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Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Split Pea Superman posted:

While our brave antifa high-priests are able to completely purge initiates of all un-virtue, frequently our white male allies carry with them so many grave sins against the working class that during the purification ritual the molted accumulation is actually able to congeal into a corporeal form, escape, and begin roaming the blighted plains of fly-over country in search of a new host.

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Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Gatekeeper posted:

the need for variety grows ever stronger, the people scream for new experiences and they demand satisfaction.

a lady places a hood over your scrote, tilts them back. dumps bucket after bucket of water over your lil nuggets.

its not enough.

she holds a speaker up to your plums, Panama by Van Halen. a week straight, nonstop.

"more," the people scream. "give us more ball torture"

Same thread but unrelated

Gatekeeper posted:

jfc i just typed out the lyrics to the theme from an incest porN that's older than i am FROM MEMORY

someone kill me pls

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Gatekeeper posted:

for the past two weeks my mom has been saying "keep easter Sunday free, the family talked it over and decided you're welcome to come and spend time with us and be part of the family again this Easter."

yesterday she called me and asked if I was excited about being able to spend easter with the family this year. "yes," I told her, choking back tears, "god, yes. it means so much to me"

she said "oh do me a favor, look at your calendar real quick. whats the date on easter again?"

I said. "its April 1st. oh wow, haha, its april fool's... easter is on April fool's..."

"show your ugly mug at my house tomorrow and I'm calling the loving cops, you gullible retard. enjoy microwaving off-brand pizza rolls with your dog tomorrow, fuckface. happy Easter." and she hung up.

she got me good, as usual! she's a regular Ashton kutcher, man lol

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Pvt.Scott posted:

My fetish is video games and clinical depression.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

darthbob88 posted:

1996: Don't trust people on the internet, and don't get into a stranger's car.

2016: Let me just summon a stranger from the internet so I can get in their car.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Palpek posted:

When I come back from work my stay-at-home wife updates me on what our boring stupid infant son did all day like it could interest anybody. How do I tell her that what he does is nothing compared to the complexity of my data analysis tasks at the insurance company?

tactlessbastard posted:

When my first daughter started walking I recall my wife getting very excited and I had to tell her to tone that poo poo down, the Rose Bowl is on

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

like a cigarette should posted:

I've got a system, honed to a razor's edge. I may be a 6 or 7 on my best day, but I find the men who are below my perceived worth, delving so far into the territories of 4s and 3s. The ones who are so thrilled to get any sort of answer on Tinder, they don't even question my sincerity nor my enthusiasm. And they won't, not even when I've lured them into the very center of my web, deep, deep in the heart of the Applebee's happy hour. I smile at them over my bahama mama limited time special, I laugh as I consume my barbecue brisket tacos, and I even brush their hand as we both reach for our plate of chips and classic spinach artichoke dip at the same time. The smart ones recognize me by the fourth classic sampler, but rarely. Only later, when I bring up the blue ribbon triple chocolate meltdown, do I see the fear in their eyes.

...And by the time the bill arrives, it's far, far too late for them...

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Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

naem posted:

I'm going to once again defend hr by saying that they deal with employees at their absolute worst all day every day, yet have to always have a sunny smile and happy tone of voice. They become bitter, broken people, like grizzled police detectives, only instead of doing shots in a dive bar they put up birthday decorations for the party planning committee

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