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Hi everyone, Last night I was playing darts with a bunch of Mexican guys from my new job. We had just lost the 4th game of cricket, bringing the total to 2-2 (me and Marcelo vs. Jose and Francisco) and were declaring that we'd have to break the tie next week, when I decided to visit the bathroom and relieve myself of all the beer I had been drinking (Founder's Breakfast Stout, followed by a couple of Stony Creek Cranky IPAs). While I was urinating, I decided to check my phone for messages, which is a habit I publicly denounce but in private choose to indulge in. However, my grip on my phone coming out of my jeans pocket was not as strong as I had considered, possibly owing to my inebriated state, and it slipped from my grasp directly into the toilet in which I was currently passing water. The phone screen blurred and disappeared as I quickly tried to fish it out before permanent damage was caused, while still pissing into the toilet and covered in pissy splash water from me dropping the phone into the toilet. The phone will now not turn on and I assume it is destroyed, however it does not smell like beer piss. I plan to take it to the Apple store at the mall today in a ziploc bag and probably pay $600 for a replacement phone since I need one.
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Nov 23, 2015 19:28
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 10:40 |
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Thread stickied
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Nov 23, 2015 19:28
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The bar bathroom was small and only had one urinal, which was occupied at the time, which is why I chose to pee into a toilet in a stall. However, the person at the urinal was just finishing up as I entered the bathroom, so I believe he was not around when I threw my phone into a toilet full of pee.
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Nov 23, 2015 19:33
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The dart board was one of those electronic ones with the peg-hole darts, all of which had very bent plastic tips. I had not played darts since college which was about 8 years ago, but actually did well enough during the game that I did not feel embarrassed.
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Nov 23, 2015 19:40
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The jeans were a pair of Gap slim fit, 28x30. They are my favorite pair of jeans which I have owned for many years, however just recently I made a hole in the left knee while helping my dad cut up some fallen trees in his yard with a chainsaw. I did not make the hole with the chainsaw, rather I tore my jeans while walking around the brush. Although it was very small to begin with it has rapidly become larger, which makes me sad because as I previously mentioned this was my favorite pair of jeans.
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Nov 23, 2015 19:44
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Rather embarassingly (or even more embarassing than spiking my $500 phone into a toilet of my own biological waste), the one thing I lament is my loss of my Final Fantasy Record Keeper save. I have not played a Final Fantasy game since Final Fantasy 7 on the playstation 1, and ridicule those who do. However, I recently downloaded the game onto my phone as a way to kill time during slow hours at my job. Since I have not bought into the money side of the free to play model, my progress in the game has been slow and I have missed out on completing several events because I am low level. This is all a moot point, because I have thrown my phone with a large amount of force directly into a ceramic urn meant for containing effluvia.
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Nov 23, 2015 19:54
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Mejwell posted:who won the game of cricket As I mentioned, at the end of the night the total was a tie of 2 to 2, and we had made the resolution to break the tie next week.
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Nov 23, 2015 19:59
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Although I expressed worry that the game of cricket would come down to a bullseye race, which is the problem that plagued my college dart playing days, all my companions as well as myself hit a surprisingly high amount of bullseyes when necessary, meaning we could play an entire 4 games of cricket rather than having a single game last for 45 minutes.
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Nov 23, 2015 20:00
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As I got home with the pee-soaked phone and put it out on the window sill to dry, I noticed it was making an audible crackling noise through the speaker. I assume this was the pee moisture working its way through the many, nearly-incomprehensible amounts of microcircuitry, causing an incalculable amount of electric shorts which were being emitted as bursts of static.
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Nov 23, 2015 20:04
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notZaar posted:You paid $600 for a phone and its not even IP68 rated, just completely moronic. What were you thinking? I have also been informed it has the wrong kind of RAM
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Nov 23, 2015 20:06
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notZaar posted:BTW your "phone" is totally hosed I hope you realize. Piss is loaded with electrolytes and you have shorted every last circuit in there already. Not even drying it completely could have saved it. I had come to this conclusion basically the second I fished it out of the mixture of piss and water it had fallen into and saw that the screen was unresponsive.
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Nov 23, 2015 20:10
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As Mejwell pointed out the rice trick is basically an urban myth and the rice does not actually provide any more practical moisture absorption than would be accomplished than leaving it on the window sill, which I did. I am open to the idea that an actual chemical dessicant would have probably been effective, but as has been jokingly noted by forums poster "RideTheSpiral" I had no dessicant readily available at the dive bar where I was playing darts and piledrived my phone into a pot of my own hot piss.
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Nov 23, 2015 20:13
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Unfortunately my phone has no larynx or any capability of respiration, rendering the phrase "Choke slamming my iphone into a pee jug" inaccurate
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Nov 23, 2015 20:17
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Mejwell posted:are jose marcelo and francisco aware that you powerslammed your phone through your own piss into a device explicitly used for containing piss No they are not.
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Nov 23, 2015 20:20
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Mejwell posted:would you say that your surprising aptitude at hitting bullseyes helped vis-à-vis accuracy at throwing your phone directly into a vat of piss I would not say this, however I most certainly did chaos dunk my phone directly into a cask of finely warmed pee
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Nov 23, 2015 20:27
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Some might say I powerbombed my phone into a reeking turd house
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Nov 23, 2015 20:31
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If you were prone to exaggeration, you might claim I suplexed my phone into a hot pile of mega diarrhea, although that would not be technically accurate
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Nov 23, 2015 20:34
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Let it be known that on November 22, 2015, I, forums administrator Cowcaster, did maliciously thrust my phone into a dumphole full of pee juice
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Nov 23, 2015 21:19
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zen death robot posted:You stuck your hand into a bar toilet While this is true, I would like to emphasize the fact that I also stuck my phone into a bar toilet
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Nov 23, 2015 21:24
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nomadologique posted:you used your admin powers to sticky an otherwise unimpressive thread. typical abuse. good point I will unstick it now
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Nov 24, 2015 04:49
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