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Waiiiit! Before you hit "reply" to answer with a sarcastic quip, give it a moment to think. It's actually kind of a fun thing to ponder if you're nerdy and have your head in the clouds all the time like me. Let's assume we are confronted by a malicious genie, demonic being, or some sort of Monkey's Paw. You get one wish. The problem is that the wish-granter will always do its level best to take your wish as literally as possible, and to enact your wish in a way such as to cause you harm or misfortune. What would you wish for, and how would you frame your wish in a way such that it could not be misinterpreted? I submit that I would say something like "I wish that you would give me infinite wishes interpreting them in a way in accordance to my intention rather than maliciously." Would this work? What do you think?
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Feb 14, 2016 03:21
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infinite anime
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Feb 14, 2016 03:32
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icantfindaname posted:infinite anime Its YOU. YOU'RE the malicious genie.
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Feb 14, 2016 03:35
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Happiness for everyone without condition, and may nobody be left behind.
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Feb 14, 2016 03:36
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I'd wish for him to fly directly to and into an Lamebot fucked around with this message at 04:06 on Feb 14, 2016 |
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Feb 14, 2016 03:47
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Nessus posted:Happiness for everyone without condition, and may nobody be left behind. Great, now only the able-bodied may experience joy, and everyone is missing a butt cheek
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Feb 14, 2016 03:56
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Lamebot posted:I'd wish for him to fly into a He creates a black hole one hundred quintillion times more massive that the entire universe. It pulls him in and then everything else in existence into it nanoseconds later. Great job, rear end in a top hat. Me, I'd wish for a million bucks. And then when the genie conjures a herd of white-tails I laugh at him, because my plan was to slaughter the deer and sell the venison. Truly he is the fool.
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Feb 14, 2016 04:09
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Berk Berkly posted:Its YOU. 
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Feb 14, 2016 04:12
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 idiot didnt wish away his student debt
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Feb 14, 2016 04:22
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Who What Now posted:Me, I'd wish for a million bucks. And then when the genie conjures a herd of white-tails I laugh at him, because my plan was to slaughter the deer and sell the venison. Truly he is the fool. It is illegal to sell meat from wild game, your laughter rings hollow to the wise genie
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Feb 14, 2016 04:36
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Lamebot posted:
i miss the days when webcomics used a vaguely anime-y chibi art style, and were clearly scanned from pencil and paper drawings. the early 2000s were a glorious time icantfindaname fucked around with this message at 04:43 on Feb 14, 2016 |
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Feb 14, 2016 04:39
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walgreenslatino posted:It is illegal to sell meat from wild game, your laughter rings hollow to the wise genie It's not wild, it's magical, and there ain't no law about selling magic meat.
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Feb 14, 2016 04:39
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Who What Now posted:It's not wild, it's magical, and there ain't no law about selling magic meat. My pimp would unagree.
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Feb 14, 2016 04:44
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Oops; Quote != Edit
Berk Berkly fucked around with this message at 04:47 on Feb 14, 2016 |
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Feb 14, 2016 04:44
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Feb 14, 2016 04:46
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Ok I've put some serious thought into this. I would wish for 150 standard 400-Troy-ounce gold bars, which are to be composed from gold in the earth's crust which is as yet un-mined, to materialize gently stacked in the basement of the building of my legal residence
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Feb 14, 2016 04:50
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Berk Berkly posted:My pimp would unagree. I would wish that your pimp wasn't so mean. 
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Feb 14, 2016 04:50
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A kilo of the finest (federally legalized) dank kush known to man and fair folk.icantfindaname posted:infinite anime Brilliant, because it's literally impossible for the genie to make it any worse.
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Feb 14, 2016 04:52
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This poster loves police brutality, but only when its against minorities!
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I'd wish for all of my wishes to have no effect, including this one.
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Feb 14, 2016 06:05
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The classic reply in this situation, according to the folklore, is " no way you fit in that tiny lamp, I wish you prove it" then you slap the stopper closed and throw the genie lamp into the ocean.
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Feb 14, 2016 06:19
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Hieronymous Alloy posted:The classic reply in this situation, according to the folklore, is " no way you fit in that tiny lamp, I wish you prove it" then you slap the stopper closed and throw the genie lamp into the ocean. Or he slaps the stopper closed after shoving you into it.
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Feb 14, 2016 07:26
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Oh, this is easy: threaten to wish the total destruction of the universe, including both you and him, if he doesn't get back into that bottle. MAD theory works.
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Feb 14, 2016 11:43
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That assumes the genie has a sense of self-preservation. If he's a purely malicious entity he might only have a desire to harm others through fulfilling wishes in a tricky way. Another way to phrase this problem could've been "How would we control a superintelligent AI?" since in both cases we're dealing with an entity that's capable of immense power, but prone to executing our instructions in ways that might not be desirable to us.
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Feb 14, 2016 14:57
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So the solution is to donate all your money to the Malicious Genie Research Institute?
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Feb 14, 2016 15:00
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I wish that this wish be granted in a fashion that violates the spirit of the wish in an ironic fashion. e: alt-joke: I wished that the democrats never get another appointee to the Supreme Court for the foreseeable future. The Larch fucked around with this message at 15:49 on Feb 14, 2016 |
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Feb 14, 2016 15:46
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Peace in the Middle East
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Feb 14, 2016 16:34
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McDowell posted:Peace in the Middle East ISIS becomes a superpower and conquers the entire Muslim world
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Feb 14, 2016 18:29
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I wish for the only change to the universe to be that in my bank account there be deposited $10,000,000,000 of legal US currency with no account of origin If the money comes from somewhere illegally, then something else changed, and so my wish was not fulfilled. If that money then vanishes, then my wish was not fulfilled. If it came from some inheritance, then my wish was also not fulfilled. If it came from some cartel, then my wish was also violated. So the money would appear out of nowhere, with no explanation. Now, this might make the money vanish because they might take it to be an error, but the wish could be modified to cover that possibility, I imagine. Ghost of Reagan Past fucked around with this message at 18:39 on Feb 14, 2016 |
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Feb 14, 2016 18:36
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I wish that my kitchen sink granted wishes, benevolently interpreting them according to the wisher's intent, when any coin was tossed in the water.
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Feb 14, 2016 19:33
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Ghost of Reagan Past posted:I wish for the only change to the universe to be that in my bank account there be deposited $10,000,000,000 of legal US currency with no account of origin They most probably would count it as error. Include a clause that only you can remove the money, and that no one can close the account down until all money has been removed, and that you will always have access to it. However, it's probably easier to go with a clause of society accepting this 'gift' as legitimate and not in any way corrupt or secretive. What do you think?
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Feb 14, 2016 19:35
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Infinite Karma posted:I wish that my kitchen sink granted wishes, benevolently interpreting them according to the wisher's intent, when any coin was tossed in the water. 10,000 years later, a spotless, undamaged kitchen sink is uncovered by a bedraggled, hard-done-by hobo in an old landfill as he is rummaging- perhaps for lost treasures or for some sort of food. His exhausted mind is not really sure. He tosses his last coin in through some sort of exhaustion or defeat- maybe even just to hear the sound of metal ringing on metal, through sheer fluke a wish runs through his stained mind, a dark, almost imperceptible thought. He has no idea it will be granted, but his disturbed mind thinks this way often these days. 'I just wish humanity never existed.'
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Feb 14, 2016 19:41
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Sialia posted:10,000 years later, a spotless, undamaged kitchen sink is uncovered by a bedraggled, hard-done-by hobo in an old landfill as he is rummaging- perhaps for lost treasures or for some sort of food. His exhausted mind is not really sure. He tosses his last coin in through some sort of exhaustion or defeat- maybe even just to hear the sound of metal ringing on metal, through sheer fluke a wish runs through his stained mind, a dark, almost imperceptible thought. He has no idea it will be granted, but his disturbed mind thinks this way often these days. 'I just wish humanity never existed.' That assumes I wouldn't run a goddamn train on that kitchen sink, immediately. Probably ending with the kitchen sink being turned back into scrap metal. edit: Abusing unlimited benevolent wishes is barely worth writing about. Who says there would even be hobos in 10,000 years after god-king Infinite Karma makes the world awesome? Infinite Karma fucked around with this message at 19:52 on Feb 14, 2016 |
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Feb 14, 2016 19:48
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Infinite Karma posted:That assumes I wouldn't run a goddamn train on that kitchen sink, immediately. Probably ending with the kitchen sink being turned back into scrap metal. Ah, but there would be something like that. After all, your malicious genie knew such a thing would happen, so he made the sink invulnerable to time, nor rust, nor physical destruction of any kind. There will always be cracks the sink can slip through, us being humans. Take for example the archaeological dig instead. They have found the sink and a selection of our old earth coins from pre-spaceflight/nuclear holocaust/whatever. They drop one of the coins into the sink. Who knows what some pimply, weedy intern working on an archaeological dig is going to wish as he fumbles over ancient, priceless coins and drops them all over the place like a clumsy fuckwit? It would happen eventually.
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Feb 14, 2016 20:07
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Sialia posted:Ah, but there would be something like that. After all, your malicious genie knew such a thing would happen, so he made the sink invulnerable to time, nor rust, nor physical destruction of any kind. There will always be cracks the sink can slip through, us being humans. Yeah, well, Infinite Karma would be dead by then unless they wished for immortality, which is a stupid wish that's easy to twist into something terrible.
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Feb 14, 2016 20:10
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After using the benevolent kitchen sink's wishes to get everything I wanted, including getting rid of all the malicious wish-granters, what's to stop me from wishing for the sink's destruction? Or wishing that it can no longer grant wishes? Hell, benevolent wishes could include time travel. "Good" immortality. Veto power over other wishes (sorry nihilist hobo/archeologist). As long as the kitchen sink is powerful enough to grant any wish, it kind of doesn't matter what the malicious genie did, the sink can fix it.
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Feb 14, 2016 20:47
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Infinite Karma posted:I wish that my kitchen sink granted wishes, benevolently interpreting them according to the wisher's intent, when any coin was tossed in the water. Your wish is granted, the sink will grant any wish it hears. (Sinks do not have any ears)
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Feb 14, 2016 21:03
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I wish for a medium expressing a maximally valid, maximally accurate, maximally reliable and maximally parsimonious theory of everything (relative to all possible theories of everything satisfying the first three criteria) to appear in the possession of every living human, each medium expressing it such that the theory is, at untrained baseline performance, accessible and comprehensible to the person for whom it appeared (henceforth the Recipient), regardless of practical circumstance, environment or individual differences, and constructed in such a manner that the information so expressed will remain in compliance with all previously wished-for criteria for a period no less than the duration of the Recipient's lifespan after controlling for all other consequences, effects, side effects, interactions, and any other relationship, causal or otherwise, that the Genie, or any other wish granting entity, may exert on, imply for, require of, impose on, or in any other way establish with the Recipient, in this or any other universe.
Zodium fucked around with this message at 21:24 on Feb 14, 2016 |
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Feb 14, 2016 21:20
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McDowell posted:Peace in the Middle East The entire middle eased is immediately reduced to a temperature of zero kelvin, condenses into a single, infinitely dense ball of Bose-Einstein condensate, and destroys all life on earth.
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Feb 14, 2016 21:35
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i'd wish for all the powers normally attributed to Superman, with none of the vulnerabilities i'd wish for unlimited and unfettered access to free vindaloo and free tacos that extend my lifespan by rejuvenating my youth and finally i'd wish for the smell and sound of my farts to make human women fall head-over-heels in love with me praise be to the fartking of earth, they'd say
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Feb 14, 2016 21:37
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Keshik posted:i'd wish for all the powers normally attributed to Superman, with none of the vulnerabilities I think that's the backstory of warhammer 40k. Golden Throne is actually a big crapper that feeds you vindaloo. Astronomicon is psychic fart cloud visible from space.
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Feb 14, 2016 21:41
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