Thunderdome 2016teen: Fast Writing, Bad Writing

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newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

In, assign me a bug.

I would be grateful if it's not accounting software related.

# ¿ Jan 8, 2016 08:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 30, 2024 20:56

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Drop that on leaflets into ISIS controlled Syria and watch them commit suicide in drives.

# ¿ Jan 9, 2016 05:35

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

In, with CRICKET.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2016 00:31

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 11:35 on Jan 7, 2017

# ¿ Jan 25, 2016 04:59

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Djinn, Broenheim, Bluewher - thank you for the crit!

# ¿ Jan 25, 2016 07:56

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Crit of Heel Turn by my SPORTS opponent WeLandedOnTheMoon!

Character development
It is hard to write a story in 1200 words that contains a full fledged character arc, but this story managed a very satisfying one. This was helped by a structure which really worked with the superhero/pro wrestler theme: 1. origin story 2. internal struggle with power 3. paying a price for taking the heroic way.
This was the best aspect of the story, and what really made it pop.

Prose
The style was clear, simple, and nicely paced. There was one sentence that I had to reread a few times (the ink used to sign the document, smudgable and signed by Jos� �Rabid� Rios, the head of the Olympic Professional Wrestling Federation) but otherwise there were no noticeable errors. On the other hand there was no passage that especially blew me away, but I don't think pretty writing was really the point here.
This style lent itself especially well to the fight, which was easy to follow.

Theme
I understood the parallels between superheros and wrestling, but I feel like with an extra paragraph or two in either the first or middle part you really could have made this link more explicit. I think that it's difficult when drawing parallels between two things that are so similar to make them comment on each other in a meaningful way. That said it wasn't necessary as it still worked, but I think it was really close to being all tied up in a really neat way, but didn't quite make it.

Tone
There was some weird/interesting stuff going on with the tone. I kind of feel like the Olympic stuff was almost irrelevant to the rest of the story, and took it from something that was mainly serious into a kooky spec-fic sort of place where it didn't need to be.
I'm not sure the tonal change between the first part and the italicized background info was bad per se, but it was definitely jarring. Maybe taking it out of the "Syrena" universe would allow you a little more freedom to make it work?

Overall
This was definitely a well above average TD story, that wasn't painful to read in the slightest. The fully realized character arc is what drew me into the story, and I wasn't disappointed when I got to the satisfying ending. Well done, honourable foe.

# ¿ Jan 26, 2016 02:22

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

# ¿ Jan 26, 2016 20:32

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

ty God Over God Over God Over Djinn

# ¿ Feb 2, 2016 00:03

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Very excited to see the painting week stories! I'll give crits to all those who choose a painting week prompt.

Edit: So I'm a judge so I'll be giving crits to everyone. Maybe I'll do line crits for painting week stories.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 02:04 on Feb 10, 2016

# ¿ Feb 10, 2016 02:00

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Tiebreaker for my judging will be whoever posted earlier. This could translate into a tiny fraction of an advantage if you get those subs in well before deadline, lallygaggers!

# ¿ Feb 13, 2016 10:44

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

_in

# ¿ Feb 16, 2016 22:54

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

In and

# ¿ Feb 23, 2016 08:24

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

PHYSICS: Jack Harvey, John Culvenor, Warren Payne, Steve Cowley, Michael Lawrance, David Stuart, and Robyn Williams of Australia, for their irresistible report "An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces."
PUBLISHED IN: Applied Ergonomics, vol. 33, no. 6, November 2002, pp. 523-31.

edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 11:35 on Jan 7, 2017

# ¿ Feb 29, 2016 05:56

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Yes, good crits! Thanks to both of you!

IN with LIEKO

A tree-trunk submerged at the bottom of a lake.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2016 10:04

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Ironic Twist posted:

In with Komorebi (Japanese).

This is so dodgy. You have clearly pre-written a story and then suggested a prompt to fit.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2016 00:15

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Rathlord posted:

Can I post my submission now or do I need to wait for signups to close?

You don't have to wait, but why wouldn't you? You have like four days to edit. Then your lovely prose might be slightly less lovely.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2016 00:35

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

selghskdjahk;asdgjknrasg

# ¿ Mar 6, 2016 23:22

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Jan 7, 2017

# ¿ Mar 7, 2016 05:33

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Sitting Here posted:

Are you tired of waiting for slow judging? Try all new Recaps! :siren:

Hello goons. We've been on a little bit of a recap hiatus, but we're finally getting back in the swing of it. This time, Kaishai, Twist, Djeser, and myself take a look at the DMs, losers, and WTFs of weeks 178 and 179.

Characters! Stories have them. What are they? How do they work? By request, we took a character-based look at this motley group of stories in hopes of find out what ~~worked and~~ didn't work.

The recap

If you'd like to follow along (recommended):

Archive link for week 178: I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed

Archive link for week 179: Strange Logs

Thank you, as always, for listening, and thank you Kaishai for making this neat list:

pre:

Episode								Recappers

Week 156:  LET'S GET hosed UP ON LOVE				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Djeser
Week 157:  BOW BEFORE THE BUZZSAW OF PROGRESS			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 158:  LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Djeser
Week 159:  SINNERS ORGY						Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 160:  Spin the wheel!					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 161:  Negative Exponents					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 36:  Polishing Turds -- A retrospective special!		Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, and The Saddest Rhino
Week 162:  The best of the worst and the worst of the best	Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, and The Saddest Rhino
Week 163:  YOUR STUPID poo poo BELONGS IN A MUSEUM			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 164:  I Shouldn't Have Eaten That Souvlaki			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 165:  Back to School					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 166:  Comings and Goings					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 167:  Black Sunshine					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 168:  She Stole My Wallet and My Heart			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 169:  Thunderdome o' Bedlam				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 170:  Cities & Kaiju					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 171:  The Honorable THUNDERDOME CLXXI			Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 172:  Thunderdome Startup					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 173:  Pilgrim's Progress					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 174:  Ladles and Jellyspoons				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, Djeser, and Kaishai
Week 175:  Speels of Magic					Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 176:  Florida Man and/or Woman				Sitting Here, Ironic Twist, and Kaishai
Week 125:  Thunderdome is Coming to Town -- Our sparkly past! 	SH, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, Grizzled Patriarch, and Bad Seafood
Week 177:  Sparkly Mermen 2: Electric Merman Boogaloo		SH, Ironic Twist, Djeser, Kaishai, Grizzled Patriarch, and Bad Seafood

These are always so great! Thanks everyone who takes part, but especially sittinghere!

# ¿ Mar 8, 2016 00:54

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Is synirc down for other people?

# ¿ Mar 8, 2016 03:53

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

sebmojo posted:

sebmojo hosed around with this message at Mar 15, 2016 around 00:04

# ¿ Mar 14, 2016 12:07

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

# ¿ Mar 15, 2016 04:43

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

# ¿ Mar 22, 2016 01:48

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Never has a newbie acting like a sore-losing little poo poo elicited such constructive responses from bitter vets.

You're scum, CMK, the enterprising kind of scum who goes to great effort just to argue in bad faith.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2016 04:55

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

fine

# ¿ Mar 26, 2016 05:22

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Jan 7, 2017

# ¿ Mar 28, 2016 05:24

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Dialogue is something I am not comfortable with, so in

# ¿ Mar 29, 2016 04:44

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Jan 7, 2017

# ¿ Mar 30, 2016 05:18

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

sebmojo posted:

adverbs

terrible judging! I can only find one adverb in my whole story!

(I'll grant you the irritating errors and punctuation)

# ¿ Mar 30, 2016 06:22

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Carl Killer Miller posted:

Where we're going, we don't need adverbs

Edit: anyone with a high tolerance for poo poo mind critting my last 2 subs? The brawl entry and the 3-part flash fiction from last week, or either, or both, or just send me a word doc that says 'gently caress you' in 40 point Arial.

You'll get crits from the judges. Sometimes it takes a while.

# ¿ Mar 30, 2016 21:07

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Ironic Twist posted:

I know someone who might have dibs on that one

I'm a judge :P

# ¿ Apr 5, 2016 22:42

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

# ¿ Apr 12, 2016 01:38

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

Flash rule please SH

# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 03:22

newtestleper: Oct 30, 2003

bottom o' the bo't, getting by to catch hold of the sheet an' untie it. He wasn't but a little man; I helped him right up after the squall passed, and made a handsome apology to him, but he did act kind o' offended."

"I do think they ought not to settle them landlocked folks in parishes where they're liable to be on the water," insisted Mrs. Fosdick. "Think of the families in our parish that was scattered all about the bay, and what a sight o' sails you used to see, in Mr. Dimmick's day, standing across to the mainland on a pleasant Sunday morning, filled with church-going folks, all sure to want him some time or other! You couldn't find no doctor that would

edited out.

newtestleper fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Jan 7, 2017

# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 07:35