gentle pete posted:

At the risk of sounding like a sex crazed pervert...

I have a sex toy called "Venus 2000", or now "Venus for Men". Im sure you're all familiar with the sybian, well this is the male equivalent.



Lube it up, turn it on and it starts sucking and stroking on your cock like an insatiable cock whore. The thing I like about it is that it can go for hours as long as you keep lubed up. Ive gone as long as three hours while edging before. The best thing about the venus by far is the fact that it can stroke your cock with or without an erection, it doesn't care one bit since it sucks you in, and strokes off your dick with air pressure.

Anyways, a while ago I got this hair brained idea to get a bunch of audio clips of women getting hosed from all sorts of sources. But only of women getting hosed by men, or sucking on a dick. Wrote up a quick bash script on the computer to randomly play them. Longer clips get played one after another at random with shorter clips overlapping. Now I was set.

My boyfriend prepared 35 mg of 4acodmt for plugging while I got the venus ready. This was going to be a long duration experience so I opted for the silicone lube that lasts forever.

I lubed up, got the stroking part on my dick, plugged the 4aco, and laid back. My boyfriend put my blindfold on me, shackled my wrists and ankles and put the headphones on me.

He was listening to the audio through the laptop and controlling the Venus's stroke speed and the stroke height to match the audio. You can have it stroke as slow as 3 times a minute, to faster than your hand can go at 300/minute. And by way of a second control box you can control how deep it sucks your dick inside. You can have it be deep throating during practically the whole stroke or riding right up on top of the head.

At first I was hard as a rock at the thought of the experiment, but I started getting nervous about ten minutes in when the heavy dose of psilocetin started to alert. I was worried that I sjould have done some better editing of the sound clips, they were cutting in and out pretty harsh and thought for a while that would detract from the experience. Soon enough it didn't matter.

As the veil started to lift in my minds eye the moans and grunts and whimpers and calls to gently caress "harder" and "faster" and shouts and screams of ecstacy turned into a rolling broiling cacaphony of auditory ecstacy.

Ever since the dawn of man, gods have come to walk amongst us and laid their seed in our women. These goddesses had now had enough. They all descended from the various heavens and chosen me for their sole act of defiance. One by one they seduced me and begged for my seed. "Oh, oh baby I want you inside me." A gentle soft spoken and timid goddess whispered. I hosed her niiiice and slow. Another goddess interupted shouting for me to go "faster uh uh faster, yeah yeah yeah"

As my mind went ever more under the influence of the drug everything became chaotic and overlapped. I was being used by a dozen goddesses as their plaything being tossed back and forth between them like a ragdoll. For a while I begged for them to stop to no avail. Multiple times I felt myself getting soft but they kept sucking on my dick, and their vaginas turned into twisted slimy creatures unto themselves that slurped and pulled and grabbed at my limp dick incessantly until I was once again taken by the ecstacy and restored to full vigor.

The peak was so chaotic and confusing i cant even begin to express it. I was for sure being raped. I know I wanted them to stop. I begged them to. But at the same time I was in ecstacy.

I do remember the orgasm building up. Slowly, carefully. The goddesses had one shot and it had to be perfect. I had to hold it back. It had to a strong orgasm. Not just a big one but the strongest most powerful orgasm ever imagined by a human. For a moment they told me I would know what it feels like for Zeus himself to bust a nut. I came and she kept shouting at me "harder, harder HARDER!" My vision went nuts, i was seeing a field of white electric static and I felt it shooting throughout my body. I felt incredibly lucid mentally and remotely aware of my physical body. It was strainging against the restraints, grunting and growling like a caged beast. My p.c. muscles were contracting repeatedly over and over as they seamed to pump out all of my life force and sexual energy. The grunts and growls ftom my mindless body started to cede as more and more life force was being drained. The cacaphonous ecstacy of the goddesses slowly disappeared as my genitals still continued pumping into the alien orifice that kept massaging my cock for more.

The grunts from my body were rhythmic and uniform with the contractions. I was afraid. What had I done. They're going to take everything. Never the less i was still in pure unbridaled ecstacy the likes of which I could never express in words. Slowly over what seemed like an hour i felt the alien vagina sucking the last bits of sexual life force out of me while the contractions had stopped. I laid there in psychedelic blackness as that strange inhuman throbbing genital stayed attached slowly stroking my flacid cock in and out of itself. I was a play thing for the gods at a slumber party with too much wine. I was sucked dry and cast aside in the corner to be forgotten about for eternity with this autonomous disembodied genital forever attached to me.

"John." He spoke my name softly but it shattered my reality like sledgehammer. I gasped for breath and told him i was good and to untie me. I was still tripping slightly but i was well into the comedown by now.

I recorded a stream of consciousness accounting and laid together with my boyfriend in his arms

The next morning we compared notes and watched the recording. He kept a timeline during the experience which made watching the four hour recording much easier.

It was an amazing experience, but not something I'll ever repeat because for as amazing as it was, it was just as terrifying. It is by far though the best orgasm I've ever had.

CowboyKid posted:

"Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff. Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying "Those with prejudice walk through this door" The other door's sign said "Those without prejudice walk through this door". Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says "Everyone has prejudice". So, I start tugging on the door and say "What the hell is wrong with this drat door, did some drat Jew make this?" and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes"

Full Battle Rattle posted:

You know, maybe if we were all more open with what kind of porn we were into the world would be a better place

Alaois posted:

a world without handshakes

twoday posted:

I was laying in bed before I had to head to work. I don't normally think about pizza dough when I'm not at work, but today was different. I knew that I'd be able to do this that that had been tempting me for the past several months. I was going to be by myself for a couple hours, so all I had to do was steal a ball of dough and lock myself in the bathroom. I was getting turned on just thinking about it. I masturbated.

I cleaned myself up and went to work. I go in the back door. My boss isn't there, which both surprised and relieved me. I say hi to a coworker. He's the only one here right now, and he's making the dough as we speak. "It's right fresh." I think to myself. I walk into the freezer. There sitting before me is several boxes of freshly made pizza dough. I pick one up in my hands. It's still warm. I reach into my pocket where I've hidden a large Ziploc bag and a condom. I stuff the dough into the bag and hide it in my jacket pocket. I intentionally wore a large jacket today, knowing that I'd need to smuggle the dough ball home. I didn't ever mean to gently caress the dough at work. That would be unsanitary. If anyone found out, I'd probably be fired. So I get to work, trying not to think about what I've hidden in my jacket. But it's too much for me. I start to get an erection. I grab my jacket and go into the washroom.

I take off my pants and open up the bag. I poke a hole in the dough and massage it with my hands. I'm rock hard now. I open up the condom and put it on, before I go to town on the dough. After a few minutes, I cum. Not quite as hard as I was expecting, but considering I had just gotten off an hour prior to that, I was satisfied.

I realize that I don't know what to do with the dough. It weighs about a pound and a half, and it's too big to hide anywhere. Plus the night time staff would find it, and that would be some awkward explaining. There's a knock on the door. My manager is here and needs into the washroom to get changed. I quickly stuff the dough into the bag and back into my jacket before washing my hands. I then went over to another sink and washed my hands again.

For a few hours after that, I stood there, making pizzas, talking to customers, taking orders. No one that I talked to knew that I had hosed a pizza dough just before talking to them. Someone came in who was getting pizza for a birthday party, someone came in wanting a job, someone came in to talk about how good our pizzas always were. None of them knew. It made me feel dirty, and kind of turned on.
At the end of my shift I ran home into my bedroom. I grabbed the dough out of my pocket while looking for a condom. I didn't have any more. So I went without. Lying on the bed, moving the dough up and down on my dick. I came again. I then wrapped the dough up in a bag and threw it in the garbage so that no one would accidentally come across it.

Karate Bastard posted:

Catholics on the other hand are hilarious

Them towelheads are a blast too

Grand Prize Winner posted:

There was one guy who'd wear his ren-faire costume to school in the days leading up the ren-faire. One chick wore a cape but she killed herself sophomore year and wasn't a problem anymore.

Palpek posted:

What about serving beer with ice cubes.

Phanatic posted:

Oh, it's loving ON.

My Lovely Horse posted:

Bring it.

cinci zoo sniper posted:

Prepare Debbie Reynolds memes.

Popelmon posted:

I guess she didn't want to Carrie on.

wayfinder posted:

i just saw Moana and its weird hearing the rock say my name

theflyingorc posted:

it doesn't matter what your name is

I Love Annie May posted:

How do you find an anime hater on the internet?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.

Guy Goodbody posted:

UNless you know for a fact that that scene from Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger didn't appear in Power Rangers Super Megaforce, my point stands.

Snatch Duster posted:

This why you get wedgies.

Saint Freak posted:

There's a pretty good compilation here

quote:

hello weedthread my old friend
ive come to talk with you again
because a dankness softly creeping
left in bags while i was sleeping
and the nugs that were smoked into my still remain
within the sound of highness
in sated high I walk alone
narrow streets of cobblestone
neath the halo of a streetlamp
my dealer waited with some rich-rear end dank
when my eyes were stabbed by the flash of the popo’s light
that split the night
and touched the sound of highness
and in the naked light I saw
ten thousand joints, maybe more
people smoking without coughing
people chilling without harshing
people writing songs
“that are gonna be big someday”
but not today
because the sound of highness
“fools” said i, “ you do not know”
“when you smoke weed cancer slows”
“hear my words that i might teach you”
“take a dab so that i might feel you (man)”
but they were all really going through some poo poo this time
and sat there in the well of highness
and the people bowed and prayed
to the mad dab hits they made
and the cops flashed out their warning
but the stoners kept on going
and the cops said
“stop smoking weed and get a job you lazy bum”
“no more fun”
whispered in the sound of highness

Collateral Damage posted:

I always thought you killed crabs the same way you kill lobsters.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Turn on your monitor.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

is Dreddout having a psychotic break, or

Dead Reckoning posted:

Dr. Tim Whatley expressed his opinion of another goon's fashion choices by printing out his post and pissing on it.

Trig Discipline posted:

It's like these people have never even heard of Chekhov's Cock.

Solice Kirsk posted:

I still rock a Skinny Puppy shirt from 1993. I'm with ya old music liking buddy.

Tendai posted:

So the hoa here is cracking down on smoking on balconies so it's time i tried vaping. Is this a good one?



I want something that can do both herb and oil or wax, and that isn't made of lead in China so I slowly die. $200 is about right.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

RIP Lisa Lopes.

cash crab posted:

NewFatMike posted:

You might want to get to a mechanic, your tires shouldn't be that bald.

Nanomashoes posted:

the something awful forums: I don't have empathy so I don't understand why people feel sad when others die

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Emmy is hilarious, but I think they are too sheltered for other SA forums

Dely Apple posted:

Reinforce the dams with her emails, nothing apparently can get over them

NotWearingPants posted:

The current path of hurricane Irma could turn Florida into a reliably blue state lol.

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

nah, the water will probably recede eventually

WilltheMagicAsian posted:

Cugel the Clever posted:

Little people (midgets/dwarfs) and the mentally handicapped (retards/idiots/imbeciles/morons/dummies) really should aim to address the underlying issue behind the words' usage as pejoratives, with also trying to take ownership of the terms some use to their detriment. Otherwise you're just going to see society turn the next "clinical", "unbaggaged" term for them into another insult—a process that's been described as a euphemism treadmill. "Retard" itself came into being in an effort to popularize an initially non-pejorative term for the mentally-handicapped.

Homosexuals (gays), on the other hand, led successful campaigns to both transform society's view of homosexuality and claim the word "gay" for themselves. This also had the effect of pushing stronger slurs (human being) even further outside the bounds of acceptable discourse, though still at times used as a badge of pride within the community. You still get retards and bigots that try to use them that way, but, unless you live in a particularly backwards area, the use of the terms as pejoratives is greatly diminished. The evolution of the word "friend of the family" in the African American community and broader society parallels "human being", and it's hard to say whether we as a society can ever achieve the racial equity necessary for it to ever become a shared positive term in the way "gay" is becoming (and there's plenty of debate about whether or not the term should instead be excised entirely, though that horse has probably left the barn).

I can see little people being successful at reducing the usage of their descriptors as insults, especially with more exposure for them in popular media that emphasizes their humanity. Reduce the "novelty" in seeing a little person and affirm that they're just like you or me. Probably should have gone just championed "dwarf" as it rolls off the tongue a lot easier than "little person" and has cool Tolkein-esque connotations in popular culture, but whatever—I guess they made their decision.

As for the mentally handicapped, however, it's probably impossible to dissociate any term used for them from a colloquial pejorative, nor keep any new term from becoming an insult. If there is one that thing serves as the foundation of how humans characterize humanity, it is intelligence—principally: self-awareness, communicative ability, and complex reasoning. No matter how much some try to put divider between terms used for the voluntarily moronic and the involuntarily handicapped, I just don't see it sticking because language is too drat fluid and we humans are loving retarded.

Really, if there's one word used as an insult that is long overdue for a sea-change to transform its negative connotations to positive, it's pussy. Pussy's loving fierce and don't need none of your poo poo. There have been more and more positive uses in popular protest, but even these more-progressive-than-not forums still uses it to mean "weak" or "pathetic" with disgraceful regularity.

Anyways, this long, possibly-offensive rambling from a white male cracker is courtesy of me procrastinating on going to sleep. The Schadenfreude is on my future, sleep-deprived self.

Karate Bastard posted:

Those who protested him in the past kept bringing literal hammer and sickle flags. I don't know the causality here, but there's that.

quote:

I will never use words I hate, like the trendy and artificially constructed words "zhe" and "zher." These words are at the vanguard of a post-modern, radical leftist ideology that I detest, and which is, in my professional opinion, frighteningly similar to the Marxist doctrines that killed at least 100 million people in the 20th century.

Hogge Wild posted:

if you aren't asian like me you aren't allowed to use yellow smilies

a hole-y ghost posted:

a hole-y ghost posted:

a hole-y ghost posted:

____________________________/

Spinster posted:

People didn't notice? How is that possible?

Mr.Tophat posted:

Christ on a cracker

Jedah posted: