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I had a dream several years ago where I was being chased through a supermarket by a sunburned white guy in khaki shorts, who I knew was a serial killer. He cornered me in the dairy aisle and I just started taking random stuff off the shelves and throwing it at him. After he caught a bag of string cheese I threw, I realized that the solution was to mimick an advertisement that appeals to masculinity. So I say in this painfully fake deep, folksy voice (think Big Jilm): "STRING CHEEEEESE? WHAT YOU NEED IS GOOD OL' BAY'S OLD FASHIONED ENGLISH MUFFINS! IT SAYS OLLLLD FASHIONED RIGHT ON THE PACKAGE!" And the airboat tour guide-looking killer just stares at me like I'm the biggest loving moron alive. I woke up out of sheer embarrassment, and I still cringe-laugh every time I think about it.
Rollersnake has a new favorite as of 04:33 on Jan 27, 2016 |
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Jan 27, 2016 04:21
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A few years ago I was falling asleep while studying for an immunology exam, but didn't realize this until in the middle of a paragraph on T-cell activation I read the sentence, "How unexpected that the water bears would neglect the water city."
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Mar 9, 2016 13:15
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