TerryLennox posted:

Phoning in from Panama, where uncle Terry had himself an OSHA experience.

About 2 days ago, during our annual family vacation, we decided to build ourselves a bonfire on the beach.

This beach has brutal winds so lighting it with pedestrian means such as newspaper and oil, charcoal lighter fluid or kerosene seemed futile. I had prepared about a pint of "napalm" (just gas with Styrofoam in it) and had about 400 grams of thermate to ensure that the fire would start.

We arranged the logs in the traditional tepee shape, doused it liberally with the flask of napalm and set the thermate canister on top. I had prepared a 170 cm wooden stick with magnesium ribbon on the end to ignite the thermate safely. Which it did.

What didn't ignite safely was the gasoline. It exploded in a loving fireball out of Satan's rear end. There was a slight ignition delay, I remember going "yay" when the thermate started going and "fffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuck" when the fireball hit me half a second later.

There wasn't a lot of time for reflection, just my rear end in a top hat clenching like Simon Adabisi was watching me pick up a dropped bar of soap. I still don't know how or why I didn't catch on fire like the greasy goon that I am. When the fireball passed, I noticed my hair wasn't on fire, my face wasn't on fire and my hands felt as if I submerged them in a deep fryer so I sprinted a good 50 meters to the sea.

The cold seawater didn't help much. Egg whites and ice did. 45 minutes later, including arguing with a private clinic who wanted to shunt me to the public health center about 20 minutes farther on, and I ended up with both hands covered in silver sulphate.

Lesson 1: don't use gas for anything except putting it in your damned car.

Lesson 2: the worst part about burning the poo poo out of your hands is the delay before the burly black nurse gives you a shot in the rear end. 15 minutes down the road and I wanted to go back and give him a big wet kiss on his bald noggin.

Lesson 3: sometimes even Atheists can have miracles happen to them.

http://imgur.com/XWemlmp

http://imgur.com/vhTnmY6