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  • Locked thread
Colonel Squish
Feb 18, 2012

Broenheim posted:

have sex with the mom

depending on his wife's weight, the mom could make him up to 3x more happy!

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Philosopher King
Oct 25, 2006
go gently caress every one of her friends just to be sure op. get the jump on this poo poo right now.

old wooden ships
Jan 22, 2015

detectivemonkey posted:

:stare:

So your wife's mother was in the hospital and your drunk reaction was to 1) not believe her and assume she left you and 2) not care that she left you. Your "no marriage ending" seems a little premature, dude.

Have you ever been really drunk? Like a few shots short of a handle drunk? poo poo gets a little wonky at that level. When I woke up still plastered her whole family was laughing at me for all the drunk texts asking her to come back. c'est la vie

DJ Fuckboy Supreme
Feb 10, 2011

And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

OP the very real problem here is your alcohol abuse. Please seek help.

Kenning
Jan 11, 2009

I really want to post goatse. Instead I only have these🍄.



Lol op has a crippling alcohol dependency.












:smith:

MeLKoR
Dec 23, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Lard Goat posted:

Have you ever been really drunk? Like a few shots short of a handle drunk? poo poo gets a little wonky at that level. When I woke up still plastered her whole family was laughing at me for all the drunk texts asking her to come back. c'est la vie

I see great things in store for you.

SpaceGoatFarts
Jan 5, 2010

sic transit gloria mundi


Nap Ghost

Lard Goat posted:

But her mom is a 400+ pound woman that is satan incarnate

And yet the "lard goat" is you.

Hot Diggity!
Apr 3, 2010

SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF
This thread owns

The Dipshit
Dec 21, 2005

by FactsAreUseless

Lard Goat posted:

Well poo poo, this is pretty embarrassing but I was really loving drunk and she did not leave me. Her mom is in the hospital and it turns out I refused to believe her. So sorry, no marriage ending, just too much alcohol.

But her mom is a 400+ pound woman that is satan incarnate and I hate her, is that e/n?

Goldmine.

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy
thread loving rules OP never change

GodsGiftToWomen
Jan 26, 2004
Providing women with sexual pleasure since 1983
Gun Saliva
When your wife does leave you, don't send her any texts. Now that you've shown weakness, she pretty much has to leave you.

old wooden ships
Jan 22, 2015
All of you are right! i am dependent on alcohol. I have hosed up my life so bad that I....


Holy poo poo, have none of you really gotten really loving drunk?

GBS taught me e/n is bad, but I didn't believe, now I do.

Alcohol 4 Lyfe beta scum.

SiliconX
Sep 18, 2004

That damn Pharah again...

College Slice

Lard Goat posted:

All of you are right! i am dependent on alcohol. I have hosed up my life so bad that I....


Holy poo poo, have none of you really gotten really loving drunk?

GBS taught me e/n is bad, but I didn't believe, now I do.

Alcohol 4 Lyfe beta scum.

I did. When I was 18, single, and my raging alcoholism couldn't destroy anyone but myself. But keep fighting the good fight!

Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
Who honestly can say they haven't sucked a bunch of dicks on the side like really a ton while blind drunk. Any hands? Thought so.

sixth and maimed
Mar 20, 2012

Fun Shoe

Lard Goat posted:

All of you are right! i am dependent on alcohol. I have hosed up my life so bad that I....


Holy poo poo, have none of you really gotten really loving drunk?

GBS taught me e/n is bad, but I didn't believe, now I do.

Alcohol 4 Lyfe beta scum.

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
Biscuit Hider

Lard Goat posted:

All of you are right! i am dependent on alcohol. I have hosed up my life so bad that I....


Holy poo poo, have none of you really gotten really loving drunk?

GBS taught me e/n is bad, but I didn't believe, now I do.

Alcohol 4 Lyfe beta scum.

quote:

When I woke up still plastered her whole family was laughing at me for all the drunk texts asking her to come back.

Right, we're the betas.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011

I like E/N's take on Fireflies Goon.

Hot Diggity!
Apr 3, 2010

SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF
Drinking owns.

SKELETON GHOST
Jan 11, 2015

by Ralp
op is an alcoholic lmao

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Lard Goat posted:

All of you are right! i am dependent on alcohol. I have hosed up my life so bad that I....


Holy poo poo, have none of you really gotten really loving drunk?

GBS taught me e/n is bad, but I didn't believe, now I do.

Alcohol 4 Lyfe beta scum.

can you post some other texts you sent on other occasions you were black out durnk?

Dial-a-Dog
May 22, 2001
I, too, like to drink most of a handle of whiskey by myself and send non sequitur harassing texts to my significant other while they're at the hospital with their mother

Sinding Johansson
Dec 1, 2006
STARVED FOR ATTENTION
wish everyone wasn't so negative, I was so afraid that the op's wife had just left him, that when we found out that he was just really drunk I was so relieved that I can now safely declare this the feel good thread of the year.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
I think OP discovering that e/n is not good but actually bad qualifies this as an official "E/N Success Story(c)"

COPE 27
Sep 11, 2006

How many times have you been that drunk around your wife?

Wickerman
Feb 26, 2007

Boom, mothafucka!
If I get that drunk I sure as poo poo am somewhere else other than posting on a half abandoned Internet comedy forum about how my wife left me

ErKeL
Jun 18, 2013

Lard Goat posted:

Have you ever been really drunk? Like a few shots short of a handle drunk? poo poo gets a little wonky at that level. When I woke up still plastered her whole family was laughing at me for all the drunk texts asking her to come back. c'est la vie
I've hit that moment a couple times and the aftermath is never pretty if you have access to communication devices. Pick a different drink with a lower alcohol percentage so you can't reach that point and you should be okay.
If you're going to still smash down that much then try not to drink alone is all the advice I can give.
Avoid caffeine so you're not up at 5am browsing through facebook and wondering what the rest of your year level from high school have been up to even though you didn't speak to them back then.

Schneider Inside Her
Aug 6, 2009

Please bitches. If nothing else I am a gentleman
Bunch of teetotaler nerds in this thread

MeLKoR
Dec 23, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

redweird posted:

Bunch of teetotaler nerds in this thread

Not at all, I often get dead drunk in the middle of the week and then text my wife which all her family thinks is hilarious because they too are white trash.

Smash it Smash hit
Dec 30, 2009

prettay, prettay
haha you dont have any real friends, your first instinct was not to call a friend to try to figure what went wrong, nope - right to the internet.

Zelder
Jan 4, 2012

Smash it Smash hit posted:

haha you dont have any real friends, your first instinct was not to call a friend to try to figure what went wrong, nope - right to the internet.

yeah

slinkimalinki
Jan 17, 2010

Lard Goat posted:

her whole family was laughing at me for all the drunk texts asking her to come back

LOL you lied about not caring.

clammy
Nov 25, 2004

stay safe out there

Applebees Appetizer
Jan 23, 2006

I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY oval office DON'T COME BACK

oh my bad I was drunk honey tee hee

Smelly Bohemian
Aug 20, 2015

by Lowtax
Get therapy? Is that the right answer? Did I get it right?


Well, get some loving therapy OP.

DismemberedLemon
Jun 20, 2015
:sever:

Not you, your wife. She should :sever:

Serotonin
Jul 14, 2001

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of *blank*

SKELETON GHOST posted:

If you are white move to a second world country where you can get with decently educated girl from a wealthy (in relative terms) family. She'll be receptive to you because of the status you bring. Usually you'll have a height advantage with the locals. Because family connections are stronger than in the western world she'll have been protected by the patriarchy and you may be able to wrangle business connections through the family. You'll have to prove that you are fully established in the country though. This is something which is overlooked in the west, only the elites here marry with a family on par with their own so due to the protective nature of the family, the girls are held accountable for their actions and indiscretions are frowned upon. Feminist is happening everywhere but you can be sheltered from it for a few more years over there.

Jon Poo is that you?

DJ Fuckboy Supreme
Feb 10, 2011

And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

Serotonin posted:

Jon Poo is that you?

I saw a similar screed in Mr Tastee's new thread and I believe you are correct.

coolskull
Nov 11, 2007

i hope you will think about how this affected you and what issues in your marriage you can address.

Cartoon
Jun 20, 2008

poop
OP you need to buy your wife an SA account as a make up present and show her this thread so the healing can begin in earnest.

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Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

JakeP posted:

thread loving rules OP never change

So I got drunk once and sent desperate texts for her to come back (But I don't care), she showed them to her family, and now THEY are the bitches.

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