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Squalid
Nov 4, 2008

Free Market Mambo posted:

Otzi would eat these people and discard their ridiculous shoes.

I asked a physical anthropologist when humans invented shoes and he said probably like 500,000 years ago. check mate hippies :smug:

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Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Squalid posted:

I asked a physical anthropologist when humans invented shoes and he said probably like 500,000 years ago. check mate hippies :smug:

yeah, but primitive sandals of leather and cord don't allow for either click-and-buy convenience or conspicuous consumption, so paleo enthusiasts (rich people) are uninterested

Larry Parrish
Jul 9, 2012

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

OMGVBFLOL posted:

yeah, but primitive sandals of leather and cord don't allow for either click-and-buy convenience or conspicuous consumption, so paleo enthusiasts (rich people) are uninterested

Sometimes I think, wow, poor guy, he didn't deserve an ice rear end maybe. Then I read this post

Epitope
Nov 27, 2006

Grimey Drawer
I wrote this a while ago. It's probably not funny either but gently caress you Larry you're not the boss of me.

To the tune of not to touch the earth
https://youtu.be/6aNNIyxbG5g

want to touch the earth
out under the sun
get rid of your shoes and
run run run
lets run

socks that cost a bill
feet are covered still
jogging through the trees
hope to fix those bad knees
come on baby run for free

run for free
run hippie
run to be green
lets run

the sole may get worn but they never wear out
rich people tired of their comfortable lair
poor people livin big with what they have
and you can't talk poo poo 'till you try it yourself

broken glass, rusty nails, hot blacktop tar
get to the trail in an import car
a new lifestyle in a few thousand yards
to become a tarrahumar

run for free
run hippie
run to be green
lets run

Chopsy
Dec 27, 2005

GUNS GUNS GUNS
BIKES BIKES
YOUR MOM
Fuckin'... anyone wearing (brand new usually) expensive fancy hiking boots on a hike with no bouldering or snow or anything. Bitch, I did Whitney bottom to top to bottom in a single day wearing 10 year old running shoes and a sundress (and a lot of Gold Bond). Relax tenzing norgay, this poo poo ain't that rough and ankle injuries build character.

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Larry Parrish posted:

Sometimes I think, wow, poor guy, he didn't deserve an ice rear end maybe. Then I read this post

no i deffo deserved it

Mr. Merdle
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Yarville posted:

People have hiked the AT in crocs. Unless you're hiking in extreme conditions or ignoring the 10 essentials completely there is no 'right' or 'wrong'. If it feels good out I'll go on weekend trips in cotton and wearing sneakers.

heathen :colbert:

Trillian
Sep 14, 2003

This is an actual serious book about hiking



That's my trail gear

Epitope
Nov 27, 2006

Grimey Drawer

Trillian posted:

This is an actual serious book about hiking



That's my trail gear

Half of everything is looking good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFu-VfRJrHU

Lacedaemonius
Jan 18, 2015

Rub a dub dub

Aliquid posted:

whenever i'm out camping there's always some weird fucker from europe who's toting a Virtual Boy, like, where did he even get that

Have you ever considered they're all the same guy? Normally I wouldn't entertain such a ridiculously unlikely notion but goddamn, it's a virtual boy. poo poo, what if he's stalking you anything's possible at this point. :tinfoil:

FreakerByTheSpeaker
Dec 3, 2006

You got your good things
And I've got mine
You ain't poo poo if you aren't out this summer with the new Flextrek Whipsnake 37T

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAtzN_ScKXY

Free Market Mambo
Jul 26, 2010

by Lowtax
God bless you, whipsnake.

Larry Parrish
Jul 9, 2012

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
That video makes me want to go hike in the summer when it's 100 and unbearable in just a speedo.

FreakerByTheSpeaker
Dec 3, 2006

You got your good things
And I've got mine

Larry Parrish posted:

That video makes me want to go hike in the summer when it's 100 and unbearable in just a La Cravasse.

AARP LARPer
Feb 19, 2005

THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR

Buglord
The only time I'll go geartard is when it's wet/muddy out. I have a nice pair of Zamberlans because gently caress having wet feet.

The Kingfish
Oct 21, 2015


I just bought some chocos did I fail? They were the most comfortable shoes that I tried on.

AARP LARPer
Feb 19, 2005

THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR

Buglord

The Kingfish posted:

I just bought some chocos did I fail? They were the most comfortable shoes that I tried on.

You're only as comfortable as your feet are, so I think you're good.

Aves Maria!
Jul 26, 2008

Maybe I'll drown

The Kingfish posted:

I just bought some chocos did I fail? They were the most comfortable shoes that I tried on.

I know quite a few people who wear chacos almost exclusively while hiking/doing field work in krummholz/alpine, so they should be good. The only obvious draw backs are that if you're not graceful you'll end up cutting up your feet and they're not waterproof

Mathlete
Nov 30, 2005

It's hip to be a squared square.
Huh? What do you mean waterproof? They're sandals. You just slosh through streams and your feet dry as you keep walking.

That said, I don't think I'd like them for hiking because of brush, getting small pebbles and burrs stuck under your foot, sunburned feet, gashing your toe open, etc.

Aves Maria!
Jul 26, 2008

Maybe I'll drown

Mathlete posted:

Huh? What do you mean waterproof? They're sandals. You just slosh through streams and your feet dry as you keep walking.

That said, I don't think I'd like them for hiking because of brush, getting small pebbles and burrs stuck under your foot, sunburned feet, gashing your toe open, etc.

Thus why I said obvious draw backs. Obviously they aren't going to keep your feet warm/dry like waterproof/resistant boots

somuch_gravy
Oct 25, 2014

this place is good and not bad

troubled teen posted:

Ran into a bunch of teenagers who were wearing t-shirts and gym shorts while climbing Mount Mansfield - which is not the tallest of mountains, but the also only had a single bottle of poland springs water between them (there were 3 or 4 of them).

bro you seriously ran into my friends.

FreakerByTheSpeaker
Dec 3, 2006

You got your good things
And I've got mine

somuch_gravy posted:

bro you seriously ran into my friends.

What was the rest of the story? Did all your friends die that day?

One time, I was on day 5 of a 6 day hike. We had a hard go of it using snowshoes, and the kind of ultra-light techgear you would expect when 2 of the 3 people worked at REI. We ran into some yokels from Florida: a dad, son, and two cousins, all of which arrived at the airport from home earlier that morning, and were attacking the loop from the opposite direction. They set up their Coleman 8 person tent 15 feet from us while wearing sweatpants and tshirts. One of them was in tennis shoes. They got in a fight because the youngest son was supposed to bring a lighter, and it didn't work. It was their only fire source, to either light the Coleman tailgate style stove, or light a fire (despite the fact that Colorado was having wildfire problems, and it was a no burn zone.) One kid had a memory foam sleep pad.

We gave them a book of matches and a lighter, told them about the giant snow crest they are going to have to climb up on top of the ridge, and privately encouraged Dad to go back and try an easier hike not far away. They thanked us, we went fishing and they made dinner, then Dad nearly fell out of a tree trying to climb far enough out on a limb to hang a bear bag, and they all went to bed.

The next morning, we had breakfast and broke camp late because it was a short hike out. Only one kid was up, unsure of what to do by the time we left them. They had a hike ahead of them that took us 9 hours, and we went the easy way. We let the rangers at the station know how many there were, and which direction they were traveling.

Always wondered what happened to those guys.

FreakerByTheSpeaker
Dec 3, 2006

You got your good things
And I've got mine
But seriously, go hiking with people who work at REI or your local outfitter. You get to field test equipment chosen by people who sell it for a living, and hear way more feedback than they'd ever want to know from customers.

Squalid
Nov 4, 2008

Lotka Volterra posted:

I know quite a few people who wear chacos almost exclusively while hiking/doing field work in krummholz/alpine, so they should be good. The only obvious draw backs are that if you're not graceful you'll end up cutting up your feet and they're not waterproof

i Knew some of those people too and their feet always looked like a goddamn disaster w/ toenails falling off and gnarly calluses. Still they swore by em.

BlueBlazer
Apr 1, 2010
Your a scrub if you don't get your gear at an REI garage sale or the army surplus.

Also Wool is the poo poo. No sleeping bag, just a surplus wool blanket is way more comfortable as long as it isn''t below 30.

Guest2553
Aug 3, 2012


It's me, I'm the idiot with the wrong gear. I did the military route of the Vierdaagse Nijmegen with all the associated garbage military gear that goes along with it. Impermeable leather boots with waffle insoles? Check. A rucksack that can't be adjusted to sit straight and would always put most of its weight on one shoulder? Check. Heavy uniform that doesn't breathe and collects enough sweat to built a salt lick? Check. Part of a team of 11 people that has to stick together, each with their own different strides and pacing? Aw yeah, son. All to march a distance about equal to a marathon over cobblestone for four straight days, not including the 500+ miles of endurance training in the 10 weeks leading up to the march itself.

I was fortunate in that I'm built for endurance hikes because that poo poo broke a lot of people, now that I think about it. Multiple stress fractures in metatarsals, skin sloughing and/or toenails popping off when socks were removed, open sores forming on hot spots on feet/back/thighs etc. One dude chafed so bad he had to walk bow legged and the entire crotch of his combats was a blossom of blood, but god bless him he powered through every day and finished it. The worst I got was some foot fungus after a flip flop broke on the way to the living petri dish of a shower they had at the camp. Oh well.

I liked it so much I did it twice :sparkles:

Brute Squad
Dec 20, 2006

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human race

Guest2553 posted:

It's me, I'm the idiot with the wrong gear. I did the military route of the Vierdaagse Nijmegen with all the associated garbage military gear that goes along with it. Impermeable leather boots with waffle insoles? Check. A rucksack that can't be adjusted to sit straight and would always put most of its weight on one shoulder? Check. Heavy uniform that doesn't breathe and collects enough sweat to built a salt lick? Check. Part of a team of 11 people that has to stick together, each with their own different strides and pacing? Aw yeah, son. All to march a distance about equal to a marathon over cobblestone for four straight days, not including the 500+ miles of endurance training in the 10 weeks leading up to the march itself.

I was fortunate in that I'm built for endurance hikes because that poo poo broke a lot of people, now that I think about it. Multiple stress fractures in metatarsals, skin sloughing and/or toenails popping off when socks were removed, open sores forming on hot spots on feet/back/thighs etc. One dude chafed so bad he had to walk bow legged and the entire crotch of his combats was a blossom of blood, but god bless him he powered through every day and finished it. The worst I got was some foot fungus after a flip flop broke on the way to the living petri dish of a shower they had at the camp. Oh well.

I liked it so much I did it twice :sparkles:

That looks like fun. I want to do that now.

Yarville
Jun 14, 2013

Guest2553 posted:

It's me, I'm the idiot with the wrong gear. I did the military route of the Vierdaagse Nijmegen with all the associated garbage military gear that goes along with it. Impermeable leather boots with waffle insoles? Check. A rucksack that can't be adjusted to sit straight and would always put most of its weight on one shoulder? Check. Heavy uniform that doesn't breathe and collects enough sweat to built a salt lick? Check. Part of a team of 11 people that has to stick together, each with their own different strides and pacing? Aw yeah, son. All to march a distance about equal to a marathon over cobblestone for four straight days, not including the 500+ miles of endurance training in the 10 weeks leading up to the march itself.

I was fortunate in that I'm built for endurance hikes because that poo poo broke a lot of people, now that I think about it. Multiple stress fractures in metatarsals, skin sloughing and/or toenails popping off when socks were removed, open sores forming on hot spots on feet/back/thighs etc. One dude chafed so bad he had to walk bow legged and the entire crotch of his combats was a blossom of blood, but god bless him he powered through every day and finished it. The worst I got was some foot fungus after a flip flop broke on the way to the living petri dish of a shower they had at the camp. Oh well.

I liked it so much I did it twice :sparkles:

Though I've definitely never hiked that far during my time in the USMC, I have generally had a good time during long rucks... Our pack is actually pretty nice, especially when you're carrying heavy loads (which you always are) and I've never gotten any blisters or anything in my boots. The only lovely part is that, due to my height, I'm usually in the back... Which means running.

black children
Dec 14, 2009

BlueBlazer posted:

Your a scrub if you don't get your gear at an REI garage sale or the army surplus.

Also Wool is the poo poo. No sleeping bag, just a surplus wool blanket is way more comfortable as long as it isn''t below 30.
Or your corporate sponsors :cool
but yeah seriously, Amen. Wool and canvas. A lot of people make really silly decisions about what to take in the woods.

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy

Drunkboxer posted:

Anyone who needs anything more than street clothes for a hike less than 15 miles is a loving pussy

yea

Levitate
Sep 30, 2005

randy newman voice

YOU'VE GOT A LAFRENIÈRE IN ME

black children posted:

Or your corporate sponsors :cool
but yeah seriously, Amen. Wool and canvas. A lot of people make really silly decisions about what to take in the woods.

wool and canvas suck poo poo if you have to carry a lot of it a long ways

Epitope
Nov 27, 2006

Grimey Drawer

Levitate posted:

wool and canvas suck poo poo if you have to carry a lot of it a long ways

You ultra lite chumps can make believe you're Ueli Steck. I much prefer to role play as a Klondike prospector

Levitate
Sep 30, 2005

randy newman voice

YOU'VE GOT A LAFRENIÈRE IN ME
Ya'll like teenagers trying to prove how tough you are "hell yeah look at my 70 lb pack I'm a badass no I just have genetically bad knees I swear hold on can we rest a minute"

For serious though decently lightweight stuff has helped a lot of people keep hiking and backpacking after they've reached the point where their body just can't handle lugging heavy stuff around in the back country anymore

SulfurMonoxideCute
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Ultralight owns and I will fight you, gibbon man

B33rChiller
Aug 18, 2011




Y'all don't need to worry so much about keeping your pack weight down if you bring along a pack goat!

Learned about this excellent idea in the TFR thread Neckbeards in the bush. Does anal in the woods make a sound?



Sixgun Strumpet posted:

So, if we are going to be talking about TFR and Hiking there is a subject that will need to come up.

This:


















So, goats. Goats are herd animals. If you stay the leader of the herd they follow you. You let them grow their horns they can defend themselves and you. If a predator does decide you look tasty, odds are they are going to think your goats look tastier and take one of them.

You don't need to feed them, they are goats, they eat everything along the path.

If you need to carry more gear, you just add more goats. Weight? Who cares, I have goats.

I've been out with my grandfather's pack goats and they just follow you at whatever pace you set, eating the brush along the way. They stick to you like glue, don't stray at all. Aren't afraid of gunfire (we were testing that when we went out with them).

All in all they just love going out, and don't mind the pack at all, and you can easily distribute pretty much any amount of gear between the goats.

Epitope
Nov 27, 2006

Grimey Drawer

Picnic Princess posted:

Ultralight owns and I will fight you, gibbon man

I'm down to brawl. But then we'll have to join forces in the third act, to defend the woods against Robo-Trump and the minions of GloboCorp

black children
Dec 14, 2009

Picnic Princess posted:

Ultralight owns and I will fight you, gibbon man
For dayhikes and marathons, maybe. Some of us live in the woods full-time, missy :clint:

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

B33rChiller posted:

Y'all don't need to worry so much about keeping your pack weight down if you bring along a pack goat!

Learned about this excellent idea in the TFR thread Neckbeards in the bush. Does anal in the woods make a sound?

lightweight gear doesn't poop and pee in my car on the way to the trailhead

FreakerByTheSpeaker
Dec 3, 2006

You got your good things
And I've got mine

Sixgun Strumpet posted:

So, if we are going to be talking about TFR and Hiking there is a subject that will need to come up.

This:


















So, goats. Goats are herd animals. If you stay the leader of the herd they follow you. You let them grow their horns they can defend themselves and you. If a predator does decide you look tasty, odds are they are going to think your goats look tastier and take one of them.

You don't need to feed them, they are goats, they eat everything along the path.

If you need to carry more gear, you just add more goats. Weight? Who cares, I have goats.

I've been out with my grandfather's pack goats and they just follow you at whatever pace you set, eating the brush along the way. They stick to you like glue, don't stray at all. Aren't afraid of gunfire (we were testing that when we went out with them).

All in all they just love going out, and don't mind the pack at all, and you can easily distribute pretty much any amount of gear between the goats.


This is amazing, and I'm doing this.

I even know which goats I'm taking.

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black children
Dec 14, 2009
back in the day, firefighting crews used to have pack mules to carry their extra poo poo. i think that's a great idea. they also used to have camp cooks too :mad:

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