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i bet if i work really hard and always give 110% then i can succeed!
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Nov 11, 2015 20:33
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yeah, so i gave my bonus to charity this year. feels real good to give back, you know?
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Nov 11, 2015 20:56
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appletv? heh! no thank you. i've got this little baby running a little something called xbmc. yep. still running with the same pentium 4 i got for half-life 2
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Nov 12, 2015 16:35
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As a Millennial I posted:my mom still believes this
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Nov 13, 2015 22:31
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Dislike button posted:I can't wait to vote
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Nov 14, 2015 20:56
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yeah, i'm a big fan of the fallout games. i'm a bit of a retro gamer, so i've got some serious nostalgia for playing fallout 3 on my 360
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Nov 15, 2015 01:22
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kids, i know we all asked santa for a new playstation this year, but there's this wonderful man daddy known on the internet who goes by the name doobie
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Nov 15, 2015 22:51
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sure ill donate. the forums have given me so much entertainment over the years, it's a small price to pay!
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Nov 16, 2015 20:20
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eugh! squid and octopus? that seems a little too exotic for me ill have the macaroni and cheese, thank you
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Nov 21, 2015 21:30
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can i get this with some miracle whip?
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Nov 21, 2015 21:33
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you wouldn't *believe* the markup on iPads!
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Nov 22, 2015 18:09
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*lives 50+ miles away from an ocean*
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Nov 22, 2015 20:37
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Cat Face Joe posted:*screams at child who has never once been interacted with*
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Nov 23, 2015 17:51
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extended warranty!? how could i lose!?
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Nov 29, 2015 03:46
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i own a pitbull
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Dec 1, 2015 15:39
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you wanna know how i could afford it, bill? *leans in close* its a floor model
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Dec 1, 2015 18:18
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At the crack of dawn every day, I crawl out of bed. My bones and muscles are aching; I can't even remember the last time I had a good night's sleep. With all the grace of a drunk elephant, I trundle my way towards the bathroom down the hallway. When the dog stumbles to get out of my way (I still accidentally kick it at least once a month), my wife stirs awake momentarily. She mutters something under her breath about how she wishes her life was different, and how she didn't have two kids with an oaf like me. Today I'm lucky, because I didn't manage to step on any of the kids' toys during my trek to the bathroom. I flick on the light, and my eyes sear in pain to the sudden burst of light. I wince, but at this point, the pain is simply part of the normal morning routine. Once my eyes adjust to the bright bathroom lights (we sprung for LED bulbs at a recent Lowe's sale), I take a full look at myself. My shirt off, I realize that I have the tits of a 120 pound woman in her twenties. For a brief moment, I think back to my wife when we met. Then I notice the array of thick, dark hair that covers my chest, and extends down past my bulging, distended, round belly. Further down from that ball of lard brought on by decades of Milwaukee's Best, I see my stained boxer shorts. The fabric is so worn that it's been rendered nearly transparent. The button popped off some time in 2011, and from the open flap, I can see the tip of my penis sticking out. It's small, and withered, hiding from the cold morning air within its protective foreskin. I reach down to tuck it back in, my hand brushing up against several ingrown hairs that have developed along my shaft. The same hand that fondled my penis now moves up, to brush at my hair. I think the bald spot's getting bigger. With a maudlin sigh, I slip my boxers down to my ankles and sit down upon my freezing, porcelain throne. What begins is best described as a violent, occasionally bloody test of my inner fortitude, as I push out last night's Ruby Tuesday. My daughter's choice, I assure you, as she finally worked her way to a "B" in Social Studies this quarter. If it were up to me, I would have chosen Outback. My thoughts continue as I squeeze out a troubling black mass. I have to be quick. The wife and kids will be up soon, and the cacophony of the day will begin. Until then, in these few precious minutes, I meditate and poo poo.
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Dec 5, 2015 19:05
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i voluntarily joined the US military that's why i have no legs
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Dec 8, 2015 18:16
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Phoning It In posted:i clean
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Dec 8, 2015 20:27
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grandma has to live with us, now
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Dec 9, 2015 20:40
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i don't know what kale is
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Dec 9, 2015 23:36
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all my furniture is made out of stacked milk crates
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Dec 10, 2015 21:12
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PokeJoe posted:I text my family
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Dec 11, 2015 21:50
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Cat Face Joe posted:*idles sega saturn on the "NiGHTs Into Dreams" start screen*
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Dec 16, 2015 19:55
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i like to call it "lost wages!"
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Dec 22, 2015 04:03
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i know what those minion things are
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Dec 26, 2015 13:53
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i care about the backwards compatibility of my video game consoles
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Dec 27, 2015 23:05
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i think lowtax is funny when he does zany things
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Dec 31, 2015 05:32
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i type "asmr" into youtube instead of seeing a therapist or a masseuse
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Jan 4, 2016 00:32
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i lost my house in my divorce
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Jan 5, 2016 03:14
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i only watch the DC affiliate stations, because i don't want to associate with ~baltimore~
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Jan 12, 2016 06:15
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yep. there's nothing like a vizio brand television
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Jan 12, 2016 06:38
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i maintain an ironic personality on a dying internet forum i also get really upset if anyone points out that this isnt funny
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Jan 12, 2016 21:06
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a psychiatrist!? ok there, CRAZY *does the sting from psycho*
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Jan 20, 2016 19:39
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| # ¿ May 15, 2024 05:51 |
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i ran a little side business in 2005 selling modified nerf mavericks
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Jan 24, 2016 07:07
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