Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Lunchmeat Larry
Nov 3, 2012

quote:

INT. DANK TORTURE BASEMENT – NIGHT

The sound of metal chains whipping against bare flesh hang heavy in the air, like a bird flying into a headwind. The room is damp and sparsely lit. SUPERMECHAGODZILLA’s scarred jowls are illuminated by a desk lamp laying sideways on the floor

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
Which reading is true? Which reading is true? WHICH READING IS TRUE!?

KOOS
[Spits mouthful of blood] The words are used specifically for their literal intention, the events are straightforward so as to be easily understood by an audience of children.

The beating begins again, with a furious vigour, until SUPERMECHAGODZILLA can barely stand. He rests one hand against a dirty wall, sweat marring his 1993 Nebraska Film Festival hypercolor t-shirt.

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
The opposite reading is true… The opposite reading is true. I’ve been to college.

KOOS straightens his posture, his pride and dignity unscathed by the days long assault of a fat, stupid man.

KOOS
Any perceived allusions to facism in A Goofy Movie are a wholesale invention of a misguided viewer.

SUPERMECHAGODZILLA adopts the look of a man who has been defeated. Wearily, he grabs a shotgun that had been resting in the corner, and cocks it loudly.

KOOS
Goofy simply wishes to bond with his son through fishing, a traditional pastime, as he had done with his own father. It is neither parable nor allegory. Neither dog was molested, the material does not support this.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Every once in a while the planets align and there is a funny post in D&D

Erenthal posted:

The Daily Mail is like a secret underground newspaper distributed by neo-nazis, right?

It's not an established paper with circulation that people read and nod along to, right? Right?

fatherboxx posted:

Literally The Daily Mail founder



Nenonen posted:

I see. And who is the guy on the left?

Karate Bastard
Jul 31, 2007

Soiled Meat

Stop posting pics of GE cafe. It's mean and not funny.

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌
Its not GEcafe without a loose sausage casing.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Breetai posted:

Its not GEcafe without a loose sausage casing.

and a single slice of tomato on the floor

Fried Watermelon
Dec 29, 2008




Orange Fluffy Sheep posted:

SuperMechaGodzilla is the greatest poster on the forums, and anyone who has him on ignore just hates thinking.

it's the kind of thinking you get on mind altering substances. I like it.

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

VendaGoat posted:

and a single slice of tomato on the floor

I've never had a post make me want to throw up before.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat

VanSandman posted:

I've never had a post make me want to throw up before.
Wait, you were fine with the original colon-making GBS threads story, but a metaphorical reference to one detail is what turns your stomach?

Machai
Feb 21, 2013

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Wait, you were fine with the original colon-making GBS threads story, but a metaphorical reference to one detail is what turns your stomach?

maybe he dont like tomatoes?

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Wait, you were fine with the original colon-making GBS threads story, but a metaphorical reference to one detail is what turns your stomach?

It's the turning the whole thing into a metaphor for food. I've eaten tomatoes. I don't want to think of tomatoes like that.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

VanSandman posted:

It's the turning the whole thing into a metaphor for food. I've eaten tomatoes. I don't want to think of tomatoes like that.

Son of Thunderbeast
Sep 21, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 4 hours!

Karate Bastard
Jul 31, 2007

Soiled Meat
You gently caress.



(good job)

lolasaurusrex
Feb 8, 2013

nockturne
Aug 5, 2008

Soiled Meat

Hyperlynx posted:

That's an Aussie burger chain. Pretty good food.

AtomD posted:

Typical. Someone writes nonsensical poo poo and people on the internet say it's because of Aus burgers.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

by Pragmatica
Poor Lowtax's Almanac, a collection of "lifehacks" from about 10 years ago.

The 'Good Old Days' of GBS posted:

You post to an internet forum full of pedophiles, pants-shitters, depressed and paxil-ingesting people suffering from various mental illnesses, social misfits, drug users, and perpetrators of every sexual fetish imaginable, and ask US what to do?

Punished Chuck
Dec 27, 2010

Puppy Galaxy posted:

that whole thread is great

It really, really is.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

Life has just turned to pure poo poo lately for a lot of reasons. One is that my dick is fairly average, a mere 7.5 inches, but fairly wide, I buy XXL condoms, I have depression and roam the streets at night in a Batman costume laying SSRI spiked caltrops to thwart the cum loads of bad guys, growling "I am the Anorgasmic Gamer" from the shadows. Two is that life just sucks.

The Golden Man posted:

(thulsa doom appears atop snake mountain between two flaming pyres and declaims loudly to his acolytes below)

Thulsa: we are the men of the plain
acolytes: we have depression
Thulsa: we gently caress women for five hours
acolytes: we do not cum
Thulsa: our dicks are slightly longer than average
acolytes: less than one standard deviation
Thulsa: but we are girthy
acolytes: we are thick

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
On the recent mod drama over the leper colony and autobanning:

no they will not posted:

It might sound hosed up to say that BYOB mod dogcrash truther typed out his post in the GBS autoban thread, and choked back sobs thinking of his BYOB pals that would never again have their avatar photoshopped into a pic that his avatar was also photoshopped into, and he had to drink some beer to calm his nerves, and he very slowly clicked submit post as tears fell from his eyes onto the keyboard, and a slow melancholy version of the byob reggae was playing the whole time, but it's 100% true.

no they will not posted:

stereo: Hurf de... durf it's... BYOB... time [violins swelling]
DCT: God drat it. God drat it! The world is such a dark place...

Pound_Coin
Feb 5, 2004
Ł



B33rChiller
Aug 18, 2011





Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

Never thought I'd applaud pics of a child predator :haw:

value-brand cereal
May 2, 2008

Shirley Crabtree posted:

Hello ladies, it is I, the virgburglar and I am here to burgle your virgle.

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Sham bam bamina! posted:

On the recent mod drama over the leper colony and autobanning:

Everyone should go to the leper colony right now and read El Spider's post-probation meltdown, typed out as the probation reasons for several other posters until he got banned.

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"

Ryoshi posted:

Everyone should go to the leper colony right now and read El Spider's post-probation meltdown, typed out as the probation reasons for several other posters until he got banned.

Holy crap, not just banned but permabanned :eyepop:.

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007

Ryoshi posted:

Everyone should go to the leper colony right now and read El Spider's post-probation meltdown, typed out as the probation reasons for several other posters until he got banned.

Someone give him :10bux: so he can make a parachute.

Machai
Feb 21, 2013

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Holy crap, not just banned but permabanned :eyepop:.

wait, what did I miss

he was just made a mod, that has to be the quickest meltdown ever

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006

Mrs. Lowtax implied there was some other stuff going on besides just those probations.

Machai
Feb 21, 2013

Aphrodite posted:

Mrs. Lowtax implied there was some other stuff going on besides just those probations.

did the tax man get cucked?

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

From what I can tell, Lowtax got really mad at him for posting in a thread whose title and OP both consisted of the word "friend of the family" instead of instantly gassing thread banning OP, and making said post an image with no text when this was something he had previously probated people for. Lowtax gave him a 3-day probie in response to that, and instead of shooting him a PM or email to ask why, El Spider decided to express his confusion and sense of betrayal through the medium of the leper's colony which is a very weird and very public forum for something that could have been handled privately.

Lunchmeat Larry
Nov 3, 2012

Becoming a GBS mod is basically like taking the trip in Stephen King's The Jaunt. El Spider kept his eyes open the whole way through the Leper's Colony.

Jenny Agutter
Mar 18, 2009

Seat Safety Switch posted:

The Viper has actually done us a major service in removing the kind of people who would own a Viper from public society. When the car was announced they appeared unbidden at the gates of Dodge dealerships across the country, rubbing their blood-stained hands against the immaculate window glass until a salesman came outside and taught them how to use a door.

Wild-eyed, these men first attempted to pay for their factory hot rods with clusters of pulled hair and bloody teeth before pulling out inexplicable sums of money from their dragon-like hoard of cash, saturated with the tang of human blood to the point that it dripped crimson trails onto the manicured industrial-estate tile flooring. Innocent salesmen who went along with them for the test drive "for insurance purposes" returned shaken, mute, with white hair and permanently dilated pupils, unable to share their tale of the horrors that ensued on that fateful use of the dealer plate. Normal people would never attend the Dodge dealership to witness these vehicles, being perfectly happy to gaze at them from an aesthetic perspective before plopping down an outsize credit note on lifted minivan after lifted minivan, continuing on with their life and never descending into the kind of purestrain madness that would promote the purchase of a Viper.

Seemingly unemployed, these Viper owners wreaked havoc across the nation, dragging their RT/10s on our highways and byways before locating and docking with the nearest tree to the dealership. Those who survived their high-speed Viper crash were reborn in a baptism of fire, taking these broken men and giving us new, hardened, experienced psychopaths who immediately set out to purchase a second generation Viper when it became available. Despite the Dodge, for years America was helpless, crippled with fear of these dearborists, and our economy collapsed to the point that the Europeans were able to take advantage of our weakened world position, launching savage leveraged takeovers that crippled our most useless corporations, among them the mother of the Viper. The Dodge was struck down, and the Viper was to cease.

The Dodge, under the direction of the Germans, lost its love of terror and spectacle and discontinued the Viper as they instead concentrated on making more lifted minivans to attract the kind of man who would only appreciate the Viper as an abstract spectacle of wealth and power, rather than a direct-engagement three-pedaled suicide machine rendered from brimstone and lubricated with the souls of the damned. The loyalists were lost in the wild, hoarding the few remaining examples from being crashed into trees at high speeds and sequestering them away amongst yachts and period-correct lowboy restorations at a gathering known only as Barrett-Jackson.

Before long the original Viper owner hoard began to thin itself out, and the surviving cars began to depreciate. That's when they came down from the mountain. Cheap-rear end hobbyists. Clutching Weiand blowers and laughing in their odd high pitch, half-panicked, half-aroused as they eyed what was left of their fiberglass-bodied ankle-burning sex machine. The next age of Viper Terror was among us. The kind of man who would originally buy a new Viper became restless, and they swarmed across Wall Street, launching the world into an orgy of high-risk, violent bets that struck out at the common man. In order to sate their desire for adrenalin and property destruction, these men had gained power and cast the world into economic disaster that destroyed even The Dodge they once embraced.

After many more months of darkness, The Dodge returned. A man who had been to hell and back approached the podium. The Gilles told us of a new Viper - a new promise - and that America would soon be unified under an appreciation for the new Viper. Our nation's psychos would be comfortably ensconced once again in a faux-luxury hot rod that had a predilection for snap oversteer and brutal triple-digit crashes that atomized the occupants of the car.

America was safe. This time we had learned not to fear the Viper, but to fund it with our governments.

DJ Fuckboy Supreme
Feb 10, 2011

And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

Ryoshi posted:

Everyone should go to the leper colony right now and read El Spider's post-probation meltdown, typed out as the probation reasons for several other posters until he got banned.

Hahaha holy poo poo that is brilliant, mowing down innocent posters in the crossfire

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

loquacius posted:

From what I can tell, Lowtax got really mad at him for posting in a thread whose title and OP both consisted of the word "friend of the family" instead of instantly gassing thread banning OP, and making said post an image with no text when this was something he had previously probated people for. Lowtax gave him a 3-day probie in response to that, and instead of shooting him a PM or email to ask why, El Spider decided to express his confusion and sense of betrayal through the medium of the leper's colony which is a very weird and very public forum for something that could have been handled privately.

This seems to be a good summation.

Tiberius Thyben
Feb 7, 2013

Gone Phishing


Darth123123 posted:

This seems to be a good summation.

This was after he tried to ban Applewhite for making a funny post. So a dumb but amusing STDH post by one of the few good posters is bannable, but a thread called "friend of the family" is something to keep posting in.

loquacius posted:

For twenty minutes, you have been asking: Who is Jon Pop? This is Jon Pop speaking. I am the man who hates your wife. I am the man who does not sacrifice his values to gain anyone else's love. I am the man who has been deprived of sexual outlets and thus has destroyed your positive posting experience, and if you wish to know why you are reading lovely threads -- you who dread the Red Pill -- I am the man who will now tell you.

Karate Bastard
Jul 31, 2007

Soiled Meat
Woah Spido noooooooo!

He seemed so chill and all, even changed his mind on the Apple probie when people told him he was acting wack. I was just starting to like the dude. :(

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Tiberius Thyben posted:

This was after he tried to ban Applewhite for making a funny post. So a dumb but amusing STDH post by one of the few good posters is bannable, but a thread called "friend of the family" is something to keep posting in.

I missed the apple post. :(

Karate Bastard
Jul 31, 2007

Soiled Meat
e: ^^^^^^ here ya go buddy

Booblord Zagats posted:

I would never trust a retard again

Small but great part totally misrepresenting an even great story. Clickity.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Karate Bastard posted:

e: ^^^^^^ here ya go buddy


Small but great part totally misrepresenting an even great story. Clickity.

Holy moly I glanced over that thread. Tyvm. In a sick way.

E: it feels right that lady lowtax started it

cyberia
Jun 24, 2011

Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.

klapman posted:

rule not with an iron fist, but with a guiding hand, as one tends a bonsai tree full of tiny people shouting "im gay" all through the day and night

Woof Blitzer
Dec 29, 2012

[-]

mysterious loyall X posted:

OP i am a genuinely unlikeable, unpleasant person to be around. additionally, i am extremeley stupid. i have hilitosis, lumbago, invountary celibacy, i wear a fedora that says mra in smeared blue dry erase marker on the brim, cattarhs, consumption, greasy stool due 2ndary to olestra; i stink of cumin, tumperic, paprika, and cayanne pepper; mucous constantly drips from my eyes and i go about my day with those eye crystal boogers dangling from my eyelashes; i complain loudly to all and sundy about my thin, watery jizzum payloads which i claim are a result of my prescription ssris; i am self-centered, maudlin, whining, and i affecta british accent so ppl will think i'm smart and say cheers intead of thank you; i constantly slouch, which emphasizes the my disgusting pear shaped body and stick arms; i have a polyp on vocal cords that gives my speech a rasping quality, and it sounds like i am a sieve of saliva when i speak; i am completely unable to form or maintain interpersonal relationships with other humans, and even my insanely stupid yapping dog finds my presence more or less intolerable; i have been wearing the same briefs for 4 days; recently i have begun to pluck my nose hairs in public, as well as scratch my ear canals with my index finger. for these reasons, as well as many unlisted, i have amassed hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of terrible posts accross several different internet forums over he past 14 years or so.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
:nws:

Jeff Goldblum IRL posted:

http://i.imgur.com/3JPmA1R.png

I feel like that's less "Looks NWS but isn't" than it is explicitly a penis hidden in the animation frames.

Still hilarious.

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

It's 'shopped, here's the original.

I know superhero dicks and that, my good sir, is no superhero dick. :colbert:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply