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SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010
The first few paragraphs come off as a mix of weird humblebragging and "teenager who has just discovered nihilism". Then, it veers wildly into "angry old man doesn't want kids on his lawn" before finally finding an equilibrium in confusing, pretentious word-salad.

Writing like this can only be successful is the narrator is likeable, and starting out the gate with "I am so good at guitar that only I know how bad I am at guitar lol ur all sheep" is not a good way to get us on your side. If you're going to call an entire generation useless fuckheads, you need to approach it with a little humility and understanding.

You like Hunter S. Thompson, right? Of course you do. And probably David Foster Wallace too. Not that they're bad writers -- quite the opposite, but if you like them, please go back and re-read their bits like this. The reason it works with both men is that they're unfailingly honest with themselves and the reader. This doesn't come off as honest at all: it comes off as braggadocio about how cool and enlightened you are compared to everybody else. Thompson and Wallace were deeply flawed men, and they owned it. Without that, they would've come off as total dickheads.

Sincerity is your friend -- before you start looking outwards and talking about how everybody else sucks, look inwards and write about that. Until we see some honestly and vulnerability, this piece is going nowhere.

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