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[That scene from Taxi Driver except instead of a pistol I'm brandishing a tobacco pipe in the mirror, tossing out witty cynicism and dropping sly one liners at my equally quirky arch-nemisis.] |
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Jul 23, 2015 13:54
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| # ? May 7, 2024 13:18 |
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[Pulling my loaded pipe and a match out from beneath my plaid burberry cowl] Pardon, were you speaking to me?... you must have been speaking to me, as I do not deduce the presence of any others here, and I'm the most perceptive man in the world. 
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Jul 23, 2015 13:59
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*Detective Elliot Stabler punches the perp in the chest*
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Jul 23, 2015 22:49
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how sad for you, your friend providing the alibi has, shall we say, vanished... maybe while we search for them, you can tell us a little more about your actions that night. wouldn't it be nice to solve both cases quickly? |
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Jul 24, 2015 00:27
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Interrogator: "Don't make me bring the Lieutenant in here. You don't want that." Prisoner: "You don't frighten me, Detective. I know my rights." Interrogator: "Suit yourself." The INTERROGATOR exits. Moments later he returns with the LIEUTENANT, who sits in front of the man. He has a DISGUSTING MOUSTASCHE which GREASILY GLINTS IN THE LIGHT. Prisoner: "GAH! I'll talk! I'll talk! Take him away!" |
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Jul 24, 2015 01:15
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[Sexually deviant prisoner leans back in his chair, a small smile crosses his face] Hey... Sup Lieutenant.
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Jul 24, 2015 01:21
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[Lieutenant also smiles. Interrogator begins sweating. Not again.] |
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Jul 24, 2015 01:43
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Lmao
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Jul 24, 2015 01:43
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Bow...Bow chika.
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Jul 24, 2015 01:43
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Ferris Bueller's Day In [Subtitle] San Quentin.
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Jul 24, 2015 01:47
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joke_explainer posted:[Lieutenant also smiles. Interrogator begins sweating. Not again.]
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Jul 24, 2015 01:54
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"The name's Kinsey Millhone," I said casually, watching his eyes from across the battered, coffee-ringed desk serving as a makeshift interrogation table. "You may have heard of me." He remained unfazed. "Millhone? Doesn't ring a bell. What's a Millhone?" "Nothing, it grinds," I replied, carefully writing "O is for Owned" in my notebook.
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Jul 24, 2015 02:09
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*interrogator real friendly like, big smile* Hey, c'mon man, the sooner you tell us what happened, the sooner we can all go home, yourself included. we know you're innocent. Have a coffee. It's a peak roast, got it from a local place. I'll get you a biscotti after this. *prisoner, warming up* well, uh, i don't remember anything. sorry officer. *interrogator quickly swipes hand over face, revealing a stony, grim exterior. his scowl darkens his whole face. his hand reaches for his service pistol.* son, have you ever heard of occupy wall street? *prisoner rolls eyes* fine. ---------------- |
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Jul 24, 2015 02:30
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*Detective Elliot Stabler grinds his heel into the perp's toes, crushing his toenails and rubbing a picture of his daughter all over the perp's face. He's been interrogating the man for 6 hours and still hasn't asked a single question*
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Jul 24, 2015 03:51
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:*Detective Elliot Stabler grinds his heel into the perp's toes, crushing his toenails and rubbing a picture of his daughter all over the perp's face. He's been interrogating the man for 6 hours and still hasn't asked a single question*
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Jul 24, 2015 03:58
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*prisoner scoffs* more like Idiot Unstabler. *Stabler starts crying and goes to the station shrink, punches a table in half* ---------------- |
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Jul 24, 2015 04:04
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Miss Psychosis posted:[Sexually deviant prisoner leans back in his chair, a small smile crosses his face] Hey... Sup Lieutenant. |
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Jul 24, 2015 04:06
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Man chained to a mirror: oh, you brushing your teeth? Just doing a little cleaning?? YOU GONNA BRUFSH YOUR TEEFH YOU LITTLE gently caress? IS THAT IT??? |
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Jul 24, 2015 04:09
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all right bub - ive got a mannequin in my office and that mannequin happens to be outfitted with A) my interrogation goggles B) my pipe which is biigger than the one i have right now and C) my toupee complete with beard. dont make me go in there |
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Jul 24, 2015 04:15
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that mirror behind us? its not really a mirror. theres a circus clown behind it - been watching us the whole time. how does that make you feel? |
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Jul 24, 2015 04:18
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interrogator: you know that mirror that you've been staring and shouting at for the past 3 hours? it's just a normal mirror, you were yelling at yourself, don't feel so smart now do ya wise guy?
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Jul 24, 2015 04:36
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Ace of Baes posted:interrogator: you know that mirror that you've been staring and shouting at for the past 3 hours? it's just a normal mirror, you were yelling at yourself, don't feel so smart now do ya wise guy? (second interrogator comes up) ah, there is a clown though. as i was saying earlier....ppgffff....ahem. there's a definite clown back there. |
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Jul 24, 2015 04:51
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bog pixie posted:(second interrogator comes up) ah, there is a clown though. as i was saying earlier....ppgffff....ahem. there's a definite clown back there.
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Jul 24, 2015 12:51
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if you tell me the truth you get to go to prison. free lunches; the building is actually owned by Best Buy |
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Jul 24, 2015 18:56
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[Detective walks into the Room. The second detectivce places 2 eggs on the perps shoulder and begins to spin him around.] Detective: Talk... Perp: I wont! Detective: TELL US WHERE YOU HID THEM Perp: I want to speak to my lawyer! [chair stops spining, 2 fish are placed in the perps hands] Detective: Talk [door bursts open] Cheif: Thats enough Detective Dali! [leaving angrily but while criss crossing his legs] Detective: This isn't over
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Jul 24, 2015 19:02
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Detective: I know you killed those kids god dammit!! You googled 'best way to kill kids' just hours before it happened! You commented on the Kids Killers forum with the name KillingKids2Day! You were a re-reg, too! God dammit!! Confess!! Perp: *smirks* You won't get a peep out of me, detective. Detective: Gah... Alright. Well, since we're here anyway... Lemme get your opinion on this new song I'm working on. It's real original stuff, but inspired by the old days, you know? I think it's going to go viral. *starts playing video on his youtube* Perp: *blank stare. after a few bars* I did it. I confess. Get me out of here! *later, the Chief is talking to the Detective* Chief: You did it again, Detective Kid Rock. We couldn't be more proud. |
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Jul 24, 2015 20:24
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joke_explainer posted:Detective: I know you killed those kids god dammit!! You googled 'best way to kill kids' just hours before it happened! You commented on the Kids Killers forum with the name KillingKids2Day! You were a re-reg, too! God dammit!! Confess!! started strong, maintained momentum then lost its way. Here' try this one: Detective: I know you killed those kids god dammit!! You googled 'best way to kill kids' just hours before it happened! You commented on the Kids Killers forum with the name KillingKids2Day! You were a re-reg, too! God dammit!! Confess!! Perp: *smirks* You won't get a peep out of me, detective. Detective: Gah... Alright. Well, since we're here anyway... Lemme get your opinion on this new song I'm working on. It's real original stuff, but inspired by the old days, you know? I think it's going to go viral. *starts playing video on his youtube* Perp: *blank stare. after a few bars* I did it. I confess. Get me out of here!
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Jul 24, 2015 20:41
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i thought the inversion of expectations that its kid rock interrogating him (who is notorious for his intolerably bad music) would have been funny, but I was wrong. i'm sorry. drat. |
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Jul 24, 2015 22:12
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joke_explainer posted:i thought the inversion of expectations that its kid rock interrogating him (who is notorious for his intolerably bad music) would have been funny, but I was wrong. i'm sorry. drat. I laughed actually.
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Jul 24, 2015 22:13
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*father of a teenage son voice:* baw widda baw wa bang wa bang biggy |
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Jul 24, 2015 22:18
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Kid rock doesn't make any sense except he has kid in the name. You didn't actually set up a kid pun or w.e If anything a pedophile murderer in hypothetical joke world should love KidRock, because he wants to gently caress kids or something etc That would have taken your joke to that next level |
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Jul 24, 2015 23:22
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Kid Rock: The killer was a cop? Deputy: How do you know? Kid Rock: Cause I'm a cowboy, baby. I can smell a pig from a mile away. |
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Jul 24, 2015 23:33
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gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:Kid rock doesn't make any sense except he has kid in the name. You didn't actually set up a kid pun or w.e mods help t-rex's account has been hacked by lizard wizard |
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Jul 24, 2015 23:54
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gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:Kid rock doesn't make any sense except he has kid in the name. You didn't actually set up a kid pun or w.e Oh, poo poo, I didn't even think of that. No it had nothing to do with the Kid in Kid Rock's name, just the inversion of expectations -- it's kind of like too many jokes already in the thread, where something banal or annoying is treated like torture and it forces the perpetrator to confess. So it was like 'drat, not even just somebody's terrible music, it was Kid Rock!' But I agree, I should have put more thought into it. MinorLeagueAllstar posted:Kid Rock: The killer was a cop? Yeah Kid Rock's getting up there in age. He should probably become a detective. Or a TV detective. |
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Jul 25, 2015 00:17
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| # ? May 7, 2024 13:18 |
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Season 3 of True D make it happen |
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Jul 25, 2015 00:18
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