Post Innovative Improvements to Existing Products and Services Redux

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paperchaseguy: Feb 21, 2002; THEY'RE GONNA SAY NO

Disposable cheese

# ? Apr 5, 2016 11:54

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 26, 2024 01:57

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

A browser app that tells you if a thread will be goldmined or not

# ? Apr 5, 2016 22:57

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Seriously.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 00:32

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Cough drops which soothe your throat at first, but which in the long run make your throat sore again so you're always taking them.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 16:37

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

Fart drops that are like cough drops only you stick them in your butt when you can't stop farting and you have an important meeting to go to

# ? Apr 6, 2016 16:52

Nigmaetcetera: Nov 17, 2004; borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

A pill that makes you blind and deaf for eight hours. I'm sure it would be useful for insomniacs with loud neighbors.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 16:55

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

a car made out of nerf so you can drive it drunk as gently caress and if you crash it you will just bounce right off whatever

# ? Apr 6, 2016 16:55

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

Fart drops that cause gas, for when you need to add levity to an otherwise dull meeting that some idiot thinks is important

# ? Apr 6, 2016 16:56

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Aralan posted:

Fart drops that are like cough drops only you stick them in your butt when you can't stop farting and you have an important meeting to go to

benjamin franklin already invented this in 1781

Benjamin Franklin posted:

c. 1781
GENTLEMEN,

I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year, viz. �Une figure quelconque donnee, on demande d�y inscrire le plus grand nombre de fois possible une autre figure plus-petite quelconque, qui est aussi donnee�. I was glad to find by these following Words, �l�Acadeemie a jugee que cette deecouverte, en eetendant les bornes de nos connoissances, ne seroit pas sans UTILITE�, that you esteem Utility an essential Point in your Enquiries, which has n

ot always been the case with all Academies; and I conclude therefore that you have given this Question instead of a philosophical, or as the Learned express it, a physical one, because you could not at the time think of a physical one that promis�d greater_Utility.

Benjamin Franklin fart proudly full text

Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious

Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.

That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it.

That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.

That so retain�d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.

Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses.

My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix�d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.

That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses; and if he can manage so as to avoid the Report, he may any where give Vent to his Griefs, unnoticed. But as there are many to whom an entire Vegetable Diet would be inconvenient, and as a little Quick-Lime thrown into a Jakes will correct the amazing Quantity of fetid Air arising from the vast Mass of putrid Matter contain�d in such Places, and render it rather pleasing to the Smell, who knows but that a little Powder of Lime (or some other thing equivalent) taken in our Food, or perhaps a Glass of Limewater drank at Dinner, may have the same Effect on the Air produc�d in and issuing from our Bowels? This is worth the Experiment. Certain it is also that we have the Power of changing by slight Means the Smell of another Discharge, that of our Water. A few Stems of Asparagus eaten, shall give our Urine a disagreable Odour; and a Pill of Turpentine no bigger than a Pea, shall bestow on it the pleasing Smell of Violets. And why should it be thought more impossible in Nature, to find Means of making a Perfume of our Wind than of our Water?

For the Encouragement of this Enquiry, (from the immortal Honour to be reasonably expected by the Inventor) let it be considered of how small Importance to Mankind, or to how small a Part of Mankind have been useful those Discoveries in Science that have heretofore made Philosophers famous. Are there twenty Men in Europe at this Day, the happier, or even the easier, for any Knowledge they have pick�d out of Aristotle? What Comfort can the Vortices of Descartes give to a Man who has Whirlwinds in his Bowels! The Knowledge of Newton�s mutual Attraction of the Particles of Matter, can it afford Ease to him who is rack�d by their mutual Repulsion, and the cruel Distensions it occasions? The Pleasure arising to a few Philosophers, from seeing, a few Times in their Life, the Threads of Light untwisted, and separated by the Newtonian Prism into seven Colours, can it be compared with the Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels? Especially if it be converted into a Perfume: For the Pleasures of one Sense being little inferior to those of another, instead of pleasing the Sight he might delight the Smell of those about him, & make Numbers happy, which to a benevolent Mind must afford infinite Satisfaction. The generous Soul, who now endeavours to find out whether the Friends he entertains like best Claret or Burgundy, Champagne or Madeira, would then enquire also whether they chose Musk or Lilly, Rose or Bergamot, and provide accordingly. And surely such a Liberty of Expressing one�s Scent-iments, and pleasing one another, is of infinitely more Importance to human Happiness than that Liberty of the Press, or of abusing one another, which the English are so ready to fight & die for. � In short, this Invention, if compleated, would be, as Bacon expresses it, bringing Philosophy home to Mens Business and Bosoms. And I cannot but conclude, that in Comparison therewith, for universal and continual UTILITY, the Science of the Philosophers above-mentioned, even with the Addition, Gentlemen, of your �Figure quelconque� and the Figures inscrib�d in it, are, all together, scarcely worth a

FART-HING.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 16:59

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

Rutibex posted:

benjamin franklin already invented this in 1781

My idea was to stop them altogether. I like his idea though, it preserves the humorous noises without the offensive odors. There should be a line of minty suppositories to accomplish his goal, we can call them Franklin Mints

# ? Apr 6, 2016 17:04

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Aralan posted:

My idea was to stop them altogether. I like his idea though, it preserves the humorous noises without the offensive odors. There should be a line of minty suppositories to accomplish his goal, we can call them Franklin Mints

# ? Apr 6, 2016 17:10

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Aralan posted:

My idea was to stop them altogether. I like his idea though, it preserves the humorous noises without the offensive odors. There should be a line of minty suppositories to accomplish his goal, we can call them Franklin Mints

I'll buy twenty

# ? Apr 6, 2016 17:35

turbomoose: Nov 29, 2008; Playing the banjo can be a relaxing activity and create lifelong friendships!
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A jump to conclusions mat but make it really long and use it for the NFL Combine broad jump.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 17:44

how me a frog: Feb 6, 2014

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

a clippable mat for your teacup, cant be arsed keeping track of saucers and poo poo in this hectic workaday world

Pants with an inflatable bottom so you can sit anywhere, even Mt. Fuji.

Also great for carrying your shopping cause you can take the inflatable bit out.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 17:57

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

A duck that is also a garage door opener.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 18:04

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

a sponge that sings showtunes as it cleans

# ? Apr 6, 2016 18:54

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

A high chair like for babies but for adults and it's also a gaming chair so I can play vidya and stuff my face without crockery, just a simple wipe-down surface that folds down across my lower torso while I'm gaming

# ? Apr 6, 2016 18:58

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

A metal Godzilla to fight regular Godzilla.

Also a real Godzilla.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 20:22

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

the sorting hat from herry potter except its a fedora

# ? Apr 6, 2016 20:24

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

A necklace made of anuses.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 20:28

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

an app that generates cool eighties- or nineties-isms for you to say in certain situations

like when you are buttering up a friend you'll get a helpful notification to remind you to use the phrase "you're all that and a bag of chips"

# ? Apr 6, 2016 20:38

Lucky Guy: Jan 24, 2013; TY for no bm

a robot that will have sex with me for a very reasonable price

# ? Apr 6, 2016 20:45

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

A government program to subsidize lower-middle-class people who really want to be Batman.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 20:53

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

a machine that tells you how to patent machines that tell you how to patent machines that tell you how to patent machines that etc.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 21:01

Nigmaetcetera: Nov 17, 2004; borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

A machine that automatically invents thousands of inventions a second and automatically patents them in your name and automatically collects royalties from people interested in using or selling your inventions and automatically sues violators of your patents.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 21:05

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

A machine that prints real money and it's not counterfeit and doesn't cause inflation.

# ? Apr 6, 2016 21:09

Pawl: Sep 9, 2006; I'm seeing this from an AoS perspective.

white primer uber alles

numberoneposter posted:

the sorting hat from herry potter except its a fedora

Instead of calling out your house it yells out the most fitting subreddit

# ? Apr 6, 2016 21:10

paperchaseguy: Feb 21, 2002; THEY'RE GONNA SAY NO

an anti-selfie stick that only lets you take pictures of other people and things (warning: do NOT run into a person with a selfie stick, the resulting explosion would destroy the earth)

# ? Apr 6, 2016 21:11