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Sorry for the delay.. Round 17, Fight 2 Two Chicks with Dicks (9-7), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Suck & gently caress Pighead (Dirty Frank) is a female goblin. She wields a silver war hammer and wears an iron helm and an iron mail shirt. Bo (Haystack) is a male human. He wields a bronze short sword and a wooden shield and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Stumpy (Mygna) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Richard Kyanka (Lorrdernie) is a male dark gnome. He wields a bronze large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears no armor. Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow (7-9), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Here comes Mongo! (Endorph) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a copper mail shirt, copper leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. sn (ZeeToo) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and a wooden buckler and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, a copper breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Face (Godna) is a male troll. He wields a copper two-handed sword and wears a silver cap, a copper mail shirt, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and silver high boots. Jakob (frankenfreak) is a male werewolf. He wields a bronze mace and wears a copper helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Two Chicks with Dicks is a 2.49 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 4112.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1650.00 dwarfbucks for Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow. First of all I would like to congratulate the arena janitorial staff for their fantastic work on their sea world exhibit over the weekend. I just wish that they hadn't simply pulled out the plug and hoped for the best when they were done. It turns out that, unlike goldifsh, carp do not fit all the way down the plumbing, even if you push them really hard.  On the left, up to their knees in water, we have Two Chicks With Dicks, presumably already planning some kind of elaborate revenge against the janitorial staff for this mess. On the right we have the visiting team Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow. Jakob, in particular, looks unhappily damp. Not even werewolves like the smell of wet dog it seems. The shower of sparks as the waterlogged sirent explodes heralds the start of the battle, and the two teams wade across the arena to do battle. The first attack of the match comes from Bo as he stabs Jakob in the right knee with his bronze short sword, severing muscle and nerves. The werewolf curses loudly as the muscles in his leg tear apart and he loses feeling in the leg. This turns into a cry of horror as he falls facefirst into the water.  Jakob looks up from the water and takes a swing at Bo, missing the human as he danced away. Unfortunately his poor luck did not end here as Stumpy ran up and took off his arm at the elbow with her axe before jamming her axe in Jakob's sternum, cutting the heart and sending blood everywhere. Then the rest of the gladiators come together in a single large brawl. Here comes Mongo! reaches down and grabs Suck & gently caress Pighead by the toe and throws her into the air. Face advances and swings his two handed sword at the airborne goblin but misses her by a narrow margine as Richard Kyanka attacks Face with his dagger, failing to penetrate the large trolls breastplate. Here comes Mongo! then gores the poor goblin in the right arm, bruising her while Sn makes his appearance, spearing the poor airborne goblin in mid-air through the right forearm, opening up an artery with a spray of blood and severing many nerves. Mongo then attempts to gore her again, catching her in the eye before she hits the ground with a large splash. Suck & gently caress Pighead, wounded and floored, see's Mongo's face so close to her own and bashes the troll over the head with her silver war hammer, cracking the trolls skull, then takes advantage of the trolls momentarily stupefied expression to climb to her feet. Unfortunately for her, she discounted the badly wounded Jakob laying nearby with an axe stuck in his chest, and the werewolf bit into her right forearm with a spray of blood. Mongo recovers from his daze and performs a takedown on Suck & gently caress Pighead with his grip on her toe, which he had not released when he threw her. Beset on two sides, Pighead decides that Jakob's teeth are the greater threat to her at the moment than the trolls foot fetish and attempts to bash the demented werewolf's head in with her hammer but Jakob parried it with his mace before shaking her arm about in his jaws tearing free a large gob of flesh. Richard Kyanka, tired of being ignored by Face, punches him in his right horn. The troll turns on him and attempts to slice the gnome in half, but the gnome leaps back out of the way at the last second. Bo approaches the distracted troll from behind and slashes at him, but Face turns his failed swing at the gnome into a spin and manages to get his blade around just in time to parry the humans strike. Stumpy, unwilling to risk pulling her axe out of Jakob's chest at this time, punches Face in the tusk to no effect while Bo catches Face's retaliatory strike on his shield. Bo recovers from the blow and swings his sword at Face again, cutting the trolls left hand open and breaking his wrist sending more blood into the water below. Face responds by taking another huge swing at Bo, who again catches it on his shield, but before the troll can follow up on the advantage he has, Stumpy punches at the trolls face and he has to leap away. Richard Kyanka, once again unnoticed in the fray, slices into Face's hand, startling the troll and providing an opening for Bo to drive his shortsword into Face's foot, breaking the trolls ankle and sending him to the arena floor with a splash that covers them all with bloody water. In the other engagement Mongo suddenly decides that he is sick of holding on to Pighead's fourth toe on her right foot and releases it, only to grab her fourth toe on her left foot instead. As he brings his head down to inspect her feet, he accidentally gores her in the left hand, causing a minor bruise. Unfortunately Pighead is beset by more foes than a simple perverted troll and turns away to take aim at the molemarian Sn, hitting him in the upper body with her war hammer, bruising one of his lungs and sending him staggering back gasping for air. It turns out this was not the wisest course of action because Mongo gores her in the back, bruising her kidney. Back in the first engagement, Stumpy reaches down and tears off Face's toe with her fingernails as the grounded troll deflects Richard Kyanka's dagger with his sword. Bo takes a swing at Face's lower body but his sword slides off the trolls greaves and draws his attention once more, forcing him to once again raise his shield to block another blow from the two handed sword. This time, with the troll laying on his back in the water and slowed, Bo manages to counter-attack and draws a thick line down Face's left hand with his sword, splitting apart the trolls fat. Suck & gently caress Pighead, badly wounded and surrounded by enemies, finally loses control and lets out a roar of rage and swings her hammer at Mongo, missing him by milliters. Mongo performs another takedown on the enraged goblin, but she immediately leaps back to her feet. Jakob, realising the poo poo they are in if she gets a moment to act, bashes her over the head with his mace, stunning her. Mongo lunges at her and catches her war hammer with his right upper arm and charges her to the floor, but she refuses to stay in the bloody water a moment longer and climbs to her feet once again. Mongo tries to subdue her with his right hand, grasping the goblin by the ear, but she twists the hammer in his grasp and breaks the hand holding her ear. Mongo gives a roar of pain and gores her left hand with his horn, crushing it to paste, while Sn drives his spear into her. Pighead neither feels nor cares about these injuries in her enraged state, but she will still be overwhelmed without any assistance. And assistance arrives in the form of Bo, breaking off from the fight against face he turns and cuts off Mongo's left tusk, distracting him for the crucial seconds it takes for Pighead to brain him with her hammer, cracking the trolls skull. Mongo stands there with a stunned look on his face for a few heartbeats before he collapses to the floor witha splash, unconscious from pain. Despite felling one of her opponents, Pigheadgets no relief as Jakob sinks his teeth into her right foot, tearing muscles, nerves, and dragging her to the floor before shaking his head and tearing a large chunk of flesh from her leg, sending more blood gushing out into the water. Bo, rather than help his colleague, drives his dword into Mongo's head twice, the second stab penetrating the trolls skull and slicing apart the brain, killing him.  Jakob continues attacking the enraged Pighead, crushing her right foot with his mace. She responds by sinking her teeth into his shin in form that would do a berserker proud. Jakob shakes her free before shattering the bones in her right hand with his mace. Bo, perhaps writing off Pighead as a lost cause, returns to battle against Face, who has easily evaded everything Stumpy and Richard Kyanka could throw at him. He drives his sword into the distracted trolls right hand, slicing deep into the trolls thick fat. Richard Kyanka targets the same hand as the troll pulls it away from Bo and drives his dagger in, breaking the wrist and severing a motor nerve. Face gives a howl of pain as his sword spills from his grip before passing out. Bo and Richard Kyanka take turns driving their blades into the trolls head until Bo manages to split it in half.  Pighead is, amazingly, still conscious and fighting in her berserker rage. Jakob smashes her in the right ankle, shattering the bones in the joint and driving bone splinters into the surrounding muscle, and her only response is to give a roar of rage and punch Sn in the jaw hard enough to reduce it to a mangled lump of bleeding flesh. Sn finally manages to land a telling strike on the downed goblin, spearing her left hand and causing her hammer to fall from her now limp fingers as the motor nerve is severed. With Face dead, Stumpy turns her attention back to Jakob and wrenches her axe free of the werewolf's chest, probably sick of punching people. Nope, she turns and punches the downed werewolf in the mouth, knocking out a bunch of the werewolf's teeth. With the werewolf's world spinning, Bo stabs the werewolf in the left forearm, causing him to finally drop his mace and pass out from the pain of his injuries. Stumpy then stands over him and finishes what she started at the beginning of the match, cutting off Jakob's head.  All that is left of Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow is Sn the molemarian, and he advances on the collected forces of Two Chicks With Dicks with a determined expression on his hideous molemarian face. He head-butts a sword-blow from Bo and evades Pigheads punch and driving his spear through her left ankle. This is probably not the best target, but he seems to have decided that he wants to at least get a point on the board for his team before the end. He then thrusts his spear at Richard Kyanka but the gnome swats it aside with his dagger before smashing Sn in the ruins of his mouth, sending teeth flying. Sn then turns and drives his spear through Pighead's guts as the goblin berserker finally bleeds to death.  Now it is three versus one, but the heavily armoured molemarian is just too well defended for the remaining One Chick With Dicks to bring down. Bo charges at the molemarian and they tangle together and fall to the floor, but Sn regains his feet faster and drives his spear through Bo's sword hand, causing him to lose his weapon. Bo refuses to give up, attacking Sn over and over again with his shield until the molemarian tires of that and sinks his remaining teeth into the humans arm and shaking him about by it, tearing nerves and causing the shield to fall from his now useless arm and splash uselessly to the wet floor. After many, many, many useless and futile attempts to harm Sn, which I frankly refuse to write up, Stumpy manages to drive her axe through the molemarians armour, tearing apart his heart. It still doesn't kill the disgusting abomination, but it causes the strength to leave his limbs and he passes out from exhaustion. Once again Two Chicks With Dicks began flailing uselessly at a molemarian, and eventually it is Bo who kills him, kicking the molemarians head in.  Two Chicks With Dicks eventually defeated Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow 4-1 Kills: Bo: 3 Stumpy: 1 Sn: 1 Combat log: Link Bet results: 
Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 11:12 on May 23, 2016 |
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May 23, 2016 07:57
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Dirty Frank posted:What happened with the water? Just to clarify, it did not actually have an effect on the outcome of the fight.
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May 23, 2016 08:24
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Spermy Smurf posted:Note to my teammates: Dont spend any points. We are in playoffs regardless, save the points.
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May 25, 2016 01:55
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ZeeToo posted:It would be easier if it weren't for my scrupulous adherence to fair fights. On that note, there may be a tub of money in it for you if you ensure Antwoman dies horribly in the Dentists vs Petting Zoo match. Spermy Smurf posted:
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May 25, 2016 22:23
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I just ran Team Laser Explosion VS Tarantino Film. It took over two hours to run the fight. I hate both teams so much right now. I also hate armour. I'm not even going to touch it again today, so don't get your hopes up until at least tomorrow. Now I'm going to go try and drown my spite in goat simulator.
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May 27, 2016 05:31
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Round 18, Fight 5 A Tarantino Film (9-8), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Uma Thurman (I R SMART LIKE ROCK) is a female human. She wields a steel two-handed sword and wears an iron helm and an iron mail shirt. Urist McLee (Fuubi) is a male dwarf. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm, leather armor, and leather low boots. Snarls Barkley (Bene Elim) is a female werewolf. She wields a bronze pike and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Solomon Rabinowitz (Added Space) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, a steel mail shirt, steel gauntlets, and steel high boots. Team Laser Explosion (8-9), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Anthony (dasmause) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Mogwai (Dark Off) is a female gremlin. She wields a copper large dagger and a silver buckler and wears a copper helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, and copper gauntlets. Molegrim (Maugrim) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, copper gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Turquoise Tonic (Hihohe) is a male human. He wields a silver mace and an iron buckler and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots.  A Tarantino Film is a 2.17 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 9549.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 4399.00 dwarfbucks for Team Laser Explosion.  On the left we have clear favourites A Tarantino Film, which just goes to show a lot of people have no taste at all because his films are mediocre at best. On the right side of the arena we have Team laser Explosion who have, in my opinion, the cooler name. Will this be enough for them to pull off an upset? My magic 8 ball is hedging its bets with "Maybe". The starting siren goes off and the two teams charge each other, as is the usual practice in these matches.  They meet in the middle, as usual, and engage in an exchange that is a portent of the fight to come. Uma Thurman swings her sword at Mogwai, who dodges aside. A moment later another flurry of blows comes. Turquoise Tonic and Urist McLee swing their weapons at each other, both hitting nothing but air. Snarls Barkley misses Anthony and Solomon Rabinowitz misses Turquoise Tonic. It is all very exciting. Snarls Barkley howls with bloodlust and advances on Anthony, who scores the first blow of the match, reaching into the open mouth of the werewolf and grabbing her by the tongue. I'd make a cat got your tongue joke here but that is way too obvious. While I contemplate such a jest, the tiger man performs a takedown on the horrified werewolf. Uma Thurman, desperate to help her tongue tied team mate, bounces her steel sword off Anthony's greaves. To one side, Turquoise Tonic battles Urist McLee, both fighting in the ancient ways of the coward warrior, flinging themselves away from each others blades. Uma Thurman, still trying to aid her team mate, charges at Anthony. The tiger man feels a bump and is surprised when he hears an "oof" from behind him. He turns and sees the human woman sprawled on the floor. He shrugs and attacks Snarls Barkley again, who this time blocks the punch with her shield. Anthony then throws the werewolf by the tongue. Snarls astonishingly manages to block another punch, this time while mid air, with her shield before crashing to the ground. Meanwhile the serpent man, Solomon attempts to bite the horrifying molebomination Molegrim, but the mole-thing catches it with his gauntlet. A second bite is easily dodged as the surprisingly nimble thing that should not be leaps away. First blood finally comes as Mogwai stabs the fallen Uma Thurman in the foot, tearing muscle and severing a motor nerve. Turquoise Tonic, eager to show the ineffective snakeperson how it is done, sinks his teeth into her toe. She swings her sword at him, but he blocks it with his buckler. Things get worse for Uma Thurman as Molegrim joins the battle, stabbing her in the arm with his spear and fracturing the bone, opening an artery and tearing ligaments and tendons as he twists the shaft. Uma screams in pain and Mogwai takes the opportunity to reach in and tear out a handful of her teeth. As she passes out from pain, Turquoise Tonic wrenches his head back and tears off her toe with his teeth, then keeps it in his mouth like a groteque cigar. Solomon Rabinowitz and Urist McLee attack Molegrim, possibly to help their human team mate, but hopefully just because they share my disgust of the lovecraftian abomination that is a molemarian. The serpent man bites Molegrim in the rght upper arm, brusing the armoured creature but failing to inject any venom while Urist grabs one of Molegrim's fingers. Molegrim does not take this sitting down and stabs Solomon in the upper body, not penetrating the armour, but hitting hard enough to shatter some ribs. Urist then charges him from the side and they fall to the floor together, tangled. Unfortunately for him, Molegrim is the first to regain his feet, and takes a moment to peel the serpent man off his arm. Urist trapped below the hideous monster, punches them to no effect. I'm now going to shift my focus because I cannot stand to look at that hideous creature for a moment longer. Off to the side we have Anthony fighting Snarls in single combat, seeming determined to settle the question of which creature is better: Cat or Dog?. This should be a good an entertaining fight without endless boring repetition! Anthony charges Snarls and knocks him to the ground. Snarls stands up again and the two exchange a series of blows that result in the werewolf getting a minor bruise. Anthony charges Snarls again. Knocking him to the floor, again. Snarls stands up, again. A cheer goes up from the stands as Turquoise Tonic stands up holding his gore covered mace in the air, saluting the crowd as bits of brains fall to the floor. Uma Thurman's head being an unrecognisable mush at the base of a large fan shaped blood stain on the arena floor. Looks like we have our first kill of the match, and it goes to Team Laser Explosion.  The battle between Snarls and Anthony drifts over to the molebomination fight, and Anthony briefly disengages to grab Urist's lower body. Urist, trapped below the bulk of a molemarian, shouts "Death is all around us. The horror consumes me." Anthony clearly having no desire to deal with a crazed and despairing dwarf, lets him go. Mogwai, however, is not put off and kicks him in the finger. Urist swings at the gremlin in retaliation, but she ducks out of the way and slices the dwarfs hand open with her dagger, severing many nerves. Just when it looks like things couldn't get worse for the dwarf, Turquoise Tonic bashes him in the stomach with his mace. Above, Solomon Rabinowitz botes Molegrim in the lower body. Once again his fangs fail to pierce the armoured abominations hide, but he does manage to bruise the creatures guts. Molegrim looks sick, both physically, and of the serpents constant biting, and stabs him in the left arm. He also fails to penetrate the serpent mans armour. With a resigned sigh he pries the jaws off his lower body, hoping that it will ease his stomach upset. Spoiler: It doesn't. Snarls Barkley closes in on Anthony and swings his pike at the cat, missing him and drawing his attention. Anthony replies by kicking Snarls in the left hand, causing it to collapse into a pulpy mess. Then, in a repeat of earlier, Anthony charges Snarls again. Knocking him to the floor, again. Snarls stands up, again. Instead of following this with a useless flurry of blows, however, the tiger man changes things up, surprising the werewolf by biting him in the upper body, bruising his spine. Snarls stabs frantically and futily at the tiger man in response. Then Anthony charges Snarls again. Knocking him to the floor, again. Snarls stands up, again. Anthony then grabs him by the head and punches Snarls in his mangled left hand, shattering his wrist and driving the werewolfs bone fragments into the muscle of his hand. With a horribly cry of agony Snarls Barkley passes out from pain. Anthony, evidently sick of dealing with the werewolf for a moment longer, whacks him once in the head to be sure he's out and then reaches down and grabs grabs the werewolf around the throat before strangling the poo poo out of him.   Cats are better than Dogs. The arena has once again proven it. Molegrim charges Solomon the malevolent molemarian masticator, knocking him to the ground. Urist McLee, finally free from under the terrible creatures body, climbs back to his feet and grabs the molemarians toe while the serpent man twists around like, well, a snake, and kisses out some of Molegrim's teeth. It seems that even molish abominations have standards, and the molemarian promptly vomits, narrowly missing Urist McLee. Solomon then bites Molegrim in the spleen, still not breaking through the larger creatures armour. Urist McLee then performs an amazing display of strength and throws Molegrim by his toe, even as Mogwai attempts and fails to stab him repeatedly. Molegrim promptly stands up once he hits the ground, and then pries loose both the dwarf on his toe and the serpent man on his upper body. Perhaps distracted by this, Urist does not notice Turquioise Tonic coming until the human bashes him in the left thing and breaks his femur. With a cry of "I've been wounded. It's annoying." the dwarf falls to the ground. From the ground, Urist McLee has a great vantage point on Mogwai's feet, and he takes advantage of this opportunity, and his proximity to the dainty littler gremlin, to grab her by the toe and throw her away from him. A big furred paw then lands on his helmet and he freezes as he stares into the eyes of of a growling Anthony. This was a bad move by Urist as Turquoise Tonic bashes him in the right hand, crushing it to a messy sack of gore. Then, with a cry of triumph, Solomon Rabinowitz finds a chink in Molegrim's armour and sinks his fangs into the molemarian, injecting his venom. Molegrim vomits and manages one more slow swing at the serpent man, who easily avoids it, before he falls to the ground, fully paralysed, his spear falling from his hands. Anthony, seeking to hurry things along with Urist, removes his paw from the dwarfs helmet and grabs him instead by the thigh, locking the joint and then bending it ferociously, collapsing the dwarfs hip. With a scream the dwarf passes out from pain, and Turquoise Tonic crushes his lower body into paste with his mace, killing him.  Seeing his last team mate killed, Solomon bites the paralysed molemarian in the head and shakes him around furiously, trying to score a kill for his team before what seems inevitable comes to pass. Sadly for him, Molegrim quickly recovers from his paralysis and regains his feet, prying the serpent off his head. Anthony then charges the serpent man to the ground. Solomon pulls himself upright again quickly, but Anthony grabs him by the left forearm, and locks his elbow joint. Solomon desperately tries to bite Anthony, but all that he manages to do is expose his forked tongue to the tiger, who promptly tears it out. Not being distracted any longer, Anthony bends the serpent mans forearm and implodes the creatures elbow. Solomon Rabonowitz gives a silent scream of pain before he passes out, allowing Turquoise Tonic to crush his head and end the match.  The visiting Team Laser Explosion defeat A Tarantino Film 4-0. Kills: Turquoise Tonic: 3 Anthony: 1  Combat Log: Link Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 11:20 on May 28, 2016 |
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May 28, 2016 08:24
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It gets better. A Tarantino Film would gave gotten the last finals spot if they had won. Now Team Laser Explosion is in with a shot for it. They'll tie for it if Go Big and/or Go Home loses their upcoming match 4-0.
Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 08:43 on May 28, 2016 |
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May 28, 2016 08:40
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I just ran Worker Cooperative VS The Plump Helmets. I'll do the writeup either later today or tomorrow.
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May 29, 2016 03:04
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Ramc posted:Are you on the west coast?
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May 30, 2016 05:09
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So do I 
Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 10:02 on May 30, 2016 |
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May 30, 2016 05:19
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Round 18, Fight 6 Worker Cooperative (9-8), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Combat Liberalism (Jack the Lad) is a female gremlin. She wields an iron large dagger and wears no armor. Unthrottle the Axolotl (Zwingley) is a female kobold. She wields a bronze scourge and wears a copper helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Jameson the Unruly (Cathode Raymond) is a male human. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears a copper cap, a copper breast plate, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. Albrik the Insignificant (Tiler Kiwi) is a male kobold. He wields an iron battleaxe and wears a bronze cap, a bronze mail shirt, bronze leggings, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots. The Plump Helmets (11-6), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields two copper spears and wears a bronze cap, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots.  The Plump Helmets is a 1.28 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 11352.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 8874.00 dwarfbucks for Worker Cooperative.  Here we are again for another exciting round of the Arena. On the left we have the home team, Worker Cooperative, who are fighting for the forces of Communism and the rights of workers. On the right, fighting for the forces of Capitalism and subterranian horticulture, we have the visiting team The Plump Helmets. The Siren sounds and The Plump Helmets set off. After a brief huddle, the Worker Cooperative agrees that obeying the starting siren is not compromising their own Communist values and set off as well. The two teams meet in the center of the arena, though Jameson the Unruly lags behind somewhat, grumbling about the purity of Communism not involving obeying the whims of some faceless figure up in the commissioners box. I find this offensive. I worked very hard to re-attach my face after the belt sander incident thank you very much.  The first attack of the match comes from Josie the Bludgeonatrix as she swings her mace at Unthrottle the Axolotle, he leaps back from the swing. Frustrated, she swings her mace again, this time at Albrik the Insignificant, who follows the example of his fellow kobold and does the same. As the rest come together, Combat liberalism attacks Dory with her dagger, but fails to penetrate the minotaurs armour. James LargeSausage, however, has no such setbacks and drives his halberd into the gremlins foot, tearing muscles and nerves and sending the gremlin to the floor with blood spurting out around the embedded halberd from a severed artery. Unthrottle attacks the James with her scourge, but he twists the embedded halberd around to parry the strike before tearing it free. Jameson the Unruly finally arrives and stabs at James with his two handed sword but it, like Combat Liberalism's earlier attack, slides off his armour harmlessly. Combat Liberalism may be down and bleeding profusely from a horrible leg wound, but she is determined to prove she is not out, stabbing at Dory's head with her dagger, but it is caught on the minotaurs helmet. Fortunately for her, both Dory and Panty thief are annoyed at what they percieve to be James LargeSausage's grandstanding and charge him together. The human manages to dodge Dory but not the yeti and is knocked tumbling to the floor. Josie the Bludgeonatrix, annoyed at Panty thief, charges the yeti in turn and crashes to the ground. It seems that one of the deciding traits of capitalism is that it promotes infighting, and The Plump Helmets seem determined to deliver. Can the glorious champions of the people, Worker Cooperative capitalise on this? No, they cannot. James LargeSausage hops back to his feet and brings his halberd around in an exquisite strike that lifts Unthrottles head from her shoulders and sends it rolling away with a shocked and confused expression on her face.  Hoping to replicate the other humans manouver, Jameson the Unruly swings his own blade at the head of Return of Panty Thief. His hands, however, are slick with the cold sweat of fear, and he only manages to connect with the flat of his blade, crushing the yetis ear. Panty thief lets out a howl of outrage and punches at the puny human who leaps away before turning his attention on Albrik who wisely leaps away from the foul tempered yeti. Jameson returns, however, striking Panty thief in the foot with the pommel of his sword in possibly the least well thought out attack of the match, and the yetis retaliatory strike sails narrowly over the silly humans head. Combat liberalism, still consigned to the floor, tries to slash open Dory's chest. The minotaur snarls as the dagger strikes sparks off his mail shirt and drives one of his spears into the kobolds chest, finding a gap between the creatures ribs and staking the kobold to the floor through his right lung. The kobold chokes and coughs up blood before passing out from pain, just in time for James LargeSausage to remove her head.  Josie the Bludgeonatrix is determined to finally get in on the action, and she chooses Albrik as her target, presumably assuming from his inability to contribute thus far that he is a bumbling oaf. It turns out that this assumption is in error as he twists out of the way of her mace and uses the momentum of his spin to send his axe shearing through her right leg below the knee, severing it in a spray of blood and gore. Before the kobold can capitalise on this, Dory stabs at him from behind. Albrik ducks under the blow and sends his axe swinging out towards the minotaur, attempting to drive him back so he can deal with Josie, but as he turns back to her he spots her mace coming towards his face and only barely manages to throw himself back and away from the stricken elf. Realising he has to deal with the minotaur as a matter of urgency, Albrik hacks at Dory, digging a deep gash in the minotaurs left arm, breaking the bone and causing the spear to drop from lifeless fingers. Unfortunately, Dory has a spare, and stabs at the annoying rat creature with it. Albrik leaps away from the attack before jumping back in with an overhead swing that bounces his axe off the minotaurs helmet, then kicks the minotaur in the mouth sending his teeth scattering across the arena. To the south, Panty Thief grabs Jameson the Unruly by his breastplate. Unable to break the yeti's grasp, and seeing James LargeSausage headed his way, he pops the straps and falls free of the armour, leaving it in the yetis grasp. Now without armour, Jameson parries the first blow from James then dodges Panty Thief's fist before ducking under his own swing breastplate. Unfortunately, that is as far as he gets before James LargeSausage drives his halberd into his left foot, sending him to the floor with severed arteries and nerves. To make matters worse, Josie the Bludgeonatrix has finally crawled over and bashes him in the right upper arm, jamming bone fragments into his muscle and causing him to lose his grip on his two handed sword. To the north, Dory lets out a snarl of frustration and drives his spear into Albrik's head, cracking his skull. Amazingly the kobold remains conscious and standing, slapping the minotaur in the leg with his axe. Dory then yanks his spear free of the kobolds scalp and charges the diminutive creature, who dodges aside and attempts to cut the larger creatures leg out from under him as he passes. Dory is too skilled for that and parries the attack with his spear before driving it through the kobolds left forearm, tearing muscle and nerves. A second strike, this time driven into the Albrik's right thigh, breaks his femur and causes the hardy and heroic kobold to pass out from pain. Jameson the Unruly seems determined not to go down with a fight. Despite being disarmed and facing three opponents, he bravely and repeatedly lashes out with his fists, driving back The Plump Helmets. Unfortunately it cannot last, and James LargeSausage sinks his halberd into Jameson's right leg, the crunch of his bone breaking almost being drowned out by his scream of pain before he collapses, the last thing he sees before losing consciousness is Return of Panty Thief drawing back for a blow, and the last thing he ever experences is his head being crushed with his own breastplate.  Moments later Dory splits Albrik's head in half with his remaining spear.  Proving Capitalism to be superior, The Plump Helmets defeat Worker Cooperative 4-0, eliminating any hope they had of reaching the finals. Kills: James LargeSausage: 2 Return of Panty Thief: 1 Dory: 1 Combat log: Link  Worker Cooperative should take some small solace in the fact that they managed to redistribute some wealth with their deaths. Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 13:24 on May 30, 2016 |
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May 30, 2016 08:01
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It appears that with that match done, the finals have been decided. Worse Munki Two Chicks With Dicks Hell's Dentists The Petting Zoo The Plump Helmets Subterranean Animists Go Big and/or Go Home Team Laser Explosion Go Big is in with either a win or a loss (Even 4-0), and Team Laser Explosion clinches the final slot on kills.
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May 30, 2016 08:19
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ZeeToo posted:--Abominable kidney-punches her, and even through chitin and copper, she feels it. And it's the last sensation she feels before she falls. Called it. Double would be too many points, Single is fine.
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May 31, 2016 03:00
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Maarak posted:A losers bracket with a points reset would be fun. A free for all even. Four teams at once. Something fast. Also, four teams at once would be a loving mess on the commissioner end, keeping track of and writing everything up, and not fast at all. I would flat out refuse to run anything like that except as a once off special edition fight with a gimmick I'd found amusing at the time. Also, Jazzimus, check your PM's
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May 31, 2016 06:53
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Dirty Frank posted:Also I'd like to see the loosing teams fight themselves (that is each man for themselves, 4 way royal rumble) so they can see who to blame their pitiful failure on. Which I understand goes against what I just said above, I'm a man of contradictions.
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May 31, 2016 11:15
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Spermy Smurf posted:So I'll just blow through these fights, we'll get points and have all week to get drunk and forget to reset our skills after we sell everything and go archer to gently caress with our teammates.
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May 31, 2016 13:39
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As far as I can tell, the other Dentists and I have stuck with the amazing level of strategic coordination that has made us the force we are today: None whatsoever.
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Jun 2, 2016 11:00
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Jazzimus Prime posted:I've sent an e-mail to Dasmause and he'll have 24 hours before we put his fighter up for adoption. Which reminds me, Can you please provide access to the team macros for the 8 teams that did not make it into the playoffs? That way I can get started on it.
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Jun 3, 2016 02:32
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Thanks, they worked. Following the way the winners bracket is set up, losers bracket fights will be: (9th) A Tarantino Film vs Lightly Whipped (16th) (10th) Worker Cooperative vs This Bites (15th) (11th) Spooky Scary Skeletons vs A furry, a farmer, and two cows (14th) (12th) Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow vs Cool Rad Awesome Pals (13th) Gonna run Spooky first because I am corrupt and I have been bribed (FINALLY!)
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Jun 3, 2016 03:00
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I'll be posting the first losers bracket fight in the next 24 hours or so. Here is a spoiler image to tide you over until then:
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Jun 4, 2016 06:43
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Sorry guys. I have been sick as a dog for the last few days. Still got another couple of days until I am right for anything.
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Jun 8, 2016 04:17
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Ramc posted::checks calendar.:
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Jun 12, 2016 10:38
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gently caress, I hate being ill/allergic etc. I'll get the first losers thing finished written in the morning and post it, then I'll try and run another and get that done sunday (my time)
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Jun 17, 2016 17:11
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Losers Bracket Round 1, Fight 3 Spooky Scary Skeletons is on the left side of the arena. Tash Al'rhyn (tithin) is a female werewolf. She wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a silver cap, a copper mail shirt, a bronze mail shirt, copper greaves, leather gauntlets, and copper low boots. Three Gremlins in a Blender (AJ_Impy) is a male strangler. He wields an iron pick and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Bad Munki (Coward) is a male kobold. He wields a steel bow and wears a leather cap. Candy Corn Tiger (Klokwurk) is a male tigerman. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm, an iron mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and iron high boots. A furry, a farmer, and two cows is on the right side of the arena. Goku (Galick) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and leather high boots. Dontellim Pike (John Charity Spring) is a male human. He wields an iron pike and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Min/Maxotaur (Anchors) is a female minotaur. She wields a copper large dagger and a wooden buckler and wears a copper helm, three copper mail shirts, a copper breast plate, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Rob Ford (Tirius) is a male minotaur. He wields an iron two-handed sword and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm, an iron mail shirt, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and leather high boots. ---//--- DISCLAIMER: I apologise for the tardiness of this fight writeup. I really do. I have had a terrible go of the last few weeks, being sick, having long boring appointments scheduled, and being stuck down by nasty food allergies on a semi regular basis because restraunts can't loving ensure cross contamination doesn't happen in their kitchens, and many manufacturers refuse to label garlic and onion powder explicitely and simply place it down as "herbs", if they even bother to warn at all. Furthermore, they stuff it, and almost anything else in the allium genus, in absolutely loving everything. Oh, and then there is a serious almost constant fatigue thing. I'm trying to complete writeup in an unusual period of wakefulness, and fueling that with caffienated beverages and videos of kittens. ---//--- Welcome to the first fight of the losers bracket. Today we have Spooky Scary Skeletons on the left, with A furry, a farmer, and two cows on the right. Both teams appear to be extremely nervous, what with them standing on a relatively small platform above a large sea of lava. If only they knew what we have in store for them today... The siren sounds and the battle begins. Bad Munki fires his steel bow, sending an arrow sailing across the arena.  He misses, proving once again that archers suck donkey balls and drag their teams down. The teams meet in the middle and Tash Al'rhyn, the much maligned werewolf, makes the first real attack of the battle, biting off Goku's left ear. The bloodied and half deaf tiger man grabs at Tash's arm while Dontellim Pike slashes at her. The werewolf catches the blow on her buckler before turning and catching Goku's followup blow on it just was easily. She then swings her hammer around in a great circle and slams it into Goku's right thigh, chipping the bone and sending the large tiger man to the floor. Three Gremlins in a Blender, being an opportunistic crwature, leaps in and takes of the tigermans left arm at the elbow with his pick and seems poised to do more before an errant charge from Tash bowls him over. Min/Maxotaur the minotaur tries to follow the stranglers example by attacking Three Gremlins while he is down, but unlike the unfortunate Goku, Three Gremlins is actually capable of parrying his opponents weapon. Before the minotaur can make another attack at the fallen strangler, Candy Corn Tiger puts him on the defensive with a series of blows that the minotaur has no choice but to catch on her shield. Three Gremlins returns to his feet and creeps away from Min/Maxotaur and Candy Corn Tiger, who are now exchanging blocks and parries in order to attack the human Dontellim Pike, burying his pick in the poor humans right hand and tearing apart valuable nerves and muscles. Dontellim tries to retaliate, but the strangler effortlessly blocks his pike. He then tries attacking Tash, but his swing goes wide of the wily werewolf. Unfortunately, this was perhaps the most stupid move he could have made as Three Gremlins buries his pick in the humans right hand, again severing nerves and muscles. For those of you keeping track, this means that Dontellim has no more usable hands, and his pike falls to the ground before his two fluffy adversaries. Goku tries to assist by reaching up and grabbing Tash by the thumb and performing a takedown on the surprised lycanthrope. This merely draws her attention and she bashes the cat in the lower body with her silver hammer, causing massive bruising of the cats internal organs. Bad Munki see's a minotaur charging at him and continues to live up to his name, being utterly useless as he fires a shot at Rob Ford. This shot flies true, but is easily caught on the shield by the charging minotaur. Rob Ford reaches the kobold and strikes at him, but the kobold dances away along the lip of the platform.  Dontellim Pike, utterly disarmed, lashes out at Tash in futility. As a reward, Tash grants him a bruising blow to the leg with her silver hammer. Not to be outdone, Three Gremlins pickaxes him in the arm from behind. The two wounds, combined with his earlier hurts, cause the human to pass out from pain. Candy Corn Tiger see's Bad Munki being pursued by the angry Rob Ford and rushes to his aid, slashing off the minotaurs left arm at the elbow. Unfortunately for the Skeletons that was the creatures shield arm, so it doesn't make him any less deadly. He swings at the tigerman, driving him back before returning to Bad Munki and trying to drive him off the platform. As before the kobold is forced to leap away from the larger creatures blows, and remains trapped on the edge of the platform. Off to the east of the platform in the other half of the fight, Tash has placed Goku in a coma, and incidentally turned the tigermans skeleton into an interesting mix of bloody paste and razor edged shards. Min/Maxotaur tries to come to the aid of her two wounded comrades but she is held off by a masterful display of combat prowess from Three Gremlins, using his pick to great effect. Back to the west Rob Ford slaps Candy Corn Tiger in the left forearm with the flat of his two handed sword, trying to drive back the furious cat so he can finish off Bad Munki. When Candy Corn Tiger retaliates he leaps away from the cats swing towards the kobold and launches yet another attack. Bad Munki manages to duck out of the way of the blow, but runs out of ground and tumbles off the side of the platform. As he splashes into the lava, the sound of chittering can barely be made out above the agonised shreiks of Bad Munki On the other side of the platform, Tash advances on Min/Maxotaur when a fireball flies towards her. she twists out of the way and loses her balance, toppling off the side as well.  And now I can finally reveal what Spermy was up to while Zeetoo and I were getting the gladiators into the arena:  The stench of burning dog fills the arena as Three Gremlins and Candy Corn Tiger face the Two cows. Seeing this, Three Gremlins buries his pick in the head of the furry component of the opposing team, scoring the first actual kill of the match.  Rob Ford, also trying to quickly remove one of his opponents, tries to charge Candy Corn Tiger off the edge of the platform, knocking him down but failing to drive him off the side. The tigerman regains his feet and is forced to quickly dive back out of the way of a strike that would have shaved off not just his whiskers, but the front three centimeters of his face, and leaving him trapped on the corner of the great platform. Instead of pursuing, Rob Ford moves off to aid Min/Maxotaur in dealing with her strangler problem, agreeing that Three Gremlins is probably the most dangerous thing on the battlefield. Rob Ford charges the strangler but gets himself tangled up in Min/Maxotaur, sending the two of them to the floor in a heap. Min/Maxotaur regains her feet just in time to have her cheek torn open by the stranglers razor sharp fingernails. Before the strangler can do more, however, a Fire Imp clambers up the side through the cloud of smoke that is/was Tash and attacks him. Three Gremlins hacks off the creatures leg off with his pick and it falls back into the lava before bleeding to death. Rob Ford misses Three Gremlins with a strike from his sword as the strangler blocks a similar blow from Min/Maxotaur. He retaliates by buring his pick in Min/Maxotaur's chest, puncturing one of the minotaurs lungs. Candy Corn Tiger finally arrives in the battle and announces himself with a blow that breaks Min/Maxotaur's right arm. She looks stupefied for a moment as her dagger slips from her grip before clumsily attacking the strangler, but her blow goes wide. Candy Corn Tiger's, however, does not and slashes open her left foot and sends her to the floor where she passes out from pain. Candy Corn Tiger then stabs the minotaur through the head, killing her.  It is now 2 vs 1, with Three Gremlins standing above the prone Rob Ford, preventing him from climbing to his feet under the ancient and noble laws of dwarf fortress arena combat. Rob Ford takes a swing at the strangler and forces him to dodge away and allowing him to regain his feet, but not before Candy Corn buries his halberd in one of them. Despite the wound, the minotaur regains his feet and charges the strangler, driving him back. Down in the lava, Bad Munki finally expires in heat and flames. Candy Corn Tiger, finding himself alone, takes a brief moment to stab Donetllim Pike through the head, killing the comatose human. On the northen edge of the arena Rob Ford duels Three Gremlins in an intense and action packed battle amidst the cloud of smoke from the burning Tash. Suddenly yet another Fire Imp clambers up the side and attacks Rob Ford, who is forced to defend himself, swinging his sword through the creatures neck. This provided all the opportunity Three Gremlins needed, and the strangler buried his pick in the minotaurs shin, severing a motor nerve and dropping him to the floor. A second blow takes off the great creatures right foot. Desperate, Rob Ford flails at the strangler, who attempts to dodge but instead trips over the severed head of the fire imp the minotaur had just killed and tumbles off the side of the arena with a frustrated scream that turns to pain when he hits the lava with a loud wet sounding gloop. Tash finally perishes in the lava, having waded six tiles to the west and south in her agonised frenzy. Candy Corn Tiger spies Rob Ford amidst the thick plumes of smoke coming up over the side of the arena and charges at the prone minotaur, but Rob Ford manages to drag himself away to the side and Candy Corn, losing sight of him in the smoke, tumbles off the side of the arena as well. After a few minutes, both remaining Skeletons are reduced to ashes clad in molten metal, leaving A furry, a farmer, and two cows victorious. Rob Ford breathes a sigh of relief before hungry chittering comes from below and the fire imps spill up the side en masse. On the radio, Zeetoo and I consider rescuing him, but we discover that the insurance policy of the rental company doesn't cover acts of fire imps and, frankly, we want our $20 deposit back. A fireball strikes Rob Ford, setting his hair on fire and he lets out a despairing shout as he charges the Imps. The whole arena is blanketed in smoke and when it finally clears enough to reveal what has happened, only his burning corpse remains. of the imps there is no sign.  Kills: Three Gremlins in a Blender: 1 + 1 Fire Imp Candy Corn Tiger: 2 Rob Ford: 1 Fire Imp Lava: 4 Fire Imps: 1
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Jun 21, 2016 17:08
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Someone is bitter  I'll get the rest of the losers bracket done on an "as it comes" basis. I have already had to scrap two fights. It turns out axe wielding necromancers are seriously overpowered in an arena situation. Likewise, having the teams spawn in the sky above the arena resulted in 8 instant fatalities instead of interesting injuries like I was hoping.
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Jun 24, 2016 04:35
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Spermy Smurf posted:Still need the element of "oh poo poo an independent yeti is in the middle of the arena" but this is pretty fun to read.
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Jun 25, 2016 16:29
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Tiler Kiwi posted:it's fine
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Jul 13, 2016 03:27
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Losers Bracket Round 1, Fight 1 A Tarantino Film is on the left side of the arena. Uma Thurman (I R SMART LIKE ROCK) is a female human. She wields a steel two-handed sword and wears an iron helm and an iron mail shirt. Urist McLee (Fuubi) is a male dwarf. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm, leather armor, and leather low boots. Snarls Barkley (Bene Elim) is a female werewolf. She wields a bronze pike and a wooden shield and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Solomon Rabinowitz (Added Space) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears a steel helm, a steel mail shirt, steel gauntlets, and steel high boots. Lightly Whipped is on the right side of the arena. Ghost-trees (jon joe) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper flail and a wooden buckler and wears a copper mail shirt. Trump's Viscous Discharge (goatface) is a female minotaur. She is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Grimmik (FillInTheBlank) is a male gremlin. He wields a silver whip and wears an iron helm. Jupis Tooki McGannel (GreyPowerVan) is a male strangler. He wields a copper whip and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm, a copper mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Here we are in the next (And most assuredly late) Losers Bracket match. This time we have A Tarantino Film and Lightly Whipped fighting atop a small three z-level tall monolith. Despite the long wait, I have ben unable to find another supplier for savage beasts, so this time we will do without. Apparently Spermy "borrowed" the fire imps in last fight from exotic pet owners under the guise of "taking them for a walk" and very few people are willing to deal with us. Fortunately, we have a few other lines of inquiry going at the moment that may grant us some savage beasties. The starting siren goes off and the teams charge the short distance between them. Lightly Whipped draws first blood with Ghost-Trees scratching uma Thurman in her foot with his freaky molemarian nails. She retaliates against the unwanted touching by bringing her sword across and slicing a furrow through the molemarians skin. Jupis lashes out with his copper whip at the adorably fuzzy looking Snarls Barkley, catching the lycanthrope on the gauntlet. Snarls is unimpressed and responds with a large swing of his pike which Jupis catches on his shield.  Ghost-Trees attacks Uma Thurman again, this time with his copper flail. Uma Thurman leans backwards, narrowly avoiding being decapitated by the strike. Sadly, she does not manage to avoid toppling off the side of the monolith.  The molemarian rushes over, hoping to score another blow, but is blindsided by an errant charge from his teammate Trump's Viscous Discharge and gets knocked over the side as well.  Solomon Rabinowitz and Grimmik exchange swings, thrusts, and parries without drawing any blood, dodging around wildly in the enclosed area. Trump and Urist do likewise, before Snarls Barkley, who must be using some new doggie shampoo because oh my gods she is so incredibly floofy and that is so loving cute... ahem... before Snarls intervenes and drives Trump off the northern side of the platform.  Uma Thurman crashes to the ground, no worse for wear. Then Ghost-Trees lands on top of her, destroying her left ear.  Uma Thurman leaps back to her feet before the molish abomination can regain its feet and slashes repeatedly at the downed creature, slicing more deep furrows in its skin but sadly doing little real damage. Ghost-Trees replies with a swing of his flail that hits Uma Thurman in the thigh, causing a bruise through the womans iron mail shirt. The sound his his next attack hitting the humans shield is drowned out by a loud meaty thud nearby as Trump hits the ground hard, but not hard enough to cause discernable injury. Back atop the monolith Urist McLee reaches into [/u]Grimmik's[/u] mouth and grabs him by the molars before punching him in the right forearm, collapsing the limb into uselessness before he throws the poor creature to the floor by his teeth. Grimmik angered and desperate, lashes Urist McLee in the chest with his silver whip, seemingly only bruising him, but the dwarf is gasping for air. Grimmik regains his feet just in time for Urist McLee to charge him to the ground in the center of the platform. To the side, Jupis is fighting Solomon Rabinowitz and Snarls Barkley. He manages to block a flurry of attacks with his shield, but they come just a fraction too quickly for him to keep up and Snarls manages to slip her pike through and slice off his second right arm at the elbow. Jupis attempts to retaliate, but the werewolf blocks it on her shield. This was a grave mistake for the strangler as Solomon Rabinowitz lunges in and bites him in the left shin, injecting his venom into the poor creatures bloodstream. He manages to block another attack from Snarls before the venom takes hold and he falls to the ground, losing hold of his weapon and shield. Unsatisfied with merely paralysing the strangler, Solomon Rabinowitz thrashes about, tearing apart the flesh in the stranglers leg and severing arteries, tendons, ligaments, and nerves. Even if he wasn't envenomed he would no longer be able to stand. It doesn't matter though as Snarls Barkley stabs Jupis in the head with her pike, shattering the creatures skull. To her surprise, the strangler still clings to life so she heaves her weapon free of the sticky remains of the creatures head and drives it in again, this time splitting his head in half. Seeing this, Grimmik dives over the side to the south, away from his opponents.  Meanwhile on the ground below, Trump's Viscous Discharge moves to aid her teammate engage Uma Thurman. She grabs her by the head and lifts her to her mouth before sinking her carnivorous bovine teeth into the humans lower body, crushing a rib and bruising her liver through her mail shirt. Trump then throws her away from him, punching her in the arm for good measure as she does so.  Uma Thurman lands badly and her left foot splits apart into gore. She cannot withstand this torment and passes out from pain as the minotaur approaches. Moments later Trump's Viscous Discharge cries out with triumph as Uma Thurman's head explodes under the might of her horns.  Grimmik hits the ground pn the south side of the pillar, landing almost as poorly as Uma Thurman did from her throw, having split his own left foot apart as well, though he gets away with minor brusing otherwise. Unlike the human the blow knocks some courage back into his heart and he realises he was a fool to have fled from the battle above and starts climbing back up the monolith with a grim determination. Sadly, grim determination and courage are nothing without the ability to back them up and and is immediately thrown back off by Urist McLee upon reaching the top, who adds injury to injury by punching him in the head as well. Unsatisfied with that little display, Urist follows Grimmik down off the side of the monolith, climbing down and kicking Grimmik in the leg from above, crushing it to gore. A series of devestating punches shatter more bones and Grimmik gives in to pain. To the other side, Trump's Viscous Discharge has also climbed back up the monolith and unlike her unfortunate gremlin teammate, she has summited successfully. She is immediately set upon by both Solomon Rabinowitz and Snarls. Outnumbered, Trump attacks Snarls Barkley furiously, biting and punching the incredibly fluffy werewolf, who is surprised by the ferocity of her onslaught and is knocked off the side of the spire with a charge. At the same time as Snarls Barkley hits the ground below, Trump swings down off the side of the platform and anchors herself above Urist McLee, and begins attempting to knock the dwarf off the wall. As Trump attacks Urist McLee, Solomon Rabinowitz leans over the side and bites her several times, failing to envenomate the hardy bovine. Ignoring the serpent man, Trump turns on the wall and gores Urist McLee in the left hand, exploding it into gore. A quick turn of the head allows her to also gore his right hand as well, rending it a useless ruin like the other. Despite this, the hardy dwarf manages to retain his hold on the wall and even manages to lunge at her and bite her in the eyelid. On the ground below the battle, Snarls Barkley regains her feet, having withstood the fall without injury thanks to her incredibly fluffy and silken coat. I mean, gently caress that is amazing. Perhaps disconcerted by my admiration of her glorious fur, she walks over to the unconscious form of Grimmik nearby and begins carving the poor gremlin apart with her halberd, covering the floor and her glorious fur with the poor creatures blood. BOO!!! Eventually the poor thing dies. Above, the combined biting attacks of the savage dwarf and serpentman eventually cause Trump to pass out from pain, causing her to lose her grip on the wall and fall. Snarls Barkley hears her comrades call out to her and looks up in time to see a couple of tons of bovine plummeting towards her, narrowly manageing to dive out of the way as it crashes to the ground where she had stood. Solomon Rabinowitz joins Snarls on the ground to assault the comatose cow and after several seconds of pummeling Snarls Barkley is able to drive her pike through Trump's skull, killing her.  Up top, Ghost-Trees reaches the top of the spire again and makes ready to do battle. Solomon Rabinowitz climbs up to face him, and the two duel for about five seconds before the serpent injects his paralytic venom into the molemarians horrible blood. After several minutes of biting the stricken creature the serpent man calls out for help in finishing it off. Snarls Barkley, being the only able bodied teammate left, climbs up the side of the spire and casually stabs the immobilised Ghost-Trees in the head, killing him and ending the match.  A Tarantino Film defeats Lightly Whipped 4-1. Kills: Snarls Barkley: 4 Trump's Viscous Discharge: 1
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Jul 13, 2016 09:40
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There are five fights left to run and I'll try and post at least one fight a week from here on out. I know I have said I have been kind of busy, but I need to make the time for this. I'll also accept suggestions for gimmicks for the fights, but I make no promises I'll use them.
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Jul 13, 2016 09:44
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Spermy Smurf posted:Great fight, Grimmik climbing back up was the best part. Didn't think that was possible. Honestly, I am more surprised that Urist didn't fall off the wall with both his hands pulped than anything else.
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Jul 13, 2016 16:12
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I have bad news. There was a tragic accident involving an overripe tomato an hour ago and both teams in the upcoming match perished in the ensuing conflagration. While normally we would just get our staff clerics to handle this and raise them from the dead and throw them straight into the meatgrinder, they have recently gone on strike demanding better pay (Peanuts are no longer good enough). Fortunately a local necromancer is willing to accept payment in peanuts, so we are able to hold the fight anyway. Hopefully this issue will be resolved by the next battle. Losers Bracket Round 1, Fight 2 Worker Cooperative is on the left side of the arena. Combat Liberalism (Jack the Lad) is a female gremlin. She wields an iron large dagger and wears no armor. Unthrottle the Axolotl (Zwingley) is a female kobold. She wields a bronze scourge and wears a copper helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Jameson the Unruly (Cathode Raymond) is a male human. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears a copper cap, a copper breast plate, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. Albrik the Insignificant (Tiler Kiwi) is a male kobold. He wields an iron battleaxe and wears a bronze cap, a bronze mail shirt, bronze leggings, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots. This Bites is on the right side of the arena. Knife Toseeu (synthorange) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears a bronze cap, a copper mail shirt, and copper gauntlets. Sun Tzulander the Philomodel (Keru) is a male elf. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a silver mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, copper leggings, silver gauntlets, and platinum low boots. Roland Gorchnik (Maarak) is a male human. He wields a copper scourge and wears an iron cap, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots. Eyeteeth IV (Revenant Threshold) is a male werewolf. He wields a copper shield and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, and copper high boots.  The buzzer sounds and the shackles are released... and stand around for a few moments doing nothing. The necromancer sighs and waves his hand, and with that they're off with a chorus of groans and cries of "brains". The two teams mindlessly staggar towards each other, and you can hardly tell the difference between them now and before the accident. If this works out we might be able to save a ton on resurrection fees. The two teams meet in the middle with a moaning thud and mindlessly start swinging their limbs and weapons at one another. Many of them miss thier targets, but Eyeteeth IV bashes off Albrik the Insignificant's left foot off with its shield while Combat liberalism lodges its dagger in Sun Tzulander's right leg. Jameson the Unruly's flailing brings its sword around into Roland Gorchnik's neck, but the iron mail shirt stops the blow from doing any harm. Unburdened by anything resembling conscious thought, Jameson punches Roland in the right foot, tearing off the limb. Groaning thuds sound as Albrik and Jameson fall to the arena floor.  Eyeteeth IV stands over Albrik and smashes off the zombies right hand with its shield as Unthrottle punches Sun Tzulander in the arm, sending the elf shambling off balance at greater and greater speed into Knife Toseeu, which n turn sends them both to the floor in a tangle of undead flesh as a severed hand sails overhead. Following it back to its source we find that it was liberated from Roland Gorchnik by Jameson the Unruly. Another severed limb drifts lazily overhead as Eyeteeth IV bashes off the remainder of Albrik the Insignificant's right arm with its shield. Sun Tzulander regains its feet and shambles into Unthrottle the Axolotl, knocking the smaller zombie to the floor, then kicks it ineffectually. Meanwhile Eyeteeth IV does the same to Jameson the Unruly, knocking them to the floor and crushing the human zombies neck with its shield, smashing it into the humans torso and making the human zombie look comically stupid. Unfortunately that is all it accomplishes, though it does put an end to Jameson's moaning. To the side, Sun Tzulander continues its uneven and off balanced waddle around the battlefield and strays into the path of Knife Toseeu, causing them both to tangle together and fall to the floor again as Jameson the Unruly regains its feet. Unthrottle the Axolotl lashes Knife Toseeu repeatedly, severing motor nerves all down the zombie stranglers left arm, which would be a useful thing had they not both been undead. Combat liberalism gets in on the action, slashing repeatedly at the downed strangler, severing nerves and muscles with abandon. Then Sun Tzulander's fist collides with its head, which explodes like an overripe grapefruit.  Jameson the Unruly and Roland Gorchnik strike ineffectually at each other repeatedly, their flailing weapons and kicks unable to meaningfully penetrate one anothers armour, merely tearing muscle, breaking bones, and severing nerves, none of which either of the undead would care about had they any intelligence whatsoever, instead of a driving desire to kill. Then Roland Gorchnik's scourge finally find purchase and removes Jameson the Unruly's right arm at the elbow. Eyeteeth IV then punches Jameson ineffectually in the arm before Albrik hacks Roland Gorchnik in the foot with rather more effect, removing the limb with its iron axe and sending the zombie to the ground. Albrik then turns its attention on Eyeteeth IV, presumably because it is now closer. This proves to be a bad move as Eyeteeth IV starts hacking it to pieces with its shield, removing its right lower leg below the knee, left arm, and then removing what is left of the right leg with a brutal series of clubbings. Eyeteeth IV is interrupted by Jameson the Unruly who bashes off its left thumb with the pommel of its sword. Eyeteeth IV responds to this attack by bashing off Jameson's right leg with its shield. Albrik then sinks its teeth into Eyeteeth IV's arm in what I would assume was defiance had it anything resembling a mind. Jameson then takes off Eyeteeth IV's right foot with its sword, sending the zombie dog to the floor alongside its victims, though the zombie werewolf lands heavily on top of Albrik, severing the zombie kobolds right leg with its shield before crushing its neck with a second blow and taking off the remnants of its left leg with a third, reducing the kobold zombie into a snarling torso. Jameson the Unruly and Roland Gorchnik resume fighting one another again, and as before their blows are almost entirely useless thanks to thier respective armour with blows being deflected by caps, boots, breastplates and mail shirts, and often each others weapons as they mindlessly flail at one another. Roland Gorchnik manages to get a telling hit in with its scourge, lashing off Jameson's left arm at the elbow and causing it to lose its weapon. Jameson gets a more telling blow in in response, putting its left foot through the torso of Roland Gorchnik, crushing it into paste and banishing the necromantic energy holding it together.  A few more minutes of ineffectual moaning and flailing later, Eyeteeth IV crushes Albrik's head with its shield.  At this point it needs to be noted that Sun Tzulander and Unthrottle the Axolotl have been fighting each other alone in the north or the arena ever since Combat liberalism was killed. So far they have accomplished absolutely nothing of note beyond a few missing teeth. The zombies on both sides are getting pretty damaged by now, and only a handful are still capable of walking. This doesn't stop them, however. Eyeteeth IV drags itself over to Jameson the Unruly and bashes off its left foot with its shield. Knife Toseeu is there as well, tearing away at the disarmed human zombie, pulling out teeth and carving meaningless furrows in its necrotic flesh with its claws. Eyeteeth IV continues to do what it has done best this match: Smash opponents to bits with its shield. It crushes Jameson the Unruly's right leg into past and part way into the human zombies body, shattering its pelvis. Another blow takes off the humkan zombies left arm at the shoulder. A third blow takes off an ear, and a fourth removes Jameson's left lower leg. Through this all Jameson chews ineffectually on Knife Toseeu. After an age wherein many more bits are liberated from Jameson's torso by Eyeteeth IV's shield, Knife Toseeu's claws finally find purchase in Jameson's skull and tears the unfortunate zombies head to pieces.  Sun Tzulander and Unthrottle the Axolotl's battle drifts over towards the zombie werewolf and strangler, and they both lunge at the solitary enemy zombie. It is swiftly overwhelmed and crushed in an incredible anticlimax to this battle, having its head crushed by Eyeteeth IV's second blow, leaving an unholy mess for the janitorial staff to clean up.  This Bites defeats Worker Cooperative 4-1 Kills: Sun Tzulander: 1 Eyeteeth IV: 2 Knife Toseeu: 1 Jameson the Unruly: 1
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Jul 20, 2016 07:46
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Ok, I call it quits. Real life sucks, it has sucked, it will continue to suck. I have a hard time staying conscious enough to focus on anything for more than ten-fifteen minutes at a stretch. I apologise for being unable to complete this. If any other commish wants to finish it off, they can PM me and I'll send them the macro links and my own notes on stuff from before my body and brain decided to stop working properly.
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Aug 12, 2016 14:26
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Just piping in to say I'm not dead, regardless of what Spermy Smurf would have you believe. Personally I think there is a lot of room for experimentation in the large sweaty wrestler part of the arena, so I'll probably just throw out another Yeti.
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Oct 13, 2016 03:05
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My one not-large concern from the last tournament, and I am hesitant to mention it , is that in such a long tournament the difference in points awarded per fight based on size seemed to get progressively less "fair". Not so much an issue against the tiny characters, but the size difference between the medium and large didn't really feel like it was compensating for the point drop once the mediums got geared and skilled up. This was more based on a general feeling I had at the time rather than any strenuous analysis, and why I am so reluctant to mention it, but the worst that can happen is people can disagree with me and we move on so what the hell.
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Nov 6, 2016 11:49
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I'm going to be pretty bored next week (People won't give me paying work, bastards). If I still have access I may run one then.
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Nov 24, 2016 13:02
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ZeeToo posted:Pickled... keep doing what you're doing, I guess.
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Dec 6, 2016 12:20
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 05:19 |
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I, for one, am suspicious of the fact that Spermy is running the fights for the team that accuses him of being a bad commissioner. This seems to be a conflict of interest.
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Jan 10, 2017 13:07
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