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TAK2412 posted:Ghogargi -- I created an account on this forum just to say thanks for sharing your experience. I do not identify as a nerd and I know next to nothing about gaming but I do consider myself a generally open-minded person, especially when it comes to new experiences. So, when the guy I was casually dating said he was into vampire larping I thought ok this is new, I'll check it out and see what I think. Well, the novelty wore off quickly when I went to a game to watch and interacted with the other players -- within a short time I observed all of the behaviors that you address throughout this thread. I tried to be open-minded but after going to a few games and cons, the overt instability and questionable mental health of the players was what finally turned me off to it. So when you say it's an organization that attracts and ensnares the unwell, unsocialized, insecure, maladjusted, etc..I found that to be 100% accurate. Whenever I tried to point out any of my observations, or any criticisms of players behavior at all, I was quickly branded an enemy by all of my bf's "friends." The female players had no respect for our relationship, for example, and sometimes would try to sit on his lap or flirt with him with me sitting right next to him. Now, I don't know much about nerd social dynamics but I am not a person who is afraid of calling out bad behavior. So whenever something like that would happen, and I'd openly say to the the girl "uhhh, wtf do you think you're doing? that's not okay." I was somehow looked at as the bad guy for standing up for myself. And that is nowhere near the worst of what I observed. I was about to make this same post. When I was a senior in high school, I dated a guy who was really into role playing and would often serve as Dungeon Master for his group of friends. There were two other girls who were a part of his circle, and one of them would go through the exact process Ghogargi described - using their shared interest to leverage his time, using "playful" innuendo, and touching him as often as the game would allow. I found out through someone else in the group that she had been calling me a slut, saying that I only wanted to go to college so I could bang a bunch of guys (??), and that my boyfriend would either remain silent or agree with her during these conversations. I was already uncomfortable with how sexual their conversations were and believed she was trying to break us up, but when I confronted them about it, they called me crazy and said I was making poo poo up for attention because I was insecure. "She would never do that," "she has always supported me [and my toxic obsession with this hobby]," and all that. The thing was, I had no proof - she was clever enough to stop just before they actually did anything, so it was true that he'd never cheated on me and that she was "playful with all the guys." She was a manic pixie demigod who could do no wrong. It was immensely frustrating that she could openly joke about sex and have several guys on The Hook but I was a slut for having had sex with a few guys before, that she was Cool and Punk for calling herself a feminist but I was "feminazi" for being creeped out with how casually they talked about sexual violence, and other things that have been blissfully forgotten. Needless to say we broke up when I actually left for college and realized I could date guys who weren't horrible. He jumped at the chance to date her, and just like that, she stopped talking to him.I have always wondered if I really was crazy and seeing patterns that didn't exist, but I feel a lot better knowing that this is A Thing not isolated to that tiny circle. In many ways I feel bad for her now, because she had made herself into an object, a two-dimensional character so absorbed with maintaining a persona that she left no space for herself. Her act took up so much room, that she never gave herself the chance to grow up. I heard later that she got engaged to a dude in the circle, only to call it off months later because he came insanely jealous and threatened to beat her. I believe he saw her as a trophy to be protected, an ideal, and gave her no autonomy as a result. She is now in her late twenties, living with her parents and suffering from alcoholism. Ghogargi - thank you for sharing your story. You have added a a truly human aspect to something many people never consider in depth, and painted an excellent picture of recovery. I wish you the best - being vulnerable is really hard, and you have a lot of good things ahead of you.
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Oct 22, 2016 19:27
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 14:54 |
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