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LeJackal posted:
I have a friend who doesn't understand why new hires are frightened of him. He just talks straight and tells it like it is ... as he has ways done. It's baffling to him that he can bring people to tears with a few remarks these days or that people actively seek to avoid his attention. I keep trying to explain to him how relative power changes the way things are interpreted such that being one of four devs back in the startup days is completely loving different than being the highest ranked architect/mythical founder/BFF of the CEO 15 years later on a department of 49 devs. When you can get someone fired and/or relegated to dead end poo poo work at will then being dismissively critical scares the pants off them. The problem isn't them, they are acting rationally. He needs to moderate his expression to his actual level of dissatisfaction rather than over-do it such that everything is either brilliant or blithering idiocy. Esp in front of the CEO. Relative power abso-fuckinglutely impacts the level of emotional response to a person's actions. When I have power over you I can hurt you so much more than a random person can. To say that it doesn't matter who has a significant physical advantage over the other is like saying that what happened to him is just like him waking up in secure restraints such that she could do whatever she wanted and he would be physically unable to stop her. Helpless as his requests to be released are ignored. That his loss of personal agency/damage from that would be exactly the same as from this. Bullshit. By that logic a beggar following you for three blocks pouring on the guilt till you give them money is the same as a mugger.
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Sep 2, 2015 01:15
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| # ¿ May 22, 2024 07:35 |
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LeJackal posted:
Can you point out the victim blaming? As I understand it the series is: Poster 1 : this bad thing happened to me and I didn't realize how bad it was at the time but looking back I realize that I haven't really come to grips with it, but at least it wasn't a much worse situation because that would really have sucked. Poster 2 : much worse situation isn't much worse, it's what you faced, they are just as bad. Me: what the gently caress? No they aren't. He is right to be happy that it wasn't the much worse situation because that other situation is absolutely much worse. They are not the same at all. I even gave an example of how a woman could do the equivalent of the much worse scenario to a man ... Cause being physically restrained while others do things to you is not a gendered experience. It doesn't matter if the restraints are made of canvas, steel, leather, silk, or muscle. Being rendered physically helpless while conscious and having others do things to you despite fighting against them as hard as you can ... Well it is a very specific trauma that may or may not occur in a rape. Nor is rape needed to cause that trauma. I'm pushing 40 and I still hyperventilate in the dentist chair from memories of being "swaddled" at the dentist as a kid. That particular bad thing didn't happen to him. Yay! I view what the poster I responded to was doing the same way I would view a purity culture rear end in a top hat who hears a female rape victim say, "at least I didn't get pregnant" and responds by reminding them that since their purity is lost and they have committed adultery it's actually just as bad as if they got pregnant. Bullshit. What he went through is bad enough without making poo poo up and trying to pile it on. And when you make up traumas to clutch your pearls at you ignore indications of real issues. Accidentally breaking someone's bones, for example, is guilt++ at the best of them times. When they are substantially smaller and weaker than you, guilt+++. Throw in a societal mandate for people like you to protect people like them. Guilt++++,shame+. And he said right at the beginning that he didn't consider it rape at the time but only came to realize it was after contemplating the meaning of consent later on. So at the time he couldn't justify his actions to himself as self defense. Hopefully he can now because they totally were, a shove was totally reasonable, and the foot an accident. Not only is that a trauma that could reasonably be inferred from the facts at hand, it is generally only a problem for a specific subset of male rape victims making it on topic for a thread about male rape victims. He was bullied socially. Not dominated physically. Hell, he is probably dealing with misplaced guilt for breaking her foot even though the shove that caused it was completely reasonable/appropriate self defense and the break was not an intended injury.
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Sep 2, 2015 11:37
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