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Man_of_Teflon posted:Question:
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Jan 17, 2016 17:45
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| # ? May 3, 2024 01:24 |
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An actual joke people tell about Russians because Russians like to brag about how much they don't care about things. Three Russians are sitting around talking. The first says "I found out my wife has was an affair with the neighbor. I give a poo poo she lets me drink in peace now." The second says "I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend. I don't give poo poo, I'm having an affair too." And third says "I came home yesterday and somebody leaped out of the dark, knocked me to the ground, ripped my pants off, and stated loving me in the rear end while shouting 'gently caress you Ivan! gently caress you Ivan!' I don't give a give a poo poo, my name's not Ivan."
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Jan 17, 2016 17:49
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Three Russians squat around a small fire. -I've heard there are jobs at the salt mine. -there are no jobs at the salt mine. -we will starve this winter. -yes, we will starve.
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Jan 17, 2016 17:57
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-Hey what you think you doing? -Driving car. What is problem? -ok, was just making sure
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Jan 17, 2016 18:02
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putin people take all jobs, make lovely roads, steal taxes wish i was putin people
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Jan 17, 2016 18:05
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In Russia, thread gases YOU! and to reflect this, voting 5 and going for a walk
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Jan 17, 2016 18:37
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- Vasili, tell joke. - A jew hanged himself. - Ha! Ha! Good joke. Wish I wasn't so hungry.
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Jan 17, 2016 19:37
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- Dmitry, you buy tobacco? - Man in shop says, suck my dick, you no get tobacco. - So? - So I suck his dick. No get tobacco. - Cyka blyat!
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Jan 17, 2016 19:54
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Three Russians squat around a small fire. -I wish we didn't have to squat and we could sit. -we have burned all the furniture for warmth. -yes, it is so very cold.
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Jan 17, 2016 20:01
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Jan 17, 2016 20:12
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"putin on the ritz" god drat it why am i laughing at this
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Jan 17, 2016 20:36
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blainestereo posted:- Dmitry, you buy tobacco?
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Jan 17, 2016 20:38
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My Eastern European father-in-law's favorite Russian jokes: The President calls Russia to ask how things are going. The premier's English isn't great, but he manages to report, "Things are... good." "Do you think you could use more words?" the President asks. "Things are... not good." Also popular are Radio Yerevan jokes where people call in to a popular radio show asking questions about the news, always getting an answer in the form, "Yes, but..." My favorite: "Is it true that Ivan Ivanovich won a brand new Mercedes in the lottery?" "Yes, but it wasn't a brand new Mercedes but rather an old bicycle. And he didn't win it in the lottery; it was stolen from from him." "Is it okay to sleep with an open window?" "Yes, but it is much better with a woman." Police jokes are also popular: "They say everyone at the police academy passed their exams this year!" "What were the exams?" "It was that one where you have to put the different shaped pegs in the different shaped holes." "Oh yeah?" "Yes. They said half of the policemen were rated 'very smart', and the other half were rated 'very strong'."
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Jan 17, 2016 20:55
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what do you call a filthy disgusting drunk russian who is late for work? sergei
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Jan 17, 2016 20:58
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Actual Russian joke: Vassily Ivanovich (note: Vassily Ivanovich is a famous revolutionary commander) is sitting in a bunker, poring over maps. Suddenly, a very distressed Peter (note: also famously, his subordinate - these two are the main characters of many such jokes) runs into the bunker. -Vassily Ivanovich - he says with exasperation - out back behind the fruit garden, there's an enemy tank! -Don't worry, Peter. There's a hand grenade in a box in the corner. Take the hand grenade and destroy the enemy tank. So, he takes the grenade and leaves. A few minutes later, Peter triumphantly returns. -Vassily Ivanovich, the tank has been destroyed!, says Peter proudly. -Excellent job, Peter. Now, put the grenade back in the box.
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Jan 17, 2016 21:02
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crimea river dontesk, don't tell.
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Jan 17, 2016 23:37
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*the sound of wind howling through the cracks in your crumbling concrete wall*
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Jan 18, 2016 00:12
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"Putin is a homosexual, haha" *gets stabbed*
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Jan 18, 2016 00:15
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lDDQD posted:Actual Russian joke:
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Jan 18, 2016 00:25
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Three russian women sit around fire, talking about whose son is luckiest. First woman say, "My son potato farmer. He gets food from ground, never hungry." Second woman say, "My son Russian military. He visit your son farm, take potato." Third woman say, "My son die in childbirth. He never know cruel of life." First two women agree, say dead child is luckiest.
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Jan 18, 2016 01:08
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photoshop phriday here we come!
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Jan 18, 2016 01:16
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Эти чертовы свиньи в Америке понятия не имеют, как великая мать Россия является. у нас есть лучший номер 1 водку. у нас есть лучшие гимнастику. мы лучше консервы свеклы. Лучший национальный мимо время сидеть на корточках огнем. Даш камерой видео номер один экспорта, принесет большую тушканчика для картофелем.
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Jan 18, 2016 01:16
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Zymurgy posted:Эти чертовы свиньи в Америке понятия не имеют, как великая мать Россия является. у нас есть лучший номер 1 водку. у нас есть лучшие гимнастику. мы лучше консервы свеклы. Лучший национальный мимо время сидеть на корточках огнем. Даш камерой видео номер один экспорта, принесет большую тушканчика для картофелем.  Voted 5
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Jan 18, 2016 01:33
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Zymurgy posted:Эти чертовы свиньи в Америке понятия не имеют, как великая мать Россия является. у нас есть лучший номер 1 водку. у нас есть лучшие гимнастику. мы лучше консервы свеклы. Лучший национальный мимо время сидеть на корточках огнем. Даш камерой видео номер один экспорта, принесет большую тушканчика для картофелем. haha
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Jan 18, 2016 01:44
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Эта обезьяна недочеловеков чертовски Чечни шел мной сегодня. Он сказал что-то в его непонятной негр-лепет. Я потерял его и называют его, что он был, ничего не стоящий Чечни. сказал, что ублюдок. Я ненавижу негров так черт возьми много.
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Jan 18, 2016 01:44
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amityville anus posted:Эта обезьяна недочеловеков чертовски Чечни шел мной сегодня. Он сказал что-то в его непонятной негр-лепет. Я потерял его и называют его, что он был, ничего не стоящий Чечни. сказал, что ублюдок. Я ненавижу негров так черт возьми много. лучше, чем те ужасные сербов. или геи. I was squat with friend by fire I ask him where wodka is He say no wodka I ask my my friend where food? he say have my berries, i found in woods I say thank you great friend my friend is bear.
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Jan 18, 2016 01:52
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Not a joke, but I think it's hilarious that Chizhik-Pyzhik perfectly matches the melody of "when you wish upon a star".
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Jan 18, 2016 03:16
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Two Russians, Dimitri and Sergei, are squatting around a fire. Dimitri: "A potato would be good" Sergei: "Yes, it would for I am very hungry." Dimitri: "Too bad we have no potatoes." Sergei: "I have a bottle of vodka made from potatoes." Dimitri: "Great! At least when can get drunk while we starve." Sergei: "Bottle is empty." Dimitri: "loving potatoes."
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Jan 18, 2016 04:15
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"my son, he dance in room with bad haircut girls, they play music that sound like death" "is okay, he name band after western AIDS" quote:"Imagine that you're a 16-year-old raped by her father in front of all of your friends and put it on Instagram." That's how a guy at a Moscow party described Russian witch house to a local reporter. Lawrence Gilchrist fucked around with this message at 05:13 on Jan 18, 2016 |
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Jan 18, 2016 05:09
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Q. What will you do if the Americans drop the bomb? A. Wrap myself in a white sheet and crawl, very slowly, to the graveyard.
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Jan 18, 2016 05:20
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gabber lol welcome to 15 years ago
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Jan 18, 2016 05:21
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:"my son, he dance in room with bad haircut girls, they play music that sound like death" http://youtu.be/3eRBFkxgG7g
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Jan 18, 2016 05:24
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Mouse is being in field. Mouse look up, see hawk above him. Hawk say "thank you, comrade stalin, for bountiful ration". Mouse say "thank you, comrade stalin, for release of pain" Sergei shoot hawk and bludgeon mouse. "Thank you, comrade stalin, for bullet and club". Sergei freeze in night. One mouse not enough to be making of coat.
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Jan 18, 2016 05:35
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Blue Train posted:gabber lol welcome to 15 years ago 'new style'
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Jan 18, 2016 05:59
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIDiJuTmfrI
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Jan 18, 2016 06:01
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quote:
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Jan 18, 2016 06:20
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Hector Beerlioz posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0xNBoqI3cY I didn't know throwing a live chicken into an open car of screaming teenage girls could be so goddamned funny.
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Jan 18, 2016 06:57
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ChesterJT posted:I didn't know throwing a live chicken into an open car of screaming teenage girls could be so goddamned funny. Some of the pranks were just mean but some were p funny, like the chicken or clanging pans behind a couple that is currently macking.
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Jan 18, 2016 07:09
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American CIA want to send spy to Russia Train a guy, send him, he arrested first day Train another very hard, send him, he arrested the first day Find the best guy there is, train him the hardest, send him He parachutes to Russian forest, walks to village, sees potato farmer, says in perfect Russian: - Hello, old man! - Hello, American spy! - Am not American spy, am a swell Russian fellow! - How can you be a swell Russian fellow if you are a friend of the family with huge lips?
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Jan 18, 2016 07:14
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| # ? May 3, 2024 01:24 |
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I want to watch the Boris Channel
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Jan 18, 2016 07:32
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