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I don't like drinking because of my genetics/family history, but I did get roofied the one time I celebrated a birthday at a bar. I was plenty embarrassed, and had egg on my face!
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Jan 18, 2016 00:02
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:I don't like drinking because of my genetics/family history, but I did get roofied the one time I celebrated a birthday at a bar. I was plenty embarrassed, and had egg on my face! Probably cum too
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Jan 18, 2016 00:32
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:I don't like drinking because of my genetics/family history, but I did get roofied the one time I celebrated a birthday at a bar. I was plenty embarrassed, and had egg on my face! Classic Gilchrist.
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Jan 18, 2016 00:40
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I got a public intox at a Steak & Shake. I was alone and I have no idea how I got there. And a car ran over my leg.
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Jan 18, 2016 00:51
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Hector Beerlioz posted:traitor I don't even know my user nae or password or what email I used
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Jan 18, 2016 00:59
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naem posted:There are at least four women able to tell stories of me having exactly one too many drinks at tha club and then microwaving a cup-o-noodle at my house that night only to get out of bed later and leave a vomit trail of whole carrot and pea and partially digested noodle leading to the bathroom i get to the microwaving noodles part and then forget about my noodles in the microwave until the next morning, when I have to ask around who the idiot who left the noodles in the microwave was.
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Jan 18, 2016 01:15
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A real story OK! Don't LOL until you read it or never. My homie, Mr Right, and I went to a party his friend was invited to in the Big City. I filled my water bottle with rum and Pepsi (fuc you Coke luvers) and snap it to my belt. My boi brought a handle of cheap whisky. It took an hour by subway, but we made it to this mysterious place. The party was fun, lots of gay guys and as a hot straight man myself I was fine having a chance to let myself relax and drop my flow. No pressure, you know? You know. Me and Mr Right drank a lot of booze and whatever else was left out in front of us; old candles, water, moonshine, beer, who cares, spit. We left the party and hit the subway. 5 stops in, Mr Right decides that he needs to puke. I gotta piss, so this works out. We get off on some random stop somewhere in a city I don't know. Its a busy subway station, but all we see are the benches. He just breathes a lot, fucker doesn't even puke. I have to piss but I'm embarased about my tinkle stream, so I pee right into the water bottle strapped to my belt. NO ONE KNOWS poo poo. 5 mins later we're back on the subway, my loving idiot friend didn't puke and I have a bottle of piss strapped to my belt. It was warm. 15 stops later, we get off so we can connect to a bus so it can bring us to the other bus to get me back to my home. the second we leave the station, Mr Right pukes all over. He's puking fried rice (you can see the rice in the puke!) and ladies in fur coats are "tut-tuting" us. The clowns. So he's puking and I'm rubbing his back like a thoughtful mama. Now we got one dude smelling like puke and one with a big warm piss bottle on his belt. We get on the next bus and I'm sitting there rubbing this dude's back like "hush honey hush darling, it's ok, you'll be OK." No one wants to sit near us. We get to my stop, and my homie pukes all over the side walk while fancy bitches drive by in convertibles screaming and laughing at us. We stumbling into my apartment and my drat roomie locked us out. We had to bang on the door, screaming, to get in. roomie gets up for work the next day to find Mr Rght laying on our bathroom floor, pillow under the toilet, blanket around him. Alcohol is great.
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Jan 18, 2016 01:17
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Got drunk and told my friends all about gbs.
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Jan 18, 2016 02:11
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Got drunk and told my friends all about gbs. Wow.
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Jan 18, 2016 04:41
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Gaunab posted:Wow. Turns out someone there was active on the forums too a while back so he knew what i was talking about.
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Jan 18, 2016 04:43
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I used to get really wasted and make fried potatoes. But, I'd be so wasted that I'd have to vomit, but for whatever reason I'd vomit in the sink, not the toilet, despite the toilet being next to the sink. So I'd wake up in the morning to a sink full to the brim with half-digested potatoes and rancid water, and I'd have to scoop out all of it into the toilet with my hands. One time I was with a guy about to have sexy times, but I had eaten most of a bag of Doritos, and, completely naked, I proceeded to tell him, "I think I ate too many chips..." It was the ultimate in sexy pick-up lines. Still had sex though so it worked out.
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Jan 18, 2016 05:23
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Thin Privilege posted:I used to get really wasted and make fried potatoes. But, I'd be so wasted that I'd have to vomit, but for whatever reason I'd vomit in the sink, not the toilet, despite the toilet being next to the sink. So I'd wake up in the morning to a sink full to the brim with half-digested potatoes and rancid water, and I'd have to scoop out all of it into the toilet with my hands. Woke up, stretched with one of my fists going under Type-A High Functioning Alcoholic Model and into pillows, dislodging a half full oreo tray and crusty undies.
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Jan 18, 2016 05:51
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klafbang posted:Another time we had some drinks at university. After a while we decide it's time to run naked thru the computer labs. Because why not. After doing that and crashing a party in our birthday suits, we return only to find that somebody has stolen my pants. I shrug it off and keep drinking. When I have to walk home, a good 1 km walk thru the morning traffic, my pants are still not to be found, so I just walk home bottom-less not understanding why people find that weird. Opposite of that: me and some friends were out drinking all night and went back home where everyone fell asleep, but I couldn't sleep/wasn't tired. It was like 9am by this point. We were next to a beach so I was like, "man I wanna go to the beach!!!" So I went in these big rear end, baggy pants and shirt and both a) swung really high and crazy on the swings for like 30 min in the playground and b) went swimming. In full baggy clothes and shoes. While in the water, I tried to play with a dog that was swimming and didn't understand why the owners tried so hard to get their dog to come back to them.
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Jan 18, 2016 05:52
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Got drunk and fisted my ex. Got drunk in Vegas with coworkers during a convention, only to get lost in Las Vegas and had to show up on the show floor with no sleep and still a little drunk. Got drunk and ate food off the floor at a Denny's in Hollywood.
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Jan 18, 2016 05:55
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Went to a friend's bachelor party in VA and got so trashed that I ended up blasting metallica in my car with the windows down in a suburb at like 2 AM, then went to a gas station and tried to buy taquitas but was too hosed up to pay the cashier and ended up sitting on the floor in front of the cash register and i guess they called the cops at that point because i recall getting cuffed and sitting in a squad car they later tried to grill me about what drug i was on and i kept trying to say "alcohol", finally i guess they realized i was just supremely shitfaced lady cop at the jail said i sang really nice. like actual song-singing i mean. the morning after. next day i had an interview with the local magistrate who gave me the usual "avoid booze" talk via webcam and let me go with a $90 fine once released i tracked down my car which was still parked at the gas station, realized i was too hungover and hosed up to make the five hour drive home and got a hotel room where i slept for about 15 hours please do not get drunk and do dumb, dangerous things
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Jan 18, 2016 06:24
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Zippy the Bummer posted:please do not get drunk and do dumb, dangerous things Quoted because truth. My girlfriend and I got really plastered at an ugly sweater party a couple years back. The party was a good hour drive from home, but we woke up the next morning both no remembering what happened after a certain point in the party. Apparently we got so wasted and yet I still drove home. It's the first time I had ever driven drunk, and I can't remember a single thing. Neither could she. Needless to say that's super loving stupid, we were both freaked the gently caress out, and never again would we pull something so loving idiotic. We could've DEFINITELY killed someone else or ourselves.
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Jan 18, 2016 06:33
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Nation posted:quote this if you slammed some whale when you were wayyyy too drunk It was her birthday, cut me some slack. That and going on the roof of a taco bell and stealing a flag, woke up in a tree.
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Jan 18, 2016 07:35
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I stole a construction sign from the city. Not one of those flimsy plastic ones. It's solid wood, painted bright orange and white. It's about 5 feet by 3 feet and I had to anchor it to the studs in my wall to hang it up. I also pee anywhere when I'm drunk. I pissed in front of a restaurant facing everyone inside while hammered last year so like a few dozen people saw me pissing.
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Jan 18, 2016 08:24
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I didn't have sex
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Jan 18, 2016 15:55
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i once hosed my friends fiance why he was in vegas for his bachelor party
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Jan 18, 2016 15:56
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i licked my friend out (she's fat) and then just couldnt stop puking in my room and was too drunk to get it in the sick bucket.
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Jan 18, 2016 15:59
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Freshman year. Got really drunk at a dorm party that got busted. As we were charging out of the dorm before the RAs could round us up, I grabbed a bag of Doritos. Walked with a few of my friends toward frat row to try to get into another party, happily munching on the chips. As we were walking, we crossed a street, and stepping back onto the sidewalk I tripped on a curb. I looked to my left. A bag of Doritos. I looked to my right. A handful of chips. I could not allow either to be sacrificed. So I held out my arms to my sides, Jesus-on-the-cross style, and faceplanted to protect my bounty. Got a scrape on my cheek, it wasn't so bad, but my friends thought I was done in and convinced me to go back to my dorm. Later that night I hit on my girlfriend's roommate, ruining my relationship with the two of them in the skeeviest possible way. It is my guiltiest memory
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Jan 18, 2016 16:04
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i once shot a man for snorin too loud
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Jan 18, 2016 16:04
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I generally mess around with a lot of girls I would not normally mess around with and barf a lot, these activities are not always separate.
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Jan 18, 2016 16:30
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My ex's best friend wanted to hang out. He likes Jack Daniels so I went together some but I was already wasted from day drinking and I got Jim Beam instead. Was embarrassed but I still managed to have sex with him. Good revenge on my lovely ex. Unfortunately all I remember is that he had a really big dick and was super buff because he was in the army. I think I was really lovely in bed because I was so wasted. 
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Jan 18, 2016 16:37
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Thin Privilege posted:My ex's best friend wanted to hang out. He likes Jack Daniels so I went together some but I was already wasted from day drinking and I got Jim Beam instead. Was embarrassed but I still managed to have sex with him. Good revenge on my lovely ex. Unfortunately all I remember is that he had a really big dick and was super buff because he was in the army. I think I was really lovely in bed because I was so wasted. what was his name?
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Jan 18, 2016 16:44
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I threw a champagne bottle at an annoying guy but he ducked and it hit a toilet shattering half of it. The bottle somehow stayed intact.
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Jan 18, 2016 17:32
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dad gay. so what posted:what was his name? I won't post identifying info on the Internet. But then again, while I don't think he's the type of person to be a goon, it would be p funny if he was cause it's obvious who I am. Guy, if you're reading this, I swear I'm actually good in bed (when sober or only mildly drunk).
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Jan 18, 2016 17:46
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I once got a bit drunk and decided to be lazy and take a cab home even though it would be a less than 1 km walk. I jump in a taxi and tells the driver the address. Turns out it was not a taxi.
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Jan 18, 2016 20:19
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Freshman year I was on the rugby team. the night after I scored my first try I had to do a ton of drinking-based celebrations, compounded by the typical drinking-based pranks the seniors would pull on the freshman, I got absolutely destroyed on cheap beer. My last solid memory is standing both hands palm down on the bar and falling backwards like a trust fall. a senior player caught me with one hand and righted me again. my fleeting memories afterward are vomiting in the piss trough, pissing outside against the bar, and hanging out the passenger side window up to my waist of a teammate's car on the way back to my dorm. the most embarrassing part is not remembering the other things I did, which the senior players gave me poo poo for the following practice, like hitting on the female rugby players (lesbians) and getting real chummy with our coach. I'm a flirty drunk. klafbang posted:I jump in a taxi and tells the driver the address. Turns out it was not a taxi. always wanted to do this
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Jan 18, 2016 20:36
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klafbang posted:I once got a bit drunk and decided to be lazy and take a cab home even though it would be a less than 1 km walk. I jump in a taxi and tells the driver the address. Turns out it was not a taxi. My wife's coworker did this outside of a work party, then got belligerent when the cab-with-the-blue-and-red-lights-on-top would not take her to her destination.
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Jan 18, 2016 22:06
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i snuck into an after hours dance club because i didnt want to pay cover and it turned out to be something called "electro erotica" night and i was wearing like some crappy jeans and a black t-shirt and dumpy black baseball hat. i proceeded to twerk in my Kirkland brand boxer briefs
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Jan 18, 2016 23:10
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I had been out all night fuckin stuff up and someone decided that I needed to be deposited at my apartment complex, so he drove me back and released me inside my proper gated community. I was unaccounted-for for about an hour before showing up at my own apartment. I was apparently too drunk to use my own key so I just beat on the door until my roommates woke up and let me in. I then proceeded to vomit congealed blood all over the rug in my room, knock over all the lamps, break off all my fingernails trying to get the window open, and then carefully folded up the dirty clothes I had worn that night. I also used pet cleaner to clean up the bloodpuke.
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Jan 18, 2016 23:50
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one time i drank way toooooo much hahaha when i was drunk i peed on the toilet cuz i didn't put the seat down and everyone knew it was me cuz i was the last out boy was my face red
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Jan 18, 2016 23:52
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Not a Children posted:As we were walking, we crossed a street, and stepping back onto the sidewalk I tripped on a curb. I looked to my left. A bag of Doritos. I looked to my right. A handful of chips. I could not allow either to be sacrificed. So I held out my arms to my sides, Jesus-on-the-cross style, and faceplanted to protect my bounty.
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Jan 19, 2016 00:02
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dad gay. so what posted:i once pushed my friends car into the platte river Dang, well that certainly got my attention! I know where the Platte River is! I'll bet after you pushed that car in that river, your friend drove it right back out. That thing's only about a foot deep in a lot of places, and it has a sand bottom. Was it upstream on the Platte, or downstream? It's deeper downstream. Hot drat, the times I've had on that old Platte River! Love, Vitalis
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Jan 19, 2016 04:56
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I once helped a friend put a giant vomiting Santa Claus head on his rooftop for Xmas and had too much tequila while doing so, which resulted in the following events: — I decided to "clean up" the various power tools and empty liquor bottles by tossing them from the roof to the pavement two stories below. — while trying to get down from the roof, I accidentally fell onto his neighbors' porch, right outside the bedroom of their nine-year-old daughter. Cue two pissed-off Syrian dudes hustling me down the stairs and out the front door while the terrified wife squeaked "do you know thees man?" — somehow got locked out of the gated apt. complex entirely, tried to contact my friend via the intercom with what I'm told was basically A BLOO BLOO BLOO — passed out on his nice new couch, which I pissed all over at some point during the night. All this managed to bring the cops to his door while he was growing three nearly-mature and fairly stinky pot plants in the upstairs bedroom. I also got really drunk at this same guy's wedding reception and jumped in his sister's swimming pool, rented tuxedo and all. I'm told I spent the better part of the afterparty vomiting. I woke up on the floor of a strange living room, dirty, scarred and shirtless. The '80s were a weird time for me. Also, here's Santa, he was a thing of beauty indeed (the censored audio track was "Purple Haze," btw) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ct3TKYbcn4s
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Jan 19, 2016 06:05
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Sometimes I drink so much that I become stunningly self-aware.
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Jan 19, 2016 12:34
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Vitalis Jackson posted:Dang, well that certainly got my attention! I know where the Platte River is! I'll bet after you pushed that car in that river, your friend drove it right back out. That thing's only about a foot deep in a lot of places, and it has a sand bottom. Was it upstream on the Platte, or downstream? It's deeper downstream. Hot drat, the times I've had on that old Platte River! no, it was pretty much destroyed once it went over the embankment and careened off of a tree.
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Jan 19, 2016 16:15
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dad gay. so what posted:no, it was pretty much destroyed once it went over the embankment and careened off of a tree. Whoops. It must have been an F100. Love, Vitalis
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Jan 20, 2016 04:16
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