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I woke up this morning to a text from our very own Terrible Robot: what have I done?! I suppose I'd better explain. You see, I was balls deep in Craigslist when the insanity began to take hold. You know what I'm talking about. The Feelin'. When someone gives you an idea, and you just know. I'd already promised myself I'd be going to the next meeting of the northeastern division of this place - the place they call Automotive Insanity. I can assure you, this is most definitely that. We had humble beginnings. "Hey fish," I thought to myself, "You should buy a lovely beater off Craigslist to drive in a convoy from Richmond-ish, VA up to NEAI with Terrible Robot and Adiabatic (along with whoever you meet on the way) - It'll be way cheaper than hiring a car!" So began the scouring of TR's local Craigslist. A couple of hours later, it happened - something clicked in my head, and I found myself staring at example after example of circa 1992 conversion van. "They're so cheap! And if I buy one, I won't need to pay for accommodation most of the time, I can just sleep in the back and at goon houses! And small block chebby!" Days passed. Others were drawn to my mission, and the world's greatest thankyou is owed to iForge, who did all the legwork and drove five plus hours to buy this beast for me off the world's worst educated PO:  (click for full size) The PO, you see, insisted it was V6 and FWD. We knew this could not be true; the PO even told us one shred of truth, that the motor is a 350. In reality, of course, it's a 350 SBC (L05 mill) and it's definitely RWD. All these vans were. Yeah, it's got head gasket issues, but that's fine - I'm gonna put better heads on the thing anyway... (Or rather, I'm going to ship better heads to Adiabatic's house, and then TR and him will put SWEET SWEET PERFORMANCE PARTS into A 1992 CONVERSION VAN) I don't even know how much I paid for the thing, just that it was $900 or less. I have yet to be given more photos or any indication that the thing actually works. I am ten thousand miles away from a car I just bought off Craigslist. I did, however, find out that because it's a campervan we never got here I could potentially import it back to my home country (Australia) once I'm done with it in the USA. Probably won't though, it'll probably chill on Adiabatic's lawn until NEAI 2017. if this isn't automotive insanity WHAT IS GODDAMNIT did I mention it's getting a comp cams THUMPR™ cam, long tube headers, and exhaust cutouts? I may have to buy Adiabatic a welder. CHECK OUT THIS SWEET TAPE DECK IT HAS: 
literally a fish fucked around with this message at 00:17 on Jan 4, 2016 |
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Jan 3, 2016 23:59
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I wholly endorse this madness
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Jan 4, 2016 00:03
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This rules and is going to continue to rule.
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Jan 4, 2016 00:09
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NOPE, IT'S A 3100 WITH A TRANSAXLE, SHUT UP I KNOW WHAT I GOT.
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Jan 4, 2016 00:32
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[10:08:51] <iForge> balls [10:09:38] <iForge> that was.... interesting [10:09:42] <literallyafish> John! [10:09:43] <&chrisgt> STORY PLZ [10:10:02] <iForge> also his notary is trying to scam me [10:10:06] <iForge> so thats fun [10:10:19] <&chrisgt> you... need a notary to buy a car in PA? [10:10:22] <literallyafish> lol wut? [10:10:47] <iForge> ive never bought one in PA, he had a notary all lined up for the potential sale so i went with it [10:11:05] <&chrisgt> jfc [10:11:24] <literallyafish> how much did I pay for it? :V [10:11:39] <iForge> 800 [10:11:48] <literallyafish> i'll take it [10:12:07] <&chrisgt> so how'd the whole thing go down? [10:12:11] <literallyafish> ^^^ [10:12:49] <&chrisgt> you're driving into the ghetto in PA, you see a van parked in someone's driveway... [10:12:53] <iForge> well i got there like 12:30, called the guy, he was home but it took him 15 mins to come outside [10:12:58] <iForge> i guess he had to finish beating off [10:13:41] <iForge> the pictures in the craigslist ad show it in a yard or field, its actually in an alley behind a housing project [10:13:54] <literallyafish> this gets better and better [10:14:21] <iForge> i look it over, dude goes inside and doesnt come back out [10:14:32] <@ssswitch> i like where this is going [10:14:34] <iForge> old man shows up and is the seller's girlfriends dad [10:14:41] <literallyafish> bahahaha [10:14:51] <iForge> so he is looking it over with me, talking up "the beast" as it is named [10:15:03] <@ssswitch> did you send cory up a watch tower with a rifle [10:15:04] <iForge> first thing i did was look underneath btw, rwd [10:15:14] <literallyafish> number of surprised people: 0 [10:15:20] <iForge> hah [10:15:27] <literallyafish> maybe the owner, lol [10:15:30] <@TerribleRobot> lmao [10:15:39] <&chrisgt> that's a situation where saying less is better [10:15:44] <literallyafish> indeed [10:15:50] <iForge> whats even better is his gf's dad called him out on it being a v8 not a 6 and it wasnt fwd [10:15:53] <@ssswitch> "oh this is rear wheel drive, that's bad in the snow" [10:15:59] <literallyafish> LOL [10:15:59] <@ssswitch> "i'll pay 600" [10:16:07] <@TerribleRobot> lolol [10:16:11] <@ssswitch> (burns chinese pall mall down to filter instead of negotiating) [10:16:12] <&chrisgt> hahahah wow [10:16:15] <@ssswitch> "600" [10:16:46] <iForge> so that sweet sweet tape deck is mounted at the rear of the van not in the dash [10:16:57] <iForge> so its for jamming while you are in the back [10:17:00] <literallyafish> yee [10:17:03] <literallyafish> i knew that [10:17:12] <literallyafish> i'm gonna put my Awesome Mix Vol. 1 tape in that deck [10:17:17] <@TerribleRobot> lol [10:17:25] <@TerribleRobot> what is broken [10:17:26] <&chrisgt> do lines off it first [10:17:30] <@TerribleRobot> ^ [10:17:36] <iForge> it has one flat tire, has been sitting on it for a month so that tire is trash most likely [10:17:52] <iForge> he said a month, its probably been 3 [10:18:14] <iForge> his bullshit about "it used to be a truck"\ [10:18:41] <literallyafish> well he's technically correct, it did leave the factory as a truck, then it immediately went to another factory to be made into a house [10:18:44] <iForge> it was made as a cargo van, the conversion company bought it as a cargo van brand new and converted it but never changed the title [10:18:54] <iForge> so he had it fixed [10:18:58] <literallyafish> lol [10:19:05] <@TerribleRobot> lol [10:19:09] <iForge> its titled as a station wagon by the way [10:19:12] <iForge> :V [10:19:17] <literallyafish> shaggin' wagon* [10:19:18] <@TerribleRobot> :V [10:19:24] <iForge> well SW [10:19:27] <iForge> so that applies [10:19:27] <literallyafish> huehuehue [10:19:48] <iForge> so we have to wait an hour for his notary to get back from kidney dialysis [10:19:56] <literallyafish> LOL [10:19:56] <literallyafish> wow [10:20:07] <&chrisgt> hahahah wut [10:20:35] <iForge> drive 3 blocks to a slightly more ghetto area and go in a yard behind a group of row houses to a shed in the back yard [10:20:46] <iForge> the shed is this guys notary office [10:20:59] <literallyafish> everything about this is perfect [10:21:29] <iForge> guy is a double amputee in a wheelchair wearing a motorcycle jacket and a tattered beanie [10:21:35] <iForge> i cant make this the gently caress up [10:21:36] <&chrisgt> remings me of this https://xkcd.com/461/ [10:21:45] <literallyafish> jesus [10:21:56] <iForge> dude forgot his wallet at home so he had to go back and get his license for the transfer [10:22:00] <@ssswitch> iForge: post everything about this in the thread [10:22:09] <iForge> paperwork signed and good to go [10:22:14] <literallyafish> ssswitch: i was just going to selectively trim the IRC log and post that [10:22:22] <@ssswitch> swag [10:22:24] <iForge> i leave, saying ill arrange to have the van towed in a few days [10:23:14] <iForge> seller calls me after im home and says "uhh dude you forgot to pay the notary fee" [10:23:30] <@Ozmiander> i just played terraria with ace for... [10:23:40] <iForge> he had talked it up that it was his friend and the guy was going to do it for free, there was no mention of money the whole time we were there [10:23:43] <literallyafish> LOL [10:23:52] <iForge> so the guy tells me over the phone its $50 [10:24:05] <@Ozmiander> like 7 hours [10:24:08] <iForge> i googled and its state law that the notary cant charge more than $5 [10:24:14] <literallyafish> Ozmiander: I BOUGHT A VAAAAAAAN [10:24:20] <iForge> so i sent a text calling him out, no response [10:24:28] <@Ozmiander> literallyafish: link [10:24:34] <literallyafish> van: http://lancaster.craigslist.org/cto/5370551896.html [10:24:34] <&chrisgt> scroll up [10:24:43] <&chrisgt> oh, for van. yea [10:25:01] <&chrisgt> the thread doesn't haev content yet, it's unfolding in real time [10:25:03] <literallyafish> iForge: i mean the paperwork's all done, right? [10:25:11] <literallyafish> notary can't do gently caress [10:25:13] <@Ozmiander> yup. order the heads/cherry bombs/cam yet?:P [10:25:17] <literallyafish> not yet :V [10:25:24] <literallyafish> chrisgt might be junkyarding me heads [10:25:27] <&chrisgt> Ozmiander: i'm gonna see if i can find a 5700 in the yard up here [10:25:31] <iForge> yeah the guy was like hey when you send the guy up to get the van can you send the $ with him, im not sending you $50 you said it was free rear end in a top hat [10:25:32] <&chrisgt> they'll be like $50 if they do [10:25:37] <&chrisgt> so i can get them to iForge in feb [10:25:58] <@Ozmiander> iForge: You have to notarize a loving title there? [10:26:04] <iForge> i had to wipe off dirt to find the tag on the firewall but its indeed a 5.7 [10:26:11] <iForge> yeah you do apparently [10:26:12] <literallyafish> yeah it's an L05 [10:26:16] <literallyafish> they're all L05s [10:26:21] <literallyafish> do it run? [10:26:24] <@ssswitch> tree fitty [10:26:32] <@ssswitch> big whoop megavan [10:26:41] <&chrisgt> Motronic: would know the PA rule around that [10:27:16] <iForge> i dont know if it runs, the battery i bought was too big to put in and hook up and the neighbors car was blocking me from getting close enough to jumper cable it, but dudes dad said it ran a month ago and i could tell he was sincere [10:27:18] <INTERNETMOPEDFLEET> let's be real: what rules does motronic NOT know [10:27:33] <iForge> brought not bought* [10:27:34] <literallyafish> i'm sure it works enough to get itself down to wes :V [10:27:47] <literallyafish> with a couple tyres [10:27:50] <@Ozmiander> so where's it sit now? [10:27:57] <@Ozmiander> title/location etc [10:28:02] <INTERNETMOPEDFLEET> whoa hold on you can't go putting tyres on it, you gotta get tires for it [10:28:08] <INTERNETMOPEDFLEET> this is america literally a fish fucked around with this message at 00:41 on Jan 4, 2016 |
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Jan 4, 2016 00:32
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This thread is like being pulled by a chain up the first hill of a roller coaster. So much anticipation! Thrills! Quick unexpected curves! Unyielding waves of vomit!
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Jan 4, 2016 00:59
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This is the best thread.
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Jan 4, 2016 01:07
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EVERYWHERE 
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literally a fish posted:[10:28:02] <INTERNETMOPEDFLEET> whoa hold on you can't go putting tyres on it, you gotta get tires for it i am emptyquoting this
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Jan 4, 2016 01:31
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiEIToOWr64
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Jan 4, 2016 01:36
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This is a story about how I acquired a van nicknamed "The Beast" for LiterallyaFish After all the back and forth with the seller on Saturday night, I arranged to meet him Sunday. He said he needed time to wake up so come by between noon and 1pm. Whatever. I show up in the ghetto of York, PA at what is basically a housing project, call the guy when I am in the alley behind the house and it takes him 10-15 mins to come outside. I look the van over, figure out that everything he had in the listing was wrong and he doesn't know his rear end from his hat. Neighbor's car was blocking it in so I couldn't jump it and the battery I brought didn't fit in where it needed to go. Gonna wing it. Negotiations begin, I went low, he countered, and we settled at $800. He then tells me that his notary friend is getting his kidney dialysis and won't be free for an hour. Whatever. We drive 3 blocks over to the notary's house. We go down an alley and into a back yard where there is a shed. Maybe 10' x 15" and this is the office. We walk in, guy is a double amputee wearing a leather vest and a tattered beanie. Paperwork begins, except the seller forgot his license so he had to go back for it. All is well and I pay the man and get the keys. I leave. 2.5 hours later I get a call from the seller saying that I forgot to pay the notary fee. He had said that his "friend" was going to do a favor for us and I assumed that meant it was free. There was no mention of money when we were there and the guy shook my hand as I was leaving, no mention of money then either. Guy is telling me on the phone that the fee is $50, I countered with a text quoting that state law says he cant charge more than $5. Whatever, I have the notarized title and notarized bill of sale, so tough poo poo.
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Jan 4, 2016 01:49
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gently caress yes I took my drivers test in a Mark III Chevy
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Jan 4, 2016 01:55
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Oh my god this is amazing.
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Jan 4, 2016 02:29
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Oh gently caress, my grandfather had one in that exact color pattern that he drove until he passed. Dude crossed the country well over a dozen times in it. They are loving awesome and comfy as gently caress. I truely regret selling it because I didn't have the knowledge or give a gently caress to make it run. Make sure you completely seal the roof though, they leak like a mother fucker.
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Jan 4, 2016 04:24
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This is a crazy, but awesome idea. The buy story, with all of the hassle... gently caress me  And so it's still there? I hope the mouthbreather doesn't try to gently caress with it and that it gets 'home' ok.
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Jan 4, 2016 05:11
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I'm proud to be playing a part in this insanity. Adiabatic hasn't been around on IRC much this week so I think all he really knows is that at some point a van will arrive in his backyard and some time after that boxes from Summit and Jegs will begin arriving. 
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Jan 4, 2016 05:23
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This van will be your chariot into Valhalla, shiny and chrome.
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Jan 4, 2016 05:50
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My best friends grandfather had the same van, just a different color combo. I'll try to find pics. Many shenanigans were had in that van.
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Jan 4, 2016 06:11
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This loving rocks. 
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Jan 4, 2016 06:17
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I've already started collecting performance parts in online shopping carts  SBC enthusiast goons! I know at least one of you has to have a set of Vortec 5700 heads (1996-2002, the Gen1 SBC 5700, not the LS one - This One, In Fact which is also known as the 806 casting it seems?) lying around somewhere. If I'm lucky, maybe you even had the guide bosses machined to raise the max valve lift! If the above description matches you, PM me or post here! I want your used small block parts! (Bonus points if you also have valve covers and a stock TBI intake! The bolt pattern is different from L05 to L31! drat you GM!) WHY AM I YELLING?! IOwnCalculus posted:This van will be your chariot into Valhalla, shiny and chrome. What I'm hearing is "Ask Slow Is Fast to cut you a giant "WITNESS!" decal" Terrible Robot posted:I'm proud to be playing a part in this insanity. Adiabatic hasn't been around on IRC much this week so I think all he really knows is that at some point a van will arrive in his backyard and some time after that boxes from Summit and Jegs will begin arriving. Come back, Wes! We need to (try and fail to) shock you! Mat_Drinks posted:This is a crazy, but awesome idea. iForge is a gentleman and a scholar. I owe him a shitload of beer. Yeah, it's still there for now - trying to get quotes on getting it towed the ~140 miles (road distance) to iForge thru UShip. If the PO fucks with my van, I will mail him millions of spiders. stevobob posted:This thread is like being pulled by a chain up the first hill of a roller coaster. So much anticipation! Thrills! Quick unexpected curves! Unyielding waves of vomit! I genuinely could not stop laughing for 2-3 minutes after reading this I'm still flip flopping between gently caress YEAH and oh god what have i done it's mostly gently caress YEAH though literally a fish fucked around with this message at 06:56 on Jan 4, 2016 |
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Jan 4, 2016 06:51
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literally a fish posted:SBC enthusiast goons! I know at least one of you has to have a set of Vortec 5700 (1996-2002, the Gen1 SBC 5700, not the LS one) heads (and an intake) lying around somewhere. If I'm lucky, maybe you even had the guide bosses machined to raise the max valve lift! Did you edit in the bit about the L31 intake manifold bolt angle being different? I was about to point that out. There were some TBI Vortecs in Express Vans, but the only time I've seen one in a yard the manifold was already pulled. Maybe you'll have luck. Might as well just yank the heads at the same time, pick n pull usually has several Vortec trucks in the yard.
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Jan 4, 2016 06:59
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literally a fish posted:SBC enthusiast goons! I know at least one of you has to have a set of Vortec 5700 heads (1996-2002, the Gen1 SBC 5700, not the LS one - This One, In Fact which is also known as the 806 casting it seems?) lying around somewhere. If I'm lucky, maybe you even had the guide bosses machined to raise the max valve lift! If this was 10 years ago I'd have been able to hook you up with my used ones The L31 heads are great, just gotta machine those bosses (as you already know) and get an intake that fits them. I've never heard of an actual TBI Vortec, just the garbage spider-injector factory setup. I did find references to a GMPP TBI intake but it seems to be quite spendy. If you want to stay TBI, get a carb manifold and an adapter plate.
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Jan 4, 2016 07:05
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IOwnCalculus posted:If this was 10 years ago I'd have been able to hook you up with my used ones Like I said, I think the Express Van Vortecs were TBI. At least, that's what internet research yields. You're probably right that a 4-barrel intake plus an adapter is probably easier, though.
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Jan 4, 2016 07:11
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Raluek posted:Did you edit in the bit about the L31 intake manifold bolt angle being different? I was about to point that out. Yes. :V IOwnCalculus posted:If this was 10 years ago I'd have been able to hook you up with my used ones The actual TBI vortec was only used in some G30 vans, apparently. I forgot about the horrible spider injector. Oh god. gently caress that. Carb manifold and adapter plate it is!
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Jan 4, 2016 07:12
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Hahaha, all throughout the first post I was like: "wait, isn't this fish dude in NZ or Straya or something...?" Then the nickel dropped, and I saw the awesomeness!
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Jan 4, 2016 08:48
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Fish likes to dumb down his IQ from time to time for some weird reason. And visiting the US can do that! WALMART! BURGERS! GUNS! MURIKA! MUSCLE CARS! GUNS!
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Jan 4, 2016 09:57
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some texas redneck posted:Fish likes to dumb down his IQ from time to time for some weird reason. And visiting the US can do that! WALMART! BURGERS! GUNS! MURIKA! MUSCLE CARS! GUNS! I just want to have fun, Dad (and avoid rental cars and motels while building a dope-rear end lopetastic small-block-chebby campervan)
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Jan 4, 2016 11:19
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jw_ca7LYmoI
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Jan 4, 2016 13:42
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HI I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS AND NEED DETAILS PLEASE AND THANK YOU SOMEONE CALL ME OR SOMETHING
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Jan 4, 2016 14:25
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I'm not quite that hardcore. Adiabatic posted:HI I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS AND NEED DETAILS PLEASE AND THANK YOU SOMEONE CALL ME OR SOMETHING Ah, there you are, sir. If you would just sign these forms...
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Jan 4, 2016 14:45
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Adiabatic posted:HI I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS AND NEED DETAILS PLEASE AND THANK YOU SOMEONE CALL ME OR SOMETHING I'm gonna need to talk to you about your TPS reports.
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Jan 4, 2016 15:10
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The pure joy of this thread. I've given you one 5, lemme see if I can get another.
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Jan 4, 2016 15:18
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Adiabatic posted:HI I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS AND NEED DETAILS PLEASE AND THANK YOU SOMEONE CALL ME OR SOMETHING  Shh, just let it happen. Hell, it might even scare away the Subarus. NEAI sounds like a riot, I'd be more jealous but "rust" is something that only sometimes maybe happens down here in the USA's dong and I like my old cars mostly rust free. Fuckin stoked for this inevitable trainwreck though  
Beach Bum fucked around with this message at 15:42 on Jan 4, 2016 |
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Jan 4, 2016 15:39
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This is a great idea, there is no way anything could go wrong. I need more details on the NEAI 2016 event, it's only 8-ish hours away. Maybe I'll buy another car up there...
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Jan 4, 2016 15:43
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NitroSpazzz posted:This is a great idea, there is no way anything could go wrong. You should probably actually sell one of your fleet first... I mean, you WERE supposed to sell the 928 last year...
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Jan 4, 2016 15:48
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I came here because Adiabatic told me to and I would like to let everyone know I've gone hog wild.
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Jan 4, 2016 16:08
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Little did iForge and I know, the Twin Racing Comanche Adventure last year was only practice. Edit: literally a fish my redneck friends have been trying to get me to buy a Chebby 350 for YEARS and I can't tell if they're going to be excited that I'll be working on one at my place or horrified about the circumstances of its existence. Either way 
Adiabatic fucked around with this message at 16:18 on Jan 4, 2016 |
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Jan 4, 2016 16:11
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Adiabatic posted:Little did iForge and I know, the Twin Racing Comanche Adventure last year was only practice. yes
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Jan 4, 2016 16:24
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You need to get that thing the gently caress out of the seller's hood like NOW, because who loving knows what he's doing to it right now, as people have already noted. Last time I went on a "buy a car/parts car in the hood" adventure like this, the guy swore up and down on CL that it was a complete running truck just the windshield was smashed and it was too rusty to fix, and should make the drive to my place fine. I show up, and... - all the doors are gone - 3 tires gone, remaining tire slashed AND bald - infinite pile of scrap metal, trash, garbage, and old equipment in the bed - windshield is not smashed, it is loving DESTROYED - no seats left - entire dash smashed and/or stripped - everything under the hood was stolen, smashed, or otherwise worthless, except poo poo that couldn't be carried off - intake and exhaust manifolds had been smashed with a hammer because ??????????? - intake was full of water which had frozen - it pretty much looked like someone had filmed Alien vs Predator both under the hood and in the passenger compartment Seller had absolutely no excuse or explanation. He just stood there and was like "well I dunno what you expected it's a parts car". I told the guy to get hosed with a pineapple full of AIDS, stop bullshitting people, and made my escape. I'd go as far as saying you should have it AAA'd to the nearest walmart parking lot or storage unit and deal with the rest once it's titled. As long as he doesn't know where it is and it's got some sort of license plates on it, it's better off. e: I'll see if I can find heads for this thing if chrisgt doesn't find em sooner. kastein fucked around with this message at 16:35 on Jan 4, 2016 |
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Jan 4, 2016 16:30
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Does it have a switch that says "MOOD LIGHTS"?
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Jan 4, 2016 16:39
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kastein posted:I told the guy to get hosed with a pineapple full of AIDS...  LAF when are you going over there? Back in the day I had a dream about taking over my own aussie PANEL van (drifter or sandman), but unless I had contacts or a lined up buyer I would do what you did, ie get a US van to travel and sleep in. E: For non Australians*, those vans are like ute+van, ie car like front seats and hood/bonnet. GM holden sandman  Chrysler drifter  E: Ford made them too  * Apologies, Brits had the almost as good ford escort panel van, smaller, but not crazy small like the mini, and other europeans had crazy small panel vans. Fo3 fucked around with this message at 16:58 on Jan 4, 2016 |
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Jan 4, 2016 16:40
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