NFL 2016 Season Predictions

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL 2016 Season Predictions

«‹›5 »

MrLogan: Feb 4, 2004; Ask me about Derek Carr's stolen MVP awards, those dastardly refs, and, oh yeah, having the absolute worst fucking gimmick in The Football Funhouse.

AFC West plays both the south divisions this upcoming year. Raiders, Chiefs, & Chargers are all making the playoffs. Raiders finish the season 12-4.

Other playoff teams:

AFCN: Bengals
AFCE: Patriots
AFCS: Texans

NFCN: Packers
NFCE: Cowboys
NFCS: Panthers
NFCW: Seahawks

NFC Wildcards: Vikings & Bears

# ? Feb 10, 2016 04:19

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 3, 2024 10:08

Adlai Stevenson: Mar 4, 2010; Making me ashamed to feel the way that I do

Chip Kelly will coach games that are not as intriguing or meatball sub-filled as this past season's. The 49ers season will therefore be a notable entertainment failure.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 04:21

MrSargent: Dec 23, 2003; Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's Jimmy T.

Adlai Stevenson posted:

Chip Kelly will coach games that are not as intriguing or meatball sub-filled as this past season's. The 49ers season will therefore be a notable entertainment failure.

I don't know. Boarding Chip Kelly's Wild Ride after leaving the Jimmy T Meatball Subway is just the kind of insanity we need after getting a taste of greatness again for a brief moment.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 04:27

C-Euro: Mar 20, 2010; Soiled Meat

I predict that Lions football will make me sad.

Also I predict you will receive some (ultimately harmless) ribbing for making this thread before the 2015 season's body is even cold!

# ? Feb 10, 2016 04:38

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

The Titans will lose a bunch of close games due to the defense being really good but extremely tired at the end of the game because the offense won't be able to stay on the field and I will be sad

# ? Feb 10, 2016 04:43

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

The Titans will still be bad.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 04:43

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

-Washington goes first to worst
-Houston goes 7-9
-The usual suspects make the playoffs in the AFC, while the NFC is nothing but surprises (three NFC South teams)!

# ? Feb 10, 2016 06:44

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003

MrLogan posted:

AFC West plays both the south divisions this upcoming year. Raiders, Chiefs, & Chargers are all making the playoffs. Raiders finish the season 12-4.

Are the Broncos letting all their defensive FAs walk or something?

Jags win the AFCS

# ? Feb 10, 2016 06:46

Crunkjuice: Apr 4, 2007; That could've gotten in my eye!
*launches teargas at unarmed protestors*

I THINK OAKLAND PD'S USE OF EXCESSIVE FORCE WAS JUSTIFIED!

Intruder posted:

Are the Broncos letting all their defensive FAs walk or something?

Demarcus ware is an 11.2? mil cap hit this year and they've got to lock down von miller long term. Theres a good chance some FA's walk from Denver

# ? Feb 10, 2016 06:47

Arzakon: Nov 24, 2002; "I hereby retire from Mafia"
Please turbo me if you catch me in a game.

Camolina Newtons 19-0 leading to Bob Costas suppuku at mid field after the Super Bowl then Cam dabs with President Sanders instantly ending racism and I'll be able to speak to my dad again without cringing.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 07:06

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

Next season definitely has an insufferable Packers no respect Aaron Rodgers chip on the shoulder(tm) vibe.

Also, :lol:

at the Bears as a playoff team.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 07:20

TSBX: Apr 24, 2010

Those Jags

Record:
9-7 (Will win or take 2nd in AFCS)

Stats:
� Blake Bortles will throw 30+ touchdowns again and keep his INTs below 12
� Allen Hurns and Allen Robinson both get 1000+ yards and 10+ touchdowns again

Rankings:
Offense: 10th
Defense: 15th

Additions:
1st round draft pick: Jalen Ramsey
Notable FA signings: Wilkerson (NYJ), Alex Mack (CLE), Danny Trevathan (DEN)

Arrests:
Jonathon Cyprien

# ? Feb 10, 2016 07:33

computer parts: Nov 18, 2010; PLEASE CLAP

The Lions play the NFC-East and the AFC-South. They will get roughly 7 wins, and probably disappoint madly.

The Raiders will probably do better since they're playing both South divisions, but will probably miss the playoffs.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 07:37

Chromatic: Jan 21, 2005; You guys ready to hear a satanic song?

- The Chiefs will go between 7-9 and 10-6

- A RBC of Jamaal Charles, Charcandrick West, and Spencer Ware will be loving amazing.

- Forums poster Parmesan Basil will write several posts explaining his distaste of quarterback Alex Smith and his wishes that he be cut from the team immediately.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 09:23

Maxwells Demon: Jan 15, 2007

The Pittsburgh Steelers will look terrible in at least 4 games, somehow luck into playoff contention, and do better than anyone expects them to.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 09:36

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

I predict the Seahawks will win some games, lose some games, make me happy sometimes and make me sad sometimes.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 09:57

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

I predict that the Bengals will find some new and exciting way to infuriate their fans.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 10:06

Homestar Runner: Oct 9, 2012; This is the best videogame
I have ever played!

MrLogan posted:

Raiders, Chiefs, & Chargers are all making the playoffs. Raiders finish the season 12-4.

lol just lol

# ? Feb 10, 2016 10:08

ur in my world now: Jun 5, 2006; ^{Same as it ever was}
^{Same as it ever was}
^{Same as it ever was}
^{Same as it ever was}; Smellrose

The rams will still be total garbage but I'm free of having to care about it.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 10:28

Diqnol: May 10, 2010

The Philadelphia Eagles will win six (6) games this season and we'll all hang onto how promising the defense looks or "well, our qb is young and of course going to make some mistakes" depending on the next few months.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 10:30

Burginator: Sep 10, 2007; Two ALL BEEF patties,
Special Sauce?
Let Us Cheese.

The vikings to 16-0, packers go 0-16, book it.

gently caress the packers

# ? Feb 10, 2016 10:48

Pimpcasso: Mar 13, 2002; VOLS BITCH

Under the guidance of noted future hall of fame coach Mike Mularkey, saint Marcus Mariota will achieve 8000 yards passing and 3000 yards rushing on the way to league MVP, superbowl MVP, and a 19-0 season.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 11:10

Gyro Zeppeli: Jul 19, 2012; sure hope no-one throws me off a bridge

AFCN: Steelers
AFCE: Pats
AFCS: Jags
AFCW: Raiders

NFCN: Vikings
NFCE: Giants
NFCS: Panthers
NFCW: Seahawks

NFC Wildcards: Eagles & Buccs

AFC Wildcards: Bengals and Bills

Super Bowl LI: Seahawks vs Pats again, Seahawks win.

Gyro Zeppeli fucked around with this message at 11:16 on Feb 10, 2016

# ? Feb 10, 2016 11:12

Logicblade: Aug 13, 2014; Festival with your real* little sister!

Crystal Ball says:
Broncos repeat when Brock "not a vampire" Osweiler comes back, Patriots finally miss the playoffs, Panthers hit the SB loser curse hard and miss the playoffs entirely at 6-10.

For predictions I'm less sure about:
Tampa Bay will be one of the teams that goes from worst to first in their division. There may be one more, but I can't imagine which it'll be. Odds are on Dallas so it won't be Dallas.
Russell Wilson will win the MVP next year and JJ Watt wins DPOTY.
Jacksonville makes the playoffs!
Kirk Cousins looks like a decent starting QB for the Skins.

Throwing poo poo at the wall:
Bears fire John Fox at the end of the season
Teddy Bridgewater looks like a borderline top 10 QB
Tennessee will be picking in the top three again next year.
RG3 is a Texan, Nick Foles is an Eagle again, Sam Bradford migrates to the Jets to backup Ryan Fitzpatrick.
The rookie coach with the best record will be Dirk Koetter. Hue Jackson and Adam Gase will show minor improvement.

Playoff predictions
AFC:
1. Pittsburgh
2. Denver
3. New York Jets
4. Jacksonville
5. Buffalo
6. Cincinnati

NFC:
1. Seattle
2. Minnesota
3. Washington
4. Tampa Bay
5. Green Bay
6. Detroit

# ? Feb 10, 2016 11:30

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

I'll watch every second of another meaningless season of Miami Dolphins football

# ? Feb 10, 2016 12:58

Parmesan Basil: Nov 12, 2008; TIME IS THE FIRE IN WHICH WE BURN THE GAME CLOCK

Chromatic posted:

- The Chiefs will go between 7-9 and 10-6

- A RBC of Jamaal Charles, Charcandrick West, and Spencer Ware will be loving amazing.

- Forums poster Parmesan Basil will write several posts explaining his distaste of quarterback Alex Smith and his wishes that he be cut from the team immediately.

It'll be more acceptable once we draft Wentz/Cook/Prescott, trust me!

# ? Feb 10, 2016 14:54

Big Ol Marsh Pussy: Jan 7, 2007

Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl

# ? Feb 10, 2016 15:06

The Big Jesus: Oct 29, 2007; #essereFerrari

Daedra posted:

Under the guidance of noted future hall of fame coach Mike Mularkey, saint Marcus Mariota will achieve 8000 yards passing and 3000 yards rushing on the way to league MVP, superbowl MVP, and a 19-0 season.

I don't know who you are, but I like you.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 15:20

Joey Freshwater: Jun 20, 2004; Always playing with my meat; Grimey Drawer

Bucs will go 8-8 and make the wildcard, lose in the first round of the playoffs.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 15:20

Dattserberg: Dec 30, 2005; National champion, Heisman winner, King crab enthusiast

The Detroit Lions will find a way to lose a game in a fashion you never thought possible. They will win fewer than 8 games. Jim Caldwell will finally be fired. Matthew Stafford will continue to improve under Cooter's tutelage or Cootelage if you will. Offensive line will be bad in both pass pro and run blocking. Will be ranked in bottom 5 of rushing.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 15:20

MrLogan: Feb 4, 2004; Ask me about Derek Carr's stolen MVP awards, those dastardly refs, and, oh yeah, having the absolute worst fucking gimmick in The Football Funhouse.

Intruder posted:

Are the Broncos letting all their defensive FAs walk or something?

Jags win the AFCS

Brock looked worse than a one-footed 39 year-old Manning. Broncos have a fantastic D, but finish 8-8 or 9-7 and miss the playoffs.

AFCS is tough to predict. Honestly, I could see any of the teams winning that division.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 15:26

Parmesan Basil: Nov 12, 2008; TIME IS THE FIRE IN WHICH WE BURN THE GAME CLOCK

Big Ol Marsh Pussy posted:

Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl

Panthers/Bengals so I can wipe this year's taste from my mouth.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 15:27

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

MrLogan posted:

Brock looked worse than a one-footed 39 year-old Manning.

Actually he out-performed him in pretty much every way.

code:

                                                                                                                    
No.                   Age Pos  G GS  QBrec Cmp Att Cmp%  Yds TD TD% Int Int% Y/A AY/A  Y/C   Y/G Rate   QBR NY/A ANY/A
18    Peyton Manning   39  qb 10  9  7-2-0 198 331 59.8 2249  9 2.7  17  5.1 6.8  5.0 11.4 224.9 67.9 44.96 6.21  4.52
17    Brock Osweiler   25  qb  8  7  5-2-0 170 275 61.8 1967 10 3.6   6  2.2 7.2  6.9 11.6 245.9 86.4 48.78 6.09  5.86

# ? Feb 10, 2016 15:37

Mystic Stylez: Dec 19, 2009

Big Ol Marsh Pussy posted:

Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl

Way too much optimism thinking they will win back to back SBs imo

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:12

E_Motion: Oct 26, 2004; Your fortuitous arrival is most welcome! Now, I am spared the bother of hunting you down!; College Slice

Everybody will expect the Ravens to suck which means they'll at least reach the divisional round since the Ravens always seem to do the exact opposite of expectations

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:16

MrLogan: Feb 4, 2004; Ask me about Derek Carr's stolen MVP awards, those dastardly refs, and, oh yeah, having the absolute worst fucking gimmick in The Football Funhouse.

sean10mm posted:

Actually he out-performed him in pretty much every way.

Except for the offense putting up 4 more points a game on average with Peyton rather than Brock.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:17

DariusLikewise: Oct 4, 2008; You wore that on Halloween?

Rams will go 6-10, 6-0 in the NFC West and fire Jeff Fisher.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:22

MrLogan: Feb 4, 2004; Ask me about Derek Carr's stolen MVP awards, those dastardly refs, and, oh yeah, having the absolute worst fucking gimmick in The Football Funhouse.

DariusLikewise posted:

Rams will go 6-10, 6-0 in the NFC West and fire Jeff Fisher.

I don't think Jeff Fisher is ever going to be fired.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:26

Mystic Stylez: Dec 19, 2009

E_Motion posted:

Everybody will expect the Ravens to suck which means they'll at least reach the divisional round since the Ravens always seem to do the exact opposite of expectations

This is a correct predicition

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 3, 2024 10:08

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

Tom Brady falls apart for real this time.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:10

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL 2016 Season Predictions

«‹›5 »