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FuzzySkinner posted:Team: Cleveland Browns aight my man. The Browns and Bills are my AFC faves, so let me get you in on this Packer thing in return. 1. History? To paraphrase Belloq, other teams are passing through NFL history. The Packers are NFL history. We're coming up on the 100-year mark, and we've had a drat good run of it. NFL Championships in the ancient era, Super Bowl victories in the pre-merger and a couple in the modern era. 2. While the Packer offense is pass-oriented, I think it's selling short how balanced it is. It's more pass-effective than pass-oriented. The only Achilles' heel we have is injuries to our offensive line - this year it's the tackles. But I'll get into that below. 3. Everybody looks good in forest green. Going along with the history thing, you can get an old-timey dude's jersey, like Bart Starr, or Nitschke and no one will think twice about it. Even a discount Favre jersey will be acceptable after Thanksgiving. But you can find a metric rear end-ton of Packers merchandise for anything, anywhere. Re: Dislikes - We did beat the Steelers in the last Super Bowl we were in. You ever been in a room with a yinzer watching his heart slowly being wrenched from his body? I have. It was awesome. Other than the Pats, we're probably the only other team in the NFL immune to Steeler Bullshit. One time we squeaked into the playoffs because a Steeler WR dropped one of the world's easiest touchdowns at the end of the game against us. Like, rolled right out of his lap. Also, we share a hatred of John Elway. The stockholder thing is fun. Ours is on my wife's desk at work, good conversation piece. We don't have to put up with a retarded owner who threatens to move the team every few years if he doesn't get a new stadium. Instead, we have an elected president, who is doing a drat fine job, and also Ted Thompson, who has an amazing eye for talent and putting together a competitive team every year. Other reasons why: We're on TV a lot, because of the fan base. We're not judgmental about where you're from if you're a Packer fan. poo poo, we'd bandwagon ourselves if we could. We are just that drat happy about our team. We don't make stupid free-agency moves, nearly every player on the roster was drafted by GB. And the ones we did sign via FA have been amazing. Woodson, Peppers, and going back in history a bit, Reggie White, the best racist DE of all time with a heart of gold and fairly high cholesterol. Our divisional rivals make things incredibly easy for us year after year, occasionally being good but shooting themselves in the foot eventually. The Bears just dismantled their team, and probably won't be competitive for another 2-3 years. And you might think: "Doesn't that make it not as exciting, when you stomp them instead of having a close game?" No. It's euphoric. So How Do I Cheer For The Packers? With carefully tempered stoicism. We know deep down that if we allow ourselves to gloat at any point during a game, even up 20+ points, that Hubris, the anti-Packer, will smite the gently caress out of us and cause us to lose in a heartbreaking fashion. So until the clock hits 0:00, we are nervous. Afterwards, if we win, we party and get shitfaced. If we lose, we party and get shitfaced, just slightly more glumly, but with a knowing feeling that next week brings hope. Unless Rodgers goes down, then it's chaos. What Should I Be Saying To Blend In? Packers fans generally know their poo poo when it comes to football. Being a knowledgeable fan is an important thing. So while everyone knows who Aaron Rodgers is and all that, you have to go a little deeper. Here's a primer on some Must Know deeper knowledge stuff: 1. Our defensive coordinator is Dom Capers. He is old, has been with the team for awhile now, and caused us to switch from the 4-3 to the 3-4. The 3-4 defense requires good LBs, which we really haven't had success with outside of Clay Matthews, though this year is looking way up in that respect despite some early injuries. Depending on which Packers fan you ask, Capers is either a genius or an insane idiot. But you have to choose one or the other and stick with it. Can't be neutral on this one. 2. The o-line. The Packers' offensive line is sort of subpar, but is picked up by the offensive play calling and skillset of our QB/RB. Left to right, you have Bakhtiari, Sitton, Linsley, Lang, and Bulaga(Barclay when Bulaga's injured, which is half of any season). Bakhtiari was a 4th round draft pick last year, thrown into the fire, and he still really hasn't shined. He gets a ton of holding calls, though he will occasionally put up a gem of a game against a good DE for some reason. Sitton and Lang are Pro Bowl guards, mostly because they don't screw up much. They don't get penalties. This is a big thing on the Packers o-line. Linsley, at center, was a lucky pickup in the draft who we also threw in last year as a rookie, but has played much better than Bakhtiari. Bulaga is good when healthy, though never lived up to the LT billing he received when we drafted him, and Barclay is continually overwhelmed as his replacement. The reason Eddie Lacy has had success where other RBs fail in our offense is because he can bust through that first tackle attempt 3 yards in the backfield where some DT inevitably ends up. There is a strong/weak anthropic priniciple debate over Aaron Rodgers' throwing style: Is it lightning quick because he realized he had to get the ball out before he got crushed by the three DLs that bust through our line in 2.1 seconds? Or is it that Aaron Rodgers is the only QB capable of remaining healthy behind the GB offensive line because of his lightning quick release, and thus we still see him play? We may never know. What we do know is that at some point during a game you will say "Goddammit Bahktiari." 3. The front seven on defense. It's a rotation of some very good players, and all of them will do something great at some point during the season. It's been a long, slow build to get to this point, full of a lot of 1st and 2nd rounders, but we finally have a defense that can run the scheme. Raji, Matthews and Peppers get most of the press, but Mike Daniels and Mike Neal are the big playmakers up front. What about that Favre thing? We're pretty much over it. Had Rodgers sucked, or Favre won the Super Bowl with Minnesota, it would have been a major issue for decades. But that didn't happen, so yay. What You Get To Watch 1. Aaron Rodgers playing some unfairly mistake-free ball with jaw-dropping throws. Dude makes any receiver look good, and any defense look bad. 2. Eddie Lacy truckin' fools. He also does a spin move, it's like watching elephant ballet, majestic but out of place, yet you feel richer for having seen it. 3. Clay Matthews running full tilt every play. The number of guys he runs down from behind is amazing, not to mention the sacks. 4. An army of midget cornerbacks that play the ball exceedingly well. 5. Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. A good football name. A good football player. 6. Mason Crosby. He's like Matt Damon's ugly little brother, but he will at some point nail a 70+ yard field goal because his leg is amazing. He had one horrific year in 2012 or so, but has been great every other year. We are all very glad we didn't cut him then. 7. Mike "Pigfucker" McCarthy. Supposedly called a 49er goon a pigfucker back around 2005 or so, which makes him a-ok in my book. Used to call the plays, now delegated that task to our OC. So now he looks pensive on the sideline and throws out a challenge flag at inopportune moments. But the team's winning, so he's doing something right, even if it's doing nothing. 8. John Kuhn. The last slow old white FB. We get excited whenever he touches the ball, and yell out KUUUUHHHHNN because that's what you do. 9. Packers fans. We're everywhere, and we'll often take over other team's stadiums during away games. Easily identifiable by copious amounts of Packer fan gear. Will bring over beer if you ask them. Here are some unused shaky-tars if you want an early jump on your fandom:    You'll also want to find some awkward photos of AJ Hawk or Jarrett Bush to have handy to assign to lovely Packers posters, as we police our own. Abugadu fucked around with this message at 06:41 on Oct 9, 2015 |
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Oct 9, 2015 06:38
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| # ¿ May 22, 2024 11:11 |
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