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Hey, the forums are up this morning. You know what that means! Edit: Woooo! New page!
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Jan 14, 2016 14:44
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| # ? May 10, 2024 00:40 |
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 Round 7, Fight 2 Two Chicks with Dicks is on the left side of the arena. Suck & gently caress Pighead (Dirty Frank) is a female goblin. She wields a silver war hammer and wears no armor. Bo (Haystack) is a male human. He wields a bronze short sword and a wooden shield and wears a leather cap, leather armor, and leather high boots. Stumpy (Mygna) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper mail shirt. Richard Kyanka (Lorrdernie) is a male dark gnome. He wields a bronze large dagger and wears no armor. Go big and/or go home is on the right side of the arena. Snowshank Redemption (A good poster) is a male yeti. He wields a copper large dagger and wears an iron mail shirt and copper greaves. Tyler Durden is Hobbes (Iunnrais) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears leather armor. 3 Wolf Moon Shirt (iLonie) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears a leather cap, leather armor, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Slam Whale Willy (potatomanjack) is a male werewolf. He wields a silver mace and a wooden buckler and wears a leather cap, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Go big and/or go home is a 1.12 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 3192.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2843.00 dwarfbucks for Two Chicks with Dicks.  The fighters charge with a roar, blows are deflected by armor and blocked for most fighters. However Snowshank, the huge yeti, stabs Suck and gently caress the goblin in the foot which fractures bone and tears ligaments. Suck and gently caress falls to the floor. Richard Kyanka proves that size doesn't matter when his dagger finds Slam Whale Willy's kidney. That's two devastating blows right off the bat, one for each team.  The tiny dark gnome pulls his dagger free and places it lovingly inside of the werewolfs leg. Bone fractures, and Slam Whale Willy's eyes roll up in his head and he hits the floor. Bo, the human, finds an opening against Tyler Durden and sends the tigerman to the floor with a nearly-severed paw. No wonder Suck and gently caress is getting hammered by Snowshank... The goblins attention is set on the downed tigerman! Suck and gently caress smashes the remaining paw of Tyler Durden, fracturing bone.  Stumpy arrives on the scene to save Suck and gently caress. He gets a clean blow to the back of the huge yeti and takes off Snowshank's foot with his huge axe. Richard Kyanka takes 2 blows in rapid succession in order to finish off Slam Whale Willy. Richard Kyanka dodges a blow from 3 Wolf Moon who is trying to save his werewolf buddy, and then chops deep into 3 Wolf Moons foot which sends him to the floor. It's not all roses for Two Chicks with Dicks or whatever the team name is. Suck and gently caress was a little to fixated on Tyler Durden, and the tigerman grabs her. Tyler Durden bends the goblin's shoulder in ways it was never meant to bend, and Suck and gently caress passes out from pain.  Snowshank shows his dagger skill by chopping deep into Bo's foot, sending the human to the floor. 3 Wolf Moon rolls onto the scene and chops off Suck and gently caress's head. Snowshank's next attack takes Bo's foot off. Jesus christ is anyone left standing? Just Kyanka and Stumpy at this point? What is up with this fight and chopping off feet?  Richard Kyanka is small and deadly. He chops Tyler Durdens neck apart and the tigerman passes out. Snowshank gets a solid blow against Stumpy's arm and the dwarfs arm is fractured. Richard Kyanka changes targets and puts his knife deep into Snowshank's left foot which sends the Yeti into dreamland. Bo chops into 3 Wolf Moon's leg with his sword and blood spurts across the floor.  Stumpy chops the unconscious Yeti's head off with one swipe.  Richard Kyanka and Bo go to town on Tyler Durdens head. Bo softens the skull before Richard Kyanka splits it in two. 3 Wolf Moon rolls away desperately, but his tail is taken off by Stumpy. And then it's 3v1 and 3 Wolf Moon gets absolutely mutilated for a bit. Arm chopped nearly off, right lower leg almost severed, left leg fractured by a dagger, right upper leg chopped deeply....  The image is a lie. It's not his head... it's his entire upper body. Stumpy chopped him in half. Two Chicks With Dicks pulls an upset with a pretty close 4-1 victory. They survived with 1 unhurt gladiator, 1 very in severe pain, and 1 faint from blood loss and pain. Kyanka and Stumpy both pull in 2 kills. Kills: Richard Kyanka: 2 Stumpy: 2 3 Wolf Moon: 1 Combat Log
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Jan 14, 2016 15:30
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Hey, just wanted to throw this out here. I apologize to everyone in this thread. I commissioned once, and then I picked up a second job and shits been crazy since. I've since left the commissioner group since I sincerely cannot devote the time. Again, I'm sorry, and I should've been more direct about this.
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Jan 14, 2016 17:24
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I blame Spermy Smurf.
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Jan 14, 2016 17:25
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I blame the Gremlins.
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Jan 14, 2016 17:26
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Nice, betting all my money on my own team actually worked out for once! By the way, I don't think it's mentioned anywhere how many teams will qualify for the play-offs. Is it only the division leaders, or will there be wild-cards for best runner ups?
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Jan 14, 2016 17:41
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Mygna posted:Nice, betting all my money on my own team actually worked out for once! There will be four wild card spots. We're leaning towards the four best overall records for non-division leaders, with total kills minus total times killed as a tiebreaker.
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Jan 14, 2016 18:32
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My second incorrect bet was, again, incorrect! Can anybody stop me?!
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Jan 14, 2016 22:07
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After I butchered these screenshots I think it's best if you all know I had 3 beers for lunch and gently caress you. Round 7, Fight 6 Spooky Scary Skeletons is on the left side of the arena. Tash Al'rhyn (tithin) is a female werewolf. She wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a copper mail shirt, a bronze mail shirt, and leather gauntlets. Three Gremlins in a Blender (AJ_Impy) is a male strangler. He wields an iron pick and a wooden shield and wears a copper cap, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. Bad Munki (Coward) is a male kobold. He wields a steel bow and wears a leather cap. Candy Corn Tiger (Klokwurk) is a male tigerman. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm and bronze gauntlets. A Tarantino Film is on the right side of the arena. Uma Thurman (AnoHito) is a female human. She wields a steel two-handed sword and wears leather armor. Urist McLee (Fuubi) is a male dwarf. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm. Snarls Barkley (Bene Elim) is a female werewolf. She wields a bronze pike and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm and bronze gauntlets. Solomon Rabinowitz (Added Space) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, a steel mail shirt, steel gauntlets, and steel high boots.  A Tarantino Film is a 1.43 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 4396.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 3076.00 dwarfbucks for Spooky Scary Skeletons .  Hey, Bad Munki. Your aim is bad and you should feel bad. *Missed initial screenshot of gladiators slamming into each other* Snarls Barkley leads off the battle by... no, wait. Candy Corn leads it off by stabbing Snarls in the leg, fracturing it and sending him to the floor. Uma Thurman squares off against Tash and takes an early lead in their battle by chopping partway through the werewolfs arm, causing her to drop the silver war hammer.  Solomon bites Three Gremlins in the foot, injecting venom and paralyzing the strangler. Snarls Barkley plants his pike in the paralyzed strangler and Three Gremlins passes out from pancreas pain.  After ages of the snake shaking the strangler around, Candy Corn finally gets a decent blow in and sends Snarls Barkleys hand flying through the air. 3 attacks later, Snarls Barkley finally remembers to pull his pike out of Three Gremlins' pancreas... Urist grabs and punches the prone strangler over and over.  Uma Thurman takes off Tash's only good arm and her shield lands next to the hammer on the floor.  Snarls Barkley uses his freshly reclaimed halberd not to defend himself from Candy Corn, but instead to finish off Three Gremlins. Bold strategy... free up Urist and Solomon at the expense of a halberd in your back? It might work! Up top, Tash realizes no hands doesn't mean she's defenseless. I mean, she's basically a giant dog. She bites Uma on the leg and thrashes her around violently. Somehow Uma keeps her composure and chops one of Tash's legs out from under her. They hit the floor together, and Uma stabs her paw so hard that Tash passes out. Urist finally comes over to help, but he's just punching.  Uma ends the werewolfs life. Remember Snarls' gamble? Turns out it was brilliant. He took one more blow before Solomon latches onto Candy Corn and injects venom into the tigerman. He drops everything and falls to the floor. Snarls blocks an arrow from Bad Munki, his second blocked arrow of the match.  How's this look? Tarantino Film marches in step toward the paralyzed tigerman and his tiny kobold teammate. Candy Corn passes out quickly, but he does not die quickly. That's best for his team, but terrible to watch.  Arrow away! The first arrow slams into Uma's chest, piercing lungs, tearing spine tissue, and generally hurting a lot. Uma drops the sword, paralyzed sort of. The second arrow (after Candy Corn takes a thousand more injuries) strikes Uma Thurman in the head, chipping the skull and lodging firmly in the wound. It's not lodged in the wound, but thats what the game log says.  Candy Corn finally bleeds to death and Solomon does what he does to Bad Munki.  Urist McLee gets the kill after breaking a bunch of bones. A facepunch collapsed the kobolds head. Tarantino Film puts the beat down on Spooky Scary Skeletons in a bloody 4-0 victory. Kills: Snarls Barkley: 2 Uma Thurman: 1 Urist McLee: 1 Combat Log
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Jan 14, 2016 22:10
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jon joe posted:My second incorrect bet was, again, incorrect! Can anybody stop me?! The answer is yes, I was just stopped from being incorrect this time.
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Jan 14, 2016 22:13
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Solomon mvp
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Jan 14, 2016 22:26
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Spermy Smurf posted:Urist McLee gets the kill after breaking a bunch of bones. A facepunch collapsed the kobolds head. Haha! Unbloodied no more~!
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Jan 14, 2016 22:28
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Note to self: Do not let Three Gremlins get bitten by snakes. Urist does indeed escape the ranks of the unblooded.
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Jan 14, 2016 23:27
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Ow. It feels, sometimes, that so much rides on that initial shot from the archer.
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Jan 15, 2016 03:22
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Round 7, Fight 7 A furry, a farmer, and two cows is on the left side of the arena. Goku (Galick) is a male tigerman. He wields a wooden buckler and wears a leather cap, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Dontellim Pike (John Charity Spring) is a male human. He wields an iron pike and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Min/Maxotaur (Anchors) is a female minotaur. She wields a copper large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears a copper helm, a copper mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, a copper breast plate, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Rob Ford (Tirius) is a male minotaur. He wields an iron two-handed sword and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm and an iron mail shirt. The Plump Helmets is on the right side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields a copper spear and a copper spear and wears a bronze cap, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots.  A furry, a farmer, and two cows is a 1.11 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 8008.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 7201.00 dwarfbucks for The Plump Helmets.  Things start off very poorly for Furry Farmer and Two Cows. Dory stabs Dontellim Pike in the forearm which fractures bone. In the same second James Largesausage takes Dontellims left hand off. That's two blows to the left arm/hand within a tenth of a second. James turns to Goku and stabs the tigermans hand deeply, nerves are severed and Goku is in severe pain.  Rob Ford, Panty Thief, and Josie trade blows, but amount to bruises for the first half of the fight. James and Dory on the other hand... Well, they continue to work on the enemy. James nearly takes Goku's hand off while Dory plants her spear in Goku's face. James turns to Min/Maxotaur and slices her hand off easily. Min/Maxotaur is enraged by this turn of events. Josie finally gets a solid blow in and Min/Maxotaurs right hand is smashed into pieces. Min/Max has no more hands.  Dory plants her spear in Dontellims head and the human passes out. Goku takes the opportunity to kick Dory's teeth from her face, but Dory don't take no poo poo from nobody. The shaft of her spear whips around at lightning speed and cracks against Goku's head before he even lands from the jumpkick. Lights out for Goku. See the 2 X's and ! That's Furry, Farmer, and Two Cows. Rob Ford is the minotaur nearly dead center of the arena, and the only fighter on the team that isn't crippled or unconscious.  Dory finishes off Goku. Min/Maxotaur stabs Panty Thief somehow but armor saves Panty Thief. One of Min/Max's hands has been "exploded into gore" and the other hand is currently 10 feet away from her body. I don't know how she is wielding that dagger.  James Largesausage does the same to Dontellim Pike. And now there are a few charges by Rob Ford in a desperate attempt to put down James Largesausage who has been deadly so far. Min/Max trades blows with Panty Thief and Josie, but armor protects all three gladiators. Finally a breakthrough! Panty Thief grabs Min/Max by the teeth and drags her to the floor. At the same time Dory plants her spear in the arm of Rob Ford, causing the minotaur to drop his huge sword. A second blow from Dory causes Rob Ford to black out with a spear in his head.  Dory leaves Rob Ford alone and turns her attention to Min/Maxotaur who has slashed Panty Thief deeply in one foot. James Largesausage shakes off the cobwebs and is welcomed back to the melee by chopping off Rob Fords head.  Dory stabs Min/Max's arm, forcing her to drop the dagger from imaginary fingers. Dory bites off the minotaurs ear, James puts a pike in her head, and then Panty Thief kicks her so hard she flies through the air for a moment before slamming back into the floor. James puts his halberd into her eye, and Min/Max finally passes out. James takes two blows to get through the helmet, but cleaves her head in two moments later. The Plump Helmets win 4-0 easily . I'm tempted to drop another full team in there right now to see if they can win 2 in a row without healing. Yeah, they just won again without losing anyone against the same team. They lost the third in a row though. Kills: Dory: 1 James Largesausage: 3 Combat Log
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Jan 15, 2016 14:30
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The next fight is the last fight for the round. So after the next fight is posted you can edit your fighters and I'll pick this back up on Monday. The final fight is my teams fight. I can run it myself later today if there are no objections. I told the other Commissioners that someone else should run it today if they have time. I'm trying to get this round done today so we can have the entire weekend to
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Jan 15, 2016 14:43
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i have no objections, as long as i win
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Jan 15, 2016 14:45
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Jesus, how many hands were lopped off in that fight? And also, I'm quite pleased at the performance of my fighter and my team.
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Jan 15, 2016 15:11
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I object on principle.
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Jan 15, 2016 15:17
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My favorite bit from the log is Dory just casually deflecting Rob Ford's attacks with one spear like it ain't no thang, while doing her best Babe Ruth impression on Goku's head with the other spear.
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Jan 15, 2016 15:18
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My favourite bit is this:code:Panty Thief posted:Dear Diary,
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Jan 15, 2016 15:29
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I suppose a copper dagger addition is not actually that strong. This entire round hereby marks my first decrease in dorfbux!
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Jan 15, 2016 16:24
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Spermy Smurf posted:
I am fine with it.
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Jan 15, 2016 21:32
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Go ahead, Smurf, run it. I'll do some interdivisional stats afterwards.
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Jan 15, 2016 21:52
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poo poo came up, I won't be able to run it. Monday at the earliest if we wait for me to do it. Sorry all, I was planning on 
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Jan 15, 2016 22:29
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I will run the fight either rather late tonight or sometime tomorrow. Sorry I haven't been able to run much this round; I'm helping with a training expansion at work and it drains a certain amount of my energy and it's a schedule that doesn't leave me free when I had been doing Arena fights.
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Jan 16, 2016 00:05
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Spermy Smurf posted:Sorry all, I was planning on drat it Spermy, I was trusting you. Now how am I going to get all my sweet, sweet dorfbux back? 
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Jan 16, 2016 00:34
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Also, good work team. Maybe that minotaur was able to still hold the dagger because Josie exploding the hand in gore involved hammering the knife grip-first into the stump. Furry Farm upgraded their stuff, but this fight was probably also the first big jump in our own team's lethality.
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Jan 16, 2016 00:42
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Goku has finally achieved his true form and discarded the power pole. It only leads to Kami's Lookout now. 
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Jan 16, 2016 00:59
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Dispawed and disarmed.
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Jan 16, 2016 04:03
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Tiler Kiwi posted:Solomon mvp Not the worst! Not the worst! 
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Jan 16, 2016 06:24
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Galick posted:Hey, just wanted to throw this out here. I apologize to everyone in this thread. I commissioned once, and then I picked up a second job and shits been crazy since. I've since left the commissioner group since I sincerely cannot devote the time. Again, I'm sorry, and I should've been more direct about this. I cannot believe you've done this. I for one could never imagine abandoning my sacred arena vows.
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Jan 16, 2016 07:24
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Spermy Smurf posted:The Plump Helmets win 4-0 easily . I'm tempted to drop another full team in there right now to see if they can win 2 in a row without healing. Yeah, they just won again without losing anyone against the same team. They lost the third in a row though. The team so nice we dunked them twice. Vox Nihili posted:I cannot believe you've done this. I for one could never imagine abandoning my sacred arena vows. 
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Jan 16, 2016 16:23
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Round 7, Fight 8  The Petting Zoo is on the left side of the arena. Antwoman (Spermy Smurf) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields an iron large dagger, a copper large dagger, a copper large dagger, and a bronze large dagger and wears an iron helm, a copper mail shirt, and copper greaves. A Lost Cowman (Locomotive breath) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears a silver helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, copper greaves, silver gauntlets, and copper low boots. Simon Belmole (Ablative) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper scourge and wears a copper cap, a copper mail shirt, and copper high boots. Stephen Harper (ChickenWing) is a male serpent man. He wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears leather gauntlets and leather high boots. Worker Cooperative is on the right side of the arena. Combat Liberalism (Jack the Lad) is a female gremlin. She wields an iron large dagger and wears no armor. Unthrottle the Axolotl (Zwingley) is a female kobold. She wields a silver whip and wears no armor. Jameson the Unruly (alvie) is a male human. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears a copper cap, a copper breast plate, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. Albrik the Insignificant (Tiler Kiwi) is a male kobold. He wields an iron battleaxe and wears a bronze cap, leather armor, leather leggings, and leather low boots. The Petting Zoo is a 1.06 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 3093.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2907.00 dwarfbucks for Worker Cooperative. At first glance, the betting might look pretty even, but almost 80% of the bet on Petting Zoo is jon joe betting on a 2-4 team over a 4-2 team. Let's see if he's going to successfully lose money here or accidentally double his handout.  As we naturally have grown to expect, Antwoman spawned on a pool of lava and has her eyes, mouth and feet burned off. Oh, oops, the button for "load macro" is only one keystroke from "spawn lava".  Let's start over and try this again. That's more normal. Comparatively. Cowman grabs Unthrottle's finger moments before Jameson chops his foot off. Albrik removes one of Belmole's arms. Antwoman, rejuvenated from her lava misadventure, stabs Liberalism in the foot. Cowman had to adjust his grip, but even from the floor, he successfully hurls Unthrottle away and gores her in mid-air. Jameson takes advantage of the minotaur's focus to kik his eye out and chop off an arm. This is a bloody fight already, folks. Unthrottle bounces off the floor, then finds Antwoman biting her head. This is what happens if you don't bring enough weapons; you just end up biting your enemy. Learn this lesson well. Albrik chops off Stephen's shield hand.  No one's dead, but it's getting messy out there. Cowman has grabbed Jameson but is finding him too large to throw, so he just uses his bullish strength to bend the human's shoulder in ways it shouldn't go. Now Cowman throws him. I underestimated his strength. Still on the ground due to his foot injury, he still gores the human's foot in mid-air, and blood sprays across the arena in slow motion, before Jameson hits the floor. Meanwhile, Belmole and his scourge remove Liberalism's arm. Antwoman slips a dagger into Unthrottle and she checks out. Stephen punches Albrik so hard that the kobold has a hard time breathing. Um, I think The Petting Zoo is winning.  Yeah. After another scratch from Cowman, that's two of the visitors stunned, two unconscious from pain, and all four of the home team are technically fighting fit. It doesn't take long for the first kill; Antwoman chops off Unthrottle's head. Liberalism starts throwing up, then Belmole chops his head off. Albrik can no longer stand after a broken leg. Albrik gets bitten by Stephen and loses his axe as he is paralyzed, then his hand is more physically removed, anyway. Belmole and Antwoman begin trying to break open Jameson's skull, while Cowman takes a more Gumby-toy approach of arranging limbs however he feels like, whether or not they actually bend that way. As that little mess continues, Stephen crunches Albrik's skull. Seconds later, Belmole chops Jameson in twain. Well. The Petting Zoo each paired up with one of the opposite team and demolished them. I didn't expect that outcome. Final Score The Petting Zoo: 4 Worker Cooperative: 0 Kills Antwoman: 1 Simon Belmole: 2 Stephen Harper: 1 Combat Log
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Jan 16, 2016 21:01
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The round is over! Everyone, update your fighters and place your bets for round 8!
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Jan 16, 2016 21:02
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All according to plan.  And by that I mean Spermy has clearly impersonated ZeeToo and rigged the match for us. Well done.
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Jan 16, 2016 21:21
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Alright, now to Bet Seriously again.
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Jan 16, 2016 22:28
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What the gently caress just happened. Our team is all blooded, finally. Well done team!
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Jan 16, 2016 22:34
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Spermy Smurf posted:What the gently caress just happened. Spermy Smurf posted:Our team is all blooded, finally. Spermy Smurf posted:Well done team!
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Jan 16, 2016 22:36
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Locomotive breath posted:All according to plan.* *Translator's note: Plan means "keikaku" That was pretty brutal, but that makes sense considering everyone was pretty lightly armored. The Petting Zoo is probably an underattedly scrappy team. Our fight with them was a nailbiting shitshow.
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Jan 16, 2016 22:36
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