Wormskull posted:

Wow... Where to begin...

Max Deet - uhh you know that Deet is a scam right? Why don't you carry this bottle next to the little furnace, lamp and batteries so you blow yourself up in the middle of no where from the flammability. Amateur hour and it's the first drat thing.

Aqua-Tainer. Nice, nothing like blue plastic to help the sun turn the molecules of your water into basically poison that makes your balls shrink.

Head Net - this makes you look like kermit the frog you idiot. Just buy a loving hat... Gods sake.

Okay... You really think Mace is going to stop a bear. Let me guess, your going to unpackage the mace and have the werewithal to spray the bear in the eyes in the oh by the way bears run about twice as fast as humans when their hungry. loving moron... All you'll do is get your head knocked clean off by massive brutal bear paws.

Oh goody, a seemingly empty package that says "Stuff" on it. I definitely want "Stuff" with me when I'm planning to hike across a country. Are you serious right now?

Field and Stream bag - wow nice tiny loving bright red bag so the bears, wolves and wild bison can see you a mile off. But wait, there's more - this loving idiot forgot to put all his stupid trash in the bag.

Bath wipes - what are you a baby.

Umbrella - *funny gif of a man who tried to get the mace out of his tiny red bag but oops he grabbed the umbrella and opened it and managed to stun the bear for a few seconds from sheer stupidity and confusion. Oh wait, this gif isn't funny, because this 'man' is our illustrious hero who just got his rear end destroyed by a God drat california brown bear*

Good thing you brought the soap though.

Ummm, this isn't a walk for your baby or your little poodle. Are you carrying this thing on your bike. Well what the gently caress where's the bike. Never heard of a backpack? You horse's rear end.

Definitely going to need a Grove Street colored bandana for the woods. Are you for real man... And you DO have a backpack. Well why the gently caress do you have a bike trailer for a baby then. Oh and look, it's a hat. Redundancy much. Bet your mom is really proud you have extra socks and no extra underwear. Oh wait what's that sound, it's her rolling around in her grave. Are those those gimmick water shoes. Are you going to a freaking swimming pool, or a cross country hike you embarrassing gently caress head! God drat... Nice green bag for a large salami from the deli. Must be one of those assholes with a murder fantasy so he buys a gun, except you bought Bear Spray and a big rear end salami in a thin green bag. Perfect. Your hiking gear has now been severely flamed, courtesy of Wormskull.