Drunk Nerds posted:

Here's a timeline:
2013-2014
- Charming man in rural Alabama (Doobie) has a successful hot dog cart/trailer thing. Wants to upgrade so he makes a kickstarter

- The SomethingAwful Forums gets wind of it, decides it's a good cause, and raises him 300% of the money he requested (~$14,000). Of particular note, mods Noni and Soundmonkey champion the gently caress out of him and vouch for his good character

- Instead of making the most kick-rear end hot dog cart ever, Doobie decides to enter the restaurant game (which has a 93% failure rate) and rents a literal shack.

- Doobie renegs on almost all his kickstarter promises. Even simple stuff like making a relish dog and calling it the frog dog. Responds to all complaints by being a smug jerk.

- Doobie proceeds to fix up the shack so it is serviceable, selling his truck and his boat to afford these updates. Oh, I forgot to mention he rented it sight unseen so there were lots of revelations like flooding during rains and no vent hood.

- Sometime during this period, Doobie joins a White Pride facebook page. Also makes a few questionable comments, like claiming "some black lady" had hacked his twitter when someone had merely posted a photoshopped version.

- Doobie sets up said shack with no signage, bathrooms, or parking, across the street from a fully functional Subway restaurant. Fills no ads, counting on "trucker CB chatter" to fuel demand for his hotdogs.

- Doobie announces his hours, including 10-3 PM mondays and wednesdays, and closed Sundays

- Doobie reveals his menu, which looks like it was created by a schizophrenic with Parkinson's:


2014-2015:
Doobie refuses to stop doing retarded poo poo and/or engaging something awful long enough for this whole this to blow over:

- Claims he's talking to lawyers to sue people for... giving him $15K or talking crap about him or something I'm not really sure

- Gets overwhelming support for Hamburger steak special, refuses to make it any time except after 3 PM on Fridays. That's not an exaggeration, literally after 3 PM on Fridays

- Show up in goonchat and acts pretty alright

- Wife goes crazy when gay marriage is legalized. Both post pictures of gay flag on fire and call the employers of every gay person they can find

- Constantly runs out of food

- Complains about price of food, which he is buying at full retail price

- Post incredibly awful pics of food with burnt parts, ridiculously small portions, and customers who look like they don't want to be photographed

- Holds classic car show at his restaurant the same day the town is holding a separate event featuring free hot dogs.

- Closes during Fourth of July, easily the most popular day for hotdogs in America

And so on at least 1-4x per month. For a while there, it felt like every time SA was between doobie threads, or over the whole ordeal, he would step up his frogger-hating game until he got the negative attention he craved. Also, several mods go temporarily insane trying to parse the situation, and GBS 1.0 is scrapped because the tightly regulated forum obviously didn't work if it could crap out something so unbelievably atrocious



2016:

- Claiming business is booming, doob learns that owner is maybe thinking of selling building. Doob closes restaurant immediately, and closes auto business across street which had literally nothing to do with the building

- Tries to sell all his stock on facebook

- Doobie's mom, upon learning that her son's dreams have been dashed and he is broke and jobless, consoles him. OH, no, wait, she actually tries to guilt trip him into giving her some of his bar stools for free

- Doobie vents his anger towards somethingawful. He and his mom rant about how stupid its users are, missing the complete irony that the site is literally the only reason he had a restaurant in the first place.

tomstuart posted:

i estimate that it will be approximately 3 weeks until a homeless man or other squatter takes up residence in the shack only to be killed when it is demolished and paved over for the funeral home parking lot

roll tide

Romes128 posted:

He's busy trying to get star citizen to work.

Rambling Robot posted:

Or he's terrible with money,

Melmac posted: