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Not to be confused with stdh.txt, if you post stdh at least make it believable. Throwing something into your TV and breaking it, vomiting on your crush because you got too drunk, investing in Bitcoin.. We've all done or seen people do poo poo so stupid that they deserve a Special Ed helmet. Post stories here. Drunk stories are welcome. There's stupid small things, like when I sold my $700 fender to loving Guitar Center for $150. Then there's the thread title, where I was having my first asthma attack, and my mom gave me a glass of wine because she thought it would cure it. Did not help, but the symptoms eventually went away after two days. Oh and I'll get this out of the way: some unoriginal goon posted:Your mom
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Feb 11, 2016 16:34
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 19:03 |
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Grabbed a wire grill from where it was resting over an open flame with my bare hands because clearly the part I was holding hadn't been over the fire, so just grab it!  In my defence though, I'd been drinking knockoff Jagermeister.
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Feb 11, 2016 23:18
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I saw someone in a lab open up a can of powdered SDS and for some reason, take a great big sniff before he used it. He screamed quite a bit while his mucuous membranes dissolved, but they grew back. Eventually.
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Feb 12, 2016 00:20
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Yesterday at school I heard that a student in the next micro lab over spilled e. coli all over his pants. The teacher was extra annoyed because the kid wasn't even supposed to be doing anything with that particular bacteria. That's a bleachin'!
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Feb 12, 2016 00:30
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One time I left a chuck key (basically a big T-shaped thing that you tighten/loosen the chuck, often on a lathe) in the chuck without noticing (it was out of my field of view stuck in the other side of the chuck) and was promptly slammed in the face by a flying chuck key when I turned the lathe on. I got REALLY lucky, my entire face could have been very seriously hosed up but I got away mostly unscathed. One time I had just dumped an entire magazine as fast as I could shoot at a farewell get-together with a friend and his friend in the military who was going away due to transfer. I then proceeded to take off my gloves because I wanted to eat a snack. I took my left glove off first and proceeded to go and put the rifle up against a tree so I could take the other glove off, but unconsciously I swapped hands without realizing it and grabbed it by the steaming hot barrel and burnt the poo poo out of my hand.  Thankfully that is the worst firearms thing that I have ever done, it's pretty mild. Also I managed to wreck a volvo 240 during a power outage when I got confused (it was dark and raining and the traffic signals were out) by getting T-boned but it was mostly my own fault. 
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Feb 12, 2016 03:18
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Nuclear Pogostick posted:One time I left a chuck key (basically a big T-shaped thing that you tighten/loosen the chuck, often on a lathe) in the chuck without noticing (it was out of my field of view stuck in the other side of the chuck) and was promptly slammed in the face by a flying chuck key when I turned the lathe on. I got REALLY lucky, my entire face could have been very seriously hosed up but I got away mostly unscathed. If you think that's dangerous, just wait till you meet bride of chuck key.
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Feb 12, 2016 03:33
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Devonaut posted:If you think that's dangerous, just wait till you meet bride of chuck key. 
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Feb 12, 2016 04:04
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MikeCrotch posted:I saw someone in a lab open up a can of powdered SDS and for some reason, take a great big sniff before he used it. He screamed quite a bit while his mucuous membranes dissolved, but they grew back. Eventually. I'm glad I never got to see poo poo like this happen in my chem labs 
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Feb 12, 2016 06:10
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I tried to catch the contents of a boiling pot with my hands after I drunkenly knocked the pot off the stove. I got 2nd degree burns from elbow macaroni.
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Feb 12, 2016 06:20
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Devonaut posted:If you think that's dangerous, just wait till you meet bride of chuck key. Oh you. 
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Feb 12, 2016 06:38
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For some reason, when I was in 6th grade we had to make a weird multiple choice quiz about ourselves and get another random pupil to take it. I had a question like, quote:Which of these retarded things have I NOT done? The kid got the wrong answer because I was a huge Pokemon nerd and he assumed I would never make a Pokemon faux pas. The actual answer is c). I think my parents ended up paying £400 to get Francis the neighbour's windshield repaired. My friend Andy has kept the Charizard to this day and gloats about it whenever possible. I'm basically just telling this anecdote because it's funny to me that it was believable that I had managed to set a door on fire with a candle. I could list dozens of dumb things I've done through the years, such as try to heat milk in an electric kettle, draw a cock on a bully's notebook and then get caught immediately because I couldn't stop laughing, or throw bleach on a big cockroach (there was nothing else around to kill it and I have a phobia of them) and end up bleaching the linoleum in a weird cum-spatter pattern. I seem to scar less easily than most people, which is fortunate because otherwise I'd be covered with burn scars from cooking. The amount of times I've heard something like "you must have done this on purpose because I know you're not stupid" is quite high. People don't realize that being absent-minded is a separate thing altogether.
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Feb 12, 2016 07:01
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When I was young I made pudding by myself. It was going great until the glass bowl I was using on the stove top shattered. Who knew that microwave safe bowls didn't work on stoves! Do stupid questions count, op? (besides this one) "How many of these vitamins is a daily dosage?" (asking about one a day multivitamins) "So I know Alaska isn't connected to the rest of US, but where in Antarctica is it?" "So between you and me buddy, do I really need to buy this [denture repair stuff]? Wouldn't superglue work just as good?" Me: So why don't you like it here in western Washington? Worker: Rains a lot. Me: Understandable, some people don't like the rain, what else? Worker: People are rude. Me: Yeah a lot of people say that when coming here from more rural areas, why else don't you like it here? Worker: Too many black people. *pause* Worker: But I'm not racist. Me: But you said because there are too many of them... Would you be happier if there were less? Retail is a hell of a thing. Never ask co-workers about themselves. Sum Mors has a new favorite as of 08:41 on Feb 12, 2016 |
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Feb 12, 2016 07:50
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Sum Mors posted:"How many of these vitamins is a daily dosage?" (asking about one a day multivitimins) One a Day is bullshit, the back of the package says take 2 if you're not like 5.
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Feb 12, 2016 08:05
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In high school my chem lab partner dropped a piece of glassware because it was hot. I thought to "investigate" and immediately picked it up, putting a nice thin burn across three of my fingers.
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Feb 12, 2016 08:11
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Lacedaemonius posted:One a Day is bullshit, the back of the package says take 2 if you're not like 5. TBH, I felt a little bad when I found this out. But why stop a clerk and ask them if you know its not 1 pill but don't read the drat package yourself.
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Feb 12, 2016 08:16
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Sum Mors posted:Retail is a hell of a thing. Never ask co-workers about themselves. Not emptyquoting. I worked at a Dollar Tree for a while, and my god. Asking my co-workers about their lives was like jumping into a rabbit hole of poor decision making, teen pregnancy, and facial tattoos. At least they were actually pretty nice. Dumb thing I've done: Cut an aluminium collar waaaay too short, and as a result, the blade caught the collar. I came veeeery close to lose my thumb, and only pure luck prevented me from getting my thumb sliced off. The only injury was a fat bruise and a newfound respect for buzzsaws.
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Feb 12, 2016 08:27
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LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:In high school my chem lab partner dropped a piece of glassware because it was hot. I thought to "investigate" and immediately picked it up, putting a nice thin burn across three of my fingers. In chem lab me and my partner were heating something to get it to react and using a fluid thermometer to check the temperature and make sure we had it right. It seems like it's not heating up at all so we turn the burner all the way up to make it go faster. After about 30 minutes with it on full blast we realize two things. The first is that there is in fact no fluid in the thermometer, the bulb at the bottom is snapped off and the line we thought was the fluid is in fact just a line drawn on the thermometer. The second is that the mixture that was supposed to turn clear has instead turned black and the entire lab now smells like a tire fire.
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Feb 12, 2016 09:41
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cock hero flux posted:In chem lab me and my partner were heating something to get it to react and using a fluid thermometer to check the temperature and make sure we had it right. It seems like it's not heating up at all so we turn the burner all the way up to make it go faster. After about 30 minutes with it on full blast we realize two things. The first is that there is in fact no fluid in the thermometer, the bulb at the bottom is snapped off and the line we thought was the fluid is in fact just a line drawn on the thermometer. The second is that the mixture that was supposed to turn clear has instead turned black and the entire lab now smells like a tire fire. In this vein, I have seen many a rotovap dramatically bump because they forgot to add boiling chips. It's quite amazing to watch both the student and the lab assistant's face when this happens.
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Feb 12, 2016 10:29
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 My gooniest self harm: getting superglue al over my hand while making warhams, then trying to wipe it off. With toilet roll. (bog roll + superglue makes some kind of burning chemical reaction complete with noxious smoke)
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Feb 12, 2016 10:33
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Saint Drogo posted:
at a guess, I'd say it insulated the heat generated by the setting reaction to your skin
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Feb 12, 2016 11:42
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Visiting my parents and we all got real drunk and I had to take a dump real bad. So I go and then realise there's no toilet paper. Well, there is, but it's across the room in the cupboard and I... I wasn't in any state to crab walk over there. So I see they have a pack of disinfectant wipes on the windowsill next to the toilet. Yeah, not wet/baby wipes. Full on "Cleaning the grime from a scummy bath" wipes. But being a drunken idiot I used them anyway despite having piles and had extreme ring sting for the next few days.
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Feb 12, 2016 13:11
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I do a lot of logistics at my job, so I'm constantly making notes, sending texts, writing out information, making calls, and directing the utility crew. One of my best guys had a stroke a few years ago, and one of the long term problems from it is he can no longer read. He can recognize letters and common words and signs, but he cannot read. I know this, yet somehow can never remember it. Over the run of the last show, I have: Given him pull orders for equipment Texted him important info Sent him emails with work orders for the next day when I wasn't going to be in Asked him if he had a FB account And lastly, told him if he wrote out a letter of recommendation I would sign it. I just can't keep it in my head that he cannot read. Finally he was so exasperated he told me "I might be illiterate, but your loving stupid." Now it's become a thing, people randomly remind me out of the blue. Thank god he has a good attitude and is one of my best guys, haha.
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Feb 12, 2016 14:51
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Their flashing tongues, spitting out blood and poison.
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I once tried to put out a stick of incense by pinching it between my fingers because, hey, it works with candles!
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Feb 12, 2016 18:55
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ChogsEnhour posted:Visiting my parents and we all got real drunk and I had to take a dump real bad. So I go and then realise there's no toilet paper. Well, there is, but it's across the room in the cupboard and I... I wasn't in any state to crab walk over there. So I see they have a pack of disinfectant wipes on the windowsill next to the toilet. Yeah, not wet/baby wipes. Full on "Cleaning the grime from a scummy bath" wipes. But being a drunken idiot I used them anyway despite having piles and had extreme ring sting for the next few days. Hey this sounds like me!  I was hosting a house party at my apartment and sat down to pee before I realized there was no toilet paper. The spare rolls were in the hall closet so I had to figure something out with whatever was within arm's reach. I saw a sample packet of Burt's Bees face cleansing wipes and figured "oh hey they're like baby wipes ". They were not.
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Feb 12, 2016 19:06
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Altivia posted:I once tried to put out a stick of incense by pinching it between my fingers because, hey, it works with candles! This but with a sparkler
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Feb 12, 2016 19:12
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Sum Mors posted:When I was young I made pudding by myself. It was going great until the glass bowl I was using on the stove top shattered. Who knew that microwave safe bowls didn't work on stoves! I did a similar thing except it was me putting tin foil in the microwave. I remember trying to remember whether it was OK or not OK to put foil in the microwave, and eventually deciding that it was OK. It was not. The sparks were cool though and the microwave still works 20 years later. For some reason I decided to chase after some random 30 year old guy to make fun of him (wtf?) but the fire hydrant was on so I slipped and ripped the gently caress out of my entire knee, the skin was hanging off and poo poo. I went to the park district building to ask for a bandaid but they didn't have any (wtf? #2) so I went home and doused it in Iodine, which is how Russian people treated wounds. It absolutely should have gotten stitches but we were dirt poor and... something. I don't know why I wasn't taken anywhere to get treated. Maybe I never told my mom? In any case it was horrible, giant, and got infected with a ton of pus, but eventually healed. I couldn't swim for 2-3 days in the pool because it hurt so bad and I was really upset about that. Still have a 4 inch long, 1 inch wide scar on my knee though it's mostly faded. In daycare I thought it would be cool to put a nut (the metal kind) into my mouth and roll it against my teeth because it made a weird noise. The other kids thought it was funny. But then I accidentally swallowed it. I didn't tell anyone and I freaked out for a long, long time that it would be permanently stuck in my stomach and would never come out.
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Feb 12, 2016 19:51
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Altivia posted:I once tried to put out a stick of incense by pinching it between my fingers because, hey, it works with candles! A guy I knew back in the day used a stick of incense to slooooooooowly burn a huge "VIET" into his chest. He was very proud of his heritage and claimed it was related to gang activity. I met his brother years later and told me that his whole family is Korean.
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Feb 12, 2016 20:42
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Received thousands of dollars in student loans, then dropped out of college. Twice. Untreated severe depression & anxiety is a hell of a thing. Something more along the lines of the other stories in this thread, once when I was in middle/high school (old enough to know better), I was home by myself and I found an object that I thought looked kind of like a weird knife, but I wasn't sure and I wanted to test how sharp it was. The object? A box-cutter. The thing I tested it on? My thumb. This is when my family started joking "Keep sharp objects away from him!" Then a couple years ago, I was trying to take a lawn sprinkler out of packaging, and was using a pocket knife to cut some zip-ties. Next thing I knew, I lost control of the knife, and with one quick motion, I had two bleeding holes in the meat of my lower thumb. The knife had gone *through* my hand, going in and and coming out on the same side. I had to go to the emergency room for that one, got seven stitches. Best part, afterwards I went back to the sprinkler, and the zip-tie that I was trying to cut when I stabbed myself? Didn't need to be cut, the sprinkler could have been slipped from the tie and removed from the packaging at that time without cutting it. This is when I stopped getting annoyed by the joking and realized my family really did have a point (no pun intended). One time I was slicing a bunch of jalapenos, and somehow managed to not cut, stab, or impale myself. Nope! Instead I just carelessly rubbed my eye afterwards, then decided the best thing to do when the burning started was to remove my contacts. From both eyes. Not a fun night.
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Feb 12, 2016 21:18
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When I was a young teenager I found a nice 8ft or so length of heavy gauge bare copper wire, like wire coat hanger diameter. I was bored and started hitting it against a pole where it would wrap around like a snap bracelet. "Hey that's neat" I thought as I wind up baseball swing and hit the wire against the pole about halfway down it's length where it promptly bent in half and whipped the back of my hand and forearm so bad it sliced them open.
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Feb 12, 2016 22:07
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I was about right years old and got a chocolate bunny for Easter. Of course, it's a great idea to break it down into more manageable pieces... with my Dad's sharp kitchen knife. This was stupid enough but I decided it would be best to stand the bunny up while cutting vertically down it. Yeah, my twin sister was watching and she still gets real nervous when she sees me chopping anything. Lot of blood and I still have the scar twenty years later. Bonus, this was apparently just when they introduced wound glue to German ERs so I got to try that out! Not that my mum was very happy driving me to ER on easter sunday.
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Feb 12, 2016 22:28
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When I was a kid my family went out to dinner. In the parking lot I found a big chunk of asphalt. At the time, I had a very strong fascination with tossing rocks up in the air and seeing if they would break apart when hitting the ground, because I was an idiot. I throw it once, hey cool a piece broke off! Throw it again, this time nothing happened. Welp, better throw it higher! It came down straight through my dad's windshield. Looking back I'm at least glad it happened to my dad's car and not some random person eating their meal.
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Feb 12, 2016 22:42
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In high school, my friends discovered they could make bombs out of a plastic bottle, foil, and toilet bowl cleaner. For some reason, they decided to try one out by placing it in one of those garbage cans that sit next to gas pumps, and then also parked nearby to watch the reaction. Thankfully, they hosed up the bomb. This same group of friends later did a drive-by paintballing of a party, only to discover immediately that the party was being thrown for a guy at our high school who had just survived getting his throat slit in a bar fight.
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Feb 12, 2016 22:56
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High school shop class. I was using the router table, and forgot to tighten the chuck down. The shop teacher walked out of his office right at the same time the bit came out and embedded itself in the office door casing. I never got to use the router table again. e. I'm pretty sure the immediate aftermath included a lot of yelling and a trip to the principal, but what I remember is the shop teacher pausing, then staring at me until I slinked off to a secluded corner and committed suicide. rndmnmbr has a new favorite as of 23:08 on Feb 12, 2016 |
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Feb 12, 2016 23:05
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One time it snowed pretty heavily. I was about 11, and was at the playground with my little brother. The snow looked really soft, we played in it for a while, and then I decided that it would be a great idea to jump face-first into a snow-covered bush. Of course bushes aren't actually soft once you get past the snowy bits and I still have the scar from where a branch jammed itself into my jaw. A few years earlier my parents had their bedroom floor re-done with laminate wood and while there was no furniture my brother and I were skating around on it in our socks. This wasn't a bad idea, it was real fun. Then I fell over, but was okay. That moment was when my brother decided the best thing to do was jump on my back and use both hands to slam my face into the ground. I lost my front teeth  And I was old enough that they were my adult teeth, so I'm still suffering the consequences today. That's probably one of my brother's stupidest moments ever. He posts here too, I hope he reads this. gently caress you little brother 
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Feb 12, 2016 23:21
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When I was a little kid, I tried baking a toaster strudel by myself. I put it in the toaster for way too long and made it way too hot. It caught on fire. Upon seeing that it was on fire, I didn't know what to do. So I got it out of the microwave, put it on a plate, and carried it across the house to my mom to ask her. Imagine an 8 year old running past delicate furniture and decorations with a little inferno on a plate. My mom was not happy.
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Feb 12, 2016 23:29
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eating only apples posted:
Your username is bullshit unless someone starts them for you.
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Feb 13, 2016 00:01
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A few years ago I was distilling absinthe at a friend's house in preparation for a party. The mental picture you have in your mind is wrong; I was in a kitchen in a suburban apartment, using lab equipment that I bought for this purpose, and had the distillation flask on a stand in a water bath on the stove for better temperature control. Ethanol boils a little above 78°C and I was watching the thermometer closely - 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, oh, it's superheating because I forgot boiling chips. What can I find in the kitchen that isn't soluble in ethanol? salt! perfect! I popped the stopper and thermometer out, put a funnel in the neck of the flask, and tossed the salt in. It couldn't have been more than a second, but as I saw the salt hit the funnel I realized what I had done and jumped back and to the side. The salt provided nucleation points for the superheated liquor and 3/4 of a liter of absinthe flash boiled and flew through the area that had only a second earlier been occupied by my face, then quickly condensed and began dripping from the ceiling.
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Feb 13, 2016 00:09
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kizudarake posted:Your username is bullshit unless someone starts them for you. Dental implants. 
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Feb 13, 2016 01:14
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LORD OF BUTT posted:Dental implants. Sorry you don't get comedy.
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Feb 13, 2016 03:35
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 19:03 |
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Me and my parents were moving a trailer up a hill. We had driven it most of the way up when we decided the best way to push it to this little alcove area at the top of the hill. Me and my mother stood behind the trailer, bracing to push it, while my dad unlatched the hitch from the car. We basically bolted after that, since we quickly realized gravity + elevation = a fast and very heavy trailer. Luckily, there was no serious damage. The trailer smacked left into a big stone wall then right into a tree before it came to a stop. I think the worst damage was a bent fender and I managed to cut my toe(I was also wearing flip flops, haha) on the ground fleeing from the rogue trailer. It could have rolled right down the hill and into one of our neighbors and we could have done absolutely nothing.
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