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Okay, so. Oddly enough, the best part of this story was when the least stuff was happening. Robert felt like a fairly fleshed out guy, and the writing was pretty decent. I think where it went off the rails for me was when the horror stuff started. I have a bunch of questions: If the lawyer knew he was delivering something terrible, why didn't he just burn it himself? Did Robert's dad die like Robert did? If not, why was he able to resist the whole gruesome transformation thing? What was Candace's motivation, aside from reacting to things Robert did? What is this Lovecraftian evil trying to accomplish? Does it eat the people it corrupts? How does all this gruesome stuff benefit the "stars", or whatever? What are your characters like outside of the confines of this story? That's just some stuff that popped into my head as I was reading. I feel like as soon as Robert goes up the mountain, the story becomes this long series of actions without any flavor or texture. I don't have any sense of who these people are, so it's kind of hard to care about the horror they're experiencing. I think the pacing is fine, and the action is mostly clear, but other than the beginning, there is almost no characterization. I am no horror expert, but IMO good horror takes comfortable, everyday things and juxtaposes them with the corrupt or unthinkable. What did your characters WANT before evil came knocking? The sequence where Robert is just chilling and stinking up the house was the most perplexing. I guess the point is to show, from Candace's perspective, that he's undergoing a transformation. But it was a lot of Candace being horrified and reacting to things. Basically, I think you have the bones of a decent story here, but you need more meat. You need your characters to be actual people. Otherwise there's kind of this generic, made-for-TV horror feeling and I can tell that's not what you want. Like I said, there is a shift after Robert gets the map from the lawyer. That part had glimmerings of character and well-observed details. Hone in on whatever you were doing there and spread it out through the whole piece.
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Nov 3, 2015 04:20
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 08:10 |
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