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sunken fleet
Apr 25, 2010

dreams of an unchanging future,
a today like yesterday,
a tomorrow like today.
Fallen Rib
What really got me into this site like a million years ago was the movie reviews they used to do still do apparently so here's a few of my favorites (read: ones I remember now years later):

Jack Frost 2 - this movie scared me when I was a kid so reading someone taking the piss out of it was pretty cool.
Quote from the review - '...realizes that their bonfire on the beach is dying down. She does the only sensible thing at that point, which is to get up and "look for coal." Once again, I'd like to point out the fact that despite the massive amounts of brain damage I suffered while watching this film, I am NOT making this up. If I was, believe me, I'd make it a hell of a lot less stupid.'

Cyber Seduction - It's like reading a comedy review of a movie about my life!
Quote from the review - 'If a normal kid ruins his life after viewing stuff so tame, I guess that makes the rest of us some sort of porno supermen, impervious to its death rays. I'm not sure if this is actually such a great attribute, but I'll take it.'

Las Vegas Blood Bath - Gore movies sure are gory huh?
Quote from the review - 'DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK IF YOU ARE NEAR ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING A "JOB," EVEN IF YOU’RE JUST AT YOUR RICH AUNT’S HOUSE GETTING READY TO MOW THE LAWN OR SOMETHING!!!'

I added some quotes because it was a fun excuse to skim some of these old reviews again.

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sunken fleet
Apr 25, 2010

dreams of an unchanging future,
a today like yesterday,
a tomorrow like today.
Fallen Rib
Zack Parsons has been a pretty funny writer for a long time.
... I even want that crazy energy beam built that was supposed to be able to disintegrate heaven itself. It won't work, but I want to just fire it up into heaven and then have blimps hiding in clouds release charred mannequins with wings attached to them.

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