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A little bit about me: I left the USMC back in 2012 after five years honorably (never saw combat). In the months that following, I fell into massive depression. I felt like my life was over, that there was nothing left to do. It was the same feeling as beating every level and every boss, and asking yourself, "Well, now what?". I was 25 then, and having what I believe would be a mid life crisis. Around 6 months after being out of the Corps, I started MMJ, which turned my life around. I was happy, talkative, enjoyed being out, and enjoyed life. I also kept up on my physical conditioning, as that is a huge part of who I am. I also started Muay Thai back then, and trained until 2014. Well, I stopped MMJ early last year, and felt great for a while. I also stopped Muay Thai due to light concussions, and decided it was not worth the money and brain damage. Near the end of 2014, I met a girl, who I thought I loved. Through out the year, I started falling back into depression (I believe due to being in a relationship). I started sleeping in late (until 2pm), and slacked a lot on my diet and exercise, which I believe has contributed to my depression. My girlfriend is older than me, and cannot exercise anywhere near the level or consistency that I can and I desire. Also she does not share the same ideas about fitness and diet. Since I met her, she has gained a good amount of weight, and I lost attraction to her. We have had multiple fights, and the most recent was this morning, which may have sealed the deal in ending our relationship. She stormed out saying gently caress you gently caress you. Disregarding the facts about my gf/ex, throughout the year I felt this feeling of nothingness. What I mean by nothingness is, nothing seems interesting or worth my time. Everything seems bland. I cannot even fathom the idea of starting a new hobby or anything because their is zero desired involved. I still exercise and workout, which I will be doing a lot more of, going back to my strict life style (when I was happy.) I have a bunch of errands I need to do, people to email and talk to, but I just don't because I feel zero motivation or need to do it. Completely apathetic. I have been living at my fathers house with his family since i left the Corps. I have been alienated, as my dad has borderline aspergers and speaks to me once a month, for about one sentence. And his wife and children do not talk to me either. Upon reading the symptoms of aspergers, I do exhibit a fair amount myself. Thankfully, I am leaving in September to attend UC Davis, where I have my own studio. Now that you know some of my background, how do I deal with these feelings? I am fairly confident once I get back on a strict diet and exercise routine, I will become happier (as I have body image issues; use to be fat in highschool, and fear becoming that again.) Should I consult a doctor or therapist? Should I trying MMJ again? Once I'm back in school I'll probably be so busy I won't have the energy to be depressed as I will be engaged all day and night. I am also going to start living my life super regimented again, as I find solace in that lifestyle. I will start a detailed calender and log book, for my errands and everything I need to do in life, for every day and every month. I appreciate your time and advice. mad_Thick fucked around with this message at 03:50 on Jul 29, 2015 |
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Jul 29, 2015 03:48
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| # ¿ May 9, 2024 02:29 |
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