning "three eyes."

I've already been spoiled on mofferences because it became a fairly widespread Star Wars joke, but this just killed me.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2015 02:36

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

Davros1 posted:

Sadly, IDW has given her the reigns of the main G.I. Joe title, and it's turned out just as well as you can imagine.

How does that even work? What's the special Warrior Culture that's so much better than the good guys? Ninjas?

# ¿ Jul 19, 2015 18:59

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

JollityFarm posted:

Eighteen pages and no mention of Twisted? The most breathlessly, gloriously, sincerely enthusiastic werewolf-vampire-roller coaster love story you'll ever read?

Unlike other 'weird book' authors (Carlton Mellick III, Chuck Tingle), Leek is invested in her subject matter, and it makes all the difference in the world. Leek's passion elevates the work.

Yeah, things always lose some of the marvel when the author seems too in on the joke. Twisted is one of those rare things that's 100% straight-faced so it turns into something transcendent.

I'm always forgetting the name though. What does "Twisted" have to do with anything?

# ¿ Nov 14, 2015 05:55

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

Rabbit Hill posted:

...This is reminding of that woman who is in love with the Berlin Wall.

I think you might be subconsciously mixing up that story with the woman who married a roller coaster. I know I am.

# ¿ Nov 15, 2015 20:02

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 12:12

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

goose fleet posted:

So is Chuck Tingle's writing actually funny or is it just about the cover art?

It's not just the cover art.

It's also the Amazon summaries.

# ¿ Nov 23, 2015 23:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF terrible book: Freud molesting a thesaurus.