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waitwhatno posted:You are doing fine with this thread. Oh FFS, I've been diagnosed by two separate shrinks and they both diagnosed me with SPD. 1.) Yes, some some social interactions are frustrating. I don't think that's unique to people with any sort of mental condition. If you work any sort of customer service job, sooner or later you're going to deal with people who should wear tinfoil hats just as warning to others. 2.) Being diagnosed with SPD didn't actually fix much. The shrinks just went with "OK, you must also be depressed, so have some Prozac." All the Prozac did was made me feel dizzy. The only difference I felt from taking anti-depressants was that I had a lot more head-rushes. You know that feeling when you bend over to tie your shoe, then you stand up too fast and you get a head rush? That was all I got from taking Prozac, so I went off my meds.
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Nov 30, 2015 12:06
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I just googled "DSM test" and took it. I got a 92% for Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Why you got to ruin my evening. I thought I just had a raging case of ADD
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Dec 4, 2015 01:47
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You have to be analyzed by a professional though. Some random internet test doesn't mean a whole lot. I have ADHD (officially evaluated) and I just started adderal. The dosage is rather small, so my doctor said I may not really notice a difference just yet. I have a theory that my schizoid-ness might be because I find talking to people unpleasant because I can't pay attention to them. So maybe the ADHD could be the underlying cause of being socially isolated? Also, if possible, I'd like to hear more from the more outgoing social goons as well.
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Dec 5, 2015 20:43
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Soulex posted:K, just asked my therapist and she said no I don't. She said that there are some parallel lines but ultimately no. Which is good, but also bad. because all I want is an answer No offense , but you already have an answer. The symptoms you described as Schizoid-like are also a perfect fit for depression: lack of interest in socializing, feeling numb, difficulty connecting with other people/the world at large, detachment. For all I know, these symptoms are also seen in people with anxiety issues, ADHD, and PTSD, too. You don't need another diagnoses, you already have four difficult conditions that exacerbate and feed into each other. You have to remember that mental illnesses often travel in groups or pairs (co-morbidity), and they interact with each other and often make symptoms exponentially worse. Piling on diagnoses isn't going to help you. Ausmund posted:I have ADHD (officially evaluated) and I just started adderal. The dosage is rather small, so my doctor said I may not really notice a difference just yet. I have a theory that my schizoid-ness might be because I find talking to people unpleasant because I can't pay attention to them. So maybe the ADHD could be the underlying cause of being socially isolated? Ha, that's funny: I have ADD, and I've theorized that it's the result of being raised by a mentally ill mother, because I was constantly trying to keep on my toes and take in everything in order to detect and/or circumvent her crazy mood swings. (Edit: I've read a similar theory about ADD/ADHD, that it's a leftover from when humans were still hunter-gatherers, and had to constantly switch their attention from the environment to their tasks and back, so they wouldn't be mauled by something. I don't know how true that is, but it's interesting, anyway.) In the end, though, it's a chicken-and-egg question when it comes to co-morbid conditions. Did my ADD cause my depression? Did having depression cause ADD? It's an interesting thought experiment, but I came to the personal conclusion that it's a moot point. I'm on medication for both, and I've finally made enough progress that I don't need mandatory therapy to get my Adderall, and that's enough for me. I just want to say that as hard as it is to get a diagnosis like a personality disorder, you seem to be handling it pretty well. I understand feeling defective or hopeless, and I'm as proud of you as an internet stranger can be. Lots of people blame society or genetics or whatever for their unhappiness, and it says a lot about you that you took the path of self-examination instead. (Go read this sadsack's thread to see what I'm talking about.) No matter how down you feel about yourself, I hope you know that you're a thoughtful, hard-working person, and I hope you'll be able to make peace with your diagnosis and find happiness. Bobbie Wickham fucked around with this message at 04:20 on Dec 7, 2015 |
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Dec 7, 2015 00:36
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Thanks Bobbie  Yeah, I had a mom like that too growing up, haven't spoken to them in over a year. I can't really take sad-sack threads seirously anymore, I just assume it's Jon Pop/Jon Pop trolling, which is a shame because those can be really funny threads.
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Dec 7, 2015 09:29
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Ausmund posted:You have to be analyzed by a professional though. Some random internet test doesn't mean a whole lot. Interesting that you bring that up as I also have ADHD (inattentive) and SPD (though I almost certainly started as Avoidant) and I found that the Adderall absolutely makes socializing easier as I could follow conversations and amphetamines tend to make you chatty initially. Many children with ADHD withdraw from social situations because of the anxiety associated with them, and it's conceivable that it could lead to a personality disorder over time, but it's unlikely the sole cause. Like you all have said, there is so much overlap in psychology most of these diagnoses are messy and essentially meaningless. The only diagnosis that ever helped me was ADHD and finally getting medicated for it. I recall reading SPD is likely quite common but underestimated due to those with the disorder not seeing it as a problem and thus don't seek help. I suspect it is also somewhere near Aspergers in terms of internet self diagnosis.
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Dec 9, 2015 02:44
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I actually just took the MMPI test today to be evaluated for various personality disorders. SPD is one that I think is a possibility for me, but since i'm already diagnosed with both major depression and anxiety and they have very similar symptoms, I won't be sure until I hear back about my evaluation. I do think that this quote is interesting: "There is some evidence to suggest that there is an increased prevalence of schizoid personality disorder in relatives of people with schizophrenia or schizotypal personality disorder." Specifically because there are several people in my family that have delusional type schizophrenia, and I've always been concerned about developing the disorder since I am at the age where it typically occurs. My question is does anyone else diagnosed with SPD have relatives with schizophrenia or schizotypal personality disorder?
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Dec 9, 2015 04:34
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xyloshan posted:"There is some evidence to suggest that there is an increased prevalence of schizoid personality disorder in relatives of people with schizophrenia or schizotypal personality disorder." Genetics aside I think it might be possible socialisation plays a role here. The schizophrenic family member demands a lot of attention and causes a lot of ruckus, so the sibling might be inclined to overcompensate by being especially autonomous, quiet and emotionally flat. But that is just a pet-theory of mine.
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Dec 9, 2015 11:19
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xyloshan posted:I actually just took the MMPI test today to be evaluated for various personality disorders. SPD is one that I think is a possibility for me, but since i'm already diagnosed with both major depression and anxiety and they have very similar symptoms, I won't be sure until I hear back about my evaluation. From what I understand, outside of a shared nomenclature, Schizophrenia really has gently caress all to do with schizoid personality personalities.
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Dec 10, 2015 09:16
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Bobbie Wickham posted:No offense , but you already have an answer. The symptoms you described as Schizoid-like are also a perfect fit for depression: lack of interest in socializing, feeling numb, difficulty connecting with other people/the world at large, detachment. For all I know, these symptoms are also seen in people with anxiety issues, ADHD, and PTSD, too. You don't need another diagnoses, you already have four difficult conditions that exacerbate and feed into each other. You have to remember that mental illnesses often travel in groups or pairs (co-morbidity), and they interact with each other and often make symptoms exponentially worse. Piling on diagnoses isn't going to help you. No, but I thought it might have been an applicable thing to bring up to my doctor. I'm not webmd'ing it by any means. One of the reasons my PTSD was hidden for so long and went undiagnosed was because of the other things I had. The answers I'm looking for are why I'm like this. Besides my leg issue, the reason why I've changed so much over the past few years. PTSD is the answer to most of it, but I feel like it's a blanket statement as opposed to a more in depth diagnosis. I've also been depressed before, but never on the level that I was or am. That's why it was confusing to me. I was diagnosed with a lot of the symptoms of PTSD and went years without diagnosis, which is what I was thinking might have been the case here. I did talk to my doctors, two different ones actually because in the military you see different doctors for everything, and both where psychologists. They both denied me having it, but when I pointed out some of the same symptoms, they didn't offer an explanation on why I wasn't like that. It was a little irritating because I like having quantifiable evidence (I don't have this because I lack this symptom...etc.) and remove all doubt. However, I take their word as professionals and it's not a big deal anymore, which is why I stopped viewing the thread really. My mom is also an RN, and has been for 30+ years, so a lot of the stuff I know or ask is from her. She was the one that suggested popliteal artery entrapment in my legs as a possibility for my chronic leg pain. I showed signs of it, but it wasn't significant enough to diagnose for surgery. The leg issue is frustrating, because after being diagnosed with exercise induced compartment syndrome and having a faciotemy done on both legs, the pain still is constant and present. I can't run, jump, lunge or any of that fun stuff. Which sucks two fold because I loved playing soccer and have gear that I bought right before I got hurt that is unused, as well as my snowboard poo poo that I'm having to sell now. The second part is because my son is getting old enough to run and play and I want to be able to do that with him outside. He loves kicking the ball around, and it makes me feel like a lovely father because I can't give him that experience. So I'm not trying to self-diagnose or chime in or be a hypochondriac. Some days are inherently worse than others where all hope leaves me and I'm an empty husk walking around. It's bad enough sometimes that my wife wells up with tears of anger because it seems like I'm lazy, but in reality I just want to be left alone. The worst part of PTSD and stuff like this isn't what you've seen or experienced, it's how you see yourself changing and how you hurt the ones you love daily by something that's beyond your immediate control. Hope that clears it up some. No offense taken.
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Dec 10, 2015 18:57
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My psych said the distinguishing factor between having schizoid tendencies and having SPD is the fact that you don't care. About the isolation, intimacy, general lack of caring about anything. And wouldn't bother to continue seeing a therapist/psych to try to change the way you deal with things. Maybe he was just fluffing my nuts. Personally, I have a bunch of schizoid tendencies and disassociation, tied into anxiety/depression. When I first read the DSM def for schizoid I found it kind of comforting that there was something that seemed to describe me accurately but I feel like if just agree with that, say 'okay I have a personality disorder, gently caress it' it's a form of surrender. Because I don't like being so distant from people and I don't think that's who I really am.
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Dec 11, 2015 09:37
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Soulex posted:I'm not webmd'ing it by any means. One of the reasons my PTSD was hidden for so long and went undiagnosed was because of the other things I had. The answers I'm looking for are why I'm like this. Besides my leg issue, the reason why I've changed so much over the past few years. PTSD is the answer to most of it, but I feel like it's a blanket statement as opposed to a more in depth diagnosis. I've also been depressed before, but never on the level that I was or am. That's why it was confusing to me. I was diagnosed with a lot of the symptoms of PTSD and went years without diagnosis, which is what I was thinking might have been the case here. Oh, it's completely understandable--PTSD has a wide range of symptoms, which makes it seem like a blanket diagnosis sometimes. Just looking at the Mayo Clinic's list of symptoms covers a lot of symptoms, and I'm sure that's not a complete list. Some of the symptoms are exactly what you're talking about, though, like the social isolation, numbness, and lack of motivation. You also have to consider that if your PTSD wasn't diagnosed for years, that would probably partially explain why your depression became so severe. It's frustrating when your concerns aren't addressed by your doctors, but at least you're wise enough to let the professionals do their job.
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Dec 12, 2015 03:30
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ninjawtf posted:My psych said the distinguishing factor between having schizoid tendencies and having SPD is the fact that you don't care. About the isolation, intimacy, general lack of caring about anything. And wouldn't bother to continue seeing a therapist/psych to try to change the way you deal with things. Maybe he was just fluffing my nuts. Personally, I have a bunch of schizoid tendencies and disassociation, tied into anxiety/depression. Well, there are different levels of not caring. I still care about my immediate family. There's just whole lot of poo poo I don't care about. I will admit that back in when I was younger, I was scared of dealing with other people. I got over that by taking a job where I had to ask strangers if they wanted fries with that, and it turns out that my social anxiety was a pretty easy fix. Social anxiety is a form of paranoia, like you think everybody cares about you. It turns out everybody is too busy with their own thing, so nobody cares about you. Once you realize that nobody really gives a poo poo about you, it is somewhat liberating. For example, if pressed, I can give a decent argument for a designated hitter rule. I give absolutely zero shits about Baseball, but I can fake it when pressed. thrakkorzog fucked around with this message at 10:46 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 09:53
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Bobbie Wickham posted:Oh, it's completely understandable--PTSD has a wide range of symptoms, which makes it seem like a blanket diagnosis sometimes. Just looking at the Mayo Clinic's list of symptoms covers a lot of symptoms, and I'm sure that's not a complete list. Some of the symptoms are exactly what you're talking about, though, like the social isolation, numbness, and lack of motivation. You also have to consider that if your PTSD wasn't diagnosed for years, that would probably partially explain why your depression became so severe. Yeah, one of the biggest things that I had an issue with in the beginning where I thought I was able to counter and know what I would need to say to the doc instead of just going with it. Once I got off my proverbial high horse, things started to get a little better. I thought because I was so smart and everything that I could see through the bullshit. I didn't realize that I was the bullshit. You know? Like I said, my mom has been working with medicine for 30 years, and she told me that regardless of what someone told me, ask a doctor. They know, you don't. Simple as that. 8 years of college is worth something more than a quick google search to webMD. Which is the same reason I asked my doctors after I heard about this and saw so many similarities.
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Dec 14, 2015 19:57
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thrakkorzog posted:From what I understand, outside of a shared nomenclature, Schizophrenia really has gently caress all to do with schizoid personality personalities. A study conducted in Denmark over the course of something like 10 years found that relatives of schizophrenics have an increased chance of being schizotypal, dunno about schizoid though. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WwAQqWUkpI start around 7:10
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Dec 16, 2015 20:53
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I was in an A/T thread where people were wondering how people could eat such bad food when food is the best thing ever and one lifes greatest pleasures, an immense and joyful shared experience, so on and so forth, I gave my input and my experience, because I could not relate to what they were saying at all, and my SPD and anhedonia became pretty apparent. Here are a few choice quotes from that thread: quote:Ausmund seems to have some sort of physical inability to release the same brain hormones as other human beings in the same situation. They started a thread about having their schizoid personality disorder where they talk about getting nothing from socializing with others and otherwise feeling neutral about normally joy-inducing things. quote:How many pages do you think it would be interesting to read "people who like food are liars" "actually, food" for? I just want to gawk at some chicken-nugget weirdos, okay quote:actually I'm starting to see his point, the entire history of cooking and every recipe book was definitely created to gently caress with this guy quote:There are a lot of people in this thread who are trying politely to explain their world view to you (because you expressed an interest in understanding it) and you seem intent on acting like an rear end in a top hat and more or less calling everyone a liar. I don't know if this is part of your mental health issues or whatever but to be frank it's pretty goddamned insulting. There's no great conspiracy. For better or worse you're different than other people, stop responding like you think everyone is lying to you. quote:so what's your problem then? You're unable to feel joy so you can get your bare minimum of daily nutrition by wolfing down a fistful of unflavored gruel a day for, like, a buck and five minutes. Or just not bother, and embrace oblivion, whatever. What are you whining about? Nobody's cramming foie gras down your throat you can live like a weird robot all you feel like if that's how you prefer to be. You know you're not going to get an answer out of this 'what is this hu-mon love' schtick that satisfies you and makes you suddenly realize that being alive and having senses can be an enjoyable experience. quote:lots of people are fine with a cheeseburger at Applebee's, that's why Applebees is a real place that exists and makes money. It's not very good and given a choice most people would prefer something made with more craftsmanship and attention to personal taste because 'fine' isn't where happiness maxes out for other people, in much the same sense that looking at an advertisement is not as complex or satisfying a kind of aesthetic fulfillment as looking at good art that you like, or jerking off to Deviantart fanart alone in your goon hovel isn't as satisfying as sex with another human being that you love. If you are unable to find pleasure in any of these things either, there is no analogy or description that will suffice because you fundamentally lack any sense of enjoyment in your life, a more crippling disability than just being absent a physical sense, and the only answer for you is lots and lots and lots of pills. quote:I would consider it to be VERY abnormal that you don't enjoy eating food. Human beings Literally all thinking organisms on this Earth are wired to enjoy eating food because it's essential to one's survival. Not liking food is not the same as "different people like different things". It's universal. quote:Yo dude if you really can't think of something you genuinely enjoy and all your hobbies and things you like are at best time wasters, that sounds like extreme anhedonia and you should talk to the therapist I assume you have about whether you've always felt like that and whether you're on the right medication and strategies to overcome it and etc etc because it's possible to feel happiness and you should try quote:It's because his brain is broken. It's not because he hasn't had your favorite dindins. quote:Yeah this part is objectively wrong. Also good food has very little to do with price. Like if your brain is broke and you can't taste or enjoy food fully that's ok, but you don't need invent this vast conspiracy around it. You are impaired in some way, most people can very quickly tell good food from bad food. Nothing to do with money or class. Serve the food blind and good or "authentic" food will jump out at you. quote:Wow, shut up already. We've already established your hosed up brain, but no, you keep insisting that you're normal and it's everyone else that must be lying about their experiences because ??? quote:There is something a bit (or quite) broken with how your brain processes flavours or the enjoyment of eating or you just have a super weird attitude about food. This is not normal, most people get quite a lot of enjoyment out of eating. It's not normal but it's ok, you don't need to act shocked or constantly infer that it's all an act or some "rich people" thing. Like my colour problems, you might actually have something physically wrong with you that can not be fixed. Or it might be psychological, something an attitude change or therapy might solve. Or you're just fine the way you are. But stop acting so shocked that people like food and can taste the difference between good food and bad food. To most people good tastes and food are as obvious as the numbers in those colour blind tests, there's no trick or training (other than some acquired tastes), we're not making it up or exaggerating in any way. I'm sorry you can't or won't experience it. quote:The other guy doesn't really grasp how anyone else can enjoy food, and he literally tried to list something he enjoyed and came up with "movies I guess but they're just timewasters really". That is a very different situation from not really caring about food. gambling strip clubs music traveling kids tattoos shopping video games I feel just as lukewarm about those things as I do food and don't understand how people get such immense pleasure and excitement from them.
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Dec 23, 2015 17:39
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Ausmund posted:I was in an A/T thread where people were wondering how people could eat such bad food when food is the best thing ever and one lifes greatest pleasures, an immense and joyful shared experience, so on and so forth, I gave my input and my experience, because I could not relate to what they were saying at all, and my SPD and anhedonia became pretty apparent. No offense, but If you don't enjoy any of those things you might need to take a few steps over on the autism spectrum chart. I don't mean that as an insult, just a suggestion for a re-evaluation. Speaking as someone else who has also been diagnosed with SPD. I don't have any kids, but I am very protective of my nieces and nephews. And if you can't have fun at a strip club, I don't know how to help you. If nothing else, for $20 strippers will listen to your problems, then shove their tits in your face. That's some basic human interaction there at least. I suppose you could also pay them to just talk without tossing tits in your face if you wanted to. thrakkorzog fucked around with this message at 13:35 on Dec 25, 2015 |
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Dec 25, 2015 12:59
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I think strip clubs are disgusting and demeaning. Not to mention depressing. I don't understand the appeal. Don't worry, I don't take the autistic comment as an insult. And I do get some pleasure, but apparently much more limited than what's typical for everyone else. And what does protecting your nieces and nephews mean?
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Dec 25, 2015 20:56
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thrakkorzog posted:No offense, but If you don't enjoy any of those things you might need to take a few steps over on the autism spectrum chart. I don't mean that as an insult, just a suggestion for a re-evaluation. Speaking as someone else who has also been diagnosed with SPD. Don't be ridiculous. Autistic people can enjoy any of those things. Nothing listed there is indicative of an autism diagnosis.
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Dec 26, 2015 16:43
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Ausmund posted:I think strip clubs are disgusting and demeaning. Not to mention depressing. I don't understand the appeal. I agree with you about them being demeaning and depressing. But do you honestly not understand the attraction for people? Like, you cannot see why people would want to go there?
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Dec 28, 2015 02:10
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Because the girls are topless and sliding up and down a pole? But it's under such awful circumstances how can anyone enjoy themselves?
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Dec 28, 2015 09:13
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Ausmund posted:Because the girls are topless and sliding up and down a pole? But it's under such awful circumstances how can anyone enjoy themselves? Are you really going to argue that you don't understand why some guys enjoy a dry hump for $20.
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Dec 28, 2015 14:02
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It seems to me it would be something that would only appeal to a small niche of guys, not mainstream appeal. Maybe it's a societal thing? But I guess every other guy but me gets so horny that they just don't care.
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Dec 28, 2015 18:14
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Ausmund posted:I was in an A/T thread where people were wondering how people could eat such bad food when food is the best thing ever and one lifes greatest pleasures, an immense and joyful shared experience, so on and so forth, I gave my input and my experience, because I could not relate to what they were saying at all, and my SPD and anhedonia became pretty apparent. I think that rather than asking us how we feel about the things we like, you should be asking yourself about the things you like. What do you like to do? What objects do you find aesthetically pleasing? What music do you like to listen do? What are the things that bring you pleasure in your day-to-day life? I mean anything, as trivial or silly as they sound. For example, while it sounds odd, I like the way a properly-mixed yeast dough feels in my hands--the texture is silky and soft, it feels good to round with my hands, it stretches just so with a nice amount of resistance. It's kind of silly, but that was a little thing that brought me pleasure at my old job. So was working in harmony at the bench, when my co-workers and I had a good rhythm at a brisk but unhurried pace, with no lags in anyone's actions. I can't fully explain why those things were enjoyable, just that they were. It would probably be very beneficial if you tried the mindfulness exercise Ashgromnies suggested. I also think it'd be good for you to start taking note of things when they bring some sort of enjoyment--again, absolutely anything. Driving on a smooth, empty road, a well-written phrase in a book, fast and friendly service at the gas station, a joke that makes you laugh--any time you feel even a modicum of pleasure, take the time to note, "That's nice." Same with when you're in a good mood: stop and take the time to note, "I'm feeling good right now." Don't worry about why you feel good, or how intense that feeling is, just take note of it, let it breathe, and savor that little bit of enjoyment. It's not hubris or frivolity to take pleasure in life, and I think it would be good for you to embrace the good moments the same way you've embraced your unhappiness. People were a little harsh in the food thread, but you seem to have a habit of declaring anything beyond adequate as pretentious, over-reaching, unnecessary, etc. It's the same thing that you and I locked horns over before, regarding college and careers. If you're okay with things being just sufficient, then good for you--but assuming the worst of people who want more for their families/themselves is kind of a jerk thing. Throwing around words like "pretentious," "an exaggeration," "flamboyant overreaction" is insulting--those posters were describing their genuine emotions about eating, not competing to see who can sound like the biggest upper-class twit. If you want people to believe that you're only reporting how you feel, it's common courtesy to extend that same favor to them. I don't know how much of your conditions are related to your upbringing. It sounds like your childhood was full of abuse and/or neglect, and I think that plays a large part in your limited enjoyment of food, and life in general. My love of food and baking partly came from my mother showing how to bake, letting me help her, eating cookie dough off the beaters, and so on. Dinner wasn't just a designated time to shove food down our throats, it was when we came together and talked, argued, vented, whatever. Food was more than a necessity in my home, and my interests in baking were nurtured and encouraged. It doesn't sound like you were raised to bond with your family in general, let alone over meals cooked and eaten together. I'm going to guess that pretty much everything was like that: a means to an end? Did your parents introduce anything to you, like music or books? Did they encourage you to pursue things for fun, or just to get by? For example, did they encourage you to read for the pleasure of it, or just to read well enough to pass school and not give them any trouble? Like I said, focus less on what other people enjoy, and start learning more about you, and what you enjoy. Compare and contrast with other people can be helpful, but you seem to get stuck trying to convince yourself that the things other people want and pursue are worthless, or that they're lying about how they feel.
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Dec 28, 2015 18:38
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One point I might add to the thread. Working in the medical field I have encountered quite a few people with schizoid personality disorder. I am not a psychiatrist myself and have never diagnosed someone formally, but in any encounter in which one takes a detailed history, the clues are readily apparent. In the hospital ethics realm, we term such patients "unbefriended." That is to say, there is no readily available/involved family, nor any friends or even acquaintances who can say that they know the patient well. This becomes relevant for purposes of decision making when you are unable - such as if you are in a coma. In such cases we must presume the patient wants "everything done," such as medical treatment, mechanical ventilation and CPR should it become necessary. However this is a bad assumption to make, as generally thosee schizoid people whom I have spoken to would likely decline any and all intervention at the end of life. Reasonably so, as they are under no family or societal pressure to keep living for the sake of defying technical criteria for death. Thus, I would encourage anyone who is "unbefriended" (whether due to schizoid or any other reason) to fill out a living will, make multiple copies and get it on file with your primary care doctor and any hospital you are admitted to. Keep a business card with your primary doctors information in your wallet. This way if ever something happens to you, we as healthcare providers can have at least some insight into how you would want to be treated. For example, to withdraw care in the case of a persistent vegetative state, to decline blood transfusion if that's your thing, etc.
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Dec 28, 2015 21:10
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Always appreciate your long thoughtful posts Bobbie Bobbie Wickham posted:I think that rather than asking us how we feel about the things we like, you should be asking yourself about the things you like. What do you like to do? What objects do you find aesthetically pleasing? What music do you like to listen do? What are the things that bring you pleasure in your day-to-day life? I mean anything, as trivial or silly as they sound. For example, while it sounds odd, I like the way a properly-mixed yeast dough feels in my hands--the texture is silky and soft, it feels good to round with my hands, it stretches just so with a nice amount of resistance. It's kind of silly, but that was a little thing that brought me pleasure at my old job. So was working in harmony at the bench, when my co-workers and I had a good rhythm at a brisk but unhurried pace, with no lags in anyone's actions. I can't fully explain why those things were enjoyable, just that they were. quote:It would probably be very beneficial if you tried the mindfulness exercise Ashgromnies suggested. I also think it'd be good for you to start taking note of things when they bring some sort of enjoyment--again, absolutely anything. Driving on a smooth, empty road, a well-written phrase in a book, fast and friendly service at the gas station, a joke that makes you laugh--any time you feel even a modicum of pleasure, take the time to note, "That's nice." Same with when you're in a good mood: stop and take the time to note, "I'm feeling good right now." Don't worry about why you feel good, or how intense that feeling is, just take note of it, let it breathe, and savor that little bit of enjoyment. It's not hubris or frivolity to take pleasure in life, and I think it would be good for you to embrace the good moments the same way you've embraced your unhappiness. quote:People were a little harsh in the food thread, but you seem to have a habit of declaring anything beyond adequate as pretentious, over-reaching, unnecessary, etc. It's the same thing that you and I locked horns over before, regarding college and careers. If you're okay with things being just sufficient, then good for you--but assuming the worst of people who want more for their families/themselves is kind of a jerk thing. Throwing around words like "pretentious," "an exaggeration," "flamboyant overreaction" is insulting--those posters were describing their genuine emotions about eating, not competing to see who can sound like the biggest upper-class twit. If you want people to believe that you're only reporting how you feel, it's common courtesy to extend that same favor to them. quote:I don't know how much of your conditions are related to your upbringing. It sounds like your childhood was full of abuse and/or neglect, and I think that plays a large part in your limited enjoyment of food, and life in general. My love of food and baking partly came from my mother showing how to bake, letting me help her, eating cookie dough off the beaters, and so on. Dinner wasn't just a designated time to shove food down our throats, it was when we came together and talked, argued, vented, whatever. Food was more than a necessity in my home, and my interests in baking were nurtured and encouraged. It doesn't sound like you were raised to bond with your family in general, let alone over meals cooked and eaten together. I'm going to guess that pretty much everything was like that: a means to an end? Did your parents introduce anything to you, like music or books? Did they encourage you to pursue things for fun, or just to get by? For example, did they encourage you to read for the pleasure of it, or just to read well enough to pass school and not give them any trouble? Growing up I thought I had a typical family, and I was one of the lucky ones because my parents didn't divorce(my dad did pass away when I was a teenager though). But through therapy, and hearing about other people's experiences with their families growing up, I learned I was emotionally abused. This caused me to shut down emotionally, repress everything, and withdraw and isolate myself. Even at home I was quiet, never really talked and shut myself in my room and would sleep. The thing was, I had no idea I was doing it. Same way I had no idea I was severely depressed, I just thought I was complaining in my head, weak. But I went 21 years with untreated mental illness, and was functioning at a bare minimum. Completely oblivious to a rewards and satisfactions of life I was missing out on. Now I learn that I have a personality disorder. When I was first diagnosed with it, I didn't really think much of it. "Yeah the symptoms sound like me, I guess it fits, whatever". But now it's really starting to hit me. I have a personality disorder. A pretty severe and disabling one. My personality is literally so terrible it's a loving disease. All this time I've been anhedonic and not ever realizing it. The way I've been experiencing the world is wrong. I'm realizing that I'm broken and have no humanity. What does raised to bond with your family mean? We would have dinner at a table and my parents would complain about work or whatever. No music at all. The only books I liked when I was a kid were goosebumps and animorphs, but my parents thought they were stupid. I hated reading. One year for Christmas I got a pack of like 6 or 8 Hardy Boy books as a "present" and my mom told me I had to read them all by summer. I refused to and got in trouble for it. In high school I would consistently get criticized and yelled at for being lazy, not being motivated, not taking an interest in my life, mediocre grades, for not joining any extra curricular clubs and it would look bad for college, that I was going to be working at mcdonalds for the rest of my life, that I refused to grow up, that I was hiding. I thought I was hopeless and would never amount to anything. quote:Like I said, focus less on what other people enjoy, and start learning more about you, and what you enjoy. Compare and contrast with other people can be helpful, but you seem to get stuck trying to convince yourself that the things other people want and pursue are worthless, or that they're lying about how they feel. low carb bread posted:
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Dec 29, 2015 01:45
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Have you thought about moving somewhere else? Getting involved with watching live theater (since you enjoy TV)? What about going to college and not one of those for-profit online sham-schools, but a real school where you will be forced to interact with people? What do you mean by "go on the computer?" Are you coding? Watching porn? Browsing SA? I don't know what you mean by that. You're not a broken, inhuman monster. I think you have wrapped yourself up because your family is a bunch of abusive assholes and you don't know how to get yourself out of your own defenses on your own! You don't need to! Therapy is a good step in that direction and it is clearly helping you unwind some of that trauma. Also, you seem to enjoy writing (based on your posts here and participation in the SA story contest). That's a real thing that you do.Low Carb Bread posted:Thus, I would encourage anyone who is "unbefriended" (whether due to schizoid or any other reason) to fill out a living will, make multiple copies and get it on file with your primary care doctor and any hospital you are admitted to. Keep a business card with your primary doctors information in your wallet. This way if ever something happens to you, we as healthcare providers can have at least some insight into how you would want to be treated. For example, to withdraw care in the case of a persistent vegetative state, to decline blood transfusion if that's your thing, etc. A living will? Also an advanced directive? I've looked into some of this lately and also having some kind of documentation about your medical desires will be nice for the doctors treating you, as making those life and death decisions are a leading cause of ER and ICU burnout. Cyberpunkey Monkey fucked around with this message at 06:16 on Dec 29, 2015 |
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Dec 29, 2015 06:02
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No, just SA/reddit that kind of stuff. Sometimes a random thought will enter my head and I'll enter it into google, which will take me to some other forum. If I could meet some of the people that post here I bet we'd be good friends, but I think everyone here is mostly upper/middle class and lives in big expensive cities. I have a lot of problems in regards to school, ranging from inquietude to sheer hatred. I've got a therapy session later today and I'm really looking forward to it.
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Dec 29, 2015 10:30
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Ausmund posted:No, just SA/reddit that kind of stuff. Sometimes a random thought will enter my head and I'll enter it into google, which will take me to some other forum. Just because you got diagnosed with a mental illness, that doesn't mean you have to let it define you. It's not cancer, it's not gonna kill you. And you don't have to be defined by some checklist of how you're not normal. Nobody is normal. Get your rear end out there, start training for a marathon, join a bowling league, become a Pick-Up Artist, or a used car salesman. I don't really care, just don't try to use your mental illness as a crutch to explain why you're spending all your time in your mom's basement. thrakkorzog fucked around with this message at 15:12 on Dec 29, 2015 |
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Dec 29, 2015 13:37
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Personality Disorders are usually the result of maladaptive application of prior-useful defense mechanisms in an environment where they are no longer helpful. They can be changed with the application of will and effort. Your feelings about your past experiences dealing with school, and more generally, other people, in whatever podunk shithole you live in may be inaccurate when mapping to a different place that has people that you like. Because you do actually like people, but you like it when people are mediated by online communities, probably because that is where you have found the people in the world who aren't assholes. Don't forget that your therapy is a means to change the rest of your situation, which is working retail in the same place since you graduated from high school and pushing people away because that's what worked when you were living in an abusive home environment.
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Dec 29, 2015 18:18
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thrakkorzog posted:Just because you got diagnosed with a mental illness, that doesn't mean you have to let it define you. It's not cancer, it's not gonna kill you. And you don't have to be defined by some checklist of how you're not normal. Nobody is normal. I know, I struggle with the motivation. osirisisdead posted:Personality Disorders are usually the result of maladaptive application of prior-useful defense mechanisms in an environment where they are no longer helpful. They can be changed with the application of will and effort. Your feelings about your past experiences dealing with school, and more generally, other people, in whatever podunk shithole you live in may be inaccurate when mapping to a different place that has people that you like. Because you do actually like people, but you like it when people are mediated by online communities, probably because that is where you have found the people in the world who aren't assholes. Don't forget that your therapy is a means to change the rest of your situation, which is working retail in the same place since you graduated from high school and pushing people away because that's what worked when you were living in an abusive home environment.
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Dec 29, 2015 18:54
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Ausmund posted:I'm not defined by it, more like a recent discovery that's causing me a lot of distress. And mental illness does kill people with suicide. Fair point on the suicide issue. I was thinking more don't act like sperglord, who just goes around saying stupid poo poo, and then trying to excuse it by having self-diagnosed Asperger's as an excuse to be an rear end. Nothing against people who actually have Asperger's. Sorry the internet misrepresented you. And hell, I've put my foot in my mouth so many times Converse should set up an outlet store around my bicuspids. Here's the thing, just don't use mental illness as an excuse to be a dick. And don't sweat it too much, you're not a fundamentally different person after you got a diagnosis than you were before you got your diagnosis. Really, you got a checklist of how you're not normal. And that sucks, but the flipside is that you kind of have a list of how you're not normal, so you can start working on that. Try to be a glass half full kind of person. I will agree that the depressive episodes suck major league balls. thrakkorzog fucked around with this message at 12:19 on Dec 30, 2015 |
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Dec 30, 2015 10:34
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thrakkorzog posted:I was thinking more don't act like sperglord, who just goes around saying stupid poo poo, and then trying to excuse it by having self-diagnosed Asperger's as an excuse to be an rear end. Nothing against people who actually have Asperger's. Sorry the internet misrepresented you. Since you've brought it up twice now, do you mind if I ask if they were considering Asperger's when you were diagnosed with SPD? If so, how did they decide on SPD over ASD? I'm curious about the difference between the two. From reading about SPD symptoms, it sounds like people with it can socialize but don't want to, while those with ASD might want to but struggle to. Of course, that's just one symptom, and I hope I'm not misrepresenting it, knowing as little about SPD as I do.
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Dec 30, 2015 16:43
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I'm pretty sure I have this. This article mentioned in the second post really hits home in its descriptions. http://internationalpsychoanalysis.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/McWilliamsschizoid_dynamics.pdf I have a real hard time feeling safe enough around people to actually be myself, had few or no friends most of my life. Got depressed and dropped out of college because of it, not knowing who to ask for help. Last few years have been better, interacting with people at my job forcing me to open up sometimes and it being pleasant has lowered my barriers somewhat. eightpole posted:One thing I want to ask you is a thing I've asked many schizoids (and myself!!): Something like this is mentioned in the article. I wouldn't call it "Sherlock scan" but I'm really sensitive to peoples moods, facial expressions and insincerety. There are people I find sincere and instantly trust while others make me want to growl and show my teeth in less than a minute of them starting to talk to me because I feel like they are acting.
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Dec 30, 2015 16:58
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Regarding your diagnosis, you should also keep in mind that many mental illnesses (particularly personality disorders and depression/anxiety) are extremely vague and have widely varying symptoms and causes between different people. To use an analogy, it's just like if medical science just called all conditions that cause a fever "Fever", regardless of whether it was bacterial/viral and what bacteria/virus caused it. This is likely the reason why medications like SSRIs don't perform much better than placebos in studies. They likely *do* legitimately help some people in a non-placebo way, but it's just like if you tried to test a random antibiotic for the "Fever" condition I mentioned; even though it would legitimately cure some people, it would still appear to be ineffective since it wouldn't apply to most people with the same diagnosis. Basically what I'm saying is that you shouldn't treat certain mental health diagnoses in the same way you treat other medical diagnoses. Another person who also has Schizoid Personality Disorder might actually have a completely different problem than you and only shares the same diagnosis because it's based solely on symptoms rather than cause. Unfortunately, many therapists and psychiatrists do not understand that this is the case.
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Dec 31, 2015 01:34
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Do you enjoy hobbies?
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Dec 31, 2015 02:06
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Ytlaya posted:To use an analogy, it's just like if medical science just called all conditions that cause a fever "Fever", regardless of whether it was bacterial/viral and what bacteria/virus caused it. This is likely the reason why medications like SSRIs don't perform much better than placebos in studies. They likely *do* legitimately help some people in a non-placebo way, but it's just like if you tried to test a random antibiotic for the "Fever" condition I mentioned; even though it would legitimately cure some people, it would still appear to be ineffective since it wouldn't apply to most people with the same diagnosis. That's because, for many people, they are chronically sad and angry because their life has actually been a steaming pile of poo poo, but psychiatry assumes that the individual is what needs changing rather than the terrible environment.
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Dec 31, 2015 06:28
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Well there's only so much a doctor can do. Ideally medication and therapy can give a patient the tools to get themselves out of a damaging environment. Set yourself up for success, if you will.
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Dec 31, 2015 12:50
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thrakkorzog posted:Fair point on the suicide issue. Third posted:Since you've brought it up twice now, do you mind if I ask if they were considering Asperger's when you were diagnosed with SPD? If so, how did they decide on SPD over ASD? Ytlaya posted:Regarding your diagnosis, you should also keep in mind that many mental illnesses (particularly personality disorders and depression/anxiety) are extremely vague and have widely varying symptoms and causes between different people. SSH IT ZOMBIE posted:Do you enjoy hobbies? osirisisdead posted:That's because, for many people, they are chronically sad and angry because their life has actually been a steaming pile of poo poo, but psychiatry assumes that the individual is what needs changing rather than the terrible environment. I'm trying to be more social. That's my goal. I'm going to see what my neighbor is doing for New Years and hopefully tag along.
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Dec 31, 2015 20:36
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quote:I would just like to be able to be myself and not have it be so obvious that I don't belong. You can probably be a little bit honest if you learn how to spin it. I mean when you leave work, you don't go sit in a dark closet and stare at the wall for the weekend. Chances are you're doing something, so even if you don't love it, you can talk about it.
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Dec 31, 2015 21:20
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i like nice words