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The short of it: I have neglected a fuller life in favour of living like a shut-in that can pay the bills. I have qualifications in computing and economics but, because of my tendency to procrastinate and hide, I have used neither. List with colons Age: 36. I look about 8 or 10 years younger but that means nothing on paper. Qualifications: Computing Diploma, Economics Degree Current job: £17,000 ($26,000) after tax PA from a secure but miserable job in customer services. Savings: £8,000 ($12,000) and pension plan Others: A hobbyist's experience in programming. Spanish (average). No track record in anything related to my qualifications - maybe a bunch of bash or functional programming scripts here and there. My big E/N Life story I was mainly raised by my Mother, an extreme narcissist with untreated Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder who did not teach me how to socialise well or notice my resulting isolation and victimisation throughout my school years. Everyone in the family was dominated by the pressure that my mother's illness and personality (they're practically intertwined) brought to bear on the family, including my Mother's boyfriend who was bullied by her and bullied me in turn. Whenever I got in front of a computer, I would spend hours and hours with it, just playing games for days on end to get a faint sense of reward and to shut myself off from an environment in which I had no power, hope or friends. This was up until the age of 14, when I moved in with my father who, while unable to connect with me or help me deal with what had happened to me, finally gave me a stable non-insane environment where I was not bullied. I still had to attend Secondary School (11-16) though, and instead of escaping into consuming computer games I escaped into consuming music. Despite doing well (but not brilliantly) in both Humanities and Sciences, I was pushed without explanation by my mother into focusing on Sciences in Sixth Form (16-19) in the hope I would become an engineer of some kind. However, I still only wanted to get away from a life that I had come to associate with imprisonment and isolation. During this time while I was no longer bullied and even made friends, my computer game and media addictions segued into internet use. This coping mechanism was only suitable for sustaining a life of depressed isolation, and did nothing to help me 'break out' further. I flunked out of Sixth Form, and through coffee-shop jobs and the goth club scene (of course), tried to socialise and develop further but had none of the basic skills, confidence or self-respect required. I became depressed and self-harmed, but got no attention from anyone I could have trusted to open up to. I found an unqualified, isolating job behind a desk and spent even more time on the internet, before before returning to University to obtain a computing diploma. This should have been better than Sixth Form except I spent even more time with games and the Internet than before. I just about scraped this, was not confident in being able to parlay this into a job in the IT sector, and went back to low-qualified janitorial and customer-services jobs (coincidentally in the educational field). I realised about 6 or 7 years ago that I should get A Degree, so I went to night school to scrape an undergraduate degree in Economics, simply because it seemed like the most interesting and mysterious thing at the time. On the more positive side, I also found time to learn a second language and see a behavioural therapist. I don't think I'm anywhere near finished bringing myself up but I can almost accept my introversion at this point. Thanks to therapy I've learned not to fear others and to stand up for myself but this has led me to butting heads with my superiors. After reading up on the real-world discussions in The Economics Megathread and the facts of a tech-based career in The Newbie Programming Job Megathread I feel ready to dig a hole and go lie in it forever, or become a talentless artist. /life story =================================================== The question is, what the gently caress kind of decent work can I do or get with this lovely CV? What the gently caress kind of life is viable at this point? Should my priorities lie elsewhere or, while hiding from the world, have I basically run out of time? I want to believe I'm being a drama queen but I'm lost and need help to look at the truth of my situation and have nobody to turn to. stillnest fucked around with this message at 04:34 on Jul 2, 2015 |
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Jul 2, 2015 04:31
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| # ¿ May 28, 2024 23:39 |
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