What's the worst thing you've ever witnessed in the workplace?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > What's the worst thing you've ever witnessed in the workplace?

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

free appelwhite

# ¿ Nov 17, 2015 18:01

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 21:53

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

El Spider posted:

ill take your word for it now that he isn't a hosed up weirdo

woah woah woah woah

let's not be hasty here

he just didn't kill that pig

# ¿ Nov 17, 2015 19:02

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

i worked in a place where every day some dude would just go into the men's room and piss everywhere, literally everywhere except in the urinal
I used to call him the piss wizard
never did find out who it was, would have liked to shake his hand assuming he washed it.

E: probably it was the janitor

# ¿ Nov 17, 2015 22:07

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

Applewhite posted:

We must work at the same place because I feel like I know that story.

Another bad thing I saw at work was when I was working at a carnival in the summer of 1999. My job was to put on night vision goggles and watch the customers in the tunnel of love to make sure they didn't climb out of the boats. It's actually a huge problem at carnivals that people will climb out of the boat and wade through the water to have sex on the shore. I saw some poo poo while I was working that job but the worst thing I saw was when a 400+lbs woman and her almost as fat boyfriend tried to climb out of the boat and it capsized (a feat in itself, considering the boats aren't floating but sitting on a metal stanchion that links them to the underwater track). The two of them are jammed between the capsized boat and the shore, crying like land whales and oh by the way they're mostly naked.
I wade into the water to try and get them unstuck but theyr'e so slick with grease from the carnival food that I can't get a grip and I go under with a face full of flab on top of me.
I barely free myself when the next boat comes around the bend and the young couple inside collides with the fatsos. More yelling, more whale cries and I can't go get help because I'm the only person keeping the fat woman's head above water. If I let her go she'd go under and drown before I could get back with help. I try to get the other couple to help but they're stumbling around in the water and the dark because they can't see and then oh goody the next boat comes around the corner and crashes into the first two!
Finally the noise coming from inside the tunnel is loud enough that the carnies come to investigate and they got everyone out, but the sight of all those rolls of fat wiggling and squishing around in eerie green light of the night vision goggles is forever burned into my brain

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

ftfy

# ¿ Nov 18, 2015 00:29

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

whole lot of gullible goons in this thread, believing every piece of obvious bullshit they see. if you read Applewhite's story and believed a word of it (whether or not you know who Applewhite is) you are a complete loving idiot and you should PM me because I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

e: When I saw the probation the first time I assumed it was just a new mod handing out hot sixes and thought it was pretty funny but welp

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 10:36 on Nov 18, 2015

# ¿ Nov 18, 2015 10:26

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

Solice Kirsk posted:

Those are actually triggers, not spikes. You were a poor mine quality assurance inspector.

"spike" is the industry term for the contact firing pin

anyone who knows anything knows that

# ¿ Nov 18, 2015 15:14

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

Applewhite posted:

Gnarly is a good mod and I consider him a Forum Contemporary.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2015 16:23

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

he could have just doubled down and told us to go gently caress ourselves but he didn't and that's cool in my book

# ¿ Nov 18, 2015 16:34

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

Wedemeyer posted:

Ok. But first read this quote

Then start reading from here

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3681373&pagenumber=40&perpage=40#post442173447

Please keep reading until page 45. You'll know which post is the grande finale.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2015 13:57

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 21:53

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

you two share a dream to see Windows98 probated (or sexually assaulted or whatever) so I think you should be nicer to one another

namaste

# ¿ Nov 19, 2015 15:46

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > What's the worst thing you've ever witnessed in the workplace?