- Tunicate
- May 15, 2012
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The AI kept telling me to log off so this round took longer.
(managed by Tunicate )
vs
Gnose Gnothing (managed by Gnoman)
quote:
> You announce, "In the red corner, we have a nameless serpent man, who attacks with biting and I totally have no bias against, and I do not at all regret breaking the website and being completely uanble to click the character link for this creature." You point at the serpent-shaped humanoid.
> "And in the blue corner, we have Gnose Gnothing, a female human with a pike and nothing to lose!" You look at the two combatants.
The crowd goes wild as the two fighters approach each other. Gnose is a tall, blonde human with a long pike. She looks very professional and focused.
> You ask Gnose Gnothing "Why are you going to win this battle?"
Gnose laughs. "Because my opponent is a short-range fighter, and I have a long range. I can stay out of his reach, and that means I can tire him out."
> You say "That's the most tactically sound answer I've heard all day. As for you," you point at the serpent man, "why do YOU think you'll win?"
"I have been trained for this since birth. I will crush my enemy with the jaw of life!"
"Ha! I'll give you jaw of life!"
> You announce the beginning of the battle!
The two gladiators begin to approach each other, but Gnose keeps her distance. The snake man suddenly bursts forward, grabbing the pike and holding it in place. He pushes forward, but the pike's momentum forces him back. Gnose puts her foot on the end of the pike, and pushes herself forward, but she slips. She manages to get her hands around the snake man's throat, but he holds her off the ground and squeezes.
The crowd goes wild as the two fighters embrace each other, slipping and stumbling around the arena. The snake man grabs the pike, and the two fight for it. The pike goes back and forth, but neither are able to gain the advantage.
Gnose is thrown into the wall of the arena, and falls to the ground. The snake man runs forward, but she manages to grab the pike as it slides towards her. She swings it around and it hits the jaw of life. There is a crunch as the jaw breaks and sticks out at a 90 degree angle.
"Yes!" you shout, and the crowd begins to cheer for Gnose.
> You yell "Finally I won't have to keep using view source to get a link!" and continue watching the fight.
Gnose holds the pike with both hands and runs forward, but the snake man catches it in his hands. He yanks, and she goes flying forward. He throws the pike to the ground, and jumps forward. The snake man lands on her back, and wraps his hands around her throat. She slams her fists into his eyes, but he continues to choke her.
Gnose stops struggling, and the snake man stops strangling. He stands up, and raises his hands. The crowd goes wild as he dances around, celebrating.
> You realize you just pranked yourself, and shoo out the survivor in preparation for the next match.
You decide to let the crowd control itself for a while, and you walk away from the computer.
Winner:
Badant (managed by habituallyred )
vs
ϾϿ (managed by Spermy Smurf )
quote:
> You log back on, and prepare the next two combatants. First up, you have ϾϿ the minotaur. With his copper armor he can take a few hits, and those platinum gauntlets will make his punches a lot stronger. In the other corner, you have Badant, a soldier ant woman who dual wields iron throwing axes.
The crowd goes wild as the two enter the arena.
> You say "ϾϿ, why do you think you'll win the match?"
"Hah! I have fought hundreds of times before. My enemy is weak, and I am strong. It is an easy fight."
> You say "Confidence is always valuable. We'll see if it's well placed."
> You turn to Badant and say, "How about you, Badant? Why are you gonna win?"
"The gods hate the minotaurs. They're all cowards, and weaklings. I will win, and my people will feast on his flesh."
The two gladiators move toward each other.
> You signal the beginning of the match.
Badant crouches low, and holds her axe in both hands. She waits for the right moment. The minotaur raises his fist and runs forward. He swings, but Badant ducks under it. She jumps up and brings her axe down. It cuts through the thick fur and grazes the minotaur's skin.
The crowd oohs as ϾϿ falls to his knees. Badant swings again, but the minotaur catches her axe. He throws it off to the side, and Badant goes to pick it up.
As she runs for it, the minotaur gets back up.
> You say "That was a close shave, folks!"
The minotaur swings his fist, but Badant rolls under it. She grabs the axe, and gets to her feet. She swings as the minotaur turns around. The blade cuts through the fur and into the minotaur's skin. He roars, and Badant jumps back.
Badant readies her axe, and waits for the minotaur to make his move. He raises his fists and takes a wide stance. He looks like he's ready to throw a flurry of punches.
The crowd watches, quiet.
Badant waits for the minotaur to make his move.
The minotaur pulls his arm back, ready to throw a punch. He rears back, and brings it forward as he swings.
Badant ducks under the punch, and swings her axe. It bites into the minotaur's arm, and he roars. She pulls the axe out of his arm, and he grabs her by the throat.
He squeezes, and she can't breathe. The axe falls to the ground as she claws at his hand. He picks her up off the ground, and she kicks and punches at him.
The minotaur throws her, and she bounces along the stone floor. Her body aches all over from the fall. She gets to her knees, but the minotaur is on her before she can get up.
He puts his foot on her chest, and raises his fist. The crowd goes quiet as he punches down. The fur-covered fist hits Badant in the head with an audible crunch. She goes limp, and the crowd gasps.
The minotaur roars in victory.
The two chariots pull up to the gate.
> You watch as the chariots carry a victorious ϾϿ away.
He is taken to a medical bay.
The crowd cheers as Badant's limp body is dragged away.
It's late, and you head to your quarters.
Winner: ϾϿ
Strangler disguised as itself (managed by AJ_Impy )
vs
Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki (managed by Cathode Raymond )
quote:
> You bring in the next combatants. This is a special match, featuring two different stranglers. Stranglers, as the crowd well knows, are four-armed ape-like creatures with three eyes and an unquenchable thirst for violence. In the red corner, you have Strangler disguised as itself, armed with an iron pick, and in the blue corner, you have Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki, who is wielding THREE different spears at once. Truly fascinating. Both of them have oaken shields, so this could be anyone's game, folks!
Who will win this match for their team?
This is a DPS race due to the stranglers' lack of armor. You could armor-cap it, but that would be silly. Let's see who wins!
> You ask Strangler disguised as itself why HE will win the match.
You approach Strangler disguised as itself.
"Why do you think you'll win this match?"
"I will win because four arms are better than two."
> You say "Uh... you do realize your opponent ALSO has four arms, right? Well, good luck, little guy. How about you, Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki, why do you think you'll win?"
You approach Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki.
"Why do you think you'll win this match?"
"I will win because I'm obviously the superior warrior."
You chuckle a bit.
> You say "No Munki has ever won in this arena," then signal the start of the match.
The match begins.
Strangler disguised as itself lunges forward, surprising Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki. It lands a hit, and stabs him in the side. He gets pushed away, but manages to score another hit. They trade hits for a while, until Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki knocks Strangler disguised as itself's shield out of his hands. He hits him in the head, and he falls to the ground. He raises his spear, ready to strike the finishing blow...
But he stops, and walks away. The buzzer sounds.
> You say "An oddly merciful gesture from Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki. But nobody surrendered, and nobody's dead, so it looks like we're going to go for another round!"
The match continues.
Strangler disguised as itself has his pick in his hands, and lands a glancing blow on Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki's arm. He swings again, hitting the side of Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki's head. He goes for another strike...
But he drops his weapon. The buzzer sounds.
> You fix the dang buzzer, and restart the match. You tell the AI to stop with the interruptions and get with the bloodsports.
The match continues.
Strangler disguised as itself's weapon is on the ground. He lands a couple of punches on Stab!Monkey Bad!Munki, who falls to one knee. He grabs his spear...
And stabs him through the chest. He falls to the ground. The buzzer sounds.
"Strangler disguised as itself has won the match for his team!"
The crowd cheers, and you release the AI so it can do its job and entertain the crowd.
Winner: Strangler disguised as itself... but this AI is starting to worry me.
Plate (managed by Selious )
vs
Stabbers (managed by Galick )
quote:
> You introduce the final two contestants - Stabbers, a naked dark gnome wielding an adamantine dagger worth more than your house, and Plate, a minotaur who is opting for a bronze dagger and copper shield. The minotaur is a lot bigger than the gnome, but this is anyone's fight!
You are given two options to introduce the competitors. You can either introduce them yourself, or let the crowd do it for you.
0 voters voted for the former option, and 2 voters voted for the latter option.
> You ask the crowd to introduce Plate.
"Now, the crowd will introduce the competitors."
The crowd goes wild. They all begin shouting at each other. After a while, they begin chanting in unison.
"Plate! Plate! Plate!"
They begin chanting louder and louder. After a while, the chant changes in nature.
"PLAAAAATE! PLAAAAATE! PLAAAAATE!"
They begin shouting out nonsense. After a while, they begin throwing things into the arena.
> You say, "Okay, we gave democracy a chance, folks. Tell me Plate, why do you think you're gonna win this match?"
"I trained at a very young age, because I am the chosen one."
> You say "Your legend ends here if you can't defeat Stabbers. Stabbers, why will you win?"
"Because the dagger is mightier than the sword."
You've already done the introductions, so you decide to get on with the fight. The crowd seems impatient.
> You signal the beginning of the fight!
The crowd goes wild. The two competitors stare each other down. After a while, the bell rings and they both charge at one another!
Stabbers attempts to slash Plate with his dagger. However, he misses and falls over. He quickly gets back up, but before he can do anything, Plate stabs him through the throat with his dagger. He's dead before he hits the ground.
The crowd goes wild.
"Stabbers is Dead! The winner is Plate!"
Winner: Plate, the chosen one.
Also the last match upload I got this error
"Line 778 - You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near '' at line 1"
Tunicate fucked around with this message at 08:36 on Jul 25, 2020
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Jul 18, 2020 00:21
